Torn
by Blade Redwind
Summary: Kakashi's past comes back to haunt him when he finds himself facing the prospect of sponsoring Sakura for ANBU where seduction missions are not optional, but required. Now... Complete summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary ::** Kakashi's past comes back to haunt him when he finds himself facing the prospect of sponsoring Sakura for ANBU where seduction missions are not optional, but required. Now he must face the demons of his past, or risk Sakura obtaining a few of her own without him.

**Notes** :: Right now now I'm only focusing my attention on two fics. This one and KMI. However, since KMI is a sequel and I'm not getting many reviews right this moment... well, I'm going to be working on this one also. KMI will most likely go slower.

I really love Kakashi and Sakura fics; probably more so than the Sakura and Sasuke pairings I write. I suppose it's because I'm in a relationship with someone fourteen years older than myself, the same age difference that exists between Kakashi and Sakura. And I have been for almost four years now. It's safe to say it's pretty serious since we're getting married around Christmas.

In this story Sakura will be twenty-two, making Kakashi thirty-six. I don't have a problem with her being as young as sixteen for the pairing, but age for this is more about experience. In my fics, once your sixteen/fifteen in the Naruto world you're an adult if you're a shinobi because of the job you work, and the growing up involved that comes along with it.

Also, Sasuke will have not left for Sound or with Orochimaru because I generally don't like dealing with that mess and it doesn't work for this plot line too well. However, he will still be pretty bent on facing his brother whether it's to kill him or get some answers. He will not have received the cursed mark either for the same reasons.

Naruto will have been training with Jiraiya, who is not dead in this telling for reasons that work best for the story. Sai will be a member of the team because I like him so much. The whys will come later. Yamato _is_ funny, but will not be a big character in my story. I think that pretty much covers the notes... now to warnings.

**READ BELOW IF YOU ARE SQUIMISH ABOUT ISSUES OF RAPE AND SEX!!**

**Warnings ::** This fic is M rated because it deals with the emotional and physical damage rape can do to a person, be it male or female. There may or may not be hints of, if not out right, unconsensual sex in this story. If you'd rather not read about that sort of stuff I advise you not read this at all.

Women and men are raped everyday in this country and across the world. It's not just one person's problem, but everyone's. Ignoring it doesn't help it go away. If you have been in this situation before whether it be verbal or physical, or know someone who has then find help, be there for them or talk to someone about it. Talking is the first step and if you don't recognize the problem you can't do anything to start the healing process.

After being educated in this area I was shocked to find almost all child molesters were once victims themselves. When a person, a young person, is raped or taken advantage of they find themselves not only damaged in more ways than one, but mentally stuck in the age they were raped at. They try to find a way to redo the experience with someone of the age they were raped at, usually because they want to redo it and fix it. Which is impossible.

Again, if you are a victim of rape please find help, even if it's just making a phone call to a hotline such as www[DOT]RAINN[DOT]com

Thank you,

**Blade**

**..Chapter One..**

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Large emerald orbs that appeared too endless and lost on cloud nine were just that--lost. The girl with faint, cotton-candy-pink hair stared down at her book, barely digesting its contents. The words all appeared to trail and link together whilst she nibbled on an apple.

It was hard to really say what she was distracted by to the avid passerby, or in this case the man across from her. But she was nonetheless. He'd spent enough time with her to know as much.

These days his smiles were not so fake, nor his obsidian depths quite so empty. But Sai still had a long way to go when it came to understanding the workings of human emotion. Of course it wasn't too hard to imagine that was _exactly_ what he contemplated about his teammate across from himself at the table, just outside of a lovely cafe shop where they both frequented together to read and converse.

He'd just been reading a rather interesting drama genre magna about a girl who couldn't figure out if she wanted to admit her feelings for the lead when he looked up and realized her eyes weren't moving across the pages as one would normally do so when actually reading.

He naturally considered several things in the pass of a mere minute at this realization. No one could say he was without logic. It was once all the boy, now man, operated on. He thought he might be a bit direct and ask her what was the matter; however, due to the nature that was simply Sakura, and his past experience with her, he deduced she would automatically put on a smile, which, rivaled the likes of his formerly fakes ones, and tell him there was nothing wrong. When, if fact, it was very obvious there was something _clearly_ _wrong_.

His logical brain worked onward and his brow furrowed despite his vain attempt at remaining unemotional--something that use to be quite an easy feat for him.

He could beat around the bush, but that might require jumping subject a few times to find out just what was the matter with her. He might have called her a hag in the past, but one thing he'd always steadfastly known about Sakura was her great intelligence. She would figure out he was trying to find out her problem if he did that, surely.

He frowned this time and turned his eyes back to his book and trailed the words there, pretending he was reading when all he was really doing was running his eyes back and forth. She would be too distracted to notice he wasn't, hopefully.

He really wanted to ask her directly. It always seemed to work for Naruto at least. But Naruto had a longer track record than he did. Even if Sai spent more time with her lately because of their common book interests and library visits he didn't have the benefit of having known her in her youth as a Genin; a time when her heart had still soft enough for Naruto to worm his way in and a time when such things would be too common for her her to object to later on in life. That aside, it wasn't his style and she wouldn't respond to it all that well, coming from him.

He resisted the urge to sigh and began to evaluate her actions for the past few days; or at least, what he'd seen of her actions.

The team had been training a lot more together and more often than naught he found himself paired with her. It was his preference. Sai felt Sakura was as much his idea of a challenge as she was amazingly talented at genjutsu. Such techniques pushed his ability to think and overcome them mentally. Brawn was great for Naruto and Sasuke; but he, like Sakura, preferred using his brain more.

He smiled internally at that.

Sasuke and Naruto were fantastically talented physically and had loads of stamina while, at the same time, no where near as strong as Sakura. What they lacked in mental capacity and patience he and Sakura excelled at. He didn't see anything wrong with this. Every ninja had their own strengths and their own weaknesses.

But all this thinking was getting him off track, off sight of his real goal. He needed to find out why she appeared so distracted when reading normally had her absorbed everytime they met like this together quite regularly.

His mind turned back to all the training they had been doing together. It was during one of those sessions she'd become initially distracted. Her genjutsu had been weak and he'd railed through it far too easily. However, he hadn't commented on it, gentleman he was slowly learning to become. Honey took you a long way with Sakura, whereas vinegar was a surefire way to get you hit through a tree if not a few bones broken in the process. Again, he wasn't like Sasuke or Naruto, he wouldn't deny his frailty. It worked for his speed but not very well for his defenses. And dodging her was never an option. It usually made it worse.

He narrowed his thoughts further on that day to the moment she'd become distracted. They'd been about ten feet away from from Sasuke and Naruto having at it, wreckage in their wake as they threw verbal jabs at one another. Naruto had commented on who was stronger between using taijutsu type attacks. He'd noted the narrowing of her eyes that moment when Sasuke gave this reply:

_"Heh... moron, we're on par. Why else do you think I train with you? It's not like anyone else can give either of us a challenge."_

He'd been a bit taken aback by the words then, he realized, as he thought on it. Not because of Sakura, because then he hadn't been concerned about her reaction or paying too much attention as to how such a comment may affect her, but because Sasuke rarely spoke so many words in one sentence at the same time. Well, apparently he did with Naruto. But, that wasn't too hard to imagine since they were more than likely as close as he and Sakura; and they were only close because of their mutual thoughts or opinions on things. It wasn't often you could find someone to talk to on your intellectual level, someone you didn't have to dumb it down for. Aside from Kakashi she was the only one he did so with regularly.

But now that he did think back on it... well, that was when all this 'distracting' began for her. He considered why this might bother her. Sakura always seemed very happy with what she was capable of. She never complained about it. Of course years ago when he had first joined the team she seemed to worry an awful lot about falling behind the two men.

Was it conceivable Sasuke's comment had reopened old wounds without either of the two ebony haired men realizing it?

He frowned again and looked up at her. She appeared still very engrossed in her thoughts despite her best attempts to not seem so.

Now that he knew the heart of the matter, most likely, he tried to form a plan as to how to broach the subject. Of course everyone said he thought too much... so.. he started simple and in the best way he knew.

He smiled and set down his book. "Sakura?"

"Hm?" she replied as she blinked and looked up from her book. "Yes?"

"Sasuke and Naruto are progressing well..."

She nodded and set down her book as well, dog earing the page before she grabbed her coffee from the table and took a sip. The comment didn't look to bother her, but she was quite good at hiding her feelings.

"Yes, well... Sasuke is the genius in our group... and Naruto does have the fox after all..." She sighed, placing her chin in her open hand while her elbow rested on the table. Her eyes glanced out at the street.

He paused while considering a response. He hoped she didn't read too much into it. "I often wonder if I'm even of a level to engage them." Instead of asking her or being direct perhaps he'd use himself in a way that might bring it out of her, her own fears or worries through himself.

She half smiled, eyes briefly glancing at him. "You're smart, Sai. You give me one hell of a challenge every session."

He smiled in return. "I prefer to spar with you for the same reason."

She blushed at the comment. "Surely," she mumbled, "you would much rather duke it out with one of the boys if you could. Or even Kakashi."

"No," he shook his head as he spoke. "Not at all. Kakashi isn't near as good as you at genjutsu. Sasuke seems to think it's a waste of time for all the focus he's placed on learning it and Naruto doesn't have the control for it, much less the patience. He's too direct for that type of technique." He smiled again as her own face bloomed at the compliment.

"I suppose so. But, they could give you more of a work out."

"Perhaps physically, but not mentally. I'd rather work my brain on your puzzles any day over their fists, Blossom." At this he interlinked his fingers together on the table where he set his hands.

"You're kind..." she said with a faint smile of sophistication as she looked down at the table while leaning into it over her drink. "But... I still have a lot of work to do before.." she hesitated.

Sai felt this was a good time to probe the real heart of the matter. Smiling in a comforting manner he leaned in further and placed his hands over her own. Her eyes came up to his, a flush of confusion lining across her nose. "Before what, Blossom?" he edged softly. "Before you're on par with... them?"

"I..." she sighed and appeared to given in. He was thankful she didn't try to deny it. He really didn't want to dig it out of her. Be it his own way or Naruto's more drastic one. "Yes."

"You're good on your own, Sakura. You and I both have things we excel at that they don't. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, I know we do." She scowled a moment. "But this is different. Look at Tsunade-sama, Sai. She's intelligent _and_ powerful. Before Orochimaru's downfall she was on par with him and she still is with Jiraiya. And neither of her two teammates were medical nin..."

"That's true, I guess."

Her eyes caught his and she interlaced her fingers in his own, stirring within him the strong feelings of friendship he had with her, a bond he'd established since she'd figured out that damn book for him.

"I have to find a way on my own to get stronger Sai. I can't keep falling behind. For a while I was ok with it. But, after Sasuke's comment about Naruto being the only one he feels provides him with a real challenge I realized I'm _not_ ok with it.

"My dream since the first days of team seven were to walk with him, not behind them..."

"I understand," he replied, squeezing her hand.

Her eyes brightened. "Do you?"

He nodded. "I do. I suppose I'll have to help you, however. I can't keep watching you go about as you are, you know."

She released his hands and sat back in her chair. "I'm not sure how. Training with you hasn't helped me. It's only made my chakra control and genjutsu creativity better. Sure I'm faster because of you...."

"...But not as fast as you'd like to be," he finished. When she nodded he picked up his hot styrafoam mug of tea and took a sip. He smacked hips lips once or twice before replying. "I wasn't actually talking about that kind of help, Blossom." At her look of confusion he explained. "I actually meant going another route for help."

"What would that be?"

"Well... have you ever considered joining ANBU?"

She looked blank at this suggestion. "Well... no... not ..really..."

He figured a much. "The only real experience I have is with Root, and that was long ago. But I have worked on a few ANBU class missions since then. Not many, though." He took another sip. "They're very skilled, not that I need to tell you that of course. Kakashi himself is a prime example, despite the fact that he hasn't been ANBU for a while. It's fair to say even I'm not sure if he's above or below Sasuke and Naruto; but, I'm pretty sure even if he's below he'd still give them a run for their Ryou." He set his mug down then.

"What are you..."

"I'm saying why not join ANBU for a while? The down sides are you'd be separated from the team for a while, off and on, but you need that don't you? Since you can't get what you need from the team itself or me. Just because you pass the test, which I'm sure you could, doesn't mean you have to stick with ANBU for your whole shinobi career. Again, look at Kakashi."

"True.." she allowed slowly. "But... are you sure I'm ready for it? I mean... ANBU? Don't they go into a six month lock down for training to take the final test?"

"Not if your Medical ANBU."

"Medical ANBU...?"

He nodded. "They go through the same training, but due to the fact that medical nin are far and few they don't go through the lock down process because they have outside duties they still need to perform. Tsunade's pretty stern on that, at least."

"Ok... well, how does it work?" Now she was curious, he could see that.

Good.

"Well, normally, for all who want to join ANBU, you have to find a sponsor first. Someone who's already in ANBU or retired from it who will sign your application. You can't get in without it. For special cases or, in your case, a medical nin this sponsor not only signs the application on your behalf but also becomes your sensei; AKA your team leader. They're responsible for teaching you all the ins and outs of ANBU. It's a lot like what you went through when you first became a Genin but a lot harder.

"Also, aside from your sensei, a medical nin in ANBU is taught in scheduled intervals by another ANBU medical nin. Med nin looking to get the rank have to pass the ANBU med nin test and the regular one. It's very taxing physically and mentally."

Sakura said nothing to this, but he could see doubt racing across her eyes again.

He sighed. "Listen, the med nin test is mostly book smarts. I think you'd pass it blindfolded, truthfully. I know for a fact your knowledge in that area is almost embarrassingly above any top notch ANBU med nin. Not for you, but for them. You'd probably run your instructor in that through loops, Blossom."

She smiled at that. "True enough."

He leveled with her then, figuring it best. "Look, you want to be stronger, don't you?"

"Of course."

"Well... why not then, huh?"

She said nothing--again--for a while. He wanted to say something, but did not. She had to make up her mind in this on her own. If he pushed her and she wasn't ready it could go very badly.

"You know... "

"Hm?"

"I'll have to think about it... but at least you've given me something to do besides mull about what I _can't_ do. Thanks for that," she replied as he stood up and gathered her things. "Meet you here same time tomorrow after training in the morning?"

"Sure, but where are you off to now?"

She beamed. "Well, Ino noticed my bad mood as easily as you did. I guess she's not the only one with good eyes... or good insight."

He blushed at this, not entirely use to her compliments. They were usually pretty serious together.

"And she invited me out tonight... actually," she grinned as she spoke, "would you like to join us?"

"Are you sure it's not a girls only thing?" He sighed as he stood as well. But it was more of a mock, humorous one. He could tell she noted this.

"Nah... Ino will probably talk my ear off about my problem until she spots a hot gut, then leave me to myself for the night. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to at the bar after she runs off."

"Well," he admitted with a smile as he faced her. "In that case I suppose I can't refuse. What time?"

"I'll come by your place around seven. Sound good?"

He nodded and watched as she ran off.

"Bye!"

He chuckled and waved before turning off in the direction of the library. He wasn't entirely in a place where he felt human yet, but at least he was at a place where he could help one teammate out without being hit.

Now that with Sakura, in his humble opinion, was progress.


	2. Chapter 2

**..Chapter Two..**

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"Eash, didn't take her long did it?" Sakura commented idly as she watched Ino sashay away from herself and Sai with some fine piece of eye candy hooked about her arm. She shook her head as the duo headed to the first floor via the stairs where the music was much louder and the crowd far more boisterous.

Normally she wasn't the least bit shocked by her friend's actions as she'd come to expect them as routine during outings like this. However, for whatever reason unknown to Sakura, the blond did all of this inside of twenty minutes after their arrival. That was a new record for her. At the very least she waited a timed-to-the-second customary hour before ditching Sakura.

Actually... it was pretty admirable Ino waited that long at all.

Sai smiled next to her in the bar stool. "I guess I wouldn't know very well. Perhaps she thought it was alright since you brought me along?" he questioned humorously, teasing her in a way he knew wouldn't get him thrown through a wall tonight.

Sakura rolled her eyes as she turned her body back around to face the bar and her drink. But she smiled despite that apparent irritation. "I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to justify her actions by tellings herself we're on a date and she needed to scram."

Sai raised a brow at this, meeting her gaze as the corner of his lips twitched. "I suppose really wouldn't much about that either."

Sakura blinked at him a moment and then chuckled as it dawned on her. She nodded and reached for her drink. "I guess you really haven't had too much date experience, huh?"

"None whatsoever," he agreed nursing his own glass. "Actually, the most female contact I've had over the years is with you. And I would hardly call that a relationship of romantic standards."

She shrugged. "I'm not very good practice, to be truthful. I'm told I have all the sexual appeal of a fish," she joked.

"Who told you _that_ drivel?"

She stuck her tongue out at him playfully. "No one, actually. It just sounds less depressing when you say someone else said it, rather than yourself."

It took him a moment he realized this was a joke with a subtle hint of sadness mixed in. "Well, I disagree. If I didn't value our friendship so much, nor consider myself terrible in that area as whole, I would be honored to take...ah a chance on you," he said rather smoothly, mentally patting himself on the back when she blushed slightly and smiled tentatively at him. He knew it wasn't from her lack of experience in the area, unlike himself, but more out of their sudden flush of compliments towards one another. This didn't bother him though. He assumed it simply meant his friendship with the pinkette was becoming that much stronger, enabling them to be comfortable enough to be a little less logical around one another more often.

"Thank you. It does mean something."

He nodded and swirled his drink a bit as the sound of a pool game started in the background. The silence could last for a while between the two of them. More or less their mutual need to be with one another was a simple fact of needing someone to _be with_. At least someone who didn't always talk your ear off. Or maybe just someone who didn't judge or tease too much.

Sakura and he both had their own problems. She, too busy to have much of a life and he still far too gone from the social world to understand what it even really meant to have one at all.

"We need something less...eh... to talk about. And since we're on the topic of your love life... why haven't you sought anyone out yet?" she asked before motioning the bar tender over to refill her drink with something less potent.

Sai shrugged as the guy refilled his cup with much the same stuff as well. "Again, I don't have much experience in that area. I wouldn't know where to begin."

"Have you been attracted to anyone before?"

He paused at this, mulling it over and he tilted his head to the side and upward. Once he'd come to what he considered a good reply he turned to her and spoke. "Define what you call 'attracted'."

"Sexually, of course," she explained rather medically. It was pretty commonplace for them to do so. "Have you ever found yourself drawn to someone in a way that... well," she pondered the best way to put it. "I suppose made you want to mate with them? I know that's a pretty basic way to say it, but it's normally where most attraction starts for most people."

He nodded. "I don't suppose I've ever had that before. But there are people I admire," he admitted.

"That makes sense, at least for you," she replied as she took a long swig from her glass. She grinned as she set it back down. "I remember when you first joined the team, you know."

He scowled. "You hated me."

"I didn't _hate_ you," she protested, looking over at him. "You just annoyed the fuck out of me. You and Naruto both."

"Yes, well," he allowed with a small smirk, "it didn't help all that much that I ended up being a replacement."

She smiled in reverie and allowed her chin to rest in her open palm whilst her elbow set on the bar. She stared down at her drink, seeming to look at her own reflection. "That couldn't be helped... that feeling. Naruto and I were fairly upset Sasuke secretly left on his own for year when were sixteen. The only thing that kept me from going after him was knowing he'd made a vow to stay far away from Itachi at all costs to Tsunade when she approved his request." She paused a moment, looking to hold her breath as her lips parted. "I'm not sure how I forgave him for that one... not saying goodbye."

Sai smiled sadly. "Yes, although...I've learned goodbyes between friends with strong bonds are never very easy.... Sasuke doesn't seem the type to take such emotions very well when faced with them."

"No," she mused, "he isn't, is he?" She sighed. "But, you know, you've gotten a lot better over the years." She grinned at him.

He returned her grin with a smile of his own. "Or perhaps you've just grown use to me."

She laughed because it wasn't very often he made a joke, much less a good one. "True, but you don't drive me nuts with the things you read in books about how people are suppose to act anymore either, Snow Skin." she reached for him and gave his shoulder a few good pats.

"I don't need to anymore," he admitted. "Not when I have a close knit team to learn from."

"I'll drink to that," she said without hesitation before they both downed the contents of their glasses at the same time.

She grinned at him still as they both drank more and more slowly into the night, eventually changing from alcohol and over to the virgin styled froo froo drinks, as she liked to call them. She'd never been out with Sai like this as many of their meetings were more of the professional nature. But, perhaps she would do it more. It was certainly more exciting than being left to herself after an hour with Ino railing her eardrums over music. And after that avoiding as many drunks as possible on her way out.

Last time she'd hopped out the second story window in the very room they were in right now. The barkeep hadn't liked that too much. He'd told her so the next time she came in with Ino. At least with Sai here she wouldn't have worry too much about that. Perhaps the list of drunks trying to grope her on the way out would be cut in half with him by her side.

It was a nice though, anyway.

"So," Sai edged after that long period of quiet, "have you given any thought to my suggestion from earlier this morning?"

"About ANBU?"

"Was there another suggestion?"

She smiled. "No, there wasn't. And yes, I have actually," she replied. "After I got home Naruto came over and I made him lunch. It was nice to listen to him, but... it got me thinking more about it, you know."

Sai listened as she continued, not wanting to break her train of thought.

"And you're right. If I don't feel I can get what I need from my team then I may need to get it on my own some other way. Sasuke did it for a year... Naruto did it with Jiraiya and still does quite frequently when he's not training with us. I know I do it with Tsunade... but it's just not enough..." She sighed, and faced him, allowing her left forearm to rest on the bar next to her drink. "Sasuke's eventually going to have to deal with Itachi one day... and I made a promise to not only myself, but to him as a friend, that when he did I wouldn't drag him down; him or Naruto. What's the point of being on this team if--."

Sai interrupted her, "Sakura, I told you, you do well on your own. You're far better than most other shinobi."

"Yes, I know, but--."

"But you don't want to be better than most. You want to be on the same level as team seven, team Kakashi, I know." He smiled. "You don't have to tell me twice. I'm might be socially inept most of the time, but I'm not an idiot, Blossom." He took his drink in his hand. "So, I take it--." He stopped a moment.

"Hm? What's up, Sai?" She blinked at him a few times.

His eyes went just beyond her and across the room towards a booth in the corner. It wasn't anything unusual, he'd just broken off conversation because he'd seen someone he knew. "Ah nothing, actually. I just saw Kakashi-sensei come in." He motioned in the direction of where the silver haired Jounin was sitting.

Sakura turned and glanced over herself. "Hm, so it is. I wonder if he's waiting for someone." She turned back to the bar and reached for her drink.

Sai shrugged easily enough at her comment. Team seven might be tightly knit, but Hatake Kakashi was the only true mystery of the world left within its folds.

Then, after a time, his eyes grew wide for a mere second. He looked over at Sakura. "You know, if you're going to go through with it you should ask Kakashi-sensei to sponsor you."

She blinked, and met his eyes curiously. "You think so?"

Sai nodded. "Do you know any other ANBU?"

"Well... there's Yamato..." she offered.

Sai looked at her pointedly.

"Ok, point taken, he's creepy as all hell without even trying," she admitted with a laugh. "I don't see why not. I've known him most of my whole shinobi career, all of it if you don't count the Academy," she added.

"You should go talk to him while he's here then."

"Right now?" she asked with a curious 'I dunno' sort of face. "What if he's waiting for someone?"

Sai raised a brow. "Even if he is you can at least set up a time and place to talk to him about it. This might be the one time you see him for two weeks, for all you know."

She sighed, knowing he was right. While the rest of the team met regularly, Kakashi made himself amazingly sparse. He always did. Although, he always knew when to show up when he was needed. Still... aw hell, why shouldn't she go talk to him about it right now? Sai was right, if he was going to meet with someone she could just set up a date to talk to him about it. If he wasn't this would be the perfect environment to do so in.

"What about you?" Sakura asked.

"Me?"

"I don't like the idea of inviting you here on my behalf and then leaving you alone at the bar," she explained with a frown.

He gave her an idle wave. "I'll be fine. Perhaps with my luck I'll find a companion for the night who will actually listen to my thoughts on the topic oils versus acrylics and their overall applications to watercolor paper with--at the very least--_some_ level interest."

"Do you even know what you just said?"

He smiled.

She laughed and got up from her stool, a new drink in hand. "Very well, Snow Skin. I'll see you later, perhaps sooner if he is meeting someone tonight."

"Doubtful!" he called out as she walked away, making her wonder how he could know such a thing at all.

ooo

Sakura rolled her eyes as she stepped towards Kakashi's booth. And as she did she gave some thought to her situation, her decision. She was immediately very thankful to Sai. She'd never in the whole time she's come to know him realize just how insightful he was. They'd known each other, what, four or five years; and all that time they'd merely sat across from one another reading a book, studying or occasionally discussing more educated matters, never once anything else. Of course there's been snippets here and there, but nothing of the level she'd spoken with him on today.

And while it might seem she was making this choice to join ANBU rather quickly, she wasn't. It had been her day off after training with her team and after her usual coffee with Sai. The rest of it had been spent at home, after lunch with Naruto, mulling over the life changing option. She hadn't watched TV, she hadn't read any books, and aside from watering a few plants and cleaning her home she'd done nothing _but_ think on it.

For hours.

And after she'd spent about as much time as Shikamaru would take to plan the end of the world, or the Armageddon as they all knew it, she'd come to a decision. She would join ANBU. Not wholly because of her team, but for herself as well. She'd been hitting a plateau in her training for almost six months now. This could very well be her chance to learn something not only new, but challenge herself on a completely different level.

She didn't know why she hadn't thought of Kakashi being her sponsor sooner. The choice seemed so obvious now. It had been what had left her in the midst of a road block earlier, before the outing with Ino and Sai.

And why not? She'd worked with him for years, he'd been her Genin sensei and her team leader for a very long time. He still was off and on with Yamato. It was a strange set up, but it couldn't be helped considering the Kyuubi and Yamato's ability.

To be blunt, if she was going to require someone to guide her in ANBU and teach her all that she needed to know she would rather it be Kakashi since she was already comfortable with him. She wouldn't expect him to be easier on her because of their history. If anything she wanted the opposite.

If you looked at all the facts that way, it was a wonder she didn't look into this sooner; not just Kakashi, but ANBU as well.

When she finally made it to his table she wasn't terribly surprised to find him reading Jiraiya's latest edition in the Come! Come! series. The books were his only vice. Asuma had cigarettes...

...And Kakashi had masculinized romance novels.

When she put it that way in her head it was almost too hard not to laugh. But she managed to refrain from doing so as she stopped before him, standing next to the empty booth seat across from him. She leaned onto it and looked down at him with a small smile.

"May I join you? Or are you waiting for someone, Kakashi-sensei?"

He looked up at her, his lazy, uncovered eye moving into a trademark crinkle that made one want to rip off his mask to see how such an expression filled up his face enough to do that. She often wondered if it filled his whole face, a grin like that. Did he smile showing his teeth? Or did he do it more subtly, like his laugh?

"Hello, Sakura," he said in that smooth, deep voice she had grown use to over the years. "Please do. I'm waiting on no one." He motioned to the empty space across from himself.

She smiled and did just that, placing her drink on a coaster before her.

"What are you drinking?" he asked as he set his book down, the page dog eared for later reading.

"Hm? Non-alcoholic. I cut my self off earlier." She smiled, interlacing her fingers before her. "One of the shinobi sins, isn't it?"

He gave her another crinkle. "Those I think are more guidelines than rules."

"You got that from a movie, I'm sure."

"Maybe," he allowed, partaking from his saki cup with what she could only assume was a small smirk on his lips. "But it's hardly good protocol in our line of work to be inebriated more often than aware" he admitted.

She smiled.

He looked across the room at where Sai sat, chatting it up with someone where he knew Sakura had once been sitting before. "I thought you were here with Sai."

"I was."

He arched a brow and leaned back into his seat, saki cup in hand as he watched her quizzically. "A date?"

"Hardly," she replied. "Not that I wouldn't... but... It's Sai. I don't really think of him that way, nor he I. We have a lot in common intellectually, but that's in all likelihood where it ends." She knew this simply because she held no draw or physical attraction towards Sai. Perhaps it came from knowing him too long. She certainly didn't see him in the same light as Naruto. Naruto was more of a little brother, albeit sometimes annoying. Sai was rarely annoying anymore.

"Ah," he said to this just as his tiny white cup reached his lips. "So you came over here, leaving Sai to himself to keep me company? Somehow I don't think I'm the lesser of two evils," he joked rather dryly. "Perhaps you should rethink your strategy about whom you spend your nights off with," he continued, trying not to smile.

She stuck her tongue out at him playfully in response to his natural brand of humor. "Actually... I came over here with a request... And considering how _often_ we all see you..." she trailed off sarcastically, letting him fill in the end of her sentence.

"Yes, well..." he scratched the back of his head and tried to look abashed. "What's the request then? Oh, and if this at all has anything to do with the words 'party' and 'bachelorette' I'm not cheap."

She rolled her eyes, trying not laugh. "No, none of that. I think the only reason I'd pay would be to see you without your mask. But knowing you it'd never come off."

He smiled, she could tell. And not his normal brand of 'I might be amused... maybe' sort of smile. This one seemed more genuine. Why she didn't know.

"To start... I could go on and on about my past and feeling left behind with the guys... so on and so forth. But you were there and you know it all, Kakashi-sensei. It hardly needs to be said," she began in a rather direct, mature tone. "I thought I was over it. I'm very confident in my skills. I'm the best on my team with chakra control and genjutsu."

"Yes," he replied, leaning in and onto the table with his elbows as he interlaced his fingers together. His arms made a triangle-like shape and his hands sat just in front of his lips, covering part of his mask. "I've told you that very often myself."

She nodded and took a deep breath. It was now or never. She didn't know why she was so nervous. Maybe it was the way he sat. His whole demeanor sort of shifted and he appeared as about as intimidating as he once had been when she'd been a Genin trying to steal a bell.

It was silly of course. He couldn't know what she wanted to ask. And even if he did she couldn't think of a reason why he'd act this way. It was just her imagination.

It had to be.

"I know I'm very far behind on my team, with the exception of Sai," she admitted, looking down at the table top. "I'm not ashamed of this. Sai himself is comfortable with the pace of his skills and how they are progressing. I, however, am not." She looked up to meet his one good eye then. Emerald clashed with obsidian-grey. "Kakashi... I'd like to join ANBU as a Medical nin. And I'd like you to be my--." Her sentence broke there as he cut her off, giving her the one answer she refused to believe he'd spoken. Especially in a tone she'd never expected to be on the receiving end of.

"No."

She was so taken aback, so stunned by this... Kakashi she'd never met before, and a personality change he'd managed to accomplish in the matter of a moment with one word, that she could say nothing to as he got up and left. She couldn't even move, turn her head to follow where he'd left to. Her eyes remained, transfixed, wide, confused and slightly showing signs of hurt as she stared at the place his face had once been.

_What?_


	3. Chapter 3

**..Chapter Three..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

"No?"

"No."

"Really? No?"

"Yes, _really_, no."

Pause.

"Are you sure he said no?"

Sakura frowned. "Can we both please stop saying no? The word is starting to become weird."

Sai furrowed his brow and frowned as they both walked, side by side, across the well known, little bridge towards team seven's common training area. His hands were dug into his pockets and his posture relaxed. He wanted to ask her if she was sure again, but from the look if her emerald eyes he surmised this would not be a good idea at all. He'd rather save the possible beating for training, thank you.

"It didn't even occur to me he would; refuse, that is."

"Tell me about it," she agreed, eyes narrowing. "Why would he?" she asked out loud.

Sai merely shrugged, not quite sure how to reply. He knew very little about Kakashi, much less about his time in ANBU. Generally such records were for the Hokage's eyes only unless you were privy to such things directly from the person.

He could see the wheels turning in her head...

Sakura didn't bother looking up to see the concern etched into Sai's features. Her mind was indeed working towards finding out some measure of a reason why Kakashi would refuse her. He hadn't even stuck around for her to ask why after she'd found her voice, after she'd regained her damned ability to move!

Gah!

She hated not knowing something which pertained to her. She hated facing the prospect of not being allowed to know why he didn't want to sponsor her. Was there something wrong with her? It didn't make much sense.

Sakura hated failing at something. She hated not being able to accomplish that which she put her mind to, that which she believed was within her ability to overcome. Granted, she didn't have Sasuke's eyes, she didn't have Naruto's overflowing pot of chakra and she didn't always find it easy to set her emotions aside as well as Sai... but Sakura was her own person. She knew her own limits. And she knew without a doubt she wouldn't even consider ANBU if she didn't think herself capable of success. Sai wouldn't suggest it if he didn't believe her capable either. He wasn't the sort of person to tell you you could do something if he didn't think you could.

Then what of Kakashi? Was it, perhaps, a matter of him thinking she wasn't capable? She didn't want to believe it. Kakashi was truthful to a fault, if you discounted his dry humor and punctual lateness. He told her many times over the years when she wasn't doing well, when she was and what he felt she needed to improve upon. Sakura, quite literally, held his advice in the highest regard only second to Tsunade's.

Which is why she felt so horrible about this. Why else would he tell her no? It was so unlike him. She could count on one hand, with fingers left over, all the times he'd ever said no to her. This wasn't due to Kakashi being a sucker for her cuteness, of which she denied she had; no, this was due to Sakura rarely asking of him anything she knew he would say no to.

Asking to see his face made up one of those fingers, but that was hardly relevant.

The real point was she could see no reason as to why he would say no. Even Sai hadn't anticipated it. For him not to see it coming was something in and of itself. It really was.

"You could ask," Sai offered, breaking the quiet as they drew closer to their destination.

"I wish I had last night."

"Why _didn't_ you ask last night?"

She grumbled in a way that normally would of had Sai amused. "I would have, if I hadn't been so shocked by his reply. I didn't even have the good sense to move until about thirty seconds after he left." She didn't need to say he could have been anywhere by then. If he'd left with intent of avoiding her, of which she was sure, he wouldn't have been easy to find.

She'd left without even telling Sai of her departure last night, so confused and slightly furious at Kakashi. He'd been rather engrossed in whomever he was speaking to at the bar, anyway. She must of looked quite pissed when she'd walked out. Because no one, not a one of those drunk bastards, had so much as whispered in her general direction.

"Did he say anything besides no?" He was curious now.

She shook her head and stopped when he raised a brow at her questionably, trying to hide a smile. She glared at him, frowning. "It wasn't just the word, Sai. It was how he said. Everything about him changed. It wasn't even _him_."

"Hm.."

"'Hm', what?"

"Nothing, I suppose," he replied as he wound one arm over just under his chest while his free hand touched his lips in a thoughtful manner. "His actions don't make sense, to put it frankly."

She snorted, "Obviously."

"No," he said as he shook his head. "Think about it. If he didn't think you capable of ANBU wouldn't he just say so? Kakashi would have explained why he didn't think you were ready and then he would have told you what you needed to do before applying at all. Instead, he said, 'no' and then essentially ran off, right?"

She paused as his words sunk in.

"Something else is going on."

"Maybe... or maybe he just didn't want to deal with me. He does it to Naruto all the time. Skips out in a puff of smoke," she muttered.

"True, I could be over thinking this. But keep it in mind anyway, will you?"

"I will," she assented as they made their way towards the mass of flurried movements and destruction that was Naruto and Sasuke. She stopped about twenty feet away from them in the open field next to Sai. She lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the ass-crack of dawn early morning sun. "Feh...They never wait on us..."

He grinned, shoving his hands into his pockets. "We could always mess with them if it bothers you that much."

Her face lit up. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well..."

ooo

A thunderous outrage of splintering clear flits fell from the sky, causing many a man, woman and child to run for cover. Laughter rang out just as suddenly as a few shouts of vexation did also from open air vendors selling their goods in the streets. A storm was never good for business in an open that type of market.

A single orb of obsidian-grey glanced upward and through the window as village children mixed with Academy students playing hookey for a good day of play in the puddles. The smells leaking in from the open screen next to him were the same each time it showered in Konoha. A subtle hint of grass, earth and life all in one.

_"Do you like the rain.. Ka..ka...shi?"_

His eyes narrowed on a group of young boys as Iruka came out from an alley, having caught them and began to scold the whole lot.

_"Do you, Taichou?"_

His jaw clenched as Iruka led them off and back to the Academy.

_A smile, the feeling of a comforting hand on his head, ruffling his strands._

He ripped his gaze away from the group as they disappeared from sight. His one good eye returned to the book in his hand, sweeping over the words with an unusual lack of interest. Jiraiya's words generally had him entranced, fixed in his own world while somehow remaining in the present. Today, however, they did nothing for him. The good plot ridden with mystery, manipulation, death, drama and trappings of sexual content barely captured him for five minutes at a time, if that. He was, at the moment, too lazy to actually time himself.

"You look preoccupied," a familiar, old, voice spoke out as the owner of said voice took a seat across from him.

He didn't acknowledge her. He didn't even look up from his book. In fact, he made a rather grand show of methodically turning a page, despite not having yet finished it at all. It mattered little. He'd already read the three day old book five times since it's pre-release.

The woman sighed. "You're being very callous to and old teammate, Kakashi." He barely watched as the violet haired, mask carrying, female with large eyes to match her hair tone motioned for a waitress in the small pub.

He listened as she rattled off her drink order and resisted the urge to sigh once he realized she would be darkening his presence for a while. He _could_ try and lose her, _try_ being the key word. But he knew such a feat would be in vain. Unlike Sakura in regards to her team, the woman before him was more than on par with him and had been for some time.

Very well.

He dog eared another page, one of many, and set his book aside while he asked the waitress to refill his tea cup of Earl Grey.

She smiled at him in a way that always reminded him of that oh, so innocent girl of long ago. She was hardly that anymore.

Hardly, he emphasized more so as he partook of his hot drink.

"It's been a while since we've spoken," she began while half holding her mug between to hands on the table in front of her. "You weren't this...abrasive the last time."

"I'm not in the best of moods today," he admitted. "It's nothing personal against you."

She raised a brow as she took a long drink. "Has something serious happened?" Her brow then furrowed in concern. Kakashi rarely became the equivalent of a dog on the verge of bearing his fangs unless it was serious.

Her eyes darted down to his hands. She could see he was resisting the urge to clench them. They looked near shaking. An age old feeling to reach out and comfort him surfaced. The flashing of a memory raced across her mind and her depths softened for him. Her heart did. Her lips pursed as she used all that she'd learned to hide _that_ look as best she could from him. He wouldn't want to see that pity in her eyes.

She could see him fighting with himself to tell her. She would wait. If he didn't want to she wouldn't push. Not if...

"Sakura wants to join ANBU as a medical nin."

She blinked and did her very best to smooth out the surprise in her features. "Your female teammate?"

He nodded, eyes briefly shutting, then softening as they opened halfway.

"What brought that about?"

He quickly explained to her all about Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura's overall determination to not be a third wheel. When he was done he didn't have to look at her to see that small smile.

"Sounds like someone I once knew."

"It was different for you," he muttered, still not looking at her.

"I didn't have the same reasons, Kakashi. But ultimately the idea was to improve myself. Wouldn't you agree?"

He said nothing and she hadn't expected him to.

She sighed. "Men and women in this village join ANBU everyday Kakashi. If I recall you didn't have a problem with it when I took up the mantle."

Again, he said nothing.

"Did she ask you for your opinion on the matter? Is that how you found out?" she edged quietly.

He was quiet and she really began to wonder if he'd clamped up entirely for a moment. At least until he spoke out, softly, "She asked me to be her sponsor." The woman wasn't sure, but had there been a hint of a hoarseness in his voice?

Her eyes softened again, and this time she couldn't deny the strong feelings anymore. She couldn't hide the pain she held for him in her own eyes. "So... that's what this is about... You're not your--."

"Hows the tea?" he interrupted her and smiled a little too cheerily. "This pub boasts the best in Konoha, you know."

She frowned. "You're not," she said urgently in a hushed tone.

"I rather like the Earl Grey. Would you like me to order you a cup? It's fantastic with cream and sugar."

Her jaw tightened and she tried to force her anger down. Anger that wasn't directed at him, but at a man who... Her eyes tightened shut and old memories flashing across her mind. "Kakashi..."

"Drop it, Rin," he finally snapped.

At this she stood up and took her things. A wad of ryou was all but slapped onto the table as she directed her kind eyes and strong voice at him. "Look at it this way, Kakashi... If you don't train her, someone else will. Think about that. She wouldn't of asked you if she didn't trust you, damnit."

His jaw tightened but he refused to look up and meet her gaze. "She doesn't know what the job entails."

"None of us do," she said with sternness, kindness ever prevalent. The unit could never beat that out of her. Without much else to be said she left rather quickly, startling a waitress on her way out of the screen doored pub.

Kakashi found himself raking a hand through his silver strands, upsetting his headband enough that it clattered, face up on the table.

The sound was unusually deafening to him

His eyes shut painfully tight as he fought back tears and a long dead feelings of anguish and weakness in his breast; as he tried push it all back down and _forget._

He opened both eyes and stared down at his own reflection in the silver, leaf emblazoned plate. He stared intently as the red, black and gray looked back at him naught but a few inches from his face. A cry of whispered pain escaped his throat just barely as he shut his eyes. His face was ridden in anger and frustration . He snatched the symbol off the table in a way that might make one think, perhaps, he dreaded his own reflection for a moment.

Perhaps a lifetime.

He replaced it hurriedly, in much the same way Rin had slapped the ryou on the table.

"No..." he whispered as he did so, "none of us did."


	4. Chapter 4

**..Chapter Four..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

"Oh, this..."

"...is good?"

"I had no idea you were so sadistic."

Sai smiled over at her from where they hid amazingly well in the bushes about ten feet away from their prey. Although, it wasn't as if they had to try. While training, Sasuke and Naruto had a bad habit of focusing too well on each other.

"Just so we're clear, you cover them and I'll cover the other half of the genjustsu. Right?"

"Right," she agreed in a small whisper with a grin while reading her hands for the execution of the jutsu.

"Ready?"

"Yup!"

"Go!"

ooo

A pale set of digits reached for the sword holstered just on the lower right half of his back. His lithe form, sandaled feet digging into the coarse earth, skidded back approximately six feet. A steady hand gripped the hilt, finding comfort in the weight as he pulled it forth. Sparks flew as steel clashed against steel, kunai against katana.

Coal orbs narrowed and twisted like the center of a whirlpool as he set his eyes, locking, on his opponent's cool sky blues. There was an abundance of heart, ego, confidence and adrenalin laden there. It mixed and moved, it wove and dared him to back down.

The corner of Sasuke's lips curled up into a bare smirk as his dark drawl escaped past pale, pinkened lips, "You're slipping up, dropout." His voice was a husky whisper, daring him as his face drew in close to Naruto's, over the cutting of their blades.

Naruto's eyes immediately narrowed as he grit his teeth and shoved back. "It's not gonna work, bastard," he whispered back, holding his own.

At the moment Sasuke's ebony laughter escaped his lips they shoved on each other at the same time, forcing both bodies backward. He twisted away, almost dancing as Naruto came at him again. His flipped his blade easily in the grasp of his one hand, the other coming to support it on the hilt at the awkward down angle to block the next swipe of Naruto's kunai. Sasuke's knees bent while his legs spread.

"Bad move, dropout," he whispered as he pulled his leg up and kicked him where his shoulder bent to face Sasuke. His growl was duly noted by the dark haired male as his body soared a few good feet back. Sasuke wasn't at all shocked when he twisted his body in the air and landed in a crouch facing him.

As he drew upward, bright eyes showing bolstered drive anew, Sasuke took pause. His lips twisted into an unusual frown and his brow began to knit.

The long blond tresses of his teammate and long time best friend threw him off. They were tied back to either side of his head in the manner of a young woman. He blinked, confused, as the man stood, breasts daring to bounce right out of his revealing, tight uniform. It had been modified...somehow.

His eyes narrowed as his lips twisted into a scowl. "Damnit, Naruto! Quit fucking around and drop the jutsu!"

"What in the hell are you talking about?" he shouted as he came closer to him, his blue depths drawing up and down his own body in way Sasuke wasn't entirely too comfortable with.

He scowled at the blond again and waved his hand across his body, motioning. "The fucking Sexy No Jutsu, Naruto. That shit doesn't work on me."

Or so he told himself.

Naruto frowned as he holstered his kunai. His hands were placed on his hips as he thrust out his chest. His eyes narrowed to the point of fox-like as his bottom lip pursed in a thoughtful manner. Then he grinned wolfishly. "No," he chuckled, "but I think it's starting to work on me."

"Excuse... me?" Sasuke blinked rapidly. "What the _fuck_ are you talking about?" His hands too went to his hips, sword replaced in it's rightful sheathe.

Naruto made a show up looking his form up and down appraisingly.

Sasuke dared to look down.

"_The he--!_"

Oh god, what the hell indeed. The sound that escaped his throat shortly after that could hardly be called masculine.

He was staring at breasts. Fucking breasts. Attached to his own chest! He reached up with jerking hands to feel, thank god, that his hair hadn't changed. But his clothing had. Christ! It looked like some highjacked version of what Sakura use to wear but in the Uchiha blues, reds and whites.

He barely registered the finger reaching out to poke his chest. Growling and faintly blushing he smacked Naruto's hand away. "The hell is wrong with you?!" he snapped, hands making fists. "Do I look like a window display to you?!"

Naruto frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "The window display wouldn't complain."

One of Sasuke's eyes twitched and his lips drew a flat line while his jaw tightened. "I don't swing that way, moron!"

Naruto began to sputter, looking embarrassed, flushed and angry all at once. "I don't either! They're not real, you prick! It's just a jutsu!"

"Then get rid of it!"

"Me? I thought..."

Sasuke growled, and began to poke Naruto's chest as he shouted, "Why would I know such a disgusting thing? Eh?! Get rid of it!" Sasuke seemed to realize where his finger had been, both men looking down at the not-so-nearly offending limb while it barely prodded a nipple through the blond's clothing. He jumped back as if burned.

"Christ!"

"I didn't do it!" he cried out, arms wide, also flushing now.

"Someone did," he snapped back. "And it's _not_ funny," he hissed.

Naruto paused then, but not entirely because of the ebony haired boy's comment. No, more because coming just down the road were a few shinobi. As they passed, a few cat calls were thrown towards them.

Naruto, quite use to the attention received in the jutsu just waved cutely. That is until Sasuke smacked him on the base of his skull.

"Quit that and drop the jutsu!"

"Yo."

Sasuke was near ready to rip Naruto a new asshole because of the utter three shades of red he'd turned over those damned cat calls. However, he stopped, fist poised as he held the boy by his shirt at the chest.

"Good morning, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said cheerfully as he waved.

Kakashi arched a brow. "This is pitiful. And funny." He rubbed his jawline.

Sasuke released Naruto and scowled. "Yes, well, if you're done laughing at me would you please tell this faggot to release the jutsu?"

"Hey--!"

"Insecure with your sexuality, Sasuke?" Kakashi jabbed with a small smirk.

Sasuke's eyes went wide in embarrassment. "N-no! I just think this incredibly stupid and childish."

Kakashi chuckled. "It is."

"Well?"

"I would tell Naruto to drop the jutsu, but he's not the one responsible," he replied cryptically.

Sasuke groaned as Naruto shouted next to him, 'Told you so!'. He wiped a hand down his face while he said, "Then you...?"

"Oh no, I'm no where near this good at genjutsu. But I am flattered you think so," he replied with humor in his voice.

Sasuke glared.

Kakashi sighed and smiled all at once. "Sakura! Sai! Won't you join us? You'd have a much better view of your handiwork from here."

All eyes turned to the duo as they revealed themselves from the folds of the forest surrounding the glade. Sakura held her stomach as she bowled over in laughter while Sai merely smiled.

"You did this?" Sasuke asked coolly, trying to regain his composure. Hell, his cool factor if not some semblance of his masculinity.

Sakura nodded, grinning shamelessly. "We did."

Sasuke sighed. "Then would you _please_ release the jutsu?"

Sakura stared at him for a while, tapping her chin as she thought, or at least appeared to be thinking. "Hm... I dunno..."

Naruto snickered.

Sasuke scowled at him.

"Release!" Sakura shouted with a beaming smile. The clean female lines and large breasts on both men disappeared in a flash of smoke.

"Thank you," he muttered at her. "Was there any reason for all of that?"

She shrugged.

"We were bored," Sai offered with a shrug as well. "And you weren't paying attention."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I've had enough for today. I'm out." He began to walk off without a wave towards the exit of the training area.

Sakura grinned as she barely heard him say, "..surrounded by fucking nut jobs."

Naruto grinned wolfishly. "I suppose I'll head out too. See you guys!" Without much else he dashed off after Sasuke's form.

"Coffee?" Sai asked as he turned to look at Sakura.

She began to answer, but Kakashi interrupted her.

"Actually, I need to speak with her, if you don't mind, Sai."

Sai visibly hesitated as he looked towards Sakura for some sort of confirmation. He didn't mind breaking with tradition. But it was almost considered a cold day in Hell if they didn't spend the morning coffee time together reading. That, and he was still worried about her situation in regards to their team leader.

Sakura's eyes narrowed on Kakashi as his one good one turned to look at her. "I need to speak with him as well. It's fine, Sai," she replied, tearing her gaze away from his heated one towards the ebony haired man. "I'll catch up with you later, alright?"

He nodded. "Very well." Then he too was gone, leaving Sakura and Kakashi alone in the glade together.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Sakura because she mulling about in her head how to ask him why he'd said no without really leaving him an out to change the subject. Kakashi because he wasn't entirely sure how to start this conversation without insulting her right off the bat.

He wasn't entirely comfortable being with her alone to begin with. But he didn't want to have this conversation in front of the rest of his team and risk them taking her side or asking more questions. He didn't want to embarrass her either. At least if it came down to what he told himself were his real reasons.

"Well?" she asked. He was the one who wanted to speak with her. So she supposed before grilling him with her own questions she might as well allow him to start first. Although she had a feeling he wanted to speak about last night anyway. In which case? would suit her just fine.

He leveled his gaze on her, slouching as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. He took this moment, while thinking how to start, to also consider the woman before him.

It had been ten years since she first became his subordinate. In that time he'd watched her go from an unsure, wet-behind-the-ears Genin to a strong, capable woman. Her hair was still cropped short and framed her face much in the same way it always had since the Chuunin exam. Her face was no longer as innocent as it once had been. Her eyes were not as large and naive as they had been before. She still didn't wear make up on the job like her many counterparts in the field. While he saw nothing wrong while doing so, it suited her well not to.

She wore a mixture of the Jounin uniform with her own sense of simple style. Instead of the ever common puffy blue, standard issue pants she donned tight, spandex, midthigh high shorts of the same color. Over that an apron much like her older one, but instead of pink this one was dark green to match the color motif. A black leather belt held it firmly in place and low on her hips. The flack vest suited her well and like him she wore it unzipped. Under that a mesh top made of a mixture of metal and kevlar fibers hugged her as if a second skin.

Yes... she'd grown up quite a bit. And he wasn't sure he entirely liked it very well. He imagined it would be much better if his students had never really grown up so he could continue to live with the illusion that a woman like Sakura would never seek to join ANBU.

With this in mind he said, "I want to talk about what you wanted to ask me last night."

She raised a brow at him. "Oh? That's funny, I was going to say just the same thing."

He could see her defenses were up. He shook his head. "Sakura, ANBU isn't all that you imagine it to be."

"That's you're way of saying I'm not ready for it, right?"

"..."

She frowned. "You've always been honest with me. If I'm not ready you're not going to hurt my feelings. Just tell me what I need to work on so I will be ready."

"You'll never be ready, Sakura."

It took her a moment to actually register what he said. But, once it hit, she found she was more than simply hurt. The feeling of those words spread about in her chest and made her ache. She'd never actually realized how much his opinion mattered to her until this moment. And she was angry as well. Did he not know how much she admired him? Sought his praise? If Hatake Kakashi told you that you were never going to do something it meant it was true. It had until this moment.

Now she just wanted to prove him wrong.

Her face shifted from shock and hurt to outright rage like the changing from calm weather to an outright tsunami. "This is how you really see me then?" When he paused she spoke swiftly, icily, "Think very carefully before you reply, Hatake. _Very_. Carefully."

"I..."

"I'm not that little girl any more! But I'm not surprised you don't see that. You're hardly ever around as it stands," she snapped at him, stepping closer to him. "I want to become stronger, Kakashi. I want to bridge that gap between myself and the two other on my team." He had to know she didn't mean Sai or Yamato.

"You don't need to be, Sakura," he tried to explain, now realizing how deeply he'd hurt her. But he felt no grief over the sacrifice. If she only knew..."You're quite the shinobi without--."

"Don't patronize me! Don't try to smooth talk me! I know better than you do what I'm capable of and what I not," she practically spat at him. "It's not a matter of need, it's a matter of want. I _want_ to be as good as they are. And I will be, with or without you, so help me," she finished while seething.

At this she brushed past him and moved to leave. She didn't know how much longer she could go talking to him about it after that admission about his thoughts of when she'd be ready for ANBU without either breaking into tears like a child or hitting him. Either option was not a good option in her brand of thinking. She was beyond either.

Fear sliced through him as he turned and grasped her upper arm in a near vice. "You'll seek someone else for sponsorship," he asked in a way that was more of a statement than a question.

Sakura jolted at the sudden contact and her cold, yet blazing eyes snapped up to his one. The heat she found in his own did not stop her from holding that gaze. Kakashi never touched someone without a fight of some sort being involved. That or a team photo. The most she ever got was a rough pat on the head. Then she'd been a child.

For a moment, while looking into that one good eye... she thought she saw something more there. Sai's words came flashing back to her...

_"Something else is going on."_

"If you won't, then yes, I will," she replied sternly.

Kakashi swallowed. "You don't know..."

Her eyes narrowed as he started that sentence. "What, Kakashi. I don't know what? Should I ready myself for another of your cryptic replies before you run off? Or are you actually going to give me a straight answer this time, hm?"

His eye appeared more penetrating than ever to her then. She felt a small shiver run up her spine at this look, the same look he'd given her the night before. The same one, she realized, that she vaguely recalled him giving to Zabuza long ago after he escaped the orb of water that held him prisoner.

She felt like she was staring a beast in the eyes. She forced herself to hold fast and not show fear. If she couldn't handle him she couldn't handle ANBU. Nevermind why he was looking at her like that.

"Have you ever sold you body, Sakura?" he muttered deeply, directly.

She was confused by the question and taken aback he of all people would ask it, if not outright insulted. "What kind of question is that?"

"Because, Sakura," he continued on, scaring her a little with that tone of voice, "that's exactly what you'll be required to do at one point or another if you join ANBU."

It took her a moment to register what he was saying. "Seduction missions."

"Yes," he agreed, hoping against hope she understood, that it was enough to make her take it all back, to realize that he was saving her.

"How _dare_ you," she whispered, looking more than a little offended. "Is that what you'd call Ino behind her back then? A whore?" she snapped. "I thought better of you than this, but I can hardly believe I ever did. I don't know you. The man I see before me..." she shook her head and tugged at her arm for release. "Let me go, now. I've had about enough of this bullshit."

But he didn't, if anything his grip tightened. "That's not what I meant and you know it!" he said angrily in a low tone, coming far too close to her face. "I don't want you to be one of them! At least as a Jounin you have the option to turn them down, Sakura. You don't get that option in ANBU. You take every mission without complaint or question."

For a moment she stilled and his words washed over her. She briefly considered this and said nothing as she looked away from him. She didn't want him to pounce on her own doubts of which might be evident on her face. He always read people so well, especially his own team.

This is what she wanted isn't? She wasn't making it on her own, with Sai or anyone else helping her. She needed that hardening. She needed to be less emotional, less meek. She needed to find strength to do the things all in her career did, as he put it, without question or complaint. The idea was daunting... the idea of...

She closed her eyes and tightened her jaw.

No, she wouldn't think about it. This is what she wanted damnit. It's wasn't as though she'd never had sex before. She was twenty-two, for Kami's sake. Granted, having sex with someone you needed to kill didn't really appeal to her... but that's exactly what she felt was one of the many things wrong with her.

Those stupid, pathetic, girlish ideals needed to be done away with and replaced by a hardened, seasoned warrior.

She whispered in reply, "I hold no illusions of what this job requires of me, ANBU or not, _sensei_." She finally looked back up at him, a strength she could not see very evident in her eyes. "I'm an shinobi of Konoha. I will make any sacrifice I must if my village needs me... or my body."

She could see a vein twitching in his throat. She could an anger much worse than the one from before binding in his good eye. What was he thinking, she wondered despite the heat, tension and undertones of something more in this moment where she stood so close to him.

"Naive," he whispered.

She said nothing as she held that gaze. The moment seemed to go on for ages, washing over her and gripping her in a vice she'd never known. It was daunting, to say the least. This was a side of him, half vulnerable and half strong, that she'd never seen before. She didn't quite know how she managed to meet his gaze and hold her own that moment.

She was more than a little shocked when she found herself slammed into a tree. Pain sliced through her back as she gasped at the sudden changes of her surroundings. She could feel a very real body pressed up against her, jolting her senses anew. And when she opened her eyes, seeing Kakashi clashing with her gaze she jumped in surprise, eyes wide.

She could only stare at him as she felt a hand, running up her side. Cruelly, that same hand grabbed at her breast through the material of her mesh top. She cried out in pain. She hadn't been ready for it. She felt... violated and she didn't like it. In reaction she stared to push on him, to get his body off of hers. She was so overtaken by fright she didn't even think to use chakra. It was a base instinct at that point, boiling in her gut and telling her this wasn't right, this didn't feel good and it was more than a little wrong that _he_ was doing it to her.

His voice, breathy at her ear, made her freeze. "Tell me, Sakura, what are you going to do when it's not my hands doing this to you... but the enemy's?" He paused and she listened with anticipation. "If you're uncomfortable now... imagine how afraid, powerless and frail you'll feel when it's someone you loath ripping your strength to shreds..." If she'd been a bit more keen she might have noted a subtle double meaning of those words; something more personal than he normally allowed himself to reveal.

The sob she'd been trying to choke down died in her throat as he pulled back and stared at her.

In that moment she didn't know why she did it and she summed it up to just being so mad at him for trying to scare her out of her choice.

"I am not," she whispered strongly, "_naive._" The last was said while regaining her confidence. She didn't do it because she wanted him. She didn't do it because she was stupid. She didn't think about it at all. She just acted. She acted because all she wanted to do was... Prove. Him. Wrong.

Roughly, her lips slanted across his covered ones and her eyes closed.

Too bad they were shut, or she would have seen the wide eyed look of shock that crossed his features before he grasped her more firmly against him, his first free hand digging into her short pink strands while the other dug into her spandex covered buttocks.

She didn't need to, however, she felt it. She felt the heat of his body through the layers of their clothing. She felt the rise and fall of his chest as he pulled air in and out through his nose. She felt his hands drawing a map of fire across her flesh. She never once considered who was doing this to her, she didn't yet question why it felt so much better with him than it had with anyone else, and she didn't seem to even register that it was a man who'd all but raised her much of her teenage years.

Experience and lust made her reach for his Jounin vest and shove it off his shoulders. He accommodated for her without missing a beat. She didn't stop his hands as they slid across her chest roughly, as they pulled up on the shirt tucked into her shorts.

She moaned into his mouth as she felt his fingers, bare and warm, inching up towards her bound breasts.

He stopped.

He pulled away from her and stared into her eyes as she slowly opened them. She held his gaze as he appeared to come back to himself, come down from his lust filled high and realize what he was doing and just _whom_ he was doing it with.

He swore and jerked away from as if she'd burned him.

"Kakashi..." she called out as he pulled on his Jounin vest and looked to be leaving. He looked flushed and agitated. As if pulling away from her had been the hardest thing for him to do. She could hardly ignore the bereft sensation coiling in her chest.

"I'll sponsor you," he whispered hoarsely. Was that pain... regret in his eyes? He looked away from her then and she was sure his eyes had been shaking with something she didn't know how to place.

"Kakashi..." she stared again, stepping toward him and reaching for him. He must have sensed her because he jerked away again, but this time as if afraid of her.

"Don't," he ordered quietly. This time he stepped back from her further with a little more control and composure. "I'll fill out the application for you and drop it off tomorrow. Just... don't." With that he left in a flurry of hand signs and smoke.

And for a moment Sakura wasn't sure if she should be elated... or worried.


	5. Chapter 5

**..Chapter Five..**

**..**

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**..**

_ANBU HQ 1300 Hours_

The shuffling of footsteps were heard all around the florescent lit hallways. People with masks in hand, hanging about their necks and slanted across their head to reveal their features went in one direction or another. Some had their faces planted in paperwork, scrolls even, while others carried folders underneath a single arm intent on studying the contents later. Those who'd just come back from missions looked haggard, tired and in some cases coated in blood and dirt. No one batted an eyelash at the latter. You didn't get to drop into a warm bed unless you were hospitalized after a mission here. You reported in first.

There were far more members of the elite rank running around than there had been in years prior. Treaties had seen to that. But no one ever clouded themselves in the illusion that it couldn't always change at a moment's notice. The only village anyone in Konoha had any real faith in keeping good relations with was Suna.

Violet eyes smiled warmly as her lips twitched only slightly while she passed people by down the long hall. This was a sight she'd grown use to over the years. And no matter how much time passed she never grew tired of it. If she grew tired of anything it was watching as one less face appear time and time again when someone died in combat. But such feelings were suppressed, of course, in much the same fashion as a certain silver haired Jounin. She would admit she wasn't nearly as good as he was, however, if this morning were any indication.

She sighed.

He was a good friend whom she cared about dearly. She'd once been the only person to patch his broken body over and over during her time on Team Minato. Then she'd worn her heart on her sleeve. Her smile had been brighter, easier and equally giving to the three men in her life; two, of which, were now no longer with her anymore.

Her heart constricted at the pain of a long pinkened, although never entirely healed wound.

As a girl in the Academy she'd always envied him. He was something of a mystery when he was a boy. And that enigma had called out to her even while she never noticed her dearest friend's pained expression of jealousy.

He'd not once cared for her then. He never acted as if he did know how hard she tried to change that, no matter how many times she cheered him on, no matter how many times she offered to buy him a meal after training, no matter how many times she suffered his harsh ordering tone to tend his wounds.

But she never gave up on him, not once. She didn't back down from her feelings then, she hadn't been deterred. As a young girl her hope, her feelings, her love, she felt all of this was enough. She imagined then if she'd only loved him enough, if she were only there for him enough, that maybe...maybe he'd turn to her and see her as she wished him to see her, that he would turn to her with love and affection in his eyes and accept her feelings.

How wrong and naive she had been...

Obito's death left a terrible scar in the hearts of her entire team. The Third War took many lives. During a time when the Academy was flushing children out to the front lines to recoup their loses like cattle to the slaughter she should have been prepared for it. Kakashi should have been prepared for it. But none of them had been, not even Minato-sama. The boy who'd been her dearest and best friend since the first day at the Academy had been a beacon of light to the whole group. Without him... they were broken and incapable it seemed.

Minato-sama, bless him, had tried to ease the pain for them both. He'd tried any number of things to get both her and Kakashi working together better. But nothing had helped. It was hard for her to even get through an entire training session then without feeling like she was dying inside. Kakashi couldn't seem to function either, although he did an admirable job of trying to hide it.

When Minato-sama announced he was leaving the team to become Hokage she'd been both heartbroken and happy. Happy because her sensei was going to take on a title and responsibility he truly deserved and would handle well. Heartbroken because... without him... there was little hope left of the team functioning at all. He'd been the last shred holding them together. She assumed the only reason Kakashi had even continued on with her was because of Minato-sama's presence.

She waited for weeks and months afterward for him to break the news to her. She waited for him to tell her he was quitting the pathetic excuse of a two man team. But he didn't. For whatever damned reason he didn't. And so she trudged on relentlessly. She followed his orders without question. She patched up his wounds and her own without a word of objection. While she was glad he didn't leave her she couldn't deny the fact that then, more than ever before, had she needed him.

She couldn't voice her pain then. She couldn't find comfort in him then. He all but remained impassive and cold towards her. His orders like ice and his actions more automatic than anything else. She didn't know if he'd stuck with her because he knew she needed him that much at least, because he needed her or because he didn't want to go through the hassle of dealing with a new team when it was easier because she knew how he operated.

Rin... became a shell. A pale after image of her former self. Worse even when the Kyuubi attacked, when Minato-sama died, when Kushina-sama died and all they had left of their loved ones was the blond baby with whiskered marks on his face.

The pain of that night had hurt her so badly she couldn't even find the need to cry. She couldn't find the will to argue with Kakashi when he told her that he, finally, was leaving the team to join ANBU.

For a year after that she'd worked at the hospital and nothing more outside those three story alabaster walls. She worried about him relentlessly. Her soul died every moment someone fell under her careful hands, seeing not just his face, but Obito's tearing through her like a rusted kunai.

She hadn't wanted to keep going on like that, but she didn't have anyone to pull her out of the darkness either. Nothing could repair the pain and hate she felt within her being over the loss of not just two, but three loved ones.

Or so she thought.

Six months after she started work at the hospital her supervisor had slowly come to notice her. She watched Rin with the eyes of a mother hen, but kindly never asked her anything. But those watchful eye didn't need to. She quickly urged a change of position for young Rin to the Director. The violet eyed Jounin, then, found herself moved from the heartbreaking surgery ward... to the children's ward.

Apparently the healing a smile did coming from the faces of such innocents could mend almost any broken heart. It took weeks and weeks of aiding, healing and communicating with the young ones who were there for any number of reasons. Some of them would never walk again. Some were born with defects that would have them in a bed for the rest of their lives. Others still were born with a disease that would have them knocking on death's door before they even reached the age of five. But one thing remained the same with all of them, one thing never changed and it was that _one thing_ that had her heart moving in another direction.

Their eyes all held... hope.

No matter how bleak it got, no matter how much pain those kids endured, no matter how many times their bodies were put through painful operations to keep them alive they still smiled, they still persevered, they still _hoped_.

How could she, alive, well and fully able to live on in the face of these kids and their pain, a pain far worse than her own, even consider being so pitiful and selfishly depressed?

It brought her to tears, forced her to break down for the first time since Obito's savage death. It forced her to admit her pain and overcome it. To learn from it and become a better person because of it. And she did on her own.

Without Kakashi.

The day she regained her strength was the day she applied for ANBU. Eighteen years later and here she was,proud and on the top her game as the Director of Mission Operations in ANBU HQ. It was her duty to divvy out missions to the the agents best suited for the job by analyzing their specialties and qualifications. Each day scrolls were piled on her desk directly from the Hokage's office. It was also her objective to receive applications and discern based on the applicant's file whether they were qualified for ANBU. Almost sixty percent of the men and women running about the base that very moment had once had their own files come across her desk for that very thing.

Of course, she wasn't the deciding factor in their passing. That was entirely on them and a council of high ranking ANBU members. Their team captain or sensei would be responsible for submitting his or her review of the trainee. Their tests, both verbal and physical were taken into account and it was then decided if they were indeed ready. The two tests themselves were just to weed out those who were obviously incapable of the high stress duties. Giving them a six month period as a trainee gave them ample time to get a taste for the tasks they would perform and the opportunity to quit if they felt they were not ready for it.

It was easy to say... there were many in that time who flaked out once they learned even going from Jounin to ANBU was like taking a twenty foot leap with your chakra blocked and your hands tied behind your back.

It was a rank she prided herself on most especially.

She stretched her arms upward, elongating her body as she stepped past the large threshold to her secretary's office. It was one room just before her own closed off one. She was a tad surprised and relieved there was no one waiting to speak with her in one of the few chairs. Today she really just wanted to get the missions sent out, over and done with. More often than naught the chances of an applicant crossing her desk were rare indeed. She got, perhaps, one a week or every two weeks.

Her secretary, a woman named Himoko, smiled brightly at her as she stood up. However, Rin didn't miss the nervousness in her eyes. "Rin-sama, the mission scroll count today is ten. I've placed them on your desk, as you prefer."

Her brows rose when she stopped just before her door. "Really? That little?" She was surprised _and_ pleased. This meant her time in the office would be cut in half today. She might actually get to leave with rest of her peers for once.

"Y-yes.. however..." The woman looked nervous.

"Hm?"

She sighed. "I tried to tell him to wait outside, Rin-sama, but he would not listen. He insisted waiting in your office would not bother you."

"Who?"

"A retired member of ANBU, Rin-sama. He came in carrying an applicant folder and insisted on seeing you. When I told him you weren't in yet he said he would wait for you. In your office." She bit her lower lip. "I tried everything I could to--."

Rin just smiled. "It's alright, Himi-san. I doubt very seriously this man has done anything wrong. Although in the future if you have trouble keeping people out of my office you are within your rights to call security, you know?"

"Y-yes,... Rin-sama." She appeared embarrassed by that knowledge.

Rin nodded. "No harm done." She turned the knob to her office and entered swiftly. She raised a brow at the silver patch of hair sitting across from her large desk but did not stop her quick movement to the other side.

She took a seat and made herself comfortable as she addressed him with a enigmatic smile. "Well, this is unexpected. For what reason do I owe the pleasure of such a visit, Kakashi?"

He looked more haggard than usual, she noted as she took in his tired features. Kakashi always had a lazy, just-got-out-of-bed look about him; as if, he were one foot in the grave and the other half in a comfy mattress. But he wasn't without a fair smile, a good smirk or even a cheerful, sarcastic comment. Aside from today it was rather rare she ever saw him so depressed. One could tell he held a lot of weight on his shoulders. He'd done a lot of healing since taking on a Genin team...a lot more than she'd ever done, she noted with a suppressed sigh.

He leaned forward and reached out, placing two files on her desk.

She looked down at the both of them. One was obviously an applicant file and the other was a personal file. She looked up and raised a brow. When he did nothing more aside from cross his arms over his chest she shrugged and opened the applicant file. It all appeared in order. She didn't bother looking at the name, assuming very well she knew who this was for. The applicant file was shut and moved aside as she opened the personal file.

She blinked as the name flashed out at her. "_Haruno_.. Sakura?" she asked in disbelief. She looked up at him. "This woman is your team mate? The Hokage Godaime's apprentice? She is the one who wants to join ANBU... as.." she swiftly returned her attention back to the applicant file, "an ANBU Medical Nin?" she finished in disbelief.

"Yes," he answered, narrowing his eye. "You sound surprised. I told you this morning--."

She nodded, waving a hand at him in interruption. Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed. "Of course," she began, "but I had no idea _she_ was your team mate."

He arched a brow. "Didn't you?"

She scowled as his assuming tone. "I spend ninety percent of my time behind these doors, Kakashi. The other ten percent is divvied out between hospital visits, what sleep I can manage at home, training for myself and finally--when it suits me--some time saying hello to you. I have little left to know the details of your subordinates, your team mates." She frowned. "Furthermore, you aren't exactly known for divulging information about anyone to anyone, even myself, unless it's apart of the job."

He sighed, slouching further. "Very well, point taken."

She sighed also and stared down at the paperwork. "I'm curious, what made you change your mind?"

"Who says I have?"

"You signed her application, you brought her personal file, I'd say that's evidence enough, wouldn't you?" Her eyes drew up to his own single orb of dark grey. He met her gaze and she held it curiously. The clock on her wall ticked on in the background. The small fountain a friend had purchased her for Christmas one year trickled behind her on a shelf. Her lips pursed and she realized just what he was trying to say with his silence.

"You want me to decline her." It wasn't a question. "You know I can't do that, Kakashi." She swept her hand across Sakura's personal file, her stats. "The woman is an exceptional shinobi. She has above average scores in taijutsu and ninjutsu, extraordinary ones in genjutsu, medical and technical-strategical studies. She has all the qualifications I'd be looking for, actually seeking out, in not only a future captain, but a medical nin most especially." She paused to meet his gaze once more as she emphasize her next words. "I cannot, _will not_, turn her down. You must think me--."

"It's not that," he muttered darkly. "She's not..."

Rin smiled knowingly. "She's what?"

Silence.

"You don't think she's capable of completing 'those' missions, am I correct?"

"...Yes."

Rin nodded. "I can understand your fear over this." She did. "But this is my job, Hatake. You can't expect me to refuse her. If my superiors ever found out and I didn't have a good reason to put down on file I could be reprimanded, removed even. Give me a one and I'll consider it."

He sighed, easily understanding. He'd been more than prepared for this part of the meeting with her. The woman before him had grown a lot in the time he'd known her; they both had.

"Sakura is, in my opinion, not ready for the physical and emotional demands of the missions she will, at some point in the future, have to undertake. She's been a Jounin for a long time now and she's never volunteered for them. Not once."

Rin nodded. "We have some applicants who never have, Kakashi."

He was overcome by the sudden urge to hit something, demand something. But he knew he couldn't. Because the moment he did Rin would--.

"I tell you what, Kakashi... "

His single eye drew up to her two.

She smiled. "In this case, because you are an old friend, I will do something for you." At his confused yet hopeful look she shook her head. "I won't deny her, so don't get your hopes up. But," she continued, "what I will do is speak with her and determine for myself if she is in fact ready. I have to do that anyway. Although, normally I don't take the task so personally, I will in this particular case.

"And if she changes her mind after I lay all of it out for her, well? Then you'll have nothing to worry about. However," she went on, her eyes narrowing on him, "if she still wants to be ANBU I expect you to take on her sponsorship as you've promised." When he said nothing, as if considering her offer she spoke again. "That's my final offer, Kakashi. Take it or leave it."

His jaw tightened and she knew this was a sign that he hated being shoved into a corner. Although she doubted he would renege on his sponsorship even if Rin hadn't made her offer; it was obvious that while he assumed she might have refused the pinkette that he didn't like the idea of her doing this with anyone but himself.

She knew why. It was all too close to home for him to do anything else. She doubted he wanted any of his teammates joining ANBU.

"Alright," he finally replied.

She nodded. "I'll speak with her after work this evening."

He stood and headed for the door.

"Kakashi?"

He paused, his hand resting on the silver knob.

"You've spent very little time with your team since they turned sixteen, haven't you?" She didn't expect an answer. However, he wasn't leaving just yet so this was a good sign he was taking in her words. Her eyes turned towards an old photo on her desk; a photo of herself and Kakashi just after he'd made ANBU. It was one of the few times she'd smiled during those days, and even then it'd been forced. In the background, speaking with someone else in the photo, she noted a man. Her eyes turned painful and as she stared onward.

_"Your Taichou seems nice..."_

_"He's... amazing."_

Her eyes burned with suppressed emotions as she swallowed, ripped her gaze from the photo and turned to his taunt back. She could see that even with his Jounin vest on.

She didn't know what to say to him. She hadn't known what to say to him then... would she ever? Were there even words available to somehow make it better? No, nothing could make something like that better. Sometimes... sometimes she wished it had been her...

"You're a better shinobi than that, Kakashi," she whispered softly, deeply as she tried to broach the topic with him again as she had many times before since that night. "He can't hurt...," she tried to keep from choking on her words as she spoke with honesty. "He can't hurt _anyone_ anymore," she continued, obviously amending her original statement.

She wasn't too surprised to see his departing back before the door finally shut softly behind him, leaving her staring at wooden barrier a tad longer than she should.

_Oh, sempai..._, she said within her thoughts, _the life of a shinobi is never simple..._

ooo

Sakura shifted where she sat, but tried very hard to remain still under the charcoal-eyed boy's scrutinizing gaze. She did her best to keep her facial expression forlorn and aching as she pressed her hand more delicately into the window pane. Her eyes remained soft and near tears as she stared out at the impending storm.

"Perfect," she heard him whisper as she dared not move, despite the urge to smile at his unchecked enthusiasm. Smiling would ruin it completely. At least until he was done with her face. He would tell her when she could relax that at least.

"I was correct, the color is exactly right for you. The red brings out the blush in your skin and heightens your hair color," he went on, sketching away.

She could hardly resist the momentary upturning of her lips, though easily bashed such an expression away. Sai was honest to a fault, at least with those he considered allies. She'd love to get an eyeful of the work, but would wait until he was done.

She was comfortable anyway. The material of the kimono, hanging seductively off her shoulders and barely revealing the curl of her breasts felt lovely. It bore no obi and draped even looser about her waist. One leg hung, toes grazing the wooden floor below the window seat. Part of her thigh and calf were visible on either leg. The other was bent and her bare hand, arm also free from the kimono, rested carelessly on her knee. The elbow of that arm covered her bare breasts from view.

Overall, the final piece would leave much to the imagination.

"To be honest I'm surprised you agreed," Sai said, letting her now it was alright to speak. He must be done capturing her face.

"I don't mind, really," she replied, still looking out the window. "It's tasteful."

He smiled, moving to add in the detail of her kimono to the piece. "You do of course realize millions of readers will see this?"

"Yes."

"And you're ok with that? I could change the coloring..."

She shook her head. "No, I need to get over it."

He nodded, and kept his eyes on his work as he spoke with her. "This will be on the front cover."

"I know." She gave a soft smile, an unsure one. "You told me as much."

Sai's pencil halted on the outline of her thigh. "We'll work our way up to the nudes."

Her eyes, her face, turned to fully look at him. They narrowed in thought as Sai slowly went back to his work, not saying much else. If it were anyone else who'd said that to her she was sure she would have left right then. But it wasn't just anyone. This was Sai, of all people. He had the restraint of a tree when it came to sex. He treated his second profession as he treated his first profession; business-like and direct. He wouldn't take advantage of her body like this.

As such, all considered, she treated the half order half question with a nod to show her agreement.

Her eyes turned back to the window and her mind drifted. "Sai... does Root require its members to do seduction missions?"

"Why do you ask?" He stopped again and looked up at her quizzically. He noted the curiosity in her features and the nervousness laden in her eyes. It was then he realized the direction, the meaning, of her question. "We do, yes."

"How did you keep from taking them?" Her voice was soft.

He raised a brow and stopped his work again, confused. "I'm not sure I understand..."

She sighed and her lashes lowered part way over her emerald depths. "How did you go so long in Root without doing a seduction mission?"

"I didn't."

She blinked and her eyes flashed to his laughing features, his crinkled eyes turned into upside down smiles. "But... I thought..."

"You misunderstand, Sakura. I said I lacked experience with dating and desire for another human being. I lack experience in gaining compliments from those I consider close to me. I never said I lacked experience of a physical nature."

Her brow furrowed. "But... well... your a man." She blinked, perplexed. "I mean... I've done extensive research medically as a doctor... I know in order for a man to perform he has to be aroused in some way..."

He nodded. "You're correct. However, in Root as well as in ANBU, there are certain jutsus one can use to... help," he murmured.

Her eyes softened. "I had no idea... I'm... sorry.. I.."

He shook his head. "Don't be, Blossom. There's nothing degrading about--at all. Emotionally, I am trained to block such things out," he murmured, looking towards a wall as his eyes narrowed.

"Still..."

He shook his head again, locking his eyes on her own. "It's much easier when you're prepared for it, Sakura. It's not nearly as bad as you think. And no one ever goes on one of those missions without a partner."

She could tell he wanted to change the subject and remained silent after a brief nod. When she turned back to look out the window she was comforted by the sound of a pencil running across parchment. So much so that the sudden knock from her font door made her jump.

"I'll get it," he offered, already standing and setting his sketchbook aside. Sai walked the span of her living room and towards her front door. He undid the lock and opened it with a smile tracing across his features. A woman about his height with dark hair and violet eyes met his gaze with a smile of her own.

"I hope I'm not interrupting... but I need to speak with Sakura."

Sai looked over his shoulder. "Someone's here to see you."

"Who?" she called out, not moving from her place.

Sai turned back to the woman expectantly.

The corner of her lips twitched. "The Director of ANBU Mission Operations."

Hearing this Sakura's eyes went wide. "Let her in Sai!" She felt horribly rude for leaving the woman at the door, outside. Even under the cover of her awning, even though it wasn't raining yet, she felt terrible.

Sai stepped aside, sweeping his arm to allow her entrance.

Rin stepped past the threshold and nodded a thank you at the young man. Once she entered the living room she found herself blinking at a woman with pink locks staring out the window looking awfully depressed. What's more, her attire had her taking pause, half dressed as she was. Her eyes drew towards the male shinobi as he came to stand next to her, still sporting a smile.

"Um... I wasn't interrupting anything... was I?" she edged quietly.

"Not at all. Sai needed a model for Jiraiya-sama's latest edition. I just wasn't sure if I should move yet," she answered with a small smile.

"It's alright," Sai allowed, cleaning up his things and putting his chair back at the petite dining table. "I'm done for the day. We can finish up later."

Sakura nodded and stood, carefully pulling the garment more thoroughly around her form before she faced them. Once she did she addressed Sai. "If you give me a moment I can change and--."

He waved a hand for her to stop. "Don't worry about it. Keep it on hand until we finish. I think I'll end up using it in some way for the rest of our work."

"Very well," she agreed with a soft tint of pink on her cheeks. "Do you need me to walk you to the door?"

"I know my way out," he replied, already leaving.

She sighed at the back of his form and shook her head. Her eyes swiftly turned to the woman before her. "I apologize. If I'd known you were coming I would have been better prepared. It's rare I have two days off in a row after morning training sessions with my team... so we decided it was as good a time as any for us to do this."

Rin found herself smiling brilliantly at her enthusiasm. "No, don't worry about it. I just assumed he was your boyfriend."

Sakura grinned as well. "I can see how you would walking in on _that_. Well, no. Don't get me wrong, Sai is beautiful. Actually, it should be crime the guy has such good looks and...well, he _use_ to have terrible manners." She rolled her eyes. "I'm rambling."

"Not at all," Rin murmured.

"He can't help it, truthfully. He use to be ANBU Root. Once you get to know him though, he's probably the best friend you'll ever find yourself in the company of," she finished. "At any rate, would you like something to drink? Eat? I haven't made dinner yet and I don't mind making something for you if you'd care to join me.."

Dinner sounded lovely, Rin realized as her stomach grumbled at the very thought of it.

Sakura smiled cheekily. "I'll understand though if you don't have much time."

"I wouldn't mind at all," she replied truthfully. "I don't usually get out of work this early. My dinners generally consist of energy bars and protein shakes."

"I know the felling. Well," Sakura answered, "let me change and I'll fix us something. Sai would kill me if I ruined this. You can take a seat at the table.. or the living room. The TV remote is on the coffee table if you want to watch something to pass the time."

Rin opted for the dining table. The wooden chair creaked only slightly as she sat down and got comfortable. She sighed as she scanned the room around her. Sakura did her home no differently than any other young woman at her age. She spoke clearly and intelligently. Her first impression of her was not bad at all, truthfully.

The girl surprised her when she first came in, garbed as she was and posing near the window. It was rather obvious by her later blush that she wasn't entirely use to allowing her body to be so easily analyzed, but it was also quite obvious she wasn't without experience either.

Then again, Rin knew his real reasons for not wanting her on the elite unit. She couldn't let it cloud her judgment.

When Sakura came back out to greet her she was dressed in civilian clothing. It was nothing more than a simple white T-shirt as jeans. Dinner didn't take all that much time to make either and before long she found herself talking with the pinkette over a good meal.

"You have to know I didn't just come down here to say hi. But, before we go any further," she smiled. "My name is Rin. You already know who I am."

Sakura nodded, flushing slightly. "Again, I'm sorry about earlier."

"Don't worry about it. I wasn't the least bit put off, Sakura."

"That's good..." she replied. "I take it your here because Kakashi-sensei turned in my application?"

"I am."

"I'm curious though... couldn't you of just called me into your office?"

Rin sighed. "I could have yes... but I told your sponsor I'd have a more personal chat with you about the finer details of ANBU." At the frown she asked, "Does that bother you?"

"Not really... I just wish he'd have more faith in me," she admitted.

Rin bit back her automatic reply that it really had nothing to do with his faith in her at all, but something more personal. Even if she had a right to know, it was not her place to say why. And hopefully, Kakashi would eventually be forced to tell her himself. But... she doubted that as well. If he didn't like talking to her about it, someone who knew the details... he was sure to avoid revealing it to Sakura.

"I think you're more than capable of doing well in the unit. For now it's my opinion that matters."

Sakura smiled at that, moving food around on her plate. "I suppose that's something."

Rin returned it as she set down her chopsticks and took a small sip from her drink. "I've been told you've never volunteered for seduction missions. Now, I don't need you to explain why. Everyone has their own personal reasons and it matters very little to me. There's no shame in doing them or not doing them. But, you do realize these will be required of you in ANBU? You'll have to accomplish at least one before you're released from trainee status."

"I've been told," she replied stoically.

"And you're ok with that knowledge?"

Sakura sighed. "Is anyone ever ok with that?" She didn't give her a chance to reply. "You're talking about having sex with men I don't even know. Some of these men might be twenty years older than me. Some might be two years younger than me. Some might not even be men at all.

"Am I ok with it? No. Not at all," she finished, sternly. "However..." she said in softer tone. "I promised myself when I joined Team Seven, when I learned of the pain my boys endure, I wouldn't be weak anymore. I refuse to be left behind. And if sacrificing my body is the price I must pay to gain what I want? So be it.

"I need to grow up and get over my own stupid ideals. I need to change my way of thinking and quit being so damned selfish. I chose to be a shinobi, I chose to be a Chuunin and a chose to be Jounin. I _chose_ to become a medical nin. I accepted that I would have to do things I didn't want to when I achieved these ranks, things I didn't believe myself ready for." Her eyes locked on Rin's. "And that's how I look at this. That is how I look at this part of becoming ANBU. It's a challenge I must overcome. This is a part of my pride I must place aside for the sake of my friends and myself," she whispered. "I can't go on being that girl anymore... And I think this is the one small part that's left of her."

Rin was taken aback by her bold, honest and strong reply. For a good minute she wasn't sure how to respond to such an open hearted confession. Haruno Sakura was far stronger than she allowed herself to believe. But she was also very humble and quite noble. Rin found herself admiring her spirit and her courage.

She could see in some small way why Kakashi didn't want her ANBU.

It wasn't just his past.

He didn't want to see her spirit crushed.

Oh, but how wrong he would be. Haruno Sakura was a whole other breed than what he imagined. She wouldn't be broken. She would _never_ be broken. She would overcome and persevere. And Rin prayed she lived long enough to see her bloom from a bud and into a fully formed, strong and confident blossom. One that stood out in field of millions and faced all odds as a wild rose would the heat of the desert.

Rin smiled and finally regained her senses. "I can see now you won't be deterred. Good." She nodded. "There are a few other things I need to tell you about that particular area of the training."

"I'm listening."

"Years ago in ANBU your sponsor or your sensei in lock down would physically train you for the seduction arts. This caused quite a few problems later on. People who were not ready for the rank got attached on both ends. Emotions were involved, people's hearts got shattered. In some cases they became severely uncomfortable with that form of training and quit the shinobi life altogether. Fight broke out between loved ones... it was all very bad.

"Suffice it to say, seeing the face of the one who did such things to you day in and day out isn't as easy as simply leaving them behind in another part of the world or dead.

"We don't so that anymore. We do, however, train you for body language, acting and assuming a false role. We educate you by means of books on what parts of the body do what and how each sex acts differently to certain... actions. But I'm sure you know all about that being a medical nin."

Sakura nodded, looking half relieved.

"We can't prepare you for your first mission of that nature... not wholly. But we can make it easier for you by providing counseling and extended time off afterward. Not only that, but I don't think I have to tell you missions of this nature pay _very_ well. After only five of them some shinobi simply retire and never work again unless the situation is drastic; such as, an invasion on Konoha."

Sakura's eyes went wide. "Truly?"

"Yes," Rin replied. "But that's entirely up to you. Now," she continued, "after hearing all of this are you still confident in your choice? Do you still wish to become ANBU?"

Sakura hesitated.

"Take your time..." Rin assured her. "It's not easy to process all that. Some applicants ask for a few days when given the same warnings."

Sakura considered it. She considered everything she'd thought about over the past few days and what she'd told Sai, Rin and Kakashi. She recalled the anger she felt over his actions and his words. She recalled why she felt she needed, no, wanted to do this.

In the end it wasn't just about her boys, even if they played a rather large role in her choice. This was about her and her wish to become stronger, faster and better.

Looking at Rin she nodded. "Yes, I'm still sure."

Rin tried very hard not to allow her smile to turn into a full fledged grin. She didn't need to look like a smiling idiot in front of someone a good many years her junior. "I'll send your paper work through first thing tomorrow." What she didn't tell her is that it would be sent post-haste. "You should then expect to be contacted by your sponsor a few days from now about the details." Not that he would lkie it very much, she imagined.

"Thank you," Sakura murmured as she stood up with her and followed her to the door. "Is there anything else I need to know?"

Rin stopped at the door and smiled as she faced it, her back to the girl while she held it open.

"Be ready for anything."


	6. Chapter 6

**..Chapter Six..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

A tension hung in the air. It seeped in from the walls and crevices. It roved over furniture and fell like a mist over every item in the room. The blackened aura didn't help matters much either. A darkness clinging to the room, darker than the lack of lighting, weighed heavily on the sole occupant.

His single orb of coal-grey narrowed on the garment on his coffee table before him. It was wrapped in plastic. It stung of acid and poison. It gave promises of glory and returned the wearer to nothing but a shell of what once was.

_"Do you trust me, Kakashi?"_

His vision spliced and serrated him like a knife as he blinked.

_"Do you trust me, Kakashi?"_

He shut his good eye tightly. His chest constricted. His heart felt rapid and bleating.

_He couldn't move. His arms wouldn't will themselves mobile. His legs were stuck in place. His lips dare not open and his throat did nothing more but clot with dry, heavy panic. Was it a jutsu? Or his own weakness binding him in place across the room as he watched with wide eyes?_

His hand tightened around the saki bottle, warm and yet unsatisfying in his hand where it rested on the arm of the chair.

_A cry of confusion and outrage filled air as he watched on, unable to act._

_"You're... what?"_

_"I'm leaving. Tonight. I want you to come with me," the older male said to the youth while the Kakashi watched on, unable to speak._

_"You're want to become a missing nin." It was a statement._

_"I want to be more. And I want you to be more with me."_

_"No!" The answer wasn't a hesitation. It was the heart of the shinobi who'd spoken so strongly. Feelings of betrayal etched the you man's voice._

Foolish, his mind whispered.

_He watched on the young male was forced onto the mattress in the room. He watched on as he tried to fight. He watched on as his clothes, his uniform were ripped from his body. He watched as every attempt the young man made to free himself from the one he trusted most failed because he couldn't overpower him. Because someone couldn't save him._

Naive, it went on.

_"Stop!" The cries started. "Please don't! Taichou!"_

Kakashi swallowed a sob, succeeding _this_ time.

_"Why are you doing this?! Please!..Oh god! NO!"_

In the crevice of his eye a blot formed, clear and unmistakable.

_His cries filled the room and rattled off the walls. He watched on, unable to stop himself from doing so as the man relentlessly pumped into his seventeen year old subordinate. He watched as he lifted his face, pulling on the younger man's hair so the youth could watch what he did to him in the wall of mirrors across the room._

_"Watch," the older male ordered hoarsely. "Watch or I'll cut your throat when I'm done!"_

_He tried to move, god help him he did. He couldn't fathom if the man was speaking to him or the boy. Perhaps both. Perhaps he didn't care._

A salty stain began to coat the edged of his mask as his throat constricted.

_He watched on as tears coated the young man's face. His face was red and stained from his earlier attempts to stop his assailant. Kakashi couldn't tell if he was crying anymore... or trying to numb his soul to it all._

"Stop..." he whispered.

_"Stop," the boy pleaded softly, begging pathetically._

"No more.."

_"No more..!" he cried out painfully, his throat worn from his screams, his tears._

_He could see, when the older male finally pulled free from him... the crimson soaking his abdomen, his softening cock, his thighs and partially his palms. He couldn't look away as the superior reached for his ANBU issue katana. He couldn't will himself to look away as the boy turned his head at the last moment, eyes hallow though begging as he brought the weapon upward._

_"Tai....Taichou..." he breathed before the slicing of steel against flesh was heard._

_There were no cries of pain then. No muffled screams. Gratification seemed to flash in his eyes, dim... and then fade as they closed and as his body sank into the mattress._

_The older male stared down at the broken and used body for a while. And then... his eyes turned upward and flashed across the room._

_Amber yellow met with coal-red._

He cried out as an animal in pain wrought with regret and stained in weakness. Glass shattered against the wall in front of him. It crumbled and echoed in the room before it chinked to the floor in a million pieces. His chest heaved and his face was soaked. Snot coated the inside of his mask. The trademark symbol of dark blue was nearly ripped from his features. For the first time in his life it felt claustrophobic on his face.

He couldn't breath. He couldn't find enough air to fill his lungs as liquid pain trailed down his face. His scalp felt numb as he dug his bare hands into his hair. His body shook. His insides quaked. In that moment more than any other he wished he had his mother with him.

He wanted her to hold him. To rub her fingers through his hair and tell him, as she did when he was a boy, everything would be well.

Nothing would ever be 'well'.

Ever.

ooo

Three days had gone by since Rin had been to Sakura's home. She'd spent her time working at the hospital, meeting with Sai for coffee and training with her team. Although, it was more like training with Sai than the team, she told herself as she rolled eyes.

She adjusted a large bag that held her books and papers from work over her shoulder so that she could take the keys from her pouch and unlock her door. Moments later she was entering the dark home and flipping on lights. Everything was dropped next to the door as per usual. Her nurse's coat was hung on one of the many hooks bolted to the wall. She sat down on the small bench next to her front door and unclasped her shinobi boots. A moan of relief was expelled from her lips as she set them aside and wiggled her toes.

She grinned down at them for a time before hopping up and walking into her living room. The oak floors felt cool beneath her feet and she briefly wondered if she'd set the air temp too high and never changed it before she left this morning.

Her eyes drew to the sun starting to drift beyond her window view. The light danced along her floor and furniture. It made her smile slightly as looked towards the clock hanging on her wall. It was now seven. That meant she had about an hour to get ready before heading out to meet her boys, Sai included, for dinner. Yamato had declined this morning after training, explaining he had other plans.

Today she'd told Tsunade--finally--of her change in position. The woman had been more than happy for her. Like Rin, she warned of the many dangers involved in the elite rank. And again, Sakura was not deterred.

With a final glance to the time she headed to her bedroom and opened the door. What she found there had her stopping short. She paused a few feet from her bed and her eyes narrowed on a square, bulging bag of plastic. It was clear and large.

As she slowly drew close to it she realized, slowly, what it was. A gasp escaped her as she lifted it and her fingers pressed against the material still contained within. Soft violent and ebony called out to her reverently.

It was her uniform.

As she was about to rip it open her eyes caught something still on the bed. It had been beneath the package.

A mask sat there, plain and white with the leaf symbol etched into the forehead. She wondered for a moment why it was plain; however, her attention quickly turned to a sealed envelope right next to it and she ignored the other items.

Sakura set down the package as she herself took a seat and ripped the letter open. A sheet of parchment was pulled forth and opened from it's formal folding. She began to read.

_Sakura--_

_If your reading this you know by now you've received your uniform, mask and ANBU issue katana. Decorate the mask as you see fit and choose a code name for yourself. Chose wisely as whatever you select is what you are stuck with for your entire career in ANBU. They cannot change it once it's printed on file._

_As for the rules..._

_You are allowed to forgo the mask when you are within Fire Country territory unless the mission specifies otherwise. From here on out you can wear the uniform in public or not. It's up to you. But, when you're on an ANBU class mission you must wear it._

_Your missions are classified unless the mission states otherwise. Only yourself, the Hokage and your teammates are allowed to have knowledge of it. You will not speak of it to anyone else. Doing so is a direct breech of conduct and could result in your suspension, or worse, extermination._

_At all times you will follow the directive of your captain unless the orders given go against Konoha, the whole of the mission itself, or the Hokage._

_I expect to see you tomorrow at five AM for training in area ten._

_--Kakashi_

Her eyes narrowed on the words as she finished. Her hands dropped and her lips became a flat line.

When Rin had told her she should expect to see Kakashi for further instructions she naturally assumed she'd see him in person. That had been what the woman meant, right? So why had he let himself into her home and dropped them off? Not that she minded... Sai dropped things off all the time.

She sighed and fell back onto her mattress. Her bold, emerald orbs stared her ceiling.

Was he avoiding her?

Her eyes closed.

She did want to speak with him. And she'd left him alone in hopes that when he did finally come by to give her these things she would be allowed to clear the air. It's not as though she been the one to instigate it. She didn't understand his reasoning behind what he'd done, other than the need to scare the hell out of her. He'd done just that for a good five minutes into it. She'd been frightened. She'd felt violated. It had all been so sudden and she hadn't know how to react. Her mind had become blank of anything save the need to get him off of her.

He was her teacher, he had been anyway. It simply wasn't right, in her train of thought... was it?

He was fourteen years her senior. She'd know him as a child. He's trained her, guided her and cared for her in the manner a parent would. Surely it was wrong, taboo, for her to see otherwise.

But when she'd kissed him through the covering of his mask...

Was it wrong to have physical feelings of want for someone you'd know for so long, someone you had once seen as an adult; someone who'd patted your head, tended your wounds and kept you safe when you couldn't stand up for yourself?

She grumbled as forced herself to sit up.

It was really silly to think of this all right now, wasn't it? It was too much to take in. The kiss she'd shared with him had been out of anger and nothing more. All she'd been aiming to prove was that she was more than capable of taking whatever lesson he had in mind to deal out to her. She hadn't been thinking at all when she'd done it.

If anything she could see herself attracted to the mystery of him. He was cloistered, withdrawn and an utter enigma. He never spoke of his past, hardly voiced his future and strolled through life as if it were a joke. The idea alone that no one had ever seen his face--no one that was alive that she knew of anyway--was enough in and of itself to draw any woman of mature age in, was it not?

Like hell she needed to be lusting after another unobtainable man again.

She heard a clock chime in the background and gasped as she realized she had thirty minutes to get ready and meet her team.

"Damn! Damn! Double _damn_!"

With the speed of a cheetah she was dashing to her bathroom and hurrying to get ready. Like hell she would ever live down being late.

She could just here them now...

'Pick up a few of Kakashi's habits, Sakura?'

She groaned and hurried her pace.

ooo

"Do you remember what time she said to meet her?"

Sasuke sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. The blond next to him was really trying his patience. While it was safe to say they were best friends, brothers more so, there were many times all he wanted to do was throw him through a wall because of all his questions. If they were even good questions, ones with some merit, he wouldn't mind. He wouldn't. But, usually they weren't.

Like now.

So he grumbled out tightly, "Weren't you paying attention this morning?"

"Do you want an honest answer or a sugar coated one?"

Sasuke blinked in surprise.

Alright, every dog had his day, he supposed. He sighed. "You weren't." It wasn't a question.

Naruto grinned in response.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Eight-thirty, moron. She asked us to meet her there at eight-thirty."

"Why? Do you know?"

Sasuke growled at his overall lack of attention span. "She didn't say what for," he replied tightly. "She just said she had something important to tell us."

Naruto grumbled. "You don't have to be so mean about it..."

Ok. That was it!

He reached his hand back, eyes shut while a vein in his temple twitched, fully ready to smack his teammate into next week.

"Whoa..." his whisper had him taking pause.

"Huh?" he asked stupidly as he looked over at Naruto's dumbfounded face. He stopped walking when he realized his friend had. "What?" He eyed him.

"Does Sai have a girlfriend in ANBU?"

Sasuke blinked. "Eh? What are you _talking_ about? Sai and girlfriend do not go in the same sentence together, dropout." He crossed his arms over his chest as if to emphasize his point more clearly.

"A lover then?" he queried.

Sasuke's brow furrowed. "As if _I'd_ know that. Where is this coming from?"

Naruto pointed just beyond him. With a sigh he turned in the direction of his point. He almost wish he hadn't. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head and at the very least widened for a brief moment as he took it in. There, across the way, holding a blank mask in her hand stood a woman. You couldn't see her face because a sign was blocking it from view as it hung from an awning.

He couldn't stop his eyes as they trailed up her form, starting at her toned legs. They were snug in a pair of black, sleek pants which tucked into her shinobi boots. Silver shin guards glittered in the evening lights over those.

His eyes drew further upward and noted the hard ass, thin waist and a tight midsection contained in the soft violet armored top. His throat tightened at the sight of her breasts, the curve of one half visible in the skin 'suctioned' ebony top just where the arm openings were wide. and her arms... they seem grafted to the long, elegant gloves covered in more silver guarding.

"Christ," he found himself muttering, scorning his fetish in regards to the elite rank's uniform on a damn fine body.

"I'll second that... you think he's fucking her? What... I.... wouldn't.... guh..." anything else he meant to say died in his throat as the woman stepped away from the awning with Sai, her arm slung over the former Root member's shoulders in a friendly manner.

Sasuke couldn't form words. Had he lost his _mind_?

"Pinch me," he ordered Naruto.

"I was gonna ask you the same," he replied numbly. He wasn't sure if he was more in shock over the fact that he had just been ogling his teammate, his very female teammate whom he'd turned down at least three hundred times before (until he lost count) she'd grown up and gotten over it... or because of what she was wearing and what it meant.

"ANBU is an elite rank, right?" Sasuke asked stupidly as they Sakura and Sai came closer to them.

"Last I checked..." Naruto replied, still looking as just as numb as before.

"Ok, good, just making sure I hadn't lost my fucking mind somewhere in the last thirty seconds."

Naruto managed a laugh. That alone was enough to make him hazard a smirk.

Sakura smiled brilliantly as she came up on them and stopped. She removed her arm from Sai's shoulders and beamed. "Well, I guess I don't have to tell you anymore." She turned in place once, still grinning madly. "What do you think? Looks good?"

Sasuke didn't miss the curious look from Naruto to his left. "More than good," he replied as best he could without tripping over his damned mouth. He really needed to get laid if he was thinking _that_. It wasn't often he gave any woman a compliment, but he felt she deserved it. She did look good. And he wasn't afraid of her molesting him anymore... although...

She appeared happy at that and turned her eyes to Naruto. "You?"

Naruto, despite having lost his boyish attributes, couldn't manage to hide the blush that ran across the bridge of his nose. "Amazing," he managed.

"Do we get an explanation?" Sasuke asked next, his brow furrowing.

"Can we find a place to eat first?" she asked.

At the mention of food Naruto returned to his predrool stage. "Ramen?"

"No," Sasuke snapped suddenly, coal depths turning to him with vexation. "I've eaten that _drivel_ with you every day at lunch for a week now. And three times when we had dinner. I'm not eating anything even remotely resembling a soupy substance tonight. At all."

Sakura chuckled and Sai smiled next to her.

"I was thinking barbecue actually... if that's alright," Sasuke edged.

"Trust me," Sasuke muttered, his gaze leveling on her own, "anything is better than Ramen at this point."

A few chuckles, a smirk and grumble from the four and they were off to Sakura's selected dine in joint for the night. They ordered drinks, enjoyed the food and Sakura explained how she went about the whole damned thing. Of course Sai gave her a few looks when she left out certain pieces. Those pieces most including Kakashi's behavior and the finer details of being an ANBU agent. Like hell they needed to know about that... she could just imagine the looks she'd be receiving.

To her guys... she would always be that twelve year old teammate in too many ways; one of the bigger ways including the state of her chastity. Sai understood. She wasn't close enough with Yamato to know if he'd care. But Sasuke and Naruto?

She suppressed a sigh as the guys chatted without her.

Sasuke himself she didn't really know, but she wasn't going to risk it. Naruto would freak out for sure. His eyes would look at her with pity and he would beg her to change her mind. Yes, her blond buddy would never understand her choice and why she wanted to do this, consequences be damned.

She'd rather not tell him at all and let him look at her with awe and support. She wasn't selfish... but she at least had that much pride. She could do this to herself. But what she couldn't bear to have was her friends look at her with anything but the upmost respect. She wouldn't shatter that for Naruto. Not for anything in the world.

Sakura gazed at the clock in the dinner, noting it was about eleven at night. She frowned. If she didn't head home now she doubted she'd be able to get up before five AM. She wasn't the best morning person, despite what everyone liked to think about her.

She stood up and addressed the men before her. "Sorry guys, but I need to go. I have to meet with Kakashi-sensei and five in the morning. But, thanks for spending time with me."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, no telling how busy you'll be now."

"I'll walk you home," Sasuke offered, moving to stand.

Sakura raised a brow as she starred over at him while adjusting the katana on her back. "You sure?" She smirked at his looked of 'If I weren't why would I offer?'. She shrugged it off and turned to the other two at the table as she dropped her money for the meal. "See you guys then. I'll come by as soon as my session is over, Sai."

The pale skinned male did nothing more than nod as she left.

She jogged on afterward to catch up with Sasuke as they left the restaurant together. She easily fell in step with him as they headed back towards her home. And as she stuffed her hands into her pockets she noted the quiet of the evening. Few people were out and about, and many of them shinobi going home or men out drinking.

It had been a long time since she'd been alone in the presence of the sole Uchiha on her team. She could hardly recall any in the last year before now. It was quite odd, his offering to take her home. Sakura had long ago gotten herself use to the idea that he would just never love her. And in the year he'd been gone she'd used that time to get over him in the most purely physical way possible with the most unlikely of people possible.

Abrume Shino.

It hadn't exactly been planned. But it hadn't been without thought or under the influence of alcohol. For that she was glad. It had just happened...

They'd been out on a mission together, their first solo without their respective teams. It had been something stupidly simple assigned by her Shishou to get her out of the village and off of work. She'd been torn up over Sasuke's departure and dumping far too much of it on herself to keep her mind off of her own heartache.

He didn't talk much, or so she assumed. Or maybe it was that he'd been assigned to a loud teammate like her, and another who spoke so little it was impossible to start a conversation. She didn't know, really.

They hadn't spoken more than a few words to one another the first day and night. The second day had gone much the same way. But, by the third evening she found herself, without much to do, thinking a tad too much about the Uchiha. She'd looked across the firelight at him. He'd taken off his shades, revealing coal eyes to her and she'd broken down. He'd come to her then, surprisingly sensitive to her fears and pain. At first he'd just comforted her. But she became weak and in that given in to so much more. He hadn't stopped her and she wouldn't of asked either way.

All he'd ever said about it, even the times they come together after the mission, was that he'd be there of she needed him. He never told anyone and neither did she.

Sakura had had other conquests that weren't nearly as emotional as Shino. Working all day left one wanting more, feeling like one needed to release stress and tension. Sex did that for her. It washed away her sleeplessness, her anxiousness and relaxed her on nights she couldn't find the ability to.

But, whenever she was feeling especially weak... she still called him.

"Sakura?" she heard Sasuke say next to her as they stopped at the door of her small home.

She looked up and over at him, raising a brow. "Yes?"

The look on his features was confusing, as he didn't express much other than irritation more often than naught. It amazed her someone like Sasuke wanted to suppress his emotions so deeply when someone like Sai wanted just the opposite.

Still, his eyes always told her more... just like Kakashi, she realized.

Yes, she was doomed to want men she would never have.

"Itachi was ANBU," he said softly, as if trying to say something. As he stepped closer to her she found herself freezing on spot.

What...?

He leaned in close to her, his eyes incredibly revealing in that moment. The emotion, the raw feeling pouring from her former love, left her a little weak in the knees. She might not love him anymore, but that certainly didn't remove the physical attraction.

"I want you to know," he whispered, placing his hand on the wall of her house as he towered over her, not intimidating her in the least. She had a feeling that wasn't his intention. "I know what it means... Duty before honor. I won't judge you... but if you need me..." he let it hang on that.

Her eyes widened slightly at his admission. If she... needed him... His words sunk in and she immediately understood what he was trying to say. A small smile touched her lips. "Thank you, Sasuke. I..." She hadn't expected him to know. He'd been very young when Itachi had joined ANBU. She couldn't imagine the older Uchiha, even at that age, doing the things she was barely managing to prepare herself for now.

"Thank you for understanding... I'll keep the offer in mind." Seven years ago she would have been dragging him into her home right then and there. Hell, she would of now. The attraction wasn't lost. Only the emotion behind it. It would be incredibly easy to fall into his arms, his embrace for one night with no strings attached.

"Goodnight, Sakura," he murmured as he ghosted a kiss across her forehead and swiftly turned, making his departure.

"Yes," she muttered to herself as she watched his back, "impossibly unobtainable men... you got that right, Sakura." As she went inside, she half wondered if by the time Kakashi made such an offer he'd do the same thing--walk away and leave her wondering if he had been wondering of what could have been

Then she laughed to herself.

The day Hatake Kakashi even _thought_ of falling in love with her would the day hell _froze_ _over_.


	7. Chapter 7

**..Chapter Seven..**

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Five AM came early for Sakura. Far too early. She'd had to wake up at four to have any hope of being where she needed to be by the scheduled time. A shower, warm (however, quick) breakfast and hastened dressing and she was heading out the door within fifteen or so minutes to get to where she needed to be. She really doubted he'd be there on time. As if Kakashi would be anywhere on time--ever. The very idea of him him being punctual about anything but his own lateness was absurd.

As she traveled from rooftop to rooftop she quickly realized she still needed to pick her mask up from Sai's place. She paused on top of a rounded electric pole and considered her options. If she went to Sai's place now and got it she would chance being late herself. If she went without the mask she would chance Kakashi being a tad perturbed with her. His note had said she didn't have to wear it in Fire Country... But what if they had a mission this morning?

Would they?

She glanced down at the time and muttered a curse. She had about ten minutes left. If she went to Sai's she'd have five minutes left. The boy would surely understand the need to be fast. She only hoped he was done; otherwise, this would be a waste.

She picked up her pase, hastening her leaps with a bit of chakra. She nearly ran into another ninja also taking to the roof and apologized as fast she could manage before continuing on her way. Moments laster a she was knocking on Sai's door. When he didn't answer as fast as she would have proffered she knocked a few more times.

She stopped mid-knock as the door opened to reveal the man half mucked with paint on his face and an apron. He raised a brow at her before smiling. "This is a surprise... "

"I'm sorry, Sai. But, I don't have much time. Tell me, did you finish it...?"

"Yeah, one sec. I was about to call you. The paint finished drying about ten minutes ago."

She breathed a sigh of relief as he went back into the darkened apartment. A moment or two later and he returned, item in hand. She reached for it as he held it out to her. Curiously, she gazed down at it.

Her brow furrowed as she looked the design over. Along the left side, or the mask's right side, began a thin branch. It spread out across the cheek and over the temple to the center of the forehead, just before where the nose would be and the chin area. Tiny pink buds tipped the ends of the thin, erratic branches.

She realized it was the branches of a cherry tree, buds close to blooming. Her lips pursed as she touched the delicate looking flow of colors, blending acrylics.

"I'm not done with it," he replied.

Her eyes flashed up to his and narrowed.

He smiled. "I'll let you know when to bring it back."

She would question him further but she knew she would never get a solid reply. That, and she was running out of time. "Thanks again." Without much else she was tying it in place, cocked to reveal her features, and dashing off towards training area ten.

At least her estimation was correct. She had about five minutes to get there. She grit her teeth as she leapt off the top of the last building before the brush of the training areas came in sight. She sailed over the lone dirt road and into one of the trees just past the chained gateway. Infused with chakra on the soles of her feet she went from branch to branch with the grace of a cat.

_Two minutes left..._

Branches where pushed aside. She dodged trunks while using them as leverage to gain more momentum. Nary a scratch was left in her wake. She exhaled as she leapt into the clearing and skidded to a stop in the center of the field were a tree stood by itself, tall and lonely.

She resisted the urge to grin as she realized she'd made it with a minute and a half to spare. Although she wasn't too shocked to find the Copy-nin was nowhere in sight. With a lone sigh she allowed herself to lean back into the tree and prepare herself for the waiting game.

Just as she closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest she felt something. Her eyes flashed open just in time to see a blade come zooming towards her head. Swift action and decisive tactics instilled in her since her Academy days had her moving into a crouch to avoid being hit. Gritting her teeth she placed both hands on the ground at her left side and pressed downward for momentum. Her feet drew together and kicked upward toward her assailant's chest as she wove chakra into them.

Her brows rose as she remained in that position. She looked up to see Kakashi, in ANBU digs, pressing the flat of his blade against the soles of her chakra enflamed feet. He could see she was most definitely confused.

"They absorb chakra," he offered before stepping away.

Swiftly, she dropped to a crouch and righted herself before standing. Her hands set onto her hips. "Your on time," she murmured, confused.

"Observant," he shot back, leaning on the hilt of his katana with one hand.

It was during this time Sakura actually took a moment to look at him. She'd always been so use to seeing him in Jounin wear since she'd been a Genin. There had been rare occasions when he'd forgone the vest, of course. But even that didn't compare to this.

The ANBU uniform was meant to hug and conform to every part of one's body. This she could attest to, having now started wearing one. The Jounin vest, while not heavy, looked bulky and hid your curves. The pale violet of the armor they both donned not only hugged one's figure, but moved and relented as one needed it to when the time arouse.

His calves, thighs and waist seemed so natural in the black pants. The steel about his shin and forearms gleamed in the morning light. His lithe, however muscular frame, toned and primed for anything had her feeling a tad envious and wondering how well she herself made the uniform look.

To top matters, he wasn't wearing his headband. His Sharingan eye was relaxed shut while his other remained lazily open. His hair drooped a tad more than usual to one side of his face. His spandex mask, of course, was ever present.

She'd seen him like this many times before in the hospital. But this was just different. Especially added in with his form tucked into such an enhancing outfit. And the gloves? The dark, opera gloves... It was impossible to see them as Queenish on a man in that uniform. They just looked so right. It left her with feeling of wanting to carefully, slowly, pull them from his arms, digits first.

She swallowed down these feelings as he began to speak.

"We'll spend three hours working on your swordsmanship today. At eight o'clock you'll see someone at HQ about scheduling your medic reviews and testing." He wasn't going to point out that they'd more than likely just ask her to take the first test, since it was obvious she knew all they intended to teach a new trainee.

She nodded.

"I will forgo the Sharingan and you will forgo your chakra enhanced strength. Otherwise, it would completely defeat the purpose of learning what I have to teach you," he began rather coolly. "I won't go easy on you. So don't expect a reprieve."

She frowned at that. Why would she? Geeze, he was cranky, she idly noted and briefly wondered why. The moment of wonder lasted only a second as he bore down on her with his blade. She dodged again, this time stepping back with each swipe of his blade, just barely managing to avoid the sharpened tip.

"Dodging will only get you so far, Sakura!" he snapped out.

Growling, she lifted a hand and deflected his blow with one of her guards. Sparks flew as his katana hit the steel plating. She was glad for those now more than ever. What was he playing at?

Her drifting mind, question filled, had her vulnerable enough that he managed to lift a foot and direct it towards her midsection. A barely quickened thought had her deflecting that at the last possible moment. But it still didn't stop her from falling back with a suppressed cry as she hit the ground below.

She only had a moment more after that to crawl backwards as he brought his weapon down upon her.

Christ! He was _serious_! This she realized as she watched the tip of the katana dig into the grass and dirt before her, spraying some of it onto her person. He kept coming at her as she crawled back and back and back. He dug his blade into the dirt and grass, trying to hit her.

Was he?

She had a moment to get up and continue dodging his blows with her guards, both on her shins and forearms. She even tried to his him, but the bastard kept her at a distance with that damned blade of his. She'd seen him use kunai, shurikin, windmill shurikin and any other number of weapons before. But he used the katana in his hand as if it were an extension of his body.

He was both graceful and beautiful at once, she realized.

She hissed when it caught her upper arms the first time, drawing blood and cutting deep. It was during this time she tried to reach for her sword. A weapon she had no real idea of how to use. That had been her first excuse for not drawing it; that and a lack of self confidence, dragging her down at his domineering presence. As she did he nicked her hand swiftly, stopping her.

She leapt back, gaining some distance on him, and tried to pull the weapon from her back sheath once more. But again, he was right atop her, striking out and forward towards her face with the tip of his blade. The action jolted her out of her senses as the sharp edge drug, barely, across her cheek. She gasped and side stepped to avoid more damage.

How was she suppose to fight him if he kept her on the defense all the time? There was no way in hell she could ready her weapon if he kept her from doing so. The man had the advantage because he already had his out.

And this went on for a good time. She would dodge, deflect and then try to grab at the hilt. And each time he struck her, drawing blood. The damned game he was playing, cruelly, was starting to piss her off more and more by the minute. To make matters worse because of all the hits he'd laid on her she was starting to weaken. It wasn't just the blood loss either.

Damnit, she need to get her weapon out.

She kept swiftly side stepping and moving as he came at her, slowly focusing more on his movements. She figured if she did that she would have a better chance of gauging where to go next. The more she did the better she got at avoiding him. But, as soon as she assumed this, he came at her again. She side stepped a little too slowly and found another deep gash on her other arm.

How did he change his movement up everytime she thought she had him? This was utterly ridiculous. Sakura was a taijutsu master, second only to her Shishou, Lee and Gai. she panted heavily but continued on. The more she fought him the more bogged down she became, as before.

How was she to overcome him like this?

Had he been toying with them when they were children? Chuunin? Jounin?

This wasn't the same Kakashi. This man was another level in and of itself. She'd never felt so overworked, so exhilarated and so angry all at once.

She wanted to beat him.

If not, then at least come to some even point with the man. Kami, how happy that would make her right then. To at least survive these three hours before dropping to a heap on the grassy earth.

She felt herself panting and losing her footing as he hit her a few more times. She felt herself, despite her best effort, falling to one knee in the grass. Her body shook with blood loss. She felt like she'd been nearly drained of all her chakra as he stood before her, the tip of his blade and his sandaled boots just barely in her line of vision.

"Are you ready to quit?"

His voice was like an echo ion her ears. "...What?"

"I asked," he said more sternly, cruelly, "are you done yet?"

She closed her eyes briefly, but did not respond. She could feel his face twisting in disgust and disappointment.

"You're more of a liability than an asset, Haruno," he snapped. "You're not cut out for this."

His words cut through her like a knife. She felt herself losing a battle with her own confidence. Those words echoed in her mind and wrapped about her heart. She could feel her own heart hammering in her chest as she tried to find air to breath in. She felt smothered and ready to give up.

How easy that would be now, wouldn't it... to just give up and give in like she had always done so in the past. To fall on a comrade's shoulder and let them take the lead... to fall behind. That's what she'd always done before.. right?Was Kakashi right? Was she...

She felt tears filling up behind her eyelids due to stress and pain. Her body felt heavy. Her legs and arms ached. She couldn't find the will to stand just then. She felt physically incapable with his good eye bearing down on her, shattering her nerve and confidence.

_Weak,_ her mind chanted. _That's all you'll ever be, girl._

"ANBU is for the elite, Sakura. Do you understand that? It is for those few who can set aside the needs of their own, the idea that they have their own life and come to the realization that they are nothing more than a honed tool for their village.

"For their Hokage."

Her eyes flashed open and she stared down at the grass as her own words came back to her...

_"I hold no illusions of what this job requires of me, ANBU or not, sensei. I'm an shinobi of Konoha. I will make any sacrifice I must if my village needs me... or my body."_

_"I need to grow up and get over my own stupid ideals. I need to change my way of thinking and quit being so damned selfish. I chose to be a shinobi, I chose to be a Chuunin and a chose to be Jounin. I chose to become a medical nin. I accepted that I would have to do things I didn't want to when I achieved these ranks, things I didn't believe myself ready for. And that's how I look at this. That is how I look at this part of becoming ANBU. It's a challenge I must overcome. This is a part of my pride I must place aside for the sake of my friends and myself. I can't go on being that girl anymore... And I think this is the one small part that's left of her."_

His sigh echoed in the air as she knelt there. Seconds felt like hours as she heard him bring up the tip of his blade and move to allow it to connect with her brow. Time went on for her as she turned her face towards him. Wrought with seriousness she brought both of her hands up at the same time and locked the blade he had angled at her between her palms.

Surprise showed in his features and she took full advantage of it. Her hands moved like lightening. She reached up and grasped the hilt of the weapon, slamming her fist into his wrist. When his grip loosened she took the blade from his hand. In one fluid motion she stood, with his katana and removed her own from it's sheath.

She said not a word to him yet as she tossed his blade back at him. Her face remained impassive as he caught it easily and leveled his gaze on her. She could see something dark in his eye. Perhaps he wasn't happy she'd overcome him.

She came charging at him, blade drawn. Sparks flew again, but this time she was ready for his blows. Her movements with the katana were brutish no matter how agile she tried to remain. But her anger caused him to him to step back everytime she came at him.

She said nothing. she had nothing to say to him. She'd said it all that night he'd tried to prove a point to her. When he'd tried to show her she wasn't ready! When he tried to scare her with his mouth and his hands! She used her body and her weapon to show her anger and emotions.

Would he ever accept her as a woman? An equal? Would she ever be anything more in his eyes aside form that little girl he'd save when she couldn't move? Would she forever, to him, be that girl who Sasuke had to pick up slack for, that Naruto had to back up and move out of the way when the heat of battle became too much for her?

She wasn't the best with the damned tool, but in all the time he'd been hitting her with it she'd been watching him, following him and learning. She'd picked up on some of it and anger allowed her to let go of her lack of confidence with the katana. She felt like she was running on auto piolet as she danced, shifted and moved. She even managed to hit him a few times, drawing blood, although it had taken everything in her to do just that.

She was rushed with adrenalin and endorphins. Her body ached and she was sweating like a pig. Oh, but she didn't care, not with the way she nearly met him toe for toe. It gave her drive and direction. She wanted to be like that. Like him.

So aloof.

So withdrawn and unfeeling to the world.

She wanted to be able to protect someone instead being the one protected.

She wanted to be an asset instead of a liability, as he'd said.

"Teach me," she breathed, between strikes.

His good eye narrowed on her, telling her he'd heard her words.

"Teach me how you do it," she ordered again, trying to get a response out of him. Something aside from the bloody cold shoulder he was delivering. "Teach me how you can remain so impassive to it all. So, withdrawn, Kakashi. If I had even a touch of what you had... even now."

He grunted, deflecting her blow and striking again. "You're delusional, Sakura."

She panted, trying to keep up with him. She hissed as he nicked her again. As he opened himself up during that blow she took advantage of it and cut him in return. "You're wrong," she retorted. "If I were like you this would all be easier."

His only response was to block her downward blow and hold it there she pushed up against his katana with her own. Their arms shook with the force behind both trying to overcome the other; with both trying to break the other down.

Her face was so close to his between the crossed swords. She could feel his breath fanning across her features. "Tell me I'm wrong," she ordered. "Tell me I'm _wrong_, _Taichou_," she spoke again, sternly.

At her final word his grip loosened and his footing shifted. Before Sakura knew what was happening she was falling onto him and towards the ground. She barely managed, as did he, to drop the katanas to their sides to avoid serious injury. Her hands fell to either side of his head and his own were placed just above her breasts to keep from colliding her head onto his own. As she hit her body finally weakened and this caused her arms to drop. Her hands slid from under her and her elbows were now supporting her, just barely, above him. In response his hands fell to her upper back and she quickly found herself a few inches from his face, her eyes locked with not just one, but both of his two.

Heat shot though her body at being so close to him. Her legs rested just barely atop his own. She could feel his thighs and calves against hers. She could feel her breasts flattening against his solid chest. She could feel his breath, panting and fanning across her face. His exhales mixed with her own.

She wasn't sure what to do.

"What did you call me," he whispered softly, his voice seeming lost and airy to her ears.

She couldn't form a reply. How could anyone in this predicament? She had to admit... her body was reacting in a way to Kakashi that it never had before with any other man--even Sasuke. She could feel that well known itch starting to form in gut, telling her this attraction wouldn't go away until she had a taste of him, her fill of him. She wondered if one night would help it go away...

"Sakura..?" he questioned, saying her name in a way she'd never heard before.

She found herself drawing close to him...her eyes drifting half closed. Her lips tentatively connected with his through the cloth of his mask. She barely brushed his lips, as if seeking a response or trying to find a way to stop herself mid movement.

She felt him tense up beneath her and stopped. "Kakashi..?" she breathed across his half opened mouth, questioning herself now.

"No," he breathed, hoarsely, as if to himself, sounding weak. His hands gripped her upper arms tightly, half causing pain.

"No," he said it again, but didn't move. Not yet. "No," he breathed, pulling her back a few inches a looking into her eyes. "No.." he said weakly before pulling her flush against him.

"No..." he murmured one more time before slanting his mouth against her own and full on kissing her for all it was worth.

_Yes_, her mind shouted.

_Yes._


	8. Chapter 8

**..Chapter Eight..**

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In all time he'd known her, come to know her until this point thus far, she'd been meek. She'd been unsure of herself. She'd been they type of shinobi he'd never really expected to get very far even under Tsunade's wing outside of the hospital. He assumed she'd stick herself in a lab for the rest of her days. He assumed she'd marry some nice gent, settle down far from the battlefield when it became too hard for her to juggle all of it at once.

He didn't think ill of her, quite the opposite. There was nothing disgraceful in his eyes in going down that path. Nothing at all.

But of all the scenarios he'd played out in his head in regards to her since he'd distanced himself from the team for the last ten years or less... none of them included this.

At all.

He didn't want her to join ANBU. He didn't want to sponsor her. He didn't want to watch her break and bend to the whims the career demanded. He wasn't sure how he would be reacting if it were one of the boys. He doubted _very_ seriously he'd of done to either of them what he'd done to her up against that tree after she'd proudly proclaimed her choice with a conviction he didn't know she'd had in her.

The very thought of what he'd done to her that morning after the guys had left had his insides twisting in disgust. It had him recoiling even as he had done it. He'd told himself then he'd done it to scare her. And he had scared her. He just hadn't planned on her turning the tables on him like that.

This woman, daring him with her very presence, was not the girl he knew.

The very sight of her in an ANBU class uniform, conforming to her every curve had him feeling things he considered wrong to feel in her regard. She was to be his subordinate, his teammate. She'd been his student, for Kami's sake.

He didn't want to find her scent enticing. He didn't want to find the feel of her body so perfect against his own. He didn't _want_ to fight the urge to rip his mask from his face and touch his bare lips to her own.

Alas, Kakashi wasn't thinking much of any of this as his hands roved her body, setting her flesh aflame as well as his own.

His mind was void of anything but the budding ecstacy.

His slender gloved digits dug into her buttocks painfully as he pressed her hips into the evidence of his desire. His nipped at her lips as he heard her sigh of pleasure. He nearly groaned into her throat, where his lips had traveled to, when she pressed her hips back to meet his own.

They were bloody. They were sweating. They were dripping with the aftermath of their fight and reeling in the raw feeling pouring out physically. It wasn't about love. It wasn't about the emotions of what could be. Neither of them thought beyond the point of unbridled _need_.

Pain mixed with lust, lust mixed with sweat, ache mixed with desire and resolved into something else entirely.

Growling into her throat he rolled her over and thrust into her hips. Their hands mingled and mixed as they both reached to remove their respective armored tops.

The second he could feel her rounded breasts fully, between the thin material of their ebony tops, was the second he felt driven over an edge he didn't even realize he was falling towards.

She wasn't wearing binding.

A free hand caressed animalistically up her side as she arched into him, his lips on her neck. While she gave him more access he cupped her. His fingers pawed and pinched what lay beneath. His other hand held firmly to her side, her hip, and drove his need into her in a way that would leave himself blushing to see it written in the pages of Icha Icha.

His lips found hers again and the swift movement and their position both had his mask falling from his face. This time when his lips met hers there were no barriers.

Liquid heat.

Soft, succulent, liquid heat.

He growled and rammed into her again, making her cry out in want.

The feelings, the sounds, the smells that were all her made him forget himself. He lost track of what he was doing and didn't care because he was lost on her. He was drowning in her, bathing in her. More than likely someone could come upon them now, even Naruto, and he wouldn't skip a beat.

He wouldn't stop.

_Stop._

Oh, god... he jolted at the word hit him full force.

_No more!_

He reeled back on his haunches and fell without thinking properly. He crawled away from her, shaking, as if a demon possessed. His breath became erratic and short. His heart hastened in his chest. His fingers dug into the dirt as he took in sharp, quick, breaths.

Images flashed before his mind's eye as he shakily drew his mask back up over his face, trying to hide his raw vulnerability. He tried to quell his shudders. He tried to force down his pains and fears.

He barely registered her moving to sit up. He didn't even feel her as she came towards him, concern etching her features. He couldn't hear her as she called his name out loud. And when she touched him he flinched, jumping to move away from her again. The burn of her caress didn't help anything. It made it all worse.

"Don't," he snapped like a caged animal, ready to run as she drew close to him on the ground. He tensed up as she stopped mid movement. He held his breath as her hand remained in the air, inches from him.

He couldn't breathe as her eyes caught his, concerned and worried.

"Don't," he whispered, failing at hiding the fear in his voice. His breath hitched as he drew into her gaze, catching the deeply ridden questions there. His insides were begging and bleating in two different directions. The need to have her touch him and the need to have her stop altogether. Much like his own fears, they ran in a split.

She didn't speak, but her lips were parted. She didn't move, but her hand remained inches from him. He could feel the heat of her, the warmth her embrace would surely provide if she didn't listen to him. He watched as her chest heaved, as her heartbeat raced, as her pulse thumbed in her throat. It was moist and slick from where he'd lapped at her jugular.

She was beautiful.

And he didn't deserve her.

He wasn't suppose to want her. He wasn't suppose to kiss her her. He wasn't suppose to find find physical comfort in her arms, in her flesh. He wasn't suppose to find it breathtaking that she sat before him, bloody and aching with a flush and a sheen of sweat coating her from their fighting, their near loving making.

He was suppose to change her mind. He was suppose to push her away. He was suppose to keep his distance.

She didn't speak and it daunted him. He wanted her to say something. He wanted her ask something. He wanted her to prod him with so many damning questions he became angry and shoved her from his life. He wanted to hurt her in a way that would make her never come near him again. He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to frighten her so badly that she ran so far he knew she would be safe.

But he couldn't speak and she wasn't asking anything. He couldn't move and she wasn't leaving. His eyes shut closed and he flexed his jaw, as if the action would will him to go, to speak to find the strength to get her away.

_Run_, his mind whispered. _Leave!_

He froze.

His body flexed and tightened in an unnatural manner as a warmth encompassed him from behind. Arms curled about his midsection and pulled him towards a strong, female chest. Thighs wrapped about his hips and tugged his lower back into a toned abdomen.

His breath caught short and for the first time in a long time Hatake Kakashi didn't know how to react. He held it all in for as long as he could manage, trying to come up with some way to move, to run to shove her away.

But he couldn't.

He found himself unable to stop his body from relaxing into her embrace. He found himself unable to stop himself from feeling comforted by her touch. He found himself unable to stop himself from releasing all the ache and pain in his body and allowing her to take it from him with her empathy.

He didn't know why she was doing it.

He didn't know if he should question it himself.

He knew when this was over he'd never speak of it. He'd interrupt her and change the topic if she ever brought it up.

His hand lifted, shakily inching it's way upward as if he were unsure of what to do. Leather and flesh touched. A palm curled over her own. His fingers tangled into hers. He remained silent as she relaxed her hand and accommodated for him. He felt overwhelmed with an emotion he couldn't place as she flexed her hand against his own, as if to tell him...

_I'm here..._

In that moment something changed. He would tell himself for weeks to come that he'd finally accepted the fact that no matter what he did to her she wouldn't run. He would convince himself that she was just too stubborn to listen to him. He would tell himself that he would do whatever it took to keep her safe. He ignored the fact that the girl behind him, the woman, would eventually have to do what he didn't want her to.

He shut it from his mind. He locked it away and allowed it to remain there.

Soon, he told himself, he would push her away. Soon he would disentangle himself from her embrace....

Soon.

ooo

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to weeks. And those weeks added up into nearly five months for Sakura. The first day she entered HQ had been a day that would forever live in her memory. Never in life had she realized jut how many agents worked in ANBU. It looked an awful lot like the Hokage tower with all the people coming and going. Some came for briefings, others to drop off reports. Others still were there to pick up mail and to talk with fellow shinobi in the lounge.

She wouldn't call it her favorite place to be, but it was a little more than overwhelming. And the looks she got. It was insane the first day, people staring at her like she's grown a third eye. She couldn't understand why. She hadn't until she'd managed some conversation with another woman in the mail office picking up her letters.

_"Sakura, right..?"_

_The pinkette smiled. "Last I heard."_

_"You're the new medical nin, right? The Hokage's apprentice?"_

_So many questions. She supposed that was to be expected. "I am."_

_The woman had narrowed her eyes then and looked about them as if fearing someone might hear her. Quietly, she leaned closer to Sakura and asked, "Kakashi-sempai is your sponsor, right?"_

_"Yeah... why?" Now she was curious._

_"How did you do it?"_

_"Do what?"_

_The woman looked frustrated and giddy at once. "To agree to be your sponsor, of course. Why do you think everyone keeps staring at you?"_

_Sakura nodded, lips pursing. "I had been wondering about that. I thought it was normal for newbies, or something."_

_"No," the woman replied, shaking her head. "When we all first heard about we thought it was just gossip. Some people still think it is. But then when Rin-sama scheduled 'Kakashi's subordinate' for medical testing downstairs that pretty much proved it._

_"He hasn't been in ANBU for at least.." the girl had looked to be pondering a moment, calculating. "Something like, twenty years? I mean, no one knows why for sure he quit... he was on the top of his game. He'd barely been a captain for a month."_

_Sakura blinked at the revelation. She'd known Kakashi had once been a captain in ANBU... but for only a month? How..why? Why would he quit? What would make the strong shinobi go from the top to teaching Genin? What was there to gain from it for himself? It seemed obvious by the direction of his career he'd wanted to be great. Maybe he'd had something to prove like Sasuke?_

_"Are you sure?" Sakura asked the girl._

_"About?"_

_"Are you sure no one knows why he quit?"_

_The girl shook her head. "No, not really. There was a rumor going around for a time though. Something about a young man being murdered on his team by another Leaf nin... but nothing more than that._

_"Since he went back on active duty as a Jounin without a team people have been trying to get him to sponsor them. Each time he said no. That's why everyone keeps eyeing you. I'm fairly certain more than handful of them are jealous."_

_"Of me?" she whispered with surprise._

_"Oh, definitely." She nodded swiftly. "Is that surprising?" She grinned. "Never mind. It's obvious by the look on your face it is. But tell me... did he nominate you or did you ask him?"_

_That was easy to answer. "I asked him."_

_"Wow... huh," she murmured. Then her mind seemed to drift as she thought. "Wait... say, if your the Hokage's apprentice... Weren't you a member of Team Kakashi?" She snapped her fingers before Sakura could reply. "You are. Well, that explains it. You've known him a fairly long time. You probably know him better than most people."_

_Sakura bit back a reply. "Yeah... I suppose..."_

_The older ANBU looked down at her watch. "Damn. I gotta go. Nice talking to you, Sakura-san! Good luck with Kakashi-sempai!" Then she was _gone.

The information the woman had given her about him had her perplexed though. He'd lost a teammate to a fellow Leaf nin? Was that what he'd meant all those years ago about losing his loved ones? Was that the reason he didn't want her on the team?

These questions plagued her for days and weeks on end. She never questioned him though. She didn't ask during training or missions and she didn't want to inquire to anyone else in HQ.

The first day she'd been given the medical test she'd rolled her eyes and asked for all of them right there. She'd run through all of them as if a duck would take to water the first time. The supervisor for the written exams hadn't looked too shocked when she had, knowing who she'd been trained by. He'd taken them two hours later and bid her farewell.

Anything in the past few years Tsunade had thrown at her made the few written exams they'd given her look like child's play. She realized she still had a physical tests to do, but that couldn't be taken until she had to take her overall exam for the rank itself.

Kakashi wasn't as big of an ass to her as he had been the first day, but he hadn't let up either. If anything he became more demanding of their training sessions and extremely critical. It reminded her a lot of her Shishou, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. She was too happy that he was finally taking her seriously to be mad about the details.

She wanted him to push her. She wanted him to demand more of her. It was why she'd joined ANBU in the first place.

She couldn't say she was exactly disappointed that they didn't have anymore of the moments like they'd shared the first day. But she wasn't sure how she felt. She never spoke about it and he didn't bring it up. Since then they'd grown moderately comfortable with one another. But, it wasn't like it had been when she was a Genin. He didn't smile at her all the time. He didn't give her catty remarks as he once did. And while she was glad he didn't pull Icha Icha out during their spars she often missed the trademark, orange little book. Icha Icha was as Kakashi as his Sharingan was.

Did it mean he truly took her to be on another level these days? Or was his mind too far placed to partake from the smut-ridden pages? Doubtless he'd sword off it, she told herself. Kalashi would never do that.

Occasionally she saw it pop up on missions, but not much else.

Her first one with him had been about a week after she'd started her training regime. A few more came out after the success of that one. For the most part they were delivery missions. Scrolls with important data that were to be carried with extreme caution. She assumed these were tests of her ability to be trusted. But she didn't kid herself in the respect that what they carried wasn't important; especially not after the first time they were ambushed in a genjutsu.

She'd been a Jounin for a number of years with countless kills and experience under her belt. But nothing really prepared her for her first S-class level mission. She'd taken in stride and had been a little more than shocked when Kakashi entrusted her with the care of the scroll while they fought. But she could only assumed he figured the enemy nin wouldn't think she would be carrying it.

At then end of the battle she'd been shaken, coated in blood and a little less than prepared to burn the corpses. After all, she was a doctor. Her job was usually to heal rather than to harm. But she understood being in ANBU meant leaving no evidence behind. She'd swallowed her sickness and learned to be stronger than day. It didn't stop her from forgoing their first meal an hour later. Hunger had made her swallow a few energy bars as they'd dashed through trees, but it still turned her stomach when she recalled the smell of burning flesh turned ash.

She wasn't sure if he'd been proud of her... or worried. He hadn't pat her head. He hadn't touched her at all. He'd barely given her a glance afterward when she tended their wounds. Somewhere, deep down, though, she knew he'd been proud of her.

She wanted his admiration.

She admired him more than he knew.

She wanted to be like him.

Each day she strove for it. She reacted a little less to the blood that marred her features. She resisted the overwhelming urges to flinch each time the sharp end of her katana slice into another victim. She swallowed down the cries that were sure to escape her mouth when one of her bones broke or a gash went too deep. She'd barely managed grit her teeth the one time he'd had to remove a serrated arrowhead from her back.

The edges of the damned things were barbed with tiny blades going backwards. The idea was when you pulled them out they did more damage than going in. He'd had to cut into her back in order to remove it cleanly so she could heal it without leaving a scar.

She'd tried so hard not to cry as she bit down on a cloth and shut her eyes in horrid pain. He'd been quick about it, for that she was thankful. But nothing really compared to trying to sit still as someone cut into your back around the edges of an arrowhead...

_"You can't pull it out," she muttered, sitting still as he gauged the damage to her back._

_He nimbly touched the pinkened, bruising and bloodied wound, causing her to stifle a curse and flinch. "I need to get it out," he said cautiously._

_"It's serrated," she replied. "If you pull it out it'll rip my skin and pull muscle tissue out along with it." There was a long silence after that. But Sakura, in all her years dealing with weapons wounds knew you couldn't just yank it out. She'd dealt with these in the ER. And some shinobi were cautious enough to know not to yank them out. Then she had anesthesia to knock the patient out so she could grab a scalpel, cut the skin wider and carefully remove the tip. Here she had none. And a kunai would have to do it he didn't have a knife._

_"You know what I need you to do," she replied finally. "Just do it fast."_

_He didn't reply, but she could feel him hesitating. Set on urging him again she stopped only when she heard him removed a kunai from his pouch. She arched a brow when he held a folded piece of a cloth to her. He didn't say anything so she took it and bit down on the material to stifle any cries she would feel compelled to elicit._

_She felt the bite of the sharp tool digging into her flesh as he cut. Her body flexed and tightened as he moved the wicked weapon up and down her muscle tissue like a knife. She could barely see him in her mind, slicing into it as he would a slab of meat for a meal. The feel of steel against steel as he attempted to remain as close to the arrowhead as possible... the vibrations into her body had her shaking. She felt tears pricking at her eyes and slowly betraying her strength as they trailed down her face._

_She forced herself not to cry out. She tore at the blackened material of her pants to keep from moving. The pain she caused her thighs was not nearly enough to distract her from the pain he caused her back._

_"It's alright," he sounded hoarse and choked on words. "You can cry, Sakura." It must have affected him in some way, but she didn't dwell on it. She let go then, sobbing and screaming into the material of the cloth as he worked. It felt like hours, that mere minute he worked on her without pause. She cried until the material in her mouth was salty. And when he finished she passed out in shock..._

When she'd awoken hours later the bandages were removed and she finished off what she could to keep from scaring. He didn't say a word to her. He didn't comment on it.

So, neither did she.

She didn't want to be weak and that day she felt she had. She almost wished he'd beat the pain out of her with a round of training. She wanted to feel the bite of his words hardening her. She wanted to school herself against the trauma. But in many other ways she was thankful he hadn't.

"Sakura?" she heard a voice calling out to her.

"Sakura, did you hear me?"

"Eh?" she blinked back her haze and turned to gaze into Sai's coal eyes. She rubbed her eyes after she set down her book and yawned. "Sorry, no. I guess I'm a bit distracted today. What did you say?"

He raised a brow at her from across the outdoor cafe table. "You look exhausted. Have you been sleeping ok?"

She waved a hand in his direction. "Sometimes... sometimes not. Everyday is the same unless a mission comes up. Morning workout with Kakashi, medical training with Tsunade, coffee with you and then I work at the hospital. By the time I get home I'm ready to drop. But lately I've had a hard time getting to sleep."

"Why?"

She sighed and tried to relax her aching muscles in her seat. "I guess there's just too much information running around my head. It's a lot to keep up with and it just keeps coming everyday." She snorted. "I can't believe I ever thought to Chuunin exams were hard."

He chuckled at that, sipping from his coffee. "Sounds like you need some stress relief."

_What I need is a good lay, but that isn't happening anytime soon, not with Shino having a girlfriend now. Like hell I'm calling Kiba._

She shrugged. "I'll just make up a sleeping drug for tonight. That should help me relax enough to catch some sheep. Anyway," she moved onto another topic, "when did you need me for the rest of those sketches?"

He shrugged back at her. "Whenever you have time. Shouldn't you be getting another mission soon?"

It had been about a week, she realized. "I suppose so," she replied as she looked down at the time. "Damn. I gotta go. Time for my shift at the hospital. I'll call you tonight, alright? If I don't get a mission by the end of the day we can do them then."

"You sure you're ready for them?" he edged.

"No," she muttered with a smile while she gathered her things and stood up. "But it's just one easy way for me to get use to this part of the job."

He nodded. "Have fun."

"Doubtful. I'll--." A sudden movement to her right had her tensing up and ready to strike. When an masked comrade from HQ appeared she relaxed and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. "Yes?"

"Agent Lotus, you are required to appear before the Hokage for a briefing at 1800 hours. Your shift at the hospital has been taken care of. Have your things ready to go."

At her nod he was gone. She sighed and looked down at Sai. "See you when I see you, Snow Skin."

"Same to you, Blossom... good luck."

"As always... bye!"


	9. Chapter 9

**..Chapter Nine..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

Hours later after a shower, a change out of her hospital garb and Sakura was heading towards the Tower. She'd packed what she considered important since the details of the mission hadn't been given yet. She figured if she felt she needed anything else she'd just grab it on their way out. She doubted Kakashi would mind all that much. He hardly seemed to mind much from her outside of training.

She'd taken her latest uniform and put it on for this mission. The rest of them needed to go back to HQ to be recycled so she could get a few more. It never did well for an agent to wear a tattered, overly stitched outfit. It hardly looked professional and reflected badly on the organization. In turn, all of her uniforms were free so long as she had one to exchange for another newly acquired one.

She'd just been so damned busy lately...

She resisted the urge to yawn as she glanced up over at the sun setting. It had long since fallen behind the walls of Konoha, but the yellow light from the orb in the great distance danced along the edges of the stone barrier. She placed her hands behind her back as she drew closer to the Tower. Her eyes changed directions to look on at the half shadowed, half illuminated monument.

She grinned at the visage of her Shishou and wondered, briefly, how silly Naruto might look up there one day. Would he look silly at all? Would his face be the first one to grin? Would he defy obvious convention in regards to that or take on the stoic pose of those who came into the title before him? One had to wonder.

She stretched her arms outward as she entered the twin doors before her and headed up the stairs that would lead her to the Hokage's office. She dug her hands into her pockets as she rounded the corner and came within three or so feet of the door.

She jumped very suddenly when it slammed against the wall open. Her wide, unexpecting, eyes were greeting with a curious sight.

Kakashi stood there, rigid and in full regalia. She swallowed slowly at the very raw heat pouring off of him. She felt like she was once again staring a beast in the eyes as she had that morning long ago. Then, she'd been angry with him and adrenalin had made her brave.

A strength she'd acquired from him over the last few months kept her from stepping back from that heat of his contained rage. If she'd come up here to find him like this months ago, not knowing or understanding this side of him... she'd be shaking at the energy drifting off his honed form and around her.

Inside she _was_ shaking.

If he noticed her he didn't say so. He drifted past her in a sweep of movement so soundlessly she felt like death itself had walked by her. Once he was gone, long taken the stairs and out of the Tower it was then she found the ability to exhale and shut her eyes to relax. She wasn't sure what she would have done if he'd glared at her. She liked to think she would have been strong enough, or, too frozen in place to move.

Tentatively, she moved towards the door he'd opened and slammed against the wall. Her eyes shifted to the side to gaze at it as she passed by. Her lips became a flat line as she noted the split in the wood. It wasn't enough to make one replace it... but due to the force of that alone... she wondered how mad Tsunade was within. Just what had the woman said to make Kakashi so unnaturally angry? She'd never seen him leave any ally's presence save her own so... visually frustrated.

What an understatement.

The room appeared undamaged, she noted as she came in. It was mostly dark save a light on her Shishou's desk. There was nary a soul in sight save the Slug Princess sitting behind it there. This, was the first thing Sakura noted out of place aside from Kakashi's blatant anger. Her teacher was hardly ever seen without Shizune somewhere beside her, fretting.

The very darkness of the room had her feeling on edge and wondering what was wrong. Trepidation seized her almost instantly.

"Close the door and sit down, girl," she spoke out with a force in her tone. It was different from what Sakura was generally use to and made her hasten her orders.

Seconds ticked by on the clock behind her after she'd taken a seat. Tsunade appeared as tense as Kakashi but not angry. More or less troubled and worried. It had Sakura more curious than before.

"How long have you been on ANBU trainee status?"

Sakura paused at the question. Shouldn't she know? She answered after a quick calculation or two, "Over five months. Not much more though by a few days." She resisted the urge to ask why. She'd find out she assumed; at least, by the tone of the room.

Tsunade sighed and shifted in her seat. "Rin sent me a stack of missions back this morning from HQ with agents tagged to them. I didn't notice yours until later." She paused. "I'm so busy that, like yourself, I hardly know the passing of time... I had been hoping it'd only been a month or so since you'd joined..." She frowned. "But it hardly matters now. If I reassigned this mission it'd be considered favoritism. That aside... you knew it would come eventually. Getting it out of the way now is better than later."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "Tsunade-sama?" She sounded more as though she were speaking to herself.

Tsunade's eyes narrowed as her apprentice questioned her.

Angry, worried, irritated, pissed off beyond reasoning with--these were all things she'd experienced from the strong woman across from her. Stress made her drink heavily. Gambling helped her escape her own sorrows and forget the past. However... the look Sakura saw behind her teacher's eyes, the feelings she appeared to be trying to hide... this was not something Sakura was use to.

Fear?

Seconds ticked on still and Sakura waited patiently for her teacher to say something. Anything. She felt fear in her chest growing. She was drawn into wanting to know what she had to say while, at the same time not wanting to know at all. Keeping silent kept her from making a decision about either.

She watched as Tsunade bent to her left slightly and opened a drawer at her desk. A saki bottle was set on the top. Next, came the tiny cup that went with her three piece set. Sakura's eyes remained fixed on her actions as she slowly poured, set the bottle back down and took the cup into her manicured digits.

"Sakura?"

"Yes, Shishou?"

She eyed her own cup a brief moment. "When was the last time you had sex?"

Confused by the unusual question, Sakura found herself having to think about it. "Almost six months ago, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade took a shot sip from her drink. Her eyes narrowed on the pinkette once more. "You didn't ask why..."

Sakura said nothing.

The older blond sighed and leaned back into her chair. The swiveling thing creaked under her as she did so. It was nigh the only sound in the room, making the air seem that much more... thick. "I looked over you last couple of missions with Kakashi," she remarked offhandedly.

Sakura nodded, not quite sure where this conversation was going. Her teacher had changed topics twice now.

Tsunade flipped open a folder on her desk and stared down at it. "He tells me your excelling in swordsmanship far better than he anticipated."

Sakura's chest swelled with the compliments. She had no idea he felt that way. She couldn't help the warmth that surfaced to her cheeks. "I wasn't sure I was doing that well."

Tsunade nodded and shut the folder. She tapped a few fingers on the desk. "I say these things because the mission you're about undertake will test certain limits for you, Sakura. You might--no, you will--find yourself in a position where particular talents may not be of any use. Do you understand?"

"Not... quite.." she allowed slowly, face awash of more confusion and now apprehension. The very idea of being without the use of her chakra or her weapons had her under a sense of alarm.

"I'm not sure you're ready for it, quite frankly. I don't think anyone is; even the most experienced of courtesans. Sakura," she asked with a heavy tone in her voice, "have you ever had sex with someone you didn't like, someone you found you had one thing to gain from doing so?"

Sakura now had a better idea of where this conversation was going. "No, I never have. Not unless you call mutual loneliness a gain, Tsunade-sama." Her voice sounded dejected.

A sad smile crossed her lips, as if she understood. "I think we all do that once in our lives, Sakura. There's no shame in it."

"I know," she whispered, trying to sounds strong about this. The fear wasn't present in her chest anymore. The questions as to what was to be explained evaporated. Now, all that remained was the will to overcome and accomplish what she'd boldly said she could if she had to over five months ago.

"I love you like a daughter, you know. That's why this isn't easy for me. If I could, I would send this mission back and ask that someone else be assigned to it. Sadly, that's not the way things work in ANBU. You take any mission you're given--."

"Without question or complaint," Sakura finished, "I know." Her green pools met with her shishou's. "I appreciate you worry and fear, Tsunade-sama. But, this is something I've been thinking about for a long time. I'm not sure I'm ready for it... but I'll do my best to forefill the mission requirements."

"That's what I worry about about," she muttered, lips in a flat line.

"What?"

Tsunade sighed. "You've always been an excellent student. You soak up information like a sponge and always do what's asked of you. You've never complained or cried. You've never said anything was too hard for you to do. You throw yourself into your work in a way that has me wondering if you ever get any sleep.

"I know you'll undertake this mission with your best foot forward, even if it takes a part of you away by the time you're done with it. You'll handle it with grace and maturity, even if it breaks your insides. And it will. No matter how good you are, no matter how many times you've done it or do it... you'll come back with a piece of yourself lost.

"I'm not afraid you you doing well. I'm not afraid of you completing the mission successfully. I'm afraid of you coming back as someone I'd don't recognize."

Tsunade's open, honest, hearfelt words washed over Sakura. She'd never heard her be so open in her presence about how she felt towards her.

On the outside she remained tried and true to her own inner strength. However, in reality her teacher was voicing her own fears. There were many things Sakura could handle. There were many things she had tackled and overcome no matter how bad things got. But this... even this had her doubting.

Still, she smiled brightly. "I'll be alright."

Tsunade nodded and took a scroll from her desk. She held it out to Sakura who stood and took it.

"All the details are contained within that, as well as, your alternate identities. But, I'll give you a breakdown," she explained, sounding a little more like herself and a little less morose. "You and Kakashi are to travel to a town twenty miles from Konoha in the east. The map and directions on how to get there are in the scroll. When you get there you are to seek out an establishment known as Luna Lounge.

"The woman who runs the lounge is whom you'll be working for. Her husband is your target." She paused long enough to take another sip of her saki. "She seems to think he's been cheating on her with other girls in the lounge and wants some sort of evidence."

Sakura's brows rose. "Why not just hire us to observe him? Seems like it's overkill to have someone sleep with him..."

Tsunade nodded. "I thought the same as well. But, from what I've gathered she''s tried hiring private detectives. They haven't managed to come up with anything. Neither have the lower rank shinobi she's hired either."

"Why does she think he's cheating her?"

Tsunade sighed. Here came the hard part. "According to Rin, who met with her about a week ago, her husband is a bit... two faced." Sakura's expression seemed to radiate more questions and she went on to elaborate, "The owner is from a very wealthy merchant family. She's the sole benefactor after her grandfather passes away. The lounge she owns reflects that same wealth, despite being, for the most part, an escort service with benefits.

"When she married her husband is wasn't out of love. A major part of the marriage agreement was his fidelity. He agreed to give her heirs to continue the family line and she agreed to make sure he never went without."

"Al...right," Sakura edged with narrowed eyes and parted lips, still looking lost. "What does that have to do with him cheating on her?"

"Her husband is a man who came from the same circles as herself. He's a gentlemen in those circles. She's known him for a long time. Long enough, that she knows his feelings on women beneath his rank."

"Meaning?"

"This is where the fidelity part comes in," she said coolly, filling her cup again. "During the time of her grandfather and father, although it's not nearly as practiced anymore... it was understood you made love to your wife as modestly as possible while you took out your more ...violent urges on lesser women, ladies of the night.

"I'm not being literal here. Most people aren't." She waved her hand idly as she spoke, as if trying to convey the utter farce laden in those words. "But her husband's father did take it a bit more literally than most. His son reflects the same thinking on the matter.

"When a few of her girls came up suddenly with bruises and scratches far bolder than usual she started to worry it might have been one of the clients being too harsh. But, when she questioned them about it they made all sorts of things up. Although, she stopped questioning them further when the ones she did question further wound up with a large sum of money, enough to leave the club and move."

Sakura allowed the information to sink in before speaking. "So, basically, she thinks her husband has been manhandling her employees, the women, and threatening them if they told anyone. Then, to further hide his screw ups, he's sending them away."

Tsunade nodded.

"That still doesn't explain how no one's caught him yet... I know quite a few Jounin who specialize in information gathering. If he's just the son of a merchant it shouldn't be a problem..."

"That would be the unknown variable I'm worried about; the wife seems to be too. Hopefully you can find out during your mission there and take care of it."

"Do you think it's possible he's a shinobi? A missing nin?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Who knows."

Sakura nodded as she stood up. "Is there anything else?"

"No, you're dismissed." She waved her off. "Be careful."

"Yes, Shishou," the pinkette murmured as she left, closing the door behind her. Silently, she hoped whatever the mystery was... it wouldn't swallow her whole in the process.

ooo

Kakashi waited at the gate, his single coal-grey orb jumping to look upward at the night sky. His expression lacked real emotion. His stance was that of his standard laziness where he leaned back in between the large entryway and waited for his partner. His hands dug nonchalantly into his black pants while one foot pressed into the large frame behind him. Bits of his shaggy, spiked, silver mane tickled his features and danced on the errant night breeze.

He wasn't quite sure how long he'd been there; perhaps an hour, perhaps longer. He would've stood there all night if it meant he didn't have this mission. He'd give his other good eye if it meant he could rewind time and find the right words to say to her, to keep her from doing any of this.

Five months... for five months he'd been lying to himself. Everytime the thought returned he told himself he wouldn't worry about it. Everytime he went into HQ with her to submit another report and eyed the stack of missions on Rin's desk he'd told himself it wouldn't be her. Not this time. They'll get someone else to do it, he'd reflected. And as more time passed he'd convinced himself she'd never have to do it. That, perhaps, in being Tsunade's apprentice they'd make an unwritten exception.

Kakashi removed a hand from his pocket and wiped it down his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then used both hand to rub the heel of his palms into his closed eyes. The action caused a hundred varying colors to appear in the darkness behind his lids. It barely eased the longing he wished to deny, the frustration he experienced on a daily basis.

He hadn't touched her again as he had that day. He's smelled her hair when she stood next to him, cherry blossoms assailing his senses. He'd brushed thighs with her when they ate in some nights, ignoring the shock waves shooting up his veins. He'd stayed up on his watch, looking at her for hours as she slept, as her breath fanned across her arms. He'd let her caress his body when she tended his wounds, staying his place and forcing it all down to the deepest reaches of his mind. He'd done so many things without reaction. However, there was just one thing he didn't know he could stand to watch without breaking entirely. It was that one thing that had him wishing he could stand there all night.

"Ready?"

He'd heard her, felt her, long before she'd made her presence known. His gaze swept towards her, once again allowing nothing to show but his cool indifference. He nodded and pushed off the wall.

The barest of moments later they were off and running.


	10. Chapter 10

**..Chapter Ten..**

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**..**

The sky was brilliantly lit up with a million amazing lights and her eyes, green and expansive, couldn't help but be drawn up towards it. She soaked in the cool night air as it pressed over her skin, the air floating behind her with each hurried step across a branch.

They hadn't been traveling long. Perhaps an hour or more. It wouldn't too far off before they reached Mystic Falls, the town where the Luna Lounge and her client awaited them. She estimated if they kept up this light travel they wouldn't need to rest and would arrive come morning; albeit early.

However, when Kakashi, who was directly in front of her, came to a stop and dropped down near the edge of the forest she was a tad confused. Still, she dropped down with him a second or two later and followed him silently as he walked out of the brush and towards a road.

"Isn't it a bad idea for us to travel on the roads, sensei?" She stared on at his back as it hunched slightly, reforming back to that lazy stance of one with less than a care in the world.

They were in no real danger, truthfully. It wasn't out of the ordinary for a regular team to travel on the roads. But, since being in ANBU she'd grown highly accustomed to hiding her trail, her scent and her very existence from those who might find them. All of this she'd learned from Kakashi in the last few months of rigorous, hard, brutal training.

"No," he replied as they came over the peaking hill in the road.

Her brow furrowed at the lack of information as she fell in step with him. Her eyes drew on ahead and she quickly realized they were heading towards a town. By her estimation it couldn't be Mystic Falls. She briefly wondered why they were going through this town, on the road, out in the open, when they could just as easily go around it through the forest.

"Sensei--."

"Are you hungry?" he asked as they drew closer, interrupting her.

She paused and considered the unusual question. She supposed she could stand something to eat. She'd skipped dinner to meet with Tsunade and left right away after the meeting. It was now well past ten o'clock at night at the very least.

"I.. guess," she replied.

"Tired?" he asked secondly.

She blinked as she looked over at him. Tired? Well, she supposed she _was_ tired. When she wasn't on a mission her hours were early to bed and early to rise. She was at least two or less hours past her normal bedtime. But, missions were missions and she just ignored her normal sleeping habits while on them. ANBU had to adapt and overcome.

"Um... sure.." she said hesitantly, curiosity in her voice. But, instead of explaining, all her sensei did was nod his head and continue on down the path.

Months ago she would have been frustrated and irritated by his evasive behavior. But, these days all she did was shrug and continue on. It didn't do much good to pester him, for eventually he'd clamp up altogether and say nothing to her. Who in the hell really knew what went on in his head while he wore that uniform. He certainly wasn't the man she'd grown up knowing. And he hadn't been since that morning he'd tried to convince her not to join ANBU.

As they entered the small town they passed a few merchants by who were still cleaning up from the later evening. Some of them bowed their heads respectfully in response their their uniforms, most did; but, fewer still just shuffled on without so much as a hello. It was Fire Country to be sure. Some people respected shinobi for the protection they provided and some outright hated them for the wars they'd brought on the lands from years before. Sakura's heart inadvertently went out to them, the ones who'd festered feelings of hate because of the pain, the loss, they had experienced over the wars their loved ones had become tangled in by just existing.

She stopped as she sensed Kakashi do so. She followed the direction of his eyes turning to a small eatery that still appeared to be open. Without questioning, she followed him towards the establishment.

"We'll order take out and get a room for the night," was all he said.

She did nothing more than nod as she walked past him, as he held the door open for her to go in first.

Few customers littered here and there, sitting quietly in booths or at tables chatting about while they nursed a bottle of sake or some other alcoholic beverage. She leaned against the counter as Kakashi stood before it, waiting for an employee. Now that they'd finally stopped moving for a while and she had a moment to relax her senses, she quickly realized she was rather tired.

An elderly man came up to greet Kakashi, "Here or to go?"

"To go."

The balding man nodded as he handed both of them a menu. "Do you need some time?"

"Only a moment or two. Sakura?" he asked her.

Sakura shook her head as she scanned the menu. "Nope, I'll take the number two with a lemonade." She handed the menu back as Kakashi rattled off his order.

"Well, it'll be about fifteen minutes. You can wait over by the door on the bench or take a seat in one of the booths. We can give your drinks now, if you'd prefer."

"I'll wait," Kakashi responded about the drink.

"I'll take mine now," Sakura replied with a grin.

The elderly man nodded and went to work. As soon as Sakura had her styrafoam encased beverage with a straw they both moved to take a seat at the booth nearest to the door. Silence seemed to echo on like normal as Sakura stared out the window. But, it wasn't uncomfortable or abnormal. This was usually the way it went.

Still...

She turned back to him as she grasped her drink in both hands on the table. "Say, why did we stop?"

He raised a brow.

"Well, its not like we had to, ya know. It's only twenty miles from Konoha, sensei. We hardly need the rest or the food. We handled much worse travel with far more ease and quickness."

He didn't answer right away and she wasn't expecting him to. She could tell he was fighting for the right way to answer the question or, at least what he felt was the right answer.

"Are you in a hurry?" he asked quietly.

"Well..." now she wasn't sure how to answer. "..No, not really."

"We don't have a set time to be there, Sakura," he said still in that same quiet voice.

She nodded. "Yes, I know... but it's never good to keep a client waiting." He'd taught her that.

He shrugged, as if it didn't matter. "A good rest and some good food will do you good. Or," he muttered, "would you rather be ragged, tired and hungry when you greet the woman who's husband you're expected to seduce?"

She couldn't be too sure, but she thought perhaps she'd senses a bitterness laced in his tone. Her lips parted only slightly and she looked down at her drink. She really didn't know what to say to him. She hardly ever did anymore, to be truthful.

The Kakashi she'd once known as a child had always been happy, charismatic, however stern when he was required to be. He always knew when to say the right thing and when not to say the wrong ones. He dealt with each of his students with an amazing amount of calm and patience. She'd never been the best student, but then he could hardly be blamed for that, she supposed.

She'd been horribly boy-crazy over Sasuke at the time. It had taken her years to get over it and find comfort in someone else. It had taken time for her to realize that sometimes sex didn't always need to to happen when love was involved. And having sex with someone you didn't love didn't make you a whore or a slut. It just made you more human.

She'd grown up a lot in the past few years. She liked to think she had a sense of maturity and grace about her. She wasn't like the average woman her age--least of all like Ino; who, adored makeup, male attention and parties. But, she thought of herself as well rounded and good at her career. She wouldn't be where she was if she wasn't determined.

Kakashi... well, since she and the boys had turned sixteen he'd made himself more and more scarce. He was still himself, of course. How could he be anyone else but her porn-reading, eccentric, one-eyed, Copy Nin Kakashi-sensei?

Although, since joining his team on ANBU he'd turned even more recluse. He'd made himself out to be as reserved and withdrawn as she'd once known Sasuke to be. Actually, worse, if one could imagine it. He hardly spoke and only did so when he needed to for the mission or during training to reprimand her on her form. He hardly ever spoke words of praise; which, is why she'd been so surprised by Tsunade's comment. When they stopped to break like this? Silence always echoed on. When they shared a room to save on funds? He always took the floor or requested another bed. When they ate together, he either ate alone or she simply turned her back to him to avoid being without someone there. She still didn't understand why he didn't want her to see his face, after all this time; however, she respected his abundant privacy.

Was every ANBU team like this? Quiet, private and reserved? It made her wonder. It made her think it it was so. There could be no other explanation as to why he acted like black and white in the two uniforms. Because, whatever had transpired between the two of them that morning long ago was gone, as far as she could tell. All he'd been trying to do was teach her a lesson and nothing more. There couldn't be more, after all; not for someone as trained and deliberative with his actions as her sensei.

The only time she'd ever, with crude confirmation, seen him lose his control was the first day he'd taught her swordsmanship.

Sakura was good at reading people... so, was there a chance perhaps there was something more to his crass, cool behavior than a mere uniform change? He was a man and she wasn't a little girl anymore. That much had been verified by the reaction her guys had to her in her uniform months prior... but, lust was one thing; a thing which could be dismissed and controlled. The doctor in her knew so. The woman, the girl who was no more, knew it to be so with Kakashi. If his porn reading habits were any indication to his abundance of control in sex related topics and lust, then yes, he was very controlled.

There was no way in hell her sensei could want more. If he did, it was just lust. And he would never ruin their relationship with lust. He was just that kind of man. One only had to be in presence for an hour and have a good eye to know that much.

Still... the woman in her hadn't stopped her from thinking about it. But, that's was all it was. A fantasy. It was natural and healthy to have fantasies. And she supposed it was better to have them about good men than ones who were easily obtainable and no good for her, right? Was it not natural for one with 'hero worship' in regards to one you looked up to, to want them in that way?

"Here you go," a waitress spoke up next to the table, breaking her train of thought. She vaguely heard her rattle off the amount due. She stood and took the plastic bag of food packed in styrafoam boxes while Kakashi paid.

It wasn't long after that they headed across the street to a clean looking hotel. Not too expensive, but not too shabby either. Not waiting for him to take charge, and feeling like she needed to pay for something since he bought dinner and stopped on her behalf, Sakura walked up and got their room.

"You didn't have to do that," he mumbled while they took the stairs up. "It was my idea to stop."

She shrugged and smiled softly. "You paid for dinner. I figured I'd cover the night at the hotel."

He said nothing to this at they reached the top. But, he did take the key from her so he could open the door and let her in since her hands were full of bagged food.

The room wasn't great. But, thankfully it had two full sized beds and a small table to eat at. It also had a closet and a single dresser they wouldn't be around long enough to use. She smiled gratefully at the shower as she set the bags on the small table. The click behind her signaled Kakashi had shut the door.

She dropped her backpack on the floor next to the bed she would claim as hers before she swiftly removed her sandals. She wiggled her toes customarily for a moment. The smell of food quickly drew her attention back to her hunger and she got up and moved over to the table. She sat after concluding, with a quick peek, which box was hers. She got some chopsticks and her drink and settled down to munch.

It was after a few bites she realized Kakashi wasn't eating. In fact, he was just sitting there, staring at his open box of food, as if lost in the space of his thoughts. She slowly chewed her food and tried to figure out what could be stopping him. But then, naturally it dawned on her.

"Kami, I'm sorry," she mumbled, feeling like an idiot. She swallowed her bite monotonously and moved to close her box. She felt hurried and hastened as she started to stand up next to him. "I'll just go get a shower so you can eat--."

Her breath came short and she stopped and he suddenly latched onto her wrist. She looked down at him, not fully sure of how to react. He was still staring down at his open tray of food. He hadn't seemed to break his haze at all. She was more than a little perplexed. Kakashi never voluntarily touched her outside of training.

Ever.

"Sensei?" she asked softly in question.

"How long have we been teammates?" he asked tonelessly.

She blinked. "Well... do you mean ANBU, before... or both?"

"Both," he said without hesitation.

She had to stop and think about it. "Well... over five years, give or take a few when one of us was on sick leave or while I was working with Shishou..." She continued to stare down at him. "Why?" She normally didn't ask why he asked her things. He rarely ever gave her an explanation.

He surprised her when he said, "Perhaps that's long enough then."

"I'm sorry?" she queried again.

He looked up at her then, his one good eye finding her own two depths of endless sea green. He still hadn't released her wrist, but somehow she hardly noticed the contact now.

"Would you prefer to eat alone?" he asked.

She narrowed her eyes in quiet thought. It took her a moment to realize what he was saying. He'd shed his mask for her this time and eat with her. Her chest swelled. Sakura had never truly understood why he wore it in the first place. And as a young girl, like her boys, she'd been avidly curious why he wore it. As a woman, the question was still there, but it wasn't nearly as obnoxious as before. After a time she'd just grown use to the fact that he'd never take it off. The mask was as much Kakashi as his little orange book was. It seemed wrong for him to take it off, even in front of her for dinner.

"Oh, no," she said with a frown. "You don't have to do that, sensei. Not for me, not for one little meal. I'll just go get a shower while you eat. Then I'll eat when I get--."

"You're food will grow cold," he argued, raising a brow in much the same way he had when she was a girl.

She shrugged. "Well, I can always eat on the bed with my back turned to you. We do the same thing in the woods, don't we?" Granted, he'd never asked her to. She'd just done it out of respect for the man before her; for the person she so wanted to be like in so many ways.

"Sakura--."

It was her turn to interrupt him, "You shouldn't show me your face because of a meal, sensei. I don't know why you hide it... but it must be rather important to you that you don't. If you're going to show me I'd rather it be because you trusted me."

Silence echoed on after her proclamation. She hadn't realized how true those words actually were until she spoke them. Perhaps that's why she'd never bothered him about after she'd grown up... It just hadn't seemed right. Seeing his face... it was like the great mystery of Konoha; well, it had been to rookie nine and Team Gai who'd graduated a year prior. Sakura had never met another person who'd seen it. Tsunade claimed she'd never seen it and the same went for Jiraiya. Tsunade once told her he'd had two teammates who'd, maybe, once seen it in his early Genin years. But, she'd also said two of those teammates were dead; one of them being the great Fourth Hokage. She'd pestered her shishou when she was first undergoing medical training who the last living teammate was; but, her teacher wouldn't say. She couldn't quite understand why. She'd assumed then, and still did now, it had been to annoy the shit out of her. Tsunade could be cruel like that...

But, whatever the reason was, Sakura wasn't going to take up the opportunity unless he had that trust in her; unless he believed she could have his back as a teammate and keep his secrets like a unit should.

She was surprised when the grip on her wrist tightened briefly.

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't," he muttered, voice almost unsure. Then he did something she hadn't been expecting all of a sudden. He let go of her and reached for the top lining of his mask and began to tug it down slowly.

Panicking, she sat down and grabbed his wrist. A surge of unexpected emotion poured through her. "Wait," she breathed, anticipation licking her insides. When his eye narrowed in question, she explained. "Can I?"

He blinked.

She smiled despite the thick air in the room. "I've been waiting years for this, sensei... surely you wouldn't begrudge me the action of removing it myself?" She was a little taken back by the quaking in her voice; the shaking tone that hinted at wanting this more than anything else before.

He gave her an unusual look behind the guise of his mask. "Very well," he murmured in ascent with a nod and brief shutting of his good eye.

Closing her eyes and opening them slowly, she leaned forward. She scooted her chair to face his better from where it turned out a bit from the table at a slant. She didn't know why, but she carefully removed her gloves. Her bared hands reached forward, the very tip of her fingers reached for the edges and she held in a breath and she took hold of it.

His skin, she realized, was warm and feather soft like a baby's breath. It stole across her fingertips like fresh peach fuzz. She ever so slowly tugged it down farther. The spandex, blue material caressed his face and dropped off his nose with a jolt, causing her to swallow. But then, she paused and realized it wasn't going to be enough without the full display. She wanted it all in one go.

"Open the Sharingan," she whispered in order. "Please," she amended at his arched brow. Slowly, he did so. Staring into both eyes had her taking pause again. She wanted to run her thumbs across his long lashes even though she hadn't taken it all off yet.

She exhaled slowly and began to pull more of it off, undressing his face. The more she revealed the more she felt a warmth coiling within her, the more she felt drawn to his very visage. And when the mask was hanging about his neck, rumpled and disarrayed, she did not move. She stared and locked her eyes on every curve of his features. He must have shaved recently before the mission start, or sometime between the trip from Konoha and here when they took a short break. Because, she couldn't see a hint of stubble anywhere on his soft, pale features.

Her eyes softened at the sight of him and she immediately realized that if he'd been in the academy when she was a Genin she wouldn't have spared Sasuke a glance. He wasn't gorgeous. He wasn't an Adonis with a sharp chin or jawline. His beauty, yes his beauty, was rather uncommon. She could easily understand why he wore the mask now.

He had the features of one far too young for his age. He looked very young and very boyish. And she imagined it would take years of aging before he showed a shed of anything but youth. In fact, if he were much shorter he could have easily passed for someone far--too far--beneath his age category.

She ran her fingers across his cheeks, her thumbs down his nose and across his brow. His eyes closed as she ran her fingers across his lashes and lips, across the scar falling over his left eye.

"I can see why you hide it," she whispered sadly, realization hitting her quickly. When his eyes opened, both of them, and locked on her she didn't release the hold she had on his cheeks. She felt that same need to hold him as she had that day in the training area, to comfort him. How many had he had to endure because of that beautiful, boyish, face? Had that been why he'd quit ANBU? How prized had his boyish looks been in regards to the men of different tastes?

Her heart ached for him and she could understand why he didn't want her to do this; why he night not ever want someone like Sasuke to do this.

"I think in my misguided youth I thought, perhaps, Naruto had been right," she went on. "That you hid your face because you weren't anything to look at, that you had some horrible scar or.. a disfiguring feature..." she murmured, almost feeling ashamed as her eyes shook, as her voice quaked. "But this..." she whispered, allowing her fingers to trail down his face in defeat. "It's almost worse..." It was.

Silence echoed on after her words and all she could do was look down at her hands, trembling on his thighs where they'd fallen ceremoniously. Her chest burned with all the emotion she felt in the room, with everything that had half poured out of her words.

Finally, he took her hands in his own and squeezed. She wasn't sure if he did it out of comfort for her... or himself. There were so many unspoken, though passed, words between the two in that moment. There had been for months and she sensed there might always be. She didn't understand it right then. Maybe she never would.

"Let's eat before it gets cold," he finally muttered uncomfortably, releasing her hands.

She nodded and gathered herself up as she turned her chair around and reached for her chopsticks.

For the first time in months she was happy dinner was eaten in silence.

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**AN:** I'm really very overjoyed at all the reviews I've been getting. I use to reply to them in here about a half a year a go or so when I started writing fanfiction again. But, if you check your email inbox, you'll see I reply to all my reviews as long as they aren't anonymous.

A lot of people have been guessing and pondering about this story for a LONG time since it's posting. I'm glad to see that, as it was the point. So far, only a few people have gotten the answer to Kakashi's torment correctly, a few others have gotten really close. However, many of you still have a long way to go in figuring it out. That's ok, though! Don't try to guess too much, or the real reason won't be as big of a heart stopping shock! And I'd rather it be as big of a shock to you as it will be to Sakura.

Someone asked me about Rin a while ago. About how she may or may not be considered a loved one to Kakashi. It made me wonder if other people had this same question... well... I've always considered Kakashi decidingly cryptic... so perhaps I'll find a way to answer this question later in the story when and if Sakura finds out Rin was once his teammate.

Yes, I hate to break it you, but Sakura is going to find herself in a situation where 'rape' is a heavy theme. But, don't get your panties in a twist just yet. You'll find a surge of overwhelming surprise over the hill when it comes to her in that situation. Trust me. And NO, I'm not going to be cliche and have Kakashi jump in an ruin everything. Seriously? After reading my fics this long? You think I'm going to be typical and avoid heartbreak and character development with that? You guys know be better than that. But, I'll try to make it as quick and painless as possible for you, the readers.

Hope you enjoyed this latest update. Took me a while to find the groove to write it!

**--Blade**


	11. Chapter 11

**..Chapter Eleven..**

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When Sakura and Kakashi finally made it to Mystic Falls the word _town_ just didn't seem to fit all that well. Certainly, it wasn't huge by any means; however, it wasn't small either. Buildings towered over one another in some places while smaller establishments stuck out here and there as though layers in a vast ocean made of many colors and materials. It was a rich mixture of old and new all blended into one; more so than Konoha even.

Right now it was broad daylight and she could see bulbs on certain buildings for signs. This, to her, indicated they were to be lit up at night. Was the town bright in the evening? Not that it really mattered, but she was curious all the same. The 'scientist' in her had questions forming as she got one eyeful after another.

She was actually trying hard to focus on anything but what she was sent here to do. She now understood the same sense of anxiety most likely many others before her had felt in this same situation, this very real situation. It was a mixture of doubt and fear. Doubt, that she might fail entirely and blow the mission right out of the water. Fear... because she didn't really know what to expect. She'd been sent here to have sex with a man she'd never met. She supposed she should be thankful it was a man. Or was it really better at all?

The very fact that there was some very strong evidence suggesting this guy had abused these women frightened her slightly. She wouldn't be able to use her shinobi skills on this one. She had to seduce him fully and then leave while Kakashi somehow managed to prove, due to her actions, that he was cheating on his wife.

The prospect was very daunting.

She'd prepared herself for this in every way for the last few months by rereading her medical journals on the subject, the books provided by Tsunade and ANBU, by checking into the library and by speaking with women who'd been in this field; most especially Ino.

Ino had given her a lot of good advice. She'd given her weapons that didn't need a sharp edge or a few hand signs to execute. She'd told her there was no shame in what she might have to do, despite Sakura knowing this. She told her, no matter how bad it seems, overcoming it afterward is harder than enduring it. Growing from it, becoming stronger because of it--somehow--is how you survive. 'Don't wallow, Sakura. It's not easy,' she'd told her, 'That first mission, hell all of them, it breaks you a little. But, we are shinobi. We are resilient and proud of what we represent to the rest of the world. And we are better in many ways because of it. Remember, scars never go away; but, they remind you of what you've overcome, what you will continue to overcome and how you are stronger because of it.'

She would live by that mantra till the day she died. She'd never known how deep a woman Ino had grown into until she'd imparted that piece of wisdom onto her. It was something she would impart on someone else who might one day be in her position if the chance ever came up and she was the one being sought after for words of strength.

Sakura came to a full stop as Kakashi paused next to her. She glanced up at his ANBU masked features and then her eyes drew to the place he was looking at. When he looked at her she nodded and they made way around the side entrance of the tall, midnight blue colored building. Going through the side entrance was they way the client had asked they enter. During the day, the night district, as this part of the area was referred to, going through the front entrance would draw attention to them. One thing both shinobi and the client didn't want for an undercover mission was attention being draw in the direction of two Konoha ANBU.

When they came to a brown, oak door Kakashi stepped up to it and rang the small bell along the wall once. The buzz from the instrument rang and they waited to be let in. Several moments later a woman in a drab colored kimono opened the door. She eyed them oddly for only a brief passing in time, and then, as if something dawned on her a second later she nodded and moved for them them to enter. Kakashi entered first and Sakura followed in behind him. The door was clicked shut and several locks were heard being moved back into place.

"Come with me," the woman told them as she stepped down the hall. They did so, passing several doors. At the end of the hallway they reached a staircase leading up and followed the woman onward.

Sakura gauged her surroundings out of habit as they did so. She wasn't sure what this area of the establishment was used for, but it didn't look all that grand. The walls were plain. However, everything was perfectly clean so far. Perhaps this was a storage or delivery area? When they reached the top of the stairs and moved down another long hallway the scenery changed vastly. Everything was decorated in dark and pale blues, as well as ivory and white. It certainly gave off the effect of the night sky and more than likely helped with the name sake, 'Luna Longue'. She wondered if this area was so light and lovely what they rest looked like in the main part of the establishment.

They stopped at the end of the hallway and the woman leading them asked that they wait. Both shinobi did for about a minute. No words were passed between the two and no outward movements were expressed.

The door reopened and the woman appeared. She nodded at the two. "Alexiel -sama is now ready for you both." She bowed and walked away down the hall.

Sakura's eyes watched as she left before she turned back around and followed Kakashi inside.

Once within the office Sakura did not immediately look towards the woman at the center of the room sitting behind the large, yet simple brown desk. Her eyes drew to the elaborate artworks on the wall, the crystal shards hanging from strings attached to the ceiling, the decorative and light nick knacks placed everywhere and the small statues of half naked women and men in various states of passion and undress. It wasn't tacky in the least bit. Quite the contrary, the woman, Alexiel, appeared to surround herself with beauty and romanticism. It was all very intriguing.

"Please, take a seat both of you." Her voice was calming and serene, but Sakura could tell there was an edge of weariness to it. That emotional cry for help aided in her attention going to the client while she took a seat in one of the two chairs offered that sat before the desk.

Sumi Alexiel was beautiful, poise and grace just seemed to radiate off of her. Her eyes were the brightest shade of aquamarine she'd ever seen, up to an including Gaara's. Her hair was a rich, wavy cascade of brown and gold all rolled into one. Her skin was what one might call flawless, if one liked the idea of a dark day's tan. She looked as though she sun bathed constantly, or perhaps was descent of those with such pigment present in their skin.

Her kimono was dark, dark blue with artistic hummingbirds stitched all though it. She looked comfortable in her position behind the desk, but also worn from some obvious stress. There were faint, dark lines beneath her eyes not caused by the mascara she donned with other makeup.

"Thank you for coming. I trust you trip here went well and without trouble?"

"Yes, thank you," Kakashi replied on their behalf.

Sakura smiled as they removed their masks, which had mainly been in place to avoid being sighted before the mission and identified. From here on out they were someone else. Well, at least after they donned their true disguises.

"Ah, well, that's better," Alexiel spoke as she clasped her hands together on the desk and leaned forward. "Well, I already know your names, so we'll skip with the pleasantries. I'm sure you don't mind. After all, you're not the normal breed, are you?"

"No, Sumi-sama," Sakura said swiftly.

Alexiel nodded. "Very well... Tonight my husband will be about the Longue, as he normally is. We'll be greeting guests, enjoying the festivities like we do every night. I'll be handling the girls and making sure everyone is more than comfortable. I won't be with him the entire night and I don't intend to be. I will also be the only one, along with my assistant who let you in, who knows the real reason why you are here.

"Do whatever you wish to get the evidence I want. It's no longer a matter of me needing to know he's doing it. It's a matter of proving it so I can divorce him and be done with this farce of a marriage. I would like to move on with my life and find someone else." She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I'm not the type of person to talk about my problems. I come from a family that prides itself on keeping such things to themselves. But, I realize if you are to complete this mission with success I'll need to be forthcoming.

"As you know, I married my husband out of family expectations. I wasn't expecting love. What I expected was fidelity. It was that which my parent's marriage lacked and my mother suffered greatly because of it. For myself it's, as I said, not a matter of love for which my heart is suffering... it's my girls."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "I was informed he was abusing them..."

She nodded. "That's precisely it, my dear. The abuse is a large factor. But, it's not only that. This is bad for my business in the long run. It's the only reason my grandfather supports me on it. He never liked my husband to begin with. But, tradition and expectations come first. And he expects me to bear an heir before he dies.

"Yukio is well respected by his peers, but he has a bad habit with money. He squandered everything that was left to him. He needed someone to control his funds, but he also needed _funds_. I needed someone who would let me be myself, allow me to run the business and at the same time give me the heir I so needed. I'd known him since childhood and we came to an understanding. I would give him the money he needed and beget him none of the responsibility and he would give me my heir. My only stipulation was that he remain true to me. My grandfather, despite his aged way of thinking, respected my decision even if he didn't like it and allowed the prenuptial.

"If it gets out he's doing this, and right in my own business, it would lay waste to my clients and business partners. Yukio is well known for being indiscreet in the very end. This will blow up in his face sooner or later and it will ruin me, my dear. It's bad enough he's zeroing in on my best girls and sending them packing in order to avoid my wrath. He knows all I need is one viable witness in court or a good slate of evidence and he's done."

Kakashi nodded. "Alright, well, from what we gathered in the report you want Sakura to appear as one of these girls and then gain his attention. Do you expect her to appear in court and testify? Because, the scroll didn't say this and I'm not sure--."

"No," Alexiel emphasized quickly as she interrupted him. "I need substantial evidence. Photos, a written claim from Sakura, anything I can provide in a court of my peers. Something such as that would do well enough along with a letter backed up by your Hokage; of which, she has already agreed to send once the mission is complete. Sakura's name will be stricken from the records and her features will be blacked out in any evidence you give."

Kakashi nodded, appearing overall happy with that response.

"For the moment, I'll need you both to assume you fake identities and take this time to get a look around the place. I have a room ready for Sakura and the Longue is not yet open for visitors. You're more than welcome to acquaint yourselves with anyone or anything. But, I ask you keep yourselves from asking too many questions of people. Everyone who works here seems to know something is not quite right and one wrong move--."

Kakashi held up and hand. "I assure you Sumi-sama, we are more than equipped to handle this situation, as we've been trained for it; some even, far worse. If you'll have someone show us to the room we'll take it from here."

Seeming to be assured by his words Alexiel nodded and pressed a button on a small electronic box on her desk. "Evony, please come to my office." After a small confirmation from 'Evony', Alexiel addressed them again, "I pray you solve this quickly. I'm not sure my nerves can handle much more, ANBU-samas."

Sakura smile, feeling a wave of empathy for the woman. "Don't worry, Sumi-sama, we'll solve this for you as quickly as possible."

She meant it.

ooo

Green orbs blinked a few times in a row as they took in the environment around her. Dazzling lights, soft music from a live band and a steady flow of well dressed bodies surrounded her like a sea of sophistication and seduction. It seemed a tad odd to place those two words next to one another... but that's how it felt from where she sat enjoying her small cup of sake.

Sakura had taken the time earlier today to look over the entire premises. After she felt she'd spied every nook and cranny in the longue she spent the rest of her afternoon looking over the scroll they'd been given. It contained an entire file of information just dedicated to her target. She knew his likes and dislikes as well, if not more so by now, than even his wife. She couldn't lay it on too thick when she encountered him. From what she understood he was quite sly, but by no means incapable of being swindled if his own financial records were any indication. All she had to do was be smarter.

She took a sip of her sake as she shifted on slightly in her seat to get more comfortable. Her eyes traveled around the room nonchalantly. She could feel Kakashi behind her about sixteen or so feet away. Unlike her, he'd set to garb himself in a genjutsu disguise tonight. He'd done well, as far as she was concerned. Everything was going well, so far. If he could only keep his scalding eyes off of her then everything would be just fine. Oh, she knew he wasn't really looking at her in a way anyone would take notice of. Kakashi was far too good to draw that level of attention to himself. No, she just wish he'd lay off a little and leave her nerves time to settle down. She'd done a good job of seeming bored and yet interested at the same time. She didn't need him making it any worse than it already was.

Her eyes remained on her target as he walked across the room, his wife by his side as they greeted guests.

He hadn't spoken two words to her since they left the office. He'd not made much noise aside from, 'Mm' or perhaps a simple nod if she asked something or told him what she was doing or going to do. She'd of easily claimed he was more tense than she was... but it was so damned hard to read what he was feeling or thinking at any given moment. She thought perhaps they'd crossed some sort of bridge when he'd agreed to show her his face. She'd assumed they'd somehow connected on some level. Surely..

But no, of course not. This was Kakashi after all. He'd been this way since she'd joined his team on ANBU. He'd never told her anything of his private life when she'd grown up under his care. How could she possibly expect something more from him?

She sighed, trying not to look alone and depressed. Perhaps she just needed someone in a way she hadn't had since Shino. Perhaps she'd have to reconsider her thoughts about Sai not really being 'bed material', or whatever. Who in the hell knew how she'd feel after all this was done.

She really shouldn't be so hard on him, she imagined. She'd been his student, his friend (in a way) and now she felt like she was on some level of even ground as he equal, so to speak. It couldn't be easy to watch her do this, someone he cared about. But, she imagined if she had anyone to watch her back in this business she'd rather it be him. If the situation got too bad and she had to signal for help, she'd much prefer his rescue to any other. She liked the idea of having the man she looked up to in her right wing. Perhaps it was that level of knowing that helped her keep a cool head in all this.

Her eyes flickered toward Yukio. His wife was leaving the table they'd been sitting at. She was kissing him goodbye and... he was alone. She had to give the lady credit, she sure as hell knew how to set something up. Now, all Sakura had to hope was that he didn't see this for what it really was.

As provocatively as possible, she made her way across the room.

ooo

Kakashi watched her as she sat quietly to herself. He watched her as she kept a good eye on her target. He watched as his former student, now trainee, executed every technique he'd ever taught her, that every damned book had given her information on. And now, he couldn't really fathom why he'd ever ignored her so thusly years ago when she'd been a budding girl of twelve.

No... he knew why.

His eyes narrowed as he spied her in his peripheral vision when she stood up and made her way across the room in a manner that would have at least half the room noticing her, a quarter of the room pretending _not_ to notice her, less than that looking away lest they feel something they didn't want to _and_ the final amount questioning their sexuality. He had to admire her. He had to force that admiration down and focus.

Sumi Yukio had evaded other shinobi with less than the bat of an eye. Kakashi loved a good puzzle as much as the next person. Perhaps not as much as Shikamaru, but he still did. Except, this time, the very unwinding of the puzzle had his student's very life on the line. At the very least he could hope that was not the case. At the very worst this man was a shinobi. He prayed not. He'd spent the better half of the day trying to locate his image in the bingo book despite Tsunade's assurances he was not. They'd gone so far as to do a DNA test with a piece of his hair confiscated by his wife to make those assurances valid.

He couldn't be rid of his unease as Sakura, smiling, engaged Yukio in conversation and sat at his table.

If she followed the plan they'd have nothing to worry about.

Still, he couldn't help the tightening of his fist, fingernails daring to cut his palms to shreds.

ooo

"Excuse me," she whispered effeminately, "may I join you?"

His bright, fire red orbs turned upward almost immediately as the sound of her voice. He peered at her through analyzing lashes the same shade of scarlet. With a single hand, he reached up and brushed a few errant strands of his matching bangs aside. Flits of bright gold and dull yellow danced in the candlelight, making him appear handsome and longing. _Ah yes_, Sakura mused, _with the face of an angel... who would turn him down?_ She doubted very seriously the look, the visage, matched what lay beneath.

The timber, the song that was his voice did not have her losing herself, just as she'd been trained not to do. "Certainly."

Taking care to adjust her kimono, she took a seat next to him. It was close enough to give a general hint at what she wanted; but, not so close that he might draw conclusions she'd rather he not.

"Your name, Venus?" he asked while pouring them both a refill into their sake glasses. She did not object, as hers had been empty the moment she settled down. Then again, she had taken care to grab a new glass and not drink the rest of her own. It wouldn't do to be drunk for this game.

"Is this that important?" she baited softly with a smile. "Will you, or anyone else for that matter, really recall it by the night's end?"

He chuckled lightly before taking a generous drink. "Perhaps," he allowed just as softly as she, "Angels have no faces, only beautiful faces for which they bewitch their benefactors."

_Smooth_, she commented within the folds of her mind. "You have a way with words, it seems. Tell, me, is this how you gained the attentions of your wife?"

He smiled again, staring down at his drink. But, she could see the mention of Alexiel had something flashing in his eyes. "Ah, but let us not speak of her," he replied easily. "After all, you didn't come here for that, did you?"

"Hardly," she responded without missing a beat. "I simply saw you seated alone, and I said to myself.. he looks rather lonely."

"You have good eyes."

Her lips quirked. "But it isn't my eyes your interested in.. is it?" That appeared to spark something. Because the next flash in his depths was not one of underlying dislike. No, this time it was darker and far more wanting. He wanted her.

Good.

"Quite the contrary," he said as he leaned in closer to her, inches from her face and staring deeply into her green irises. His alcohol laden breath fanned across her senses. "The eyes... tell more than one's face ever does, my Venus." He paused and she remained fixed in his gaze, not allowing him to read more than she wanted him to.

"You're quite deep..."

He smirked. "Shall we go somewhere...?"

"More quiet?" she mused aloud.

"Most definitely."

Her nerves were on fire as they stood up and she took his arm. Fear set in most prominently and she felt her insides shake. Flirting... she could do. She'd been trained to do it. She'd been taught how to read, act and react to nearly any situation. However, the one thing she couldn't prepare herself for... was this.

_Calm_, she whispered in her mind,_ remain calm and you can do this, Sakura._

ooo

His eyes remained fixed on the duo as they got up and began to walk towards the side of the large room. When he was sure he could only be sensed by Sakura, he got up and moved to follow them, taking care to stay at the very least, twenty paces behind. He flashed open his Sharingan and trailed the two as soundlessly as possible.

But, what he wasn't expecting happened...

The moment he rounded a corner..

..they were gone.

ooo

Sakura's eyes narrowed slightly as she felt a shift in the environment around her. She blinked a few times, quite sure she'd sensed some grand burst of chakra. Her eyes darted down as Yukio shifted his hands apart. Had he...

No, certainly not.

Her eyes, still, couldn't help but draw towards a ring on his left hand. It was about his pointer finger, gold and inscribed with something she couldn't make out at this distance. Her keen eyes, her good insight, just knew whatever she'd felt had come from that...

But she couldn't do anything yet. Not, not yet.

She dropped her free arm and allowed for something to slip out onto the floor. She kept her arm this way as he led her down the hall. A moment later and they were turning once more and coming to a door. She followed him within and was careful not to upset her own tactic. She prayed he didn't notice. If he was a shinobi, like herself, he just might.

However, as they descended the stairway down into utter darkness, he said not a word; nor did he make any indication that he took notice of anything out of the ordinary. She kept a good hold on him as she managed well and easily down the stairs. But, she tried to make her footing appear not quite so good. It wouldn't do at all to alert him she was anything but a woman of the night hired to work here by his wife.

She found them stopping again before a bright light enveloped her vision...

ooo

Kakashi swore under his breath in the most nonchalant manner he could manage as he wandered down the hall a few steps. If anyone appeared to asking him why he was here he would attempt to make it look as though he were searching for the bathroom and quite vexed over this fact.

He couldn't sense Sakura's chakra anywhere. He knew she was masking it to a degree. However, he'd been in her company long enough to know it even with her doing so. If Yukio was masking his own, he was making it look every bit the very aura of a nonshinobi.

He felt his heart pounding in his ears as he tried to scan for any residual chakra in the near area. Anything that would lead him to Sakura. He tried to see beyond the walls for the glow of chakra his Sharingan would allow him to see. He might not be able to see what was behind the walls like a Hyuuga... but if had that strong glow, he'd see it.

His jaw clenched when nothing came up.

No one just vanished from sight. It just didn't happen. Not without the feeling of some strong burst of chakra doing the job for you. If this guy wasn't a shinobi... how had he accomplished it? If he was... god, he needed to find her. If Yukio had a technique so powerful even he couldn't sense it... who knew what he would do to her.

Panic was slowly starting to set in in such a way he'd never known before. Images from his past came flooding back into his mind. A young boy's screams echoed in his thoughts, blood sprayed the walls, the smell of residual hate and dark lust would not leave him. He had to lean into the wall for support and he forced down a bile in his stomach threatening to come forth.

Not her.

Not this time.

Never again.

He made his mind stop racing, he made his heart stop pounding so quickly, he ordered his thoughts to banish to the farthest reaches of his mind.

When he opened his eyes again it was to the sight of something glinting on the floor. A sudden, unexpected smile laced his features.

"That's my girl," he breathed.

ooo

The door shut behind her and Sakura lowered her arm after they entered. Sweet smells and soft, romantic colors invaded her sight and smell. In the center of the room, headboard against the wall, was a bed with plush coverings to match the theme of the longue. To her left was a wooden dresser with a mirror made out to be a half vanity. To her right was another room that she could tell, just barely, was a bathroom. Several other unimportant pieces of furniture were strewn about the room; all matching the same themes she'd seen all day.

"Do you like it?" he asked, releasing her and turning to face her as he reached for both of her hands. Quickly, as not to alert her and in one swift movement, Sakura snipped off the end of whatever she'd been hiding in her kimono sleeve. The remains of which would never be found or detected by now if he hadn't already.

Just in time she reached up to take his hands. "Oh, very much."

He smiled darkly, obviously pleased with her reply.

_Calm,_ _Sakura. Just stay calm. Breathe normally and let it come. Stay in control. You are a strong shinobi of Konoha. You are ANBU. You have been trained by the best man in the field. You will not fail. You cannot let him see your fear._

"Apprehensive?"

"Excited," she masked easily as she forced her hands to squeeze briefly around his own. She fell into his embrace and did let it come as he took her lips in a kiss. The feeling of his lips across her, slanting, was not unpleasant. It was obvious he knew what he was doing and did it well. She could only hope the rest of this went much the same way. However, the lingering reminder of those other women... had her still on edge.

She fell onto the mattress as he led her there. She allowed her clothes to be shed one by one, falling here and there like a wanton haze. The feel of his very real, very male, very hard wanting body on her own had goosebumps trailing her arms in a way that was not induced by desire. Sadly, however thankfully for her in this case... fear had a way of making you seem as though you wanted what you were getting. It made a great many women wanting and wet during the act regardless of whether they felt a likeness for it. Not all of course, but in her studies quite a few.

It was a rapid beating of movement. His hands were everywhere and drawing from her body things she did not want to feel with him. She found herself feeling emotions she didn't want to feel, things she'd told herself she wasn't, things Ino and Rin had warned her she would feel. His hands, his kisses, his touches were of a person she had to outwit and undo. She had to do this not because she wanted to, but because it was her duty to.

Duty... duty came before personal choice.

Duty came before preference.

Duty came before emotions.

Duty came before dreams.

Duty... was that she'd wanted.

And then, just as quickly as he'd had her growing accustomed to his pace, he changed tactics. It was slow and gradual, but it didn't make it any easier.

His hands became harder, more gripping. His gentle touched turned bruising. His evasive nails turned to knives on her soft flesh. She had to force down and cry and summon up a false moan, urging him this was what she desired as he drove into a place she'd tried hard not to consider.

She gripped the back of the headboard as her eyes stared into the wall just behind it. Her knuckled burned white as he pounded into her backside. Pain sliced up her spine while his greedy hands gripped her hips in the doggy-style position. Tears threatened to prick at her eyes and she bit down on her lip.

She'd done this before, once or twice. However, her lovers then had been careful, kind and slow. They'd made sure to ask her, coax her softly and take care with a lubricant before even allowing their own hardened member near it.

This... this was...

Everything hurt. Every moment that passed was another chip off of her heart. How did Ino endure this? How had anyone ever endured this level of hatred pouring out from another person, cruelly, into their own body? She felt like her strength was being zapped form her. She felt like he was taking away everything she'd ever worked hard to gain, to accomplish. The very real feel of her own insides being torn asunder was a likely metaphor to her very power and pillar of strength being stripped.

_I am a shinobi of Konoha,_ she reminded herself. _I am strong, I am resilient, I can overcome, I can adapt and learn... I can..._

She couldn't help the one, small, single tear as it dropped from her face... splashing upon a pillow before her. All else.. was hidden

ooo

Kakashi followed the silver, steel thread along the floor Sakura had left behind for him. He had a hard time forcing down the pride he felt for her. Dropping a wire, a shinobi wire, on the floor to trail the path for him, was just something he hadn't even considered. She must have known something was up and taken the best course of action available to her.

Smart girl.

He tried to keep his pace even lest someone think he was not where he was suppose to be. He rounded a corner and followed the thread once more. He stopped when it came to door. He leaned against the wall and listed to see if he could sense any movement beyond, any indication he'd be dropping in on something he should not be. Regardless of his fear, he could storm into anything or anywhere. The mission would go bust.

He couldn't do that to her. He might not like that she here, in this position, but he wouldn't sabotage it for her either.

Duty... duty before personal desire.

He had to keep reminding himself.

Once he confirmed there was no one near the door or the general area of the door he slowly opened it. Darkness enveloped his vision as he shut it behind him. Faintly, and finally, he could sense Sakura. He wasn't sure how or why... but relief set in once he could.

Careful in his descent down the stairs he made his way towards it. Thanking whatever god was available to him that no one was about and the presence of traps were nil, he continued towards a stream of light coming from the crack of a door ahead. It was here he heard the dreaded sounds he'd not been wanting to hear...

He stopped. He closed his eyes. He drew breath and strength from within. He forced down things better left in the dark reaches of his mind.

He reopened his eyes and all but glared at the door while trying to figure out a way in without interrupting the proceedings. His eyes darted upward, flickering. It appeared, from his judgment, that the top of the room did not go all the way up.

Interesting.

In one swift, clean and silent movement he leapt upward. Gracefully, he landed in a crouch on the ledge of the wall and steadied himself. Thankfully the wall had an inner layer of concrete block. He couldn't imagine what would have happened had it been shaky drywall and wood alone.

It appeared the very core of his being was just too bothered to think of everything. But, small favors were graciously accepted despite all odds. Luck, he realized, was on his side this night.

He couldn't move as his eyes drifted upward. As they froze and locked in place. Everything stilled.

His body would not move.

The sight that met with his very vision was not one he desired under any context...

He felt his heart constrict, his blood flare and his vision wane as he watched on, as he watched the very worst imagined scenario play out before his eyes.

_"Your Taichou... seems nice.."_

_"He's... amazing."_

_"Do you trust me, Kakashi?"_

_"Please... no... Stop!"_

_"No more!"_

_"Open your eyes!"_

_"Look!"_

_"Do you trust me?"_

_"Come with me."_

_"No! I will not abandon Konoha!"_

_"Stop!"_

_"No more!"_

_"Look!"_

_"Do you trust me... Kakashi?"_

_"He's... amazing..."_

_"Taichou!"_

Words, speaking, voices, hundreds of them molded into one in the back of his mind and continued on to such a point they all became a blur. All he could see was the blood. All he could feel was the pain. All he could hear were the screams. All he could sense was a mixture of hate, crimson tears and the eyes of a young boy--a man--whom he could not save.

_"No more!"_

_"Stop!"_

The pounding of his heart started again. The rush of life fluid in his veins sped up. His breathing came short all over. He wasn't really seeing her, he was seeing something of her and a time he'd tried so hard to forget but never would. He was seeing a place, a person, he never wanted to see again. A place he didn't want to be reminded of. A failure he couldn't fix, could never repair, but somehow had promised it would never happen again.

His hands shook as he forced it away. He couldn't do this now. He had a mission to accomplish. He convinced himself the only real way to get this done was to get what he, what the client, needed. He choked down his fears. He tightened his jaw and told himself to stop.

_Never again,_ he reminded himself as he withdrew the camera and did the last thing he ever hoped to do in regards to a woman he'd come to more than respect; to a woman that deserved much more than what was being offered.

ooo

It was over.

It was finally over, she realized as he rolled off of her and fell onto the mattress with a long sigh. She didn't even feel him leave her. Her body was numb. Her limbs felt as though they were not attached. If she was floating, it would be considered the worst antigravity moment of her life.

Everything ached.

Everything burned.

Her body was on fire and she felt like her insides and been run through some abomination of a grinder. She couldn't hide the way she shook every so many moments. She couldn't hide how much it overtook her. But, what she could do was close her eyes, exhale and smile as she fell onto the mattress next to him.

"Well?" she whispered in question when he said nothing to her, faking a joy in her tone.

No response.

She turned her head and narrowed her eyes on him. He wasn't moving. His eyes were closed.

Had he fallen asleep?

Her body cried in protest as she reached out to touch his neck. However, just as she did a hand snapped over her wrist to stop her. She stifled a gasp as she looked up to see just who was on the other end of that hand.

Kakashi.

She relaxed and pulled a sheet around her body. She covered her inner turmoil with a question. "Are you--."

"Needle," he indicated, stopping her short as he motioned to the other side of the man's neck.

Sakura leaned over, just barely. Ah, sure enough... he must have done that after he'd fallen to the mattress. "You don't think he'll suspect anything?" she asked in a monotone.

Kakashi shook his head. "Sleeping potion... he'll think he fell asleep after the act. By the time he wakes up we'll be gone," he muttered as he pulled the tip from his neck. "You might wanna heal it... if you can. We don't need any lasting evidence."

Sakura nodded and reached over. She resisted wincing as she allowed a soft glow to escape from the tip of her finger onto the small wound and heal his flesh. Seconds later it was as though there had never been a injury.

She sat back and exhaled as quietly as possible. It was so hard, though. Everything hurt. It all hurt so bad she couldn't focus on anything else. He hadn't beat her... no, but he might as well have. She was sure come morning she'd have a slew of marks she'd be hard pressed to look at in the mirror while she worked on them without being reminded of this experience.

She attempted to move off the bed and stand, sheet firmly wrapped about her in modesty. She felt her legs start to give out from under her in vain and reached for the bed with deep breath inward.

Pain shot up her spine.

She felt arms wrap about her, picking her up under her legs and behind her back almost immediately. Green orbs drew up to mismatched hues of coal-grey, black and deep crimson as her lips parted in surprise.

He stared down at her, eyes deep with something... an emotion. It was something she rarely saw in his eyes these days. It was something that struck her to her core along with the safe, grateful feeling of being contained in his embrace.

She looked down and leaned her head into his chest.

"Thank you."

In response, he said nothing. She didn't expect him to. When he moved towards the door she stopped him by gripping his arm. "Wait."

"Hm?"

"There's a ring... on his left hand, his pointer finger... I think it's how he evaded so many people. Don't leave without it..."

Without argument he did as he asked, walking across the room and leaning down just enough so she could remove the ring.

"We'll look at it later," he muttered in order. "Put it in my pocket."

Without argument, Sakura did so. She placed it in a small slit of a pocket in the right breast of his soft, violet colored armor.

"Kakashi?"

"Hm?"

"I'm going..." she slurred, exhaustion finally setting in.

"Go to sleep, Sakura," he whispered, pain evident in his voice for once.

"Yes, sensei..."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**AN:** OMG, hardest chapter to write, I tell you. Man, I feel like I need to go kick a bunny or cry in a corner now. ,o Horrible, I know. I hope you guys enjoyed this. I tried so hard to make it as painless as possible. And I realize I didn't quite cover it there at the end how Sakura was feeling emotionally. But, it hasn't quite set in yet. Not really. That and she's in a lot of physical pain. Plus, she's focused on making sure the mission is completed with success. So... anyway... hope you liked it.

Next chapter will have them going home. And a little, actually... a lot more development between Sakura and Kakashi.

Hope for the best!

Reviews are love!

--Blade


	12. Chapter 12

**..Chapter Twelve..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

_His hands were everywhere; bruising, gripping, biting, clawing, digging. But this time her fears weren't hidden, nor were her tears. She could hear herself crying out for him to stop. She could feel the blood trailing down her thighs from between her buttocks, soaking the sheets below. His hard member was violent, violating and ripping her insides out just as before. This time though, she tried to fight him and couldn't. She was weak, terribly weak with fear. All of her power had been taken away, torn from her very core by the man taking her on the mattress._

_"You're not like the others," she could hear him say as he had the last time, his breath harsher, hotter and even more probing. "You like it don't you?"_

_'No!' she wanted to cry out; but, like her ability, her power and her chakra, her voice escaped her. It would not come no matter how much she sought to command it._

_His hands yanked on her hair, threatening to rip at the scalp. She could feel her head being pulled back. Liquid pain soaked her cheeks and the bittersweet taste of salt was on her tongue._

_It all hurt so much. It was emotionally wrenching. The very essence of her life was being sucked from her until she could not longer move. She was being suffocated in anguish and disgust._

_Her skin pricked with every passing of his nails across her raw flesh. And each time he drew over one area he waited while going to another. By the time the pinked section began to heal he was tearing into it again, making it that much more terrible for her. Every action felt like a rusty knife with a dull edge slicing into her._

_Then his teeth were on her, biting so hard in some places she knew she was bleeding. This time she could hear her voice, screaming in her own ears and she tried to push him off of her._

_"Sakura," a voice whispered in the distance, calling from somewhere she didn't know._

_'Help,' she wanted to say. 'Help me!' But, she could not. The only thing she could bring to pass her lips was the never ending screaming. Her throat felt hoarse._

_"..Sakura.." it called again._

_'I'm here! Help me, please!' she tried again to no avail._

_"Wake up..!"_

_'What..?'_

_"**SAKURA!**"_

...

She came back to the real world gasping for air, choking on her own tears and snot. Her chest heaved and her eyes were tightly shut the moment she realized she was awake. She was flushed pink from crying. The moment she moved to sit up, so very quickly because of the horrifying after images, she felt the pain. Her body shot up with flames. They moved out from her chest to her hips, down her spine, across her back, down her arms, legs feet and to her hands, fingers and toes.

It was so excruciating the tears came anew.

All her life she'd found herself injured on way or another. It happened quite frequently as a medic, as a shinobi and as a trainee in ANBU. She'd been tortured with weapons and tools for information. She'd been placed on a rack once; a device that pulled your arms and legs from above and below until they ripped from your body. She'd been struck deeply by many kunai, arrows and senbon as if a pincushion. She'd almost had her left leg cut off at the bone once when it looked near irreparable and they were too far from Konoha to have Tsunade heal it. She'd almost broken her neck when she'd fallen from a height of twenty feet, near death in Earth country. She'd broken countless bones, torn muscles, ripped ligaments.

But never, in all her life, had Sakura ever felt something so deafeningly hateful within and without.

She wanted to rip her very skin off her body. She wanted to bathe in water too hot to stand. She wanted the emotional ache to go away more than the bruises, the scars or any of the physical marks she was sure to keep for a lifetime afterwards.

She felt arms come around her immediately and the pain intensified. But, she didn't care; because, the pain within was in need of easing far more than the pain without. She soaked into their embrace and drew on their warmth. She cried into their chest, not caring who it was that moment.

She didn't care how weak she looked.

She didn't care if it was against the shinobi code to hide her feelings.

She didn't care about the tears threatening to dehydrate her.

Her arms, slowly and shakily, reached around to hug them back. She needed more of that comfort in her haze. She needed to know someone was there for her, that someone cared enough to just be there instead of rip something from her she'd worked so hard to gain.

The silence that echoed on would have normally had her speaking. But, suddenly, she found words to be all but meaningless. Still, that tangible, comforting silence told her who it was. The material brushing across her forehead over their chin spoke more than words ever would.

She didn't know why he was doing it, but she didn't stop him when he moved to slip her into his lap. She didn't stop him when he placed her face in the crook of his neck. She didn't stop him as he rocked her gently, running his hand down her matted pink strands.

She shook and shook and shook as she poured her heart out to a man she never imagined herself in this position with. It was a man whom she'd grown up with. It was a man who'd taught her how to be a shinobi when she'd been but twelve. It was a man who'd been her shield, her barrier and her rock as a child. Yes, a child. How could she have been anything else during those days of naivete?

He'd protected her, sheltered her, fed her and kept her alive. His masked face echoed throughout her life as a thing ever unchanging. His classic eye crinkle was something she missed. His masked smile was a thing she longed for. The little orange book she saw so little of since growing up was what defined him in her heart. The admiration she held for him was a thing that could never be shook; and now, more than ever, did she want to have that cold, unaffected calm he'd mastered so well.

She felt weak and lifeless in his arms. She felt like a little girl who'd done more than scraped her knee because of a fall, or because a group of bullies whom had teased her. She wanted to cling to him as a lost victim, as he was now, forever. Would this ache ever heal? Did it ever get better?

She sought refuge in his unwavering heartbeat and the gentle hum in his chest which was meant to soothe her. She was numb and felt like a broken bird who'd found her sanctuary, her nest.

She curled her arms into her chest and allowed herself to be soaked into him. She relished his arms tightening around her in a way too far from romantic.

"Does it go away?" she whispered hoarsely, cracking present in her voice. More tears, more shaking; perhaps harder this time.

"The pain?" he whispered as he rocked her and stroked her head. His voice, the timber in the roll of vowels helped a bit.

"Yes," she breathed because she could do nothing else, her throat sore.

He was quiet for a while but did not stop his actions. She waited, patiently.

"...No."

She nodded, fearing that would indeed be his answer.

"But..."

She opened her eyes as he started again, staring at a wall across the room. She didn't focus on anything in particular. She more or less stared beyond it in quiet solstice.

She wouldn't see it, but his eyes closed. "...Like a child with her toys, you learn to put it away in a box, far from your heart. You try to forget about it, no matter how hard it seems. And once you've managed to do that... the world, as you watch your friends look through it with rose colored glasses, becomes tolerable.

"The pain... ages from a continuous vice to a small prick against the flesh.."

The steady flow of his voice wrapped her a blanket unlike any other tangible material could ever do. She allowed the words to wash over her. She considered them well and closed her eyes against the world.

Looking at it... hurt.

"When do we leave?" she whispered.

"As soon as I speak with Sumi-sama. I'll report my findings to her. Then, I'll clean up and we'll depart." He paused. "You were fairly gone when I brought you back to the room... but I had to..." she listened as his voice trailed on. She tried to understand what he was trying to say. It was during this moment she realized she didn't feel physically dirty. She was clothed in a soft white gown made of cotton.

He'd bathed her... somehow.

"Thank you," she replied, not bothered by it at all. Days ago she might have been a bit.. but, today? It seemed so trivial in comparison to everything else she'd experienced.

He nodded. "I'm certain you can move... we'll have to take it slow going home..."

"I'll manage," she replied, not wanting to be a burden after all he'd done.

Before he could say anything more there was a knock at the door and Sakura tensed up.

"Sumi-sama is ready for you, ANBU-sama..." they both heard. It was the voice of the assistant who'd let them in the first day.

Kakashi sighed. "I'm on my way... thank you," he called back.

"Very good," was all she said as he felt her presence leave the door front barren.

"I'll be back... alright?"

Sakura nodded as he slowly maneuvered her back to where she'd been before he'd woken her up. She managed to look up at him as he walked across the room to dress. She blinked at this, realizing he'd been in nothing but his ANBU top and boxers.... had... had he slept with her the whole night?

She felt a choked sob working it's way back up her throat and escaping.

"Sakura?" he asked, pausing across the room. Concern etched his features behind the veil of blue and in his single coal orb.

She shook her head. "I'm fine, I just... moved my leg a bit too fast..." she lied, not wanting to worry him further or explain just how unworthy she felt of that affection he'd so given her in the night.

There were so many things she wanted to say to him as she watched him look at her one last time and leave the room.

She just couldn't find the words.

The tears... but not the words

ooo

Alexiel sat before her desk as she shuffled papers and placed them into their appropriate files. Those files were stuck into drawers in the correct slots between others. She put away her calculator and budget book.

_Knock._

She blinked and looked up at the door. "Enter," she ordered loudly.

Kakashi, one of the ANBU operatives she'd hired, came though and shut the door soundlessly. She knew the elite class to be good, but she was still in awe of how utterly quiet they were at all times. Considering the success of the mission she would hire more for escort services and business trips to other countries. The price would be well worth the unwavering protection.

"Please, sit down," she murmured, placing her hands on her desk so they interlaced. When he did so she spoke again, "As I understand it, the mission was successful?

He nodded, dropping a tan file on her desk carelessly. It slid toward her with the momentum as he spoke. "In there you will find all the photos of the act and a report from myself on the observations before, during and after....Sakura endured quite a few injuries.. and I would appreciate it if you emphasized these points in court."

Alexiel's eyes narrowed as she opened the file and focused on the information he'd provided her. However, as soon as she did she almost wished she hadn't. Her eyes widened and she gasped, covering her mouth with her left hand. "My god..." she breathed in shock.

He'd seen fit to place the photos of her state of body first. Her face was barely seen in any of them. They were clear and shot with a pronounced focus on the lense to give more than an eyeful of the state her husband had left the ANBU female in.

Bruises... so many of them looked to be just starting to come in. There were cuts and abrasions everywhere. Blood... she could see quite clearly, trickled from between Sakura's thighs.

"I had no idea... he... good god..." She swallowed. "I'd never seen the extent he left any of my girls in... they never let me... if I had any ...Kami.." she breathed, her heart tearing.

"If I had it my way..." his whispered darkly, "your husband would be dead already, Sumi-sama..."

She looked up at him, eyes wavering but strong. "If I had had any idea you would have been assigned for an assassination mission, I assure you. This is... _unspeakable,_" she spat with venom laced in her voice, disgusted and hurt all at once. She shook her head, no longer able to bear herself willing to look any further as she shut the file.

"I will pay you both double what I promised. To you, her and the Hokage for any grievances."

"Pay Sakura my share of the double then," he ordered coolly.

Alexiel paused as she felt the edge laced in his voice. The very tone shook her to her very being. When she took in his eye, the one not closed, she could see something burning. Her heart softened and she realized he'd had to watch this and do nothing as his comrade took it all in. She doubted she could say the same for herself if it had been one of the women who worked for her. So many of them were frome broken homes, homeless and had nothing left. Many of them had been victims of rape themselves. The ones she could help, the ones that held promise, she cultured and schooled to be the ladies that worked for her. Those she could not did lesser paying jobs they much proffered over the escorting services.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish I could do more.. this must have been so hard for you.. you both... if there's anything more.."

"There is."

"Name it."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, gold and silver ring. She raised a brow at it curiously.

"Have you ever seen this before?"

"...No.. why?"

He nodded. "This is how your husband evaded everyone, Sumi-sama. This ring is an very expensive, very refined and very _rare_ tool for a shinobi. It's been bound with a very powerful jutsu."

"Really..? I know very little about shinobi... but I understand what you are saying thus far... go on..."

He sighed. "It's made with forbidden techniques, I'm afraid. Which is why it's so rare. The maker must take precision and great care when making it. It takes years, sometimes decades, to fashion the ring itself so it functions properly. And you can't test it until it's totally complete. One wrong move and it won't work. The maker has to start all over.

"Then, once fashioned, he must take time to select a shinobi with a powerful and a massive amount of chakra. When they are subdued, he performs the jutsu which sucks the very life energy, the essence and the being from the shinobi he has selected. It remains forever in the ring and some speculate so does the soul of the person he uses...

"The ring," he continued as he pointed to the silver strip around the center of the ring, "had a center such as this which moves on it's own. If you know the correct combination it will utilize the jutsu programmed within. In this case, a high level genjutsu, something akin to what you'd call invisibility. Accept, it not only renders you unseen, but your chakra as well as the chakra of anyone with you at the time.

"You don't have to be a shinobi to use it... just know the combination. The power comes from the ring itself. It only wanes on use, though quickly replenishes in about twelve hours time.

"I'm not sure where your husband got this ring... but he must have spent a pretty hefty amount of ryou... because no one else but a shinobi would use it or own it in most cases. And the the probability of him killing someone to gain it seems laughable at best all considered..."

She nodded, utterly in awe of the thing. "Alright... well... what is your request?"

"My request, Sumi-sama," he replied as he pocketed the ring, "is you allow me to keep it. Normally, the spoils of a mission go to the client since we are hired to only to carry it out and nothing more..."

"Please do," she muttered quickly with a disdain not directed at him. She leaned back in her chair. "I'd rather keep nothing of his. In fact, I'll burn whatever he doesn't take with him when I remove him from my home and business."

Kakashi nodded. "If there is nothing else..."

"No, please go. I'm sure that poor girl is more than eager to be gone from here and home. For what it's worth, though I doubt it makes any difference... I am truly sorry for what she has suffered...And if there is anything I can do for you or your people in the future, please let me know. If it's within my power and I have the means to I'll do whatever I can."

"It's doesn't..." he replied as he stood, "But... it's more than most would offer. For that I'm grateful, Sumi-sama." With another nod he left and began to slow trek towards he and his teammate's room.

Like her... he very much wanted to be back in Konoha.

ooo

Her legs felt shaky with every step she took. Even standing up for the first time hurt so much she had felt then as though it couldn't be bared. Somehow though, she forced herself to walk. She forced herself to get dressed without crying out in pain, she managed to get her gear on and walk out of that dreaded place with nary a look behind her.

For once, as they traveled the woods, Kakashi carrying her pack as well as his own, she felt glad to be wearing a mask. She hadn't had to since they left Mystic Falls, but still wanted to. She didn't want to take it off ever again if she could help it; not until she could master the face her admirable sempai donned so easily. She didn't want people to see her tears, her anguish or look at her with pity. She didn't want them to look in her eyes and know what she had done, thinking her shameless and dirty. Her mind knew they wouldn't see her as such, but her heart was another matter.

She stared at his back as he walked ahead of her with a slow gait and laziness to his step. Somehow he'd managed to rig both packs on his back so he could read the latest edition of Icha Icha--something she was glad to see him doing.

He'd made sure to keep with her pace. He hadn't pushed or prodded anything more from her as he usually did. He'd not spoken much to her--something she was use to and hadn't changed since the mission. She realized this time the silence really didn't bother her. Perhaps that was why he was so quiet... Had he felt this way the first time? Like everything hurt? Like the very sun on your back and vision around you was meant to taunt you; as though it was something you could no longer enjoy?

She sighed and stuff her hands into her pockets as she slouched in a way that nearly mirrored her sempai's. Her head hung down a bit and her eyes drooped only slightly as she trodded on.

It had been very early morning when they'd gone from Mystic falls. Twenty miles was a long way to go at this speed and she doubted they were halfway by now. The time, she estimated, had to be about two o'clock. They'd taken a break for lunch earlier and that had been a a good time ago. All she really wanted to do was go home, hide in her apartment and not see the light of day for a while. How long 'a while' might be she didn't know.

_Don't wallow, Sakura. It's not easy. That first mission, hell all of them, it breaks you a little. But, we are shinobi. We are resilient and proud of what we represent to the rest of the world. And we are better in many ways because of it. Remember, scars never go away; but, they remind you of what you've overcome, what you will continue to overcome and how you are stronger because of it._

Ino's words came back to her like a crashing wave as soon as she'd considered the very span of time she might actually hide away from the world. It startled her how quickly the blond jumped into her thoughts just then.

Don't wallow?

How could anyone even think that was easy...? No, she hadn't said it was easy. She hadn't sugar coated it either. She'd been honest and real with her. At the time her words had lifted her, given her hope and faith that she could do this. But now... now she was thinking perhaps she'd been wrong... so very wrong.

Who was ever ready for this kind of work?

How did one overcome something irreparable? How did you wake up every morning and plaster a smile on your face, trying to show the world you were ok? There just wasn't any way to be ok... surely you had to fake it.... forget, if it was possible.

Her eyes looked on at his back again, his words and Ino's echoed at once in her mind. Her eyes narrowed and she did a good, long, serious analyzation of herself and her situation.

She wouldn't be that girl anymore. She'd said as much herself. Jumping this hurtle had been her words to that effect... had they not? If she wasn't going to be that girl anymore, if she had to grow, adapt and overcome, if she was going to somehow make herself into something of the man before her... then it would take some work.

She closed her eyes as the pain came back almost instantly. The war between living and dying metaphorically was not going to be easy. She was going to have to live with this for the rest of her life. But, she was _not_ going to let it beat her. She wasn't going to let _him_ beat her; the monster in her dreams who'd taken her strength from her.

She would get it back, with teeth and claws if need be. She would fight for her courage and her confidence.

Sakura, as she promised herself years ago and now promised again, wasn't going to be _that girl_. No one, not even a pitiful man who'd taken all that she'd drawn herself up into for years, _was going to keep it from her._

She would fight for it back.

Even if it was from her own demons.


	13. Chapter 13

**..Chapter Thirteen..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

"Congratulations..." a smile hinted at the corners of lips as she handed the female across her desk a wrapped scroll. "You've passed. You are now, from this moment on, no longer a trainee. Within that scroll you will find your graduation diploma and your final scores. Use what knowledge, skills and expertise you've gained within the unit thus far as the tools that will guide you to success and accomplishment. We expect great things from you, agent Lotus."

She bowed and took the scroll offered. "Thank you, Rin-sama. I will."

Dark orbs watched the cotton candy colored woman across from her as she leaned back in her chair. It swiveled slightly under the pressure of her movement. Her legs crossed one over the other and she sat her interlinked digits atop her thighs midway to her knees. She regarded Lotus carefully and with a sense of unrevealed care.

"How have you been, Sakura?" Rin asked.

Sakura paused. Despite the mask over her features one could tell she wasn't sure how to answer the question. "I'm sorry, Rin-sama... but in what way do you mean?"

Now it was her turn to pause and consider her words. It had been two months since the end of that mission Rin had assigned her in Mystic Falls. Sakura had come back a broken, bloody withdrawn mess. It had taken days to heal the physical scars, the bite marks, the damage to her rectum and internal vaginal walls. Tsunade had nearly thrown a fit and she'd personally taken two weeks off to make sure the pinkette was ok to go about on her own. She'd insisted Sakura stay one week in the hospital in that time. It was personal, no one could deny that in the Hokage. Sakura's friends hadn't been given the details; most especially Sasuke and Naruto. However, Rin could tell from the few times she was privy to visit in the company of Sai or Sasuke they knew. In their own way the two ebony haired teammates knew. Sasuke looked livid everytime he left. Sai just looked forlorn and worried in his own way. You could see it in his eyes.

After she'd left the hospital Sakura had insisted on wearing her mask at all times accept in her own home. She was hardly seen anywhere without her ANBU armor. It had taken a month to get her out of it, to get her feeling comfortable enough and safe enough to go without it. These days she only wore it when having to go to HQ. She hadn't had a mission in those two months at the Hokage's instance. Leave was required after such missions. The time of leave was decided by the agent and the Hokage. Rin didn't know the details... but apparently the girl hadn't wanted that much time. Tsunade had been the one who insisted on two months.

Rin sighed. "I mean... are you really up to a new mission? It might not come for a few weeks. However, are you certain you don't need more time? We have plenty of agents, Haruno. We don't need you that urgently..."

"I know, Rin-sama," she replied from behind the mask. "I'm alright. I'm not... better if that's what you mean. But, I can't just sit home and do nothing. I joined this unit to make a change for myself. I wanted to become a better shinobi. I can't do that without moving on somehow."

"Just.. don't rush yourself," Rin advised, eyes obviously softening. "No one expects you to, hun."

"I know. I'm not doing this for anyone else. I'm doing this for me."

"Very well," she agreed with a small nod. "Remember, you're always free to see the counselor here. The door is always open and welcome at all times, day or night."

"I know," she allowed with a single nod.

"Well," she sighed out, siting forward and shuffling some papers on her desk. "It won't be a while before you have another seduction mission yourself. Rest easy. You might not get one for year. For now, if you don't have any other questions you're free to go.

"As I understand it your friends have a party planned at the local pub."

"Later, yes."

Rin watched as she turned her back to leave and recalled one more thing. "Sakura."

She stopped, hand resting on the handle. "Yes?"

"I almost forgot... " she said softly, "Do you still want to remain on a team with Kakashi? Your sponsorship is over with now that you've recovered..."

Sakura turned to face her, brows raising behind her mask. "Is that an option?"

Rin shrugged. "I asked Kakashi about it a few days ago. I told him I could move you to another team. But, he said if you didn't have a problem with he didn't either." A pause. "If you need some time to consider it I'll--."

"No," she replied quickly, brow now furrowing. "That's fine... I just didn't think..."

"What?"

Sakura shook her head and smiled softly behind her mask. "Nothing. That's fine. Yes, I'd like to remain on his team."

Rin nodded, eyes narrowing. "Very well. I'll make sure to draw up the paperwork before I turn in for the night. You may go now."

Without another word Sakura left her office. She shut the door behind her and passed by the empty desk to her right that Rin's assistant normally occupied. She barely gave it a glance, thinking briefly that the women must be out for lunch or some snack; perhaps even a paperwork run.

Sakura continued her slow, even trek, passing other agents in the hallways as she made her way towards the exit. Some waved at her, the ones she knew. Some people looked really engrossed and didn't look up as they walked by. Some just continued without a word because they didn't know her or were a tad preoccupied.

She didn't shuffled her feet or drag them behind her. Her stance slumped a tad, but not by much. Her eyes only drooped slightly behind the guise of her mask. If someone were to ask her how she were feeling the only answer she was sure she could come up with was... tired. She felt tired and worn down; as if she were a tire that had gone far too long on the road without maintenance or repair.

Sleeping was almost impossible, or it had been. The first two weeks home she'd been given sleeping medication in the hospital after she'd woken up in the night screaming. Tsunade had insisted on it. The drugs had been heavy enough that she couldn't remember dreaming if she had been. The week after the hospital she'd weaned herself off of them. It still didn't help. Now she was just trying to get as much as she could. This last month had been hell. She didn't think she had tears to cry anymore. She'd become numb to it all.

It'd become easier to smile though. The first few ones hadn't been real at all. She'd tried to force herself each time. The first time she'd laughed, a real laugh that swamped her senses, she'd felt more alive than she'd been in the weeks prior. She'd doubled over, holding her stomach. Naruto being his normal, stupid self hadn't done it; no, what had done it was seeing Sasuke blush three shades of red in the face of a new and improved Naruto Sexy No Jutsu. The look on his unsure face just hadn't seemed normal or real and she nearly died as the fit of laughs overtook her.

Aside from that though, things seemed to just flood and flow back to some semblance of normal. Kakashi had been right, though. Nothing really fixed the scar. Nothing made it go away once it was there. Nothing made it disappear. And you realized, as you watched your friends, everyone just felt and looked like they wore the same, rose colored shades. It wasn't so easy to ignore the reality of life after you'd seen the real face or horror. Once you'd stared the Devil in the face and come back alive from it everything else just seemed... fake. There was a lack of luster to life. There was a of lack of shine and beauty. You easily noticed the imperfections, the thorns and dull shades. It was like removing the blinders from a horse and taking in the whole picture; except, that picture was your life.

Sakura wasn't the same woman anymore. She'd lost that girl, the one she'd been so set on losing, when she'd allowed herself to lay down with a man who wanted nothing more than to wreck her very being. It had been his goal, she was sure.

She was growing from it and gaining back what she'd lost. It felt good, empowering; yet, at the same time she felt herself clutch it all so much more tightly now. Like Sasuke in some ways, she felt less urgent to be an open, giving, readable book as she'd been in the past. She never wanted someone to take from her what she was getting back ever again. She told herself time and time again when she got another seduction mission, she would guard herself like a rose guards itself with thorns from being picked. The next time she would be prepared for the pain and the ache. She would numb herself to it and block it all out. Never again would she allow her most prized of abilities--her strength and power--to be ripped from her again.

The drifting sun in the distance told her time hadn't been very forgiving by her estimations and she sighed. She made the slow trek up her creaking porch steps and into her house. She'd silently hoped she would have more time before the celebration party at the local shinobi pub being hosted by her friends.

"Hell.." she muttered as her eyes drifted to the clock while set her mask on the dining room table, she wasn't going to have time to change. Ah well, this wasn't her idea anyway. If they wanted her there they'd just have to deal with her uniform sans the mask.

She allowed a genuine smile as she realized half of them probably wouldn't even care, much less complain. Despite her recent run, terror ridden with the opposite sex, she could still appreciate the fact that she knew she looked damn good in her ANBU uniform.

Her eyes drifted to the clock once more and stopped on the wall mirror across the room just below it. She frowned briefly, something flashing in her eyes as they narrowed. She blinked back something quickly and turned away from her reflection.

Perhaps it didn't matter for other reasons... No matter what she told herself, no matter what the counselor told her, she couldn't help but feel...

_Damaged._

ooo

The smoke filled room and dim lighting fell over her like a wave of thick relaxation as she leaned over her half full glass of scotch. Shouts of jubilation were heard now and then. Sometimes a holler or two as someone drank to her honor once more. People were happy around her. Some of them could care less as they sat in their own corner booth and nursed a drink. The bar was a mix of color and black and white images representing the people there. None seemed to mind the occasional high induced excitement.

When she'd come in she'd given her customary greetings. She'd said hello and allowed each one of her team to buy her a drink. Many of them had been sipped from by other people when it became obvious she was just going to nurse her alcohol. She was three glasses into it whether they noticed or not. Hours had gone by while she sat there, hunched over with her shoulders slouching.

The image of her could easily be compared to that of the standard male character in a black and white film thinking far too heavily and drinking steadily enough. The only thing missing was the customary cigarette gripped lazily betwixt her lips as she analyzed her thoughts through a coppery abyss.

Her eyes drifted half shut and her lips were only partially open. Her mind was lost to those around her. She hardly minded that by now it seemed they were using her promotion as an excuse to drink. She wasn't unhappy for them or herself. She didn't feel anything but the numbing, warm intoxication that swarmed her senses.

She wasn't about to become an alcoholic like her shishou; however, if a drink or two did this to her... well, she might have to consider partaking of it before bed every night that she wasn't on the job. If it helped her sleep...

She reached for the glass, swirling it once or twice and finished it off. She savored the bite trailing down her throat and smacked her lips. She suppressed the urge to cough and lifted her hand to motion for another drink. The action was halted when someone sat down next to her and took her wrist.

"May I?"

She raised a single pink brow at first, her lips showing only in a slight and curious frown. She shrugged. "Why not, it's one less ryou out of my pocket."

"Shin," the name was called out lazily as he raised a hand. "Two over here, please. One bourbon and..." he edged, looking over at her, coal orb questioning.

"Scotch," she muttered, rubbing her eyes.

He repeated the request and waited next to her. The position her silver haired partner took on almost mirrored her own. If she'd taken the time to notice she might have laughed at how far she'd come down this path. She didn't though. She just hunched over her glass as it was presented to her.

"Congratulations," he murmured, lifting his glass.

"Thank you," she muttered, meeting his in a customary 'chink'. They both drank a swallow at the same time. The simultaneous sound of glass on wood briefly sounded and did nothing to break to mood of the room or atmosphere.

"I haven't seen you in a while," she murmured quietly. She was fairly surprised he'd shown up at all tonight. Since they'd come back from the mission she seen little of him from the time of her release from the hospital. Then, he'd been there like a rock, near silent and standing by her side more so than Tsunade. Whenever she'd awoken he'd either been asleep, telling her to get more rest or pretending to be so engrossed in his little porn book that he hardly had time to talk. At the time, he hadn't appeared much for conversation. She hadn't been either. The silence in his presence had been her solace.

He took another sip from his drink, swallowing as a method of stalling to think of a way to respond. He looked down, one forearm flat across the counter long ways before of his chest. The other hand rested with his elbow while the tips of his fingers gently held his drink. "...You seemed to need time..."

She nodded. "Yeah, it felt that way. All the same though, I wouldn't have mined your company. Even..." she edged slowly, eyes narrowing on her drink as she tried to find the right words, "even if you said nothing at all."

Something passed over his features but he didn't look at her.

She didn't sigh. She looked up at the back of the bar and flicked a few strands of her hair behind her as she felt the mood shift between the two of them. Things she would normally keep bottled up except around her counselor just wanted to pour over in his presence and she knew why. She'd had a lot of time away from him to think about it. She just wasn't sure if this was the time to say it or the place.

She took another sip of her drink, once more nursing. "Everyone's been all about talking. Sasuke knows what happened. Sai does, even if he doesn't really voice it, his eyes do.. Naruto? I'm glad he doesn't know. He just thinks I got my ass severely kicked. He thinks it was worse than normal and wants some sort of _revenge,_" she rattled the last word of with a roll of her eyes. "Everyone wants to understand. Everyone wants to be there. Everyone wants to help.... And for the first month all _I_ wanted..." her voice dipped quietly.

"Was for them all to fuck off and let you think?" he supplied.

"..Yeah." She looked over at him, finding his gaze even if he wasn't looking at her. He wasn't, she knew. But, she was looking at _him_. He wasn't treating her like a kid anymore. He wasn't scolding her for drinking. He wasn't looking at her in a way someone might pity a broken bird. He just wasn't acting in that way he use to. He wasn't cold, but he wasn't open either. He wasn't smiling or hiding behind that eye crinkle she'd come to know as a child. In her own way... Sakura felt like she was viewing a man who knew the same pain she did. He wasn't giving all of himself to her, but he was obviously letting his coat hang a bit more for her than he did for everyone else.

He's shed his armor just a bit... and so did she.

She reached over slowly, not looking at him and shut her eyes from the world, she blocked it all out as she took his hand in her own. His grip loosened and she felt him uncoil his fingers. Her own interlaced and in the loud, smoky bar around them both, she a raising of something she knew to be true lift in her chest. It made her feel a tad more whole as she felt him match her grip.

Words, for a time... were pointless.

She let the moment drag on as everything around her seemed to slow. It was all nullified behind her. Every shout, every cry and every momentary striking of glasses. All she could feel was the comfort from the gesture he matched with her. All she soak in was that warmth his hand provided. The tender yet steady grip of his hands through the common leather of their gloves was hardly a barrier in her mind. There were no barriers. Only that warmth, that protective bubble around them both of which he supplied for her and her alone. The common ground she stood on with him was something few would understand; not only because he knew her pain, but because he'd been there as she'd endured it.

"Kakashi?" she whispered, opening her eyes. When he didn't say anything she turned to meet his questioning yet vulnerable gaze. Her brow furrowed and her walls dropped almost immediately. "Will you walk with me?"

He visibly paused. "...Sure."

She nodded and stood, grateful he hadn't refused. Respective bills were dropped on the bar before they made a lazy, yet secretive exit. Neither bothered saying goodbye when more than half of those they would give the customary gesture too probably wouldn't remember it come morning.

The night air was cool on her skin, she realized as the door shut behind her. It was a sure sign that winter was steady and approaching. She glanced up at the cloudy sky while they made the slow trek down the barren strip of road that made up the main entertainment circuit in Konoha. Aside from a few drunken men singing as they made their way home all was quiet and still in the night.

"Home?" he asked.

She shook her head, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "No, I want to go to the old bridge you use to meet us on as kids before a mission." She expected him to ask why, but he didn't. No, he just remained a silent as ever while they traveled on. Again, like normal, she was happy for the quiet. He was one of the few aside from Sai who gave her that comfort. Unlike Sai, his eyes weren't pleading or sympathetic. He didn't look like he wanted to say a hundred things to her or ask a million questions. She could imagine Sai did because perhaps it was just harder for him to deal with the newfound emotions. She could hardly scorn him for that.

Before she knew it they were there. Her booted feet thudded against the worn, wooden icon of her youth. She was seeing visions of her and Naruto shouting at the man before her, calling him a lair for his late excuses. A smile touched her lips only a moment as the memories flashed in her thoughts.

She'd grown up quite a bit since then. She imagined if her younger self could see what she was about to do she would more than likely faint or completely deny it.

She turned to face one railing and stared out at the falling foliage. Leaves and petals drifted into the watery stream before her, making ripples in the water. The same fluttering of plant appendages drifted about them like a slow and symphonic rain. The scene comforted her as she relaxed her stance, closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. The calm of the world around her now seemed to settled her instead of taunt her as it would have over a month ago.

She felt his eyes on her and gathered her thoughts, her words. She knew he must be wondering why she'd asked him here, why she'd needed his company.

"Rin told me you wanted to stay on my team. You don't have to tell me why. I just wanted you to know I'm thankful. It would have felt weird with new people..."

He didn't respond while leaning his side into the railing while he faced her. He looked over her head and into the trees beyond them. He wasn't looking at her; but, she knew he was paying attention.

She sighed finally; but, not so loud it appeared depressing. It was more the kind of sound one made to fill a void. "When I was a kid I wanted to be a shinobi very badly. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't about the guys. Not for me. No, I think I lost sight of it as I went through school; but, I wanted more out of life. I saw what most people see when they watch an old war film or a good drama laced with epic fight scenes and heroes that find the will despite all odds. I wanted the glory and the ideal that doesn't really exist.

"I'm sure it exists in some way, just not the way we imagine it as children. There's much more than goes along with it, more much than a kid can ever understand," she continued. "When Ino and I become friends I forgot about that goal. Sasuke became all that I could see. I strove to be better so that he might look at me as something more. When I got on his team I couldn't of been happier. In the process I continued to lose focus and myself. It became more important to be what he wanted than what I set the groundwork for." She looked down at the rippling stream and picked a the leather of one of her gloves.

"We drifted apart after that. I realized I needed to be serious when I started to fall behind. Becoming Tsunade's apprentice helped me achieve that in a small way. I distanced myself from Sasuke and got back to what was real for me.

"I thought nothing was going to be harder than having her for a teacher. I didn't think ANBU was going to be a walk in the park either. I just... " she paused, "I never really expected it to be quite so hard when you took me on as your student again, Kakashi.

"You _were_ hard on me. You ridiculed me, you pushed me into corners, you broken my limits and you never let up. I felt like a rag doll and on missions I sometimes felt like a useless punching bag. You didn't compliment me. You didn't pat me on the back. You didn't give me any credit even when it was due. You beat me in skill and just when I thought I'd gotten some ground you reminded me of what I piece of shit I was." She didn't mince words and her tone was almost accusatory. "When I was a kid I would have given anything for some attention from you, even bad attention. I can't name the number of times I went home, barely able to move after our training sessions, cursing your name in the worst ways possible." He was still quiet, sensing her need for that.

"Thank you," she whispered strongly with emotion and turned to look at him with rippling eyes looking close to crying. "Thank you for giving me the ability to finally become the woman I wanted to be. Thank you for never letting up. Thank you for treating me like, what I assumed, was shit. Thank you," she said with more strength as she took his hands, causing a look of awe to cross his good eye, "for finally, _finally_, treating me like a student who was worthy of the potential she always hoped she _had_."

"Sakura.."

"I'm not done yet," she interjected quietly as she held his gaze. "When we got that mission for Mystic Falls I won't deny I was scared. I was nervous and trembling inside. Yet, all the things you gave me, all the tools and confidence you'd instilled and beat into me allowed me to complete it with a sense of finesse I wouldn't of ever dreamed myself capable of. A year ago I would of laughed at myself if someone asked me to take it on. I couldn't of comprehended it--at all." She gripped his his hands tightly and kept herself from shaking somehow. She hadn't felt this raw with her emotions since that night when all her strength had been tapped and siphoned from her soul.

"Up until that moment," she continued with confidence still present in her voice, "there was no getting to you. I didn't understand how you could go from being my smiling, perverted, hentai reading sensei... to this cold, indifferent asshole who only seemed to tear me down everytime I gained an upper hand... I didn't _get it,_" she emphasized.

"You were there for me," she whispered, blinking back emotion in her eyes. "You didn't have to be. You didn't have to take care of me. You didn't have to bathe me or clothe me. You didn't have to sleep with me through the night to make sure I was ok. You could of gotten any of those women working there do it.. but you didn't. You stayed with me. You consoled me. With out you..." she shook her head. "There's just no way I would be ok right now. Without everything you've given me emotionally and physically as a shinobi and a woman? I just.. I couldn't of done it. _Not_ without you."

"Sakura--."

"I'm not done," she continued, not letting him get one word in. Not now. She took a deep breath and looked down before meeting his gaze again. "I _admire_ you," she explained, her heat on the line. "You... are the single greatest man to ever walk into my life. Just standing in your presence amazes me. Some women, some people, go their whole life worshiping a god on the silver screen, never once meeting them or standing in their presence," she said with a crack in her voice. "I'm so lucky... because the one I admire most, the person I see as the single greatest contributor in making me a stronger person.. stands before me everyday. You have... no idea how that feels..." she whispered, holding back tears. "And I want you to know... that... I love you."

His chest tightened with every word she spoke. It tightened and grew into a mix of warmth and fear as the hands gripping his own pulsed. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. His vision became a blur to everything but her.

He forced himself to swallow and close his eyes. "Don't say that," he whispered, uncommon emotion laden in his voice. "_Please_..." he breathed, "Don't say that."

Sakura's face took on a wash of confusion as she sensed something drastic and fearful from him. "What... Kakashi..." She reached for him, releasing his hands. Yet, once again, like months ago when he'd fought her for the first time in that field for sword training, he withdrew from her as if stung. She felt that wall come back up and her heart crushed, not just for him, but for herself. "Tell me why," she urged quietly. "Talk to me...! Don't hide from me!"

"No," he ordered, coal orb flashing open wide then narrowing. He took a step back from her. His breath felt quick and he could feel a sheene of sweat forming across his brow. Everything within him was torn. Everything.

"Kakashi--!"

He didn't heart hear the rest. No, because once again he was running. He was running from her and from something in the very folds of his past he felt would always remind him of what he couldn't do, what he couldn't overcome and what he couldn't _change._


	14. Chapter 14

**..Chapter Fourteen..**

**..**

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**..**

The flash of her hair, pink and unbound, danced about her features as she dove into the night. Her lungs forced life into her body, into her heart. Her heart beat blood into her veins and those same blood vessels shot adrenalin through the very core of her being. She moved with a cat-like grace, with an ease, through the many towering buildings in a way that would of had her panting in confusion months ago.

But not now.

Months ago she wouldn't of dared give chase, she wouldn't of even considered it. Had she made an attempt to keep up then she would of found herself on the losing end of this gambit run. He would of laid waste to her senses. He would have left her in not in a trail of dust; no, he was far too good for that. He would of left her in a sandstorm of mental disarray and off balance. She wouldn't have picked up on his subtle tracks---ones he didn't have time to wholly hide as he moved like a panther hunting his prey in the night. Even this distraught and clumsy, she would of felt like a trembling Genin to even consider it.

She wouldn't of.

But now... now she was a woman of finesse. She was a woman of grace and expertise. In the time he'd groomed her, guarded her and beat the life out of her within a breath of living, she'd become the wondrous weapon she so desired to be. He had given her that. And, in giving her that he'd given her the ability to keep up with him.

Perhaps if he was in a bit better form, in a better place mentally he might have lost her.

Perhaps.

But, not now. He'd run from her twice before. Once when she'd asked him to be her sponsor and once when he'd finally agreed after trying to scare her. And twice she'd let him go, knowing she was the inferior shinobi. That was not the case tonight.

Not now.

Now she was fast on his heels, moving about like a leaf on the wind, telling herself he couldn't totally detect her as she kept an eye on his backside, moving as he did over the buildings and into whatever sanctuary he so sought for himself from her confessions of love.

She wasn't giving up this time. She wasn't letting up. She wasn't going to let him run from her. Not again. Not tonight.

Not now.

He'd been evasive her whole life. He hid from the world like a turtle who somehow managed to protect himself without ever really withdrawing into his shell. He was complicated and excuse-laden. Honestly, if she really wanted to delve deeply enough into the throws of his general evasiveness, Sakura could say, without a doubt, he'd been running his whole life from one person or another...from one reason or another. He always slipped away at the last moment, he always hid at the most critical climax in any given non-combative situation where lives were not in danger. He left people with the bill constantly, he could write book on late slips and tardies and he could even coin a slick phrase to sell ice water in the frozen tundra of Snow Country to the savviest of buyers.

Hatake Kakashi was so many things. And in all the time she'd come to know him until then she knew few. She knew far and few. However, what she'd learned by barely cracking the shell in his reserve was a wealth of knowledge. It was something she'd been an unlikely candidate to be privy to. He was compassionate. He was caring. And he'd sooner die than watch someone under his charge fall prey to their wounds, their own personal demise. He was an unshakable force. She would say she was daunted at the very idea she hadn't fallen for him sooner. Still, it took months of walking in his shoes and being expected to fill them in a way she didn't quite think possible to really understand him even a small bit. It took trembling in his arms, vulnerable and in tears, for him to open up even enough for her to feel what barely lay beneath.

She didn't know what made him run.

She didn't know what his demons were.

She didn't care what he was trying to protect himself from, her from.

All she knew is what her heart, the beating organ in her breast, told her to do. She only knew what it had been secretly telling her since that night in the bar when she first asked him to make her into the creature she wanted to be as a child.

Even if he didn't love her, even if he didn't want her, even if there could be nothing more between them but a unwavering trust and sound friendship more securely formed by the bonds of of being a team... she had to know the truth. She had to know why he couldn't face _her_.

It was with this quiet courage and undaunting pursuit that Sakura reached into the pouch snugly tucked to the belt about her waist and flung a wire attached to two weighted balls in the direction his his ankles. She wasn't kidding herself as she watched it sail into the night. She fully expected the puff of smoke to pop out in the night, revealing to her it was nothing more than a replacement jutsu.

And when it did, before it did, she was already moving to relocate herself and continue the chase. It would take a far grander amount of finesse to take out the Copy Nin Kakashi. She'd worked with him long enough to know.

She stole against a wall, pressing her back into the cool surface as she exhaled softly and listened. She expanded her senses and waited for him to make a move. Would he attack or would he go on running? More than likely the latter considering his mental state and unknown fear. However, this didn't stop her from being cautious as she waited and held a sharp, readied, kunai to her chest.

She waited for what seemed like minutes. Those fair minutes were nothing more than seconds and she knew it no matter the tricks her mind would play to taunt her. When she finally felt secure in her intuition that he wasn't going to pounce on her she moved down the alleyway. Her footing was light and unheard. She did well to settle chakra beneath her feet, moving it in a manner that did not leave a trail in her wake. It was just enough to do the job without using too much of her reserve. She wasn't worried though. If her sensei, her partner, taught her anything it was that she needed to take the enemy out as quickly and quietly as possible.

Anything else was failure.

Less than a second later her thoughts were redirected to the task at hand and she was fast on his heels once more. She had been right. He wasn't going to attack her. Kakashi was going to try and divert her attention.

He was _still_ going to run.

"Have it your way," she mouthed into the night lest she be heard. If he wanted to play hardball, so be it. She wasn't going to fool herself into thinking this was going to be easy. She recalled immediately how Zabuza had taken him down all those years ago. Fast and quick. If she wanted to do the same she'd have to use cunning, stealth and her most powerful genjutsu.

Even as she thought this her hands were already moving into the signs. Her eyes snapped in direct line of sight on his moving, leaping form.

"Blossoms Of The Befallen," she whispered to execute the action. In a flash of forward momentum her body faded from sight and in its place a flurry of cherry blossoms shot onward. Before he even realized it was a genjutsu it would be too late. She knew this much because she'd taken care to try the technique on Sasuke. Regardless of how good his eye was, if she were fast enough--which, she was in her mind--he would be trapped. Once he was in her grasp he wouldn't be going anywhere.

Her eyes were everywhere. They blinked from all angles as her technique breezed about him like the rush of a flowery-laden storm. And she was right, the moment he realized her coarse of action was far too late. His eye widened and he reached for his headband to see through the guise.

And in the time it took him to take that coarse of action was all the time she needed to tighten the haze of pink and white about his body. In this moment she attacked from what appeared, for a split millisecond, numerous angles and bound him in forceful embrace. The genjutsu was released as she did so and they both fell a good two flights down.

She stifled a cough and suppressed the urge to cry out when her wrists, her hands, felt as though they might break under the impact of hitting between the sandwich of his back and terra firma below. She held true, however. She refused to release him even as he stiffened beneath her. It was a movement that told her he was trying to find a weakness in her hold.

"Let me go, Sakura. Now."

"Not until you agree, you vow, to talk to me first."

"We've talked already."

"Oh, you mean that bit where I reveal my feelings and you run like a bat out of hell?"

"Sakura.." he drawled, voice deep as he exhaled beneath her.

"Do you honestly think I'm going to let this go? What are you going to do? Transfer off my team? Keep yourself busy with so many missions you never see me? Like _hell_, Hatake. I will find you by any means possible. I will haunt you until you relent and speak to me like an adult. I'm not that girl anymore. You saw fit to remedy that. If you don't want me, if you don't want to return my feelings, just say so, damnit! Don't hide from me as a coward would! I'm not your student anymore!

"I am your equal!"

Her chest heaved against his own and she awaited his response. He couldn't possibly think she was going to simply let this go. She wouldn't... "You can't honestly think I will go quietly into the night as your dutiful subordinate. I will not, Kakashi. I refuse. I--!" Her speech was cut off as he suddenly, somehow, managed to shove her off of him. Sakura jumped to her feet, fully ready for him to run from her once more.

However... he did not, much to her surprise. She didn't know why he hadn't. He'd seemed pretty set on it from the start. Then again... maybe he realized she was serious. She was. She meant every word. It was a vow that would not be broken. Like him, when she said she was going to do something she meant it with every fiber in her being.

"Let it be, Sakura," his voice was dark and held a hint of wavering, clandestine words.

"Then tell me you don't want me!" she insisted, fists balled before her. "Tell me," she snapped in heated, emotional anger because he'd run from her, "you _can't_ love me. Tell me..." she went on as she took a step forward, "that you will never feel that way about _me_. Look me in the eye and say it, Kakashi."

She saw it in his eyes when she closed ground between them both, even if it was only a step. She saw a deep seeded terror there. Was he afraid of her? Why? What reason did he have to fear her? That fear, that silent echo of pain, it forced her to break the anger budding within. She had to quit shouting. Even if she didn't stop demanding, pushing, she had to calm down. Anger was something she had trouble with. It was something she had slowly, steadily, learned to control. This was a time when she needed that control. She needed to exhale, to breathe and realize whatever it was he was keeping from her would not be revealed by shouting or screaming in his face.

Gingerly, at the pass of several moments, Sakura edged closer to him. "Talk to me," she whispered. "Please..." She moved again, gauging his reaction, if any. Her heart hammered in her chest and her insides shook with trepidation and she took slow, steady and cautious steps closer and closer to him. She swallowed as she held his gaze, as she tried to read what hidden emotions kept him there and made him want to go at the same time.

Just as slowly, she lifted her hand in front of her. Her gloved, trembling, fingers reached out for his face, his cheek. Her eyes remained soft, hopeful and questioning. _Please don't run_, she said within her thoughts. _Please stay with me_, she begged to her heart. Her lips parted as if to speak, but she would not.

_I love you..._ she wanted to say, but would not.

Not yet.

Would he move? Would he go? Was she wasting her time chasing after another man who could not overcome the monsters in his heart? Was all of this in vain? Was it wrong to place her heart on the line for someone who ached so obviously in her eyes?

"Kakashi..?" she whispered a bare breath before him, her fingers grazing his cloth covered cheek.

She gasped as his hand snapped up and took tight hold of her wrist. Her face contorted into confused pain as he shut his eyes to hers. His grip was just as painful; but, the bite of the hand about her covered flesh didn't make her cry out; not when the pain lacing her heart just so was inevitably much harder to bear.

"You don't," he ordered gruffly, obviously trying to keep himself in check.

She said nothing. She couldn't make herself speak now.

"Do you hear me?" he asked. His eyes flashed open when she remained silent, an unquenched fire laden in both. "Do you hear me?!" he shouted in a whisper, grabbing her upper arms.

She opened her mouth to speak; but he stopped her again.

"Don't say it again. Don't tell me you love me."

"Why?" she was amazed she got that out. A need to understand him and why he would say such was stronger than the fears in her heart.

"What you feel for me," he whispered, eyes softening, "it's not real. I won't do that to you. I won't take advantage of you."

She shook her head and reached for him, placing her hands on his chest in a physical reaction to become closer to him. Once more, she followed her heart. "I love you because of what you've become to me, Kakashi; because of what you have given me. I admire you--."

"That's just the problem," he said in hoarse interruption, gripping her arms tighter in reaction as well. "You're confused and I won't become what he was. I won't watch someone do that to another human being again. Do you understand?" he asked, holding her gaze. "I won't let it happen! Even if it's me!

"You've been hurt enough!"

"You haven't hurt me!" she shouted this time.

"I will!" he snapped back, pulling her close enough that her breasts were pressing into his chest. "I will be no better than he was!" he went on, not really grasping what he was saying.

"That was different!" she argued back, shaking with raw emotion. "I didn't want Yukio! The choice was a business matter not a matter of my heart! Yu--!" she was stopped short and cried out as she found herself slammed back into a wall with a warm, hard body flush against her own. She could feel taunt legs spreading her own. She could feel hips pressing into hers. She could feel her heart ramming against the beat of another, syncing itself.

Her eyes were wide and her lips were parted as she expelled short, fast breaths in reaction to the fire present in his mismatched eyes.

"I won't be that man. Not for anyone. Not for you; especially not for you."

Her eyes drew across his own, reading and trying to find what he was truly saying. She didn't really understand how she knew; but, she felt he wasn't talking about Yukio anymore. Perhaps... perhaps he never had been talking about him.

"He was so young," Kakashi said in a still tone. "So full of life and aspiration. He admired his Taichou. He did everything he could be just like him. In the end, he fell in love with him. He would of walked to the ends of the earth and back for him. He would have died thrice over for him. Yet..." he trailed off, eyes distant even as they remained on her own, "yet, the one thing he didn't count on was his subordinate's loyalty to his village.

"His Taichou chose power and the boy chose his village," Kakashi whispered, voice trembling. "And in doing that he sealed his fate. He was powerless, suddenly. He was powerless not because he didn't have the ability or the skill... He was powerless because he couldn't stand up to a man he admired, fought with, killed with... a man he was in love with..."

She was still as the silence echoed on after those words. The chill of the night air passed around them and not through them. Their bodies were close and unmoving against one another. The heat of his words, his grasp, it passed over her even as he relaxed against her in pain and placed his temple against her own.

"I can't do it," he whispered with a still aching, trembling voice that cracked in a way she didn't think he, of all people, could do. "It's why I left years ago when you all became Chuunin. It's why I didn't want to be your sponsor... I can't, I won't, run the risk of being _that_ person and hurting _any_ of you."

She understood. Finally. She understood. The idea, the torment, the emotions he poured into her washed over her body, her heart her and her mind. She wanted to weep. She wanted weep for him and the one he spoke of. Her experience had been a terrible thing; yet, what he spoke of was far worse. To be betrayed by the one you love so completely and then murdered after giving nothing but complete dedication for so long... Not just murder... no... she knew what he meant in those underly words... the horror he could not speak of.

She couldn't stop herself. She couldn't keep herself from wrapping her arms about his midsection. He jolted against her and she took advantage of his surprise when he pulled back. She exhaled through her nose suddenly, used one hand to pull his mask down and pressed her lips against his own. She slanted her mouth across his parted one and this time... she initiated the the kiss. She poured her heart through that physical response. She held back tears cresting in the corners of her eyes and she gave all of herself to him.

If he hoped to push her away with his honesty and his fear he was wrong. The words, his story, had done nothing but serve to make her love him more.

When he gave in she didn't question it. When he slowly, tenderly, for whatever reason, pulled her back away from the wall and into his arms as though she might break under his handling she wanted to cry out. The raw depth of the moment flowed through her as he caressed her, held her and loved her with his mouth.

He'd been fighting her. He'd been fighting this moment and it didn't take a good book to tell her that. After all, at the end of the day, no matter how great people made him out to be, Hatake Kakashi was still a man. He was still a human being with feelings, aches and emotions like anyone else.

She sighed as one of his gloved hands reached up and his fingers curled up at the base of her neck.

She would give him this if he would allow her to give him nothing else. She--.

A cough sounded to their right and cause both parties to rip away from the other. Quick and poise, they turned, readied, to the ANBU on their left who was waiting for them to give him their attention.

Somehow, in the rush, Kakashi had replaced his mask.

"Excuse me, agents Lotus and Crow. I have been sent by Rin-sama with a urgent mission for you both." The masked agent reached into his pouch and pulled out a sealed, red scroll. He handed it to Kakashi, looking a tad uncomfortable as what he had stumbled upon. "You are to review the contents of the scroll, follow its instructions and leave immediately to the location described."

"Class?" Kakashi asked, looking as best as he could considering what had occurred moments ago.

"Undisclosed."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "Do you mean it doesn't have a class letter... or you don't know?"

The agent nodded at her. "I mean that I do not know, Lotus-sama. Only you two, the Hokage and Rin-sama know the details of this mission. It is to remain that way."

Both of them nodded in reply as the messenger saluted and left in a flurry of smoke.

Sakura shot a look over at Kakashi as he unraveled the mission scroll. He seemed to be reviewing in the same manner he did any scroll. Perhaps it wasn't---Her thoughts jolted as his eyes became widened a fraction.

"Kakashi? What is it?" she asked softly.

"Seduction mission," he muttered.

Her eyes narrowed. "For me? So soon?" The silence that echoed after her question did not bode well. "Kakashi?" she prompted, taking a step towards him.

"No," he said finally, voice stoic.

"Then--?"

"For me."

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**AN ::** I'm sorry this update took so long. I know how you all are use to my weekly ones for both Torn and Mona. Hell, any of my fics aside from KMI right now. Well, about two weeks ago I lost my oldest dog... we're not sure really what happened, but ultimately we think it was cancer. Even if we'd known we couldn't do much about it... I'm just happy he's at peace now. It really sucks, all considered. I mean, I lost Pop and Cebu... two of the ones I care about most in this world all in one year. Not even a few months between.

After I lost him we went to Dragon*con about a week and a half later. I had to get ready for that and I only recently got back on Tuesday. So again, I'm sorry for the late update. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for being patient, awesome and waiting. I'll be sure to check my inbox ASAP now that I've updated both and reply to my reviews.


	15. Chapter 15

**..Chapter Fifteen..**

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**..**

"Wait... run that by me again. We're to what? You want me to what?"

Kakashi sighed as he set the scroll down on the table before them. He was sitting and she was standing, leaning over his shoulder while one hand braced her on the hard surface. He tried ignoring her closeness as he carefully, slowly, fanned his hands out over the material.

Really, it wasn't that easy; especially, considering moments ago what they'd been doing. He could still taste her, smell her and feel her presence. She could be across the room and he'd still perceive her to be right on top of him and wrapped about him in a way he felt disgusted with himself over.

His insides were a mess. A wreck. He was off set by her and the news he'd been given. It was all he could do to keep his senses, his head, about him at the moment and focus on the details he had to relay to his partner.

He exhaled slowly as he blinked once, twice, in a hesitating manner and explained, "We are to travel twenty miles east from Konoha and into an unnamed forest there. About five miles deep into the cluster of trees and underbrush is a river. From there we follow that river north until we come to a set of falls. The falls, it says, are an illusion. Beyond them is a small canyon and a base of bandits whose hideout we are to infiltrate.

"As far we know, the majority of the group are either low class shinobi who abandoned their village or mere rogues with no other place to call home."

Sakura snorted. "So, why on Kami's green earth is this labeled an S-class mission?"

"Because," he answered in a lazy manner as he unfurled a scroll further and revealed a half shadowed image and vague stat information, "the leader of the operation is said to be a shinobi of some skill. He's a Jounin at best. Still, we've been hired to distract and take him out. The Daimyo says his operation has been halting some of his better trade on a well known route. So far, he's been paying merchants off to keep the problem a quiet matter. He fears if word gets out that there are bandits attacking traders and travelers on this road they might stop coming. The path is a large source of income for not only the Daimyo and his people, but for Konoha as well."

"So..." she mused out loud, "if the big guy gets stinted on his funding we do too... " She sighed and looked at him, brushing hair out of her eyes with her free hand. "I can see how this would be an important matter for Konoha to deal with as soon as possible."

"Yes, it is. And we have to accomplish it without anyone knowing we've done it. We get in, take him out and then get the hell out ourselves. If possible, we make it look like one of his own men did it."

She nodded. "Alright, now... what I don't understand is why..."

"Why I've been selected and not you?" he prompted.

She nodded, not saying anything.

"I should think that's obvious," he sighed out as he released one end of the scroll and allowed it to reform with a slap of paper against paper. "He doesn't prefer women."

"I see," she said softly, allowing a pause over that information to linger on. "Well, let me get this straight... I'm going to pretend to be a missing Konoha nin, right?"

"Right."

"As an..." she winced at the next word, "offering... I'll present you, a civilian, and ask to join their little club?"

"Yes."

"Then, you'll get in close and feed me information. After that we'll confer on his schedule--somehow--and take him out?"

"That's the general idea."

She nodded, eyes narrowed as she let her mind piece together all the information. "I have one problem with this plan."

"And that would be?" He finally looked up at her, watching as she stood erect and crossed her arms over her chest.

"How are you going to hide your eye? I mean, I get we can hide who you are feature-wise by getting rid of the mask. You've worn it, what, how many years?"

"Since before I became a Chuunin."

"Right, so, that's a given. However, what about a Sharingan? We can't use a genjutsu, not really. Not against that many people. Perhaps a ballroom full of civilians and two or three shinobi. But... that's a lot of guys. Plus, I won't be with you all the time. And you can't risk using a jutsu on your own. What about when you sleep?"

He nodded. "I have contacts for just this problem. I can't use the Sharingan when one is in... but, I won't really need to until I'm ready to use it. With you backing me up I won't have to until we're ready to complete the mission and go."

"Can you wear it while you sleep? Are you sure they won't find out?" It was a risk she didn't want to take.

"I'm not going to tell you it's full-proof. I won't lie to you. But, with that and the mask gone I doubt they'll be looking at my eyes. And, if you're convincing enough they won't suspect a thing, Sakura."

"You sure do have a lot of faith in me..." she whispered, unsure.

"Have you given me a reason not to?"

"Well..."

His good eye locked with her two, lazy as ever. "You've proven yourself. I wouldn't have agreed to keep you on my team if I didn't trust you with my life. This is no different."

_It was though_, she thought to herself. It really was. Normally, he was the one in charge and in control. Granted, he was still the team leader on this mission; but, she would be one putting up the front and calling the acted shots. She would be responsible for his life and anything that happened to him while they were taking on this task.

This... this was huge. One wrong move and he could very well find himself dead or even worse. Even the idea of him having to play the part of a toy for this... guy she knew nothing about didn't settle well with her. It wasn't that she loved him or even the rampant feelings of jealousy. She couldn't really afford to act on jealousy in her job. No, it was not knowing what they were facing and what this potential predator could do to him.

"Sakura?"

She blinked out of her thoughts and looked down at him.

"I know what your capable of when you put your mind to it. I've seen it and I know you will do what is required of you when the time truly calls for it."

She wanted to, stupidly, ask how. Her eyes gave her away faster though.

"I've worked with some of the best and brightest in my life as a shinobi. Many of them passed on doing what they felt was best for Konoha. I refuse to work with anything beneath that level of excellence; I never have, nor will I ever, give or expect anything less from a student or a subordinate of mine."

His tone was serious and hard, as if scolding her. Yet... he wasn't. He wasn't doing that at all. It shouldn't have meant so much to her. But it did. It meant so much not just because she loved him; but, because she'd _had_ once been that little girl who wanted nothing more from him than what he gave the boys. It meant so much to her because there had been nothing like it from him before that mission to Mystic Falls but berating and demanding.

Before then she'd felt like nothing more but an extra wheel on his team.

She resisted the urge to sigh and turned to lean her bottom back into the table next to him.

Perhaps she was worrying over nothing and exaggerating events, she imagined as her thoughts shifted. This was Kakashi, after all. That's probably why he wasn't worried about her doing this. It's probably why he was saying what he was, true or not. Since when had she ever been on a mission with him where he wasn't totally sure of himself and in control? Even when things went wrong he always had a backup plan, he always knew what to do and he always cleaned up the mess no matter how big it was. So, even if she screwed up they'd be fine.

She almost hated that he didn't really appear bothered at all by any of it. He just sat there, motionless and stared at her with his ever-present lazy eye and slouched position as if he hadn't a care in the world. How did he do it? When she found out she had to do a seduction mission she'd been on edge the entire time.

Questioning and curious she looked down at him and met his gaze. There, she found nothing wholly different in his look from moments ago.

_Figures..._, she thought to herself. Stone cold Kakashi. He'd done hundreds of these sorts of missions in the past, she imagined. It would, in all likelihood, be nothing for him. Hell, he could probably find a way to do it without actually going through with it. He always had been smooth.

She closed her eyes a brief moment and pushed herself off the table gingerly. "Where's your bathroom? I need to use it."

"Down that hall," he replied as he pointed across the room. "Take right and it'll be the first door."

She nodded and headed off. She turned right down the hall and entered in through the first door on her left, just as he said. She flipped on the light switch and shut it behind her.

As she undid the clasps and zipper of her pants and moved to sit on the toilet she continued to think on about Kakashi. Her elbows rested on her knees and her cheeks sat in her open palms.

She was trying very hard not to do anything stupid to scare him off. Admittedly, she would give anything to have another moment with him like she had before. The fire in his eyes, the desire that flowed through her... it was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Even being with Shino hadn't been this...heady and hazed, sending her insides racing like river rapids. Shino had made her feel cherished, Sasuke had made her _want_ to feel whole. Kakashi? It was so very different.

For a long while she had wanted to understand why he was so hot and cold with her. She'd wanted to understand why one minute he was distant and stoic and then the next he couldn't help but throw her a chip or two in reward. For a time she hadn't thought about his advances towards her because the only times such a thing had ever happened were when she'd first become his subordinate. The first time had been a scare tactic. The second time had been in the middle of her first sword training session. She didn't really grasp the second time; but, he'd seemed so out of his own skin she'd been too afraid to push for answers. She would call it another way of scaring her off; but, he'd just acted so... vulnerable and scared of her--of the situation it had progressed into and the intense emotions.

There was no denying that he desired her now. And she could see, quite easily, he'd been denying it then. He hadn't simply tried to push her away because of what ANBU required of her. Kakashi had tried to scare her away because he also feared his own desires in regards to her.

What she didn't really understand is _why_. Alright, perhaps that wasn't wholly true. The story about the boy who'd been murdered and raped from not only Kakashi, but, the female ANBU certainly explained a lot. Still, not entirely. Shinobi lost their subordinates to such things frequently. They lost their comrades to the same thing. Naturally, it hurt. It wasn't easy to deal with. Yet, they still moved on. Was it different for Kakashi because it had been someone who led him, someone that he respected which had done it to someone he called friend?

She thought back to what he said... she tried to recall of the vividness of his words. Was... was it possible he'd been there when it happened? Had he watched it occur? Had he been powerless to stop the man who betrayed his teammate?

Sakura knew from her medical experience that people who were raped at a young, impressionable age--especially by someone they looked up to--remained forever locked in that moment in some part of their subconscious. And because of this they tried to repeat the experience with someone of that age even years later in order to 'fix' it, to rewrite that time in history. Was it possible Kakashi felt that way, even if he wasn't the victim?

It certainly explained his comment about not being around after they grew older, or to a certain age and rank. He would of been trying to separate himself from some sort of temptation.

How young had he been when it happened? She frowned and thought back to the conversation she had with that woman.

_"He hasn't been in ANBU for at least.. Something like, twenty years? I mean, no one knows why for sure he quit... he was on the top of his game. He'd barely been a captain for a month."_

Sakura lifted up and counted on her hands, silently thanking the gods she knew when his birthday was. She blinked, realizing he'd possibly been no more than seventeen at the time--maybe. Yes, that was exactly why he'd left when she and the boys had become Chuunin. But now, _now_, she was well over twenty. Sakura was twenty-two years old, to be exact. How could he possibly think it was the same thing? Was he hung up on the fact that she had once been his student? Perhaps a few years ago if this sort of thing had happened she could see him being worried about it and what people might think; even her innocence. However, now she was his equal and an adult. Granted, he called the shots on ANBU missions; still, that didn't mean people would gossip. In the eyes of the village they were both of age and the same rank. It didn't matter that they were on the same team. It wasn't even abnormal that teammates shared such an intimacy considering their job. It was almost expected. That's more than likely why the agent who'd given them the message earlier hadn't commented on their 'moment' or even bated an eyelash over it.

She really wouldn't be too surprised if people assumed they were in such a relationship already. Granted, her boys didn't count. Naruto would be too dense to see it unless she flat out told him. Sai wouldn't really care. Sasuke? Eh, she wasn't sure.

Sakura stood up and pulled her clothing back into place after she flushed the toilet. She sighed and she smoothed the wrinkles out of her uniform.

Man, there was nothing like an S-class mission on the horizon to sober you up; especially your first one as an full-fledged agent of the unit.

She walked over to the sink after righting herself and began to wash her hands, gaze down. She continued to think on about her problem and Kakashi.

She really couldn't fathom how this couldn't unsettle him, this mission and the position it placed him in. How long had it been since he'd done a seduction mission? He hadn't been in ANBU for twenty years, or so she was told. Had he done those sorts of missions after he quit being their teacher and team leader? He must have, considering how unaffected he appeared by it all. She couldn't sense even a smidgen of nervousness from him. He acted as though they were doing nothing more than carrying information from one place to another like when she started ANBU training.

It didn't sit fully with her. If he were bothered by their own intimacy how was he...

She shook her head as she wiped her hands.

_Get a hold of yourself, Sakura. Like with Yukio, this is business for him. The only difference is that was your first time and this must be his hundredth or so. That's why it was so hard for you and this is so easy for him._

Her mind settled on that final resolution as she lifted her head up to glance at her appearance in the mirror.

She blinked.

The hell?

There _wasn't_ one. There wasn't a damned mirror in the whole bathroom, she realized as she looked about. Not a one. She turned her head to stare at the wall before her more acutely. Her eyes narrowed as she examined it. Faintly, she could see the difference in paint shades in the shape of a tall rectangle. So, there had been a mirror at one time... Why would he take it out? Well damn, she really wasn't use to leaving a bathroom without checking her appearance.

She grumbled softly as she poked her head out of the bathroom and called down the hall, "Hey, did you know you don't have a mirror in the bathroom?" Perhaps someone broke it? Maybe he was having it replaced.

There was a pause and she blinked. "Kakashi?" she tried calling again.

"Yes, I know," he responded back, toneless.

Well? she wanted to ask. "Do you have one, even a compact or hand mirror I can use? something you use for shaving maybe?"

"No."

Wait, what? "No, you don't have one or no, I can't?"

"No," he replied stiffly, "I don't have one."

She resisted the urge to sign out long and loudly. "Well, _damnit_, how in the hell do you shave every day?" Shit, even Naruto and Sasuke needed a mirror on missions for when they took a break to shave their faces. Sometimes they forgot to pack one and begged to use hers. She had yet to meet a man who _wasn't_ useless with that part of his hygiene without one. Ok, scratch that... she had no idea if Sai needed to shave or not. She'd yet to even encounter him with a five o'clock shadow no matter the time of day or mission.

She wanted to grouch irritably when he didn't reply. Instead, she grunted and muttered under her breath as she left the bathroom and went back to him. "You know, I don't appreciate being ignored," she snapped. "I just wanted to... use..." she mumbled the last in a broken sentence as she came to the table and stood before him on his right side where he remained in the chair. The image of the man before her stopped her dead in her speech.

He was hunched over the table, fingers dug into his bushy mane while he gripped either side of his head. Those silver strands bowed before his features, hiding his eyes and face from her. Yet, what she could see, that was what had her taking pause.

His form shuddered once or twice over and his jaw tightened, white teeth were barely visible between his parted lips.

Immediately concerned, she knelt and placed a hand on his back so she could see him better. "Kakashi... are you alright?" What had set him off this time? Had she done something wrong?

He jumped under the caress of her hand and shifted enough that his chair slid back about and inch. He looked down at her, eye wide and blinked. She saw the immediate shift as he swallowed and shook his head, returning to what had been five or so minutes ago.

"I'm fine, Sakura," he replied, tone guarded.

"But... you didn't look alright..."

He forced a smile behind his mask and gave her his famous eye-crinkle--something she'd not seen in months. "I'm fine. Anyway, we need to leave soon. Why don't you go grab your gear so I can meet you at the gate within the hour?"

That smile... that eye... it worried her deeply. It made her realize, with sudden clarity, that he was hiding from her now more than ever. He was doing what he'd always done to her as a girl. What was once a symbol of reassurance suddenly became a sign of dread for her.

But, she knew she couldn't push the matter. Not yet. Perhaps when this mission was over and they were home she'd pressure him until he told her everything. She still wasn't giving up on him. For now though, she'd leave it be and allow him his personal shelter.

"Yes, Taichou," she couldn't help but whisper as she turned and walked away to head out.

In doing this she didn't see the flashing in his eyes over her gifted, respectful title to him. Nor would she see the way he crumpled to a mess over the table, haunting look in his eyes, after she shut the door...

...after he ripped the reflective headband from his person and threw it into a wall, cracking plaster as it clanked against the wooden floor in a hollowed reverberation of sound.


	16. Chapter 16

**..Chapter Sixteen..**

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The skies were clear aside from a few, stray, wandering clouds. A breeze wafted by, upsetting bits of grass and dirt on the solid path. Birds chatted in the distance. Some flew overhead now and again. Animals went about their daily ceremony with little upset. The day was peaceful and the only real common sound between the two individuals walking onward was the soft, unhidden thudding of their sandaled feet.

There were many times in her life that Sakura could count herself as having the feeling of being alone. During the fight against the Sound nin in the Forest of Death she had felt alone. When Kakashi needed someone to lecture Sasuke and Naruto on the finer points of ninjutsu and technique pattern she'd felt alone. When she was busting her balls under Tsunade's ever watching eyes she'd felt alone. Despite this she persisted, endured and overcame. If the Nine Tails was Naruto's hurtle and Itachi was Sasuke's, than Sakura's badge of honor was her fear of _truly_ being alone.

Yet, for the first time in a long while she felt just that.

He stood next to her but not with her. He looked through her, but not at her. He spoke to her, but he did not converse. Kakashi, for all intended purposes, wasn't even on the same plane of exitance as Sakura. She was back on square one. She was back to where she'd been that first day she'd asked him to become her sponsor. And yet, this was worse. He hardly acknowledged her. She wasn't even good enough to push away, to say something to. He ignored her. When she tried to talk to him about anything aside from the mission he made himself scarce or found something to do.

The first two days she'd given it her best effort. She'd endured and complied, thinking perhaps his behavior would pass and they could go back to the way they were after the Mystic Falls mission; when they had some level of an understanding and shared the same pain. She'd silently assumed he'd go back to being her shoulder, the one she looked to when she needed him most in way she never had as a girl. He wasn't her crutch, he was her hope. He'd been that image she grasped, that constant when the nights were almost too unbearable just because he'd been there when she'd needed him most; because he'd been the one to dress her and hold her. He'd shown her that just because one man's touch was unbearable didn't mean they all had to be after one horrifying experience. She didn't _have_ to deal with that imprint on her mind and she _could_ overcome it.

She wasn't losing face. She wasn't losing confidence. And she wasn't heartless. She understood her confession must have some weighted affect on him; or, perhaps this was his way to prepare for a mission of this level. She didn't know. She could deal with the result of her words and actions after they got back. She could handle him ignoring her and pushing her away when they got home. Because of her own experience she would allow him these actions. She understood, even if it hurt her in some way.

Still, the silence was killing her.

She loved him and she wanted to help him. She wanted to tell him it would be ok. That she would be there for him and that she wouldn't think any less of him for doing this. She wanted to tell him that he was still the same man to her, that just because he was doing this didn't mean that image she held of him was tainted; if anything, it strengthened it.

Was it bothering him? Had she been wrong about his nerves? Was it the mission, her confession or a combination of both?

She grasped he didn't want to be with her because he didn't want to repeat the past. She was his subordinate. Even if she wasn't a trainee anymore she was still under his command. He didn't want to be that man. He didn't want to take advantage of her. And she'd said nothing about it after they'd gotten the scroll because she hadn't wanted to push that stress on him even more after getting such a mission.

Again, though, the way he was treating her wasn't right. She knew it wasn't right. The old her would have asked, prodded and pushed after what they'd experienced together just a few nights ago. The woman that existed before her own seduction mission would have pestered him. However, it wasn't even until after that mission that she knew what she felt for him. And with the information he'd given her, what he'd seen done to his teammate along with the orders he'd been given... it seemed selfish of her to bother him. It seemed selfish to react to her feelings. Was it better to remain silent and calm the budding anger caused by his treatment of her? She felt like she was almost letting him walk over her and that didn't seem right either.

In short, Sakura didn't know what to do. So, for these few days she'd simply let it fester and boil and continued to remain silent as they trudged on together. She became a void and impassive to her feelings in way she'd only learned from being in his presence for so long.

Sakura stopped walking slowly and looked up at the sky as a chilled drop of clear liquid hit her nose. Green eyes narrowed as greying clouds began to close in at a sloth-like pace. A rumble of thunder was heard in the distance.

Kakashi stopped a few paces ahead and looked up after a brief glance at her. "Let's set up camp while it's dry," he ordered.

She nodded and followed after him as he headed off the path. They moved a good twenty feet into the wooded area off the path before he stopped and set down his pack. She mimicked his movements as the drops began to hasten their pace. The pouring was steady going by the time the tents were set up with the tarps over to keep the damp out.

Sakura gave him a brief glance as he slid into his tent before doing the same herself. She quietly rolled out her sleeping bag and unzipped it. She moved to sit down and leaned forward to close her tent. When she sat back a small lantern next to her was switched on before she grabbed a book from her pack. At the very least some reading material would help her get to sleep; otherwise, the distraction that was her former sensei would be too much.

About and hour later Sakura placed the book down, switched off her light and snuggled into her sleeping bag. Her eyes were lazy and her head foggy. She yawned once before sleep overtook her.

ooo

_"Sakura," a voice whispered as she felt her body shake._

_"Go away," she replied back, curling more within herself, the beating of a drum without easing her further into the darkness._

_"Sakura."_

_She didn't reply this time._

"Sakura!"

She jumped, gasping as she sat up. Her eyes opened widely and her breath caught. She blinked when her eyes caught with a single black orb, lazy and intent.

"Kakashi," she whispered. What in the hell? "Is something--."

"No time to talk. Pack up. Fast. The storm has gotten worse. It nearly overturned my tent while I was in it." He back peddled out of her tent, pausing at the entrance when he saw her dazed expression. "Sakura, did you hear me?"

"Yes, I'll hurry," she replied, shifting out of her sleeping bag while trying to hurriedly wipe sleep from her eyes. She moved as fast as she could manage. She shoved things into her pack as the wind tussled her tent, daring to pull it from the ground.

Once she surfaced from her warm abode it was then she realized her entire backside was soaking wet. The rain felt like a thousand icy spears on her uncovered skin. Anything that was dry on her became immediately wet. Already Kakashi was latching his rolled tent to his pack, though she could barely see that in the sopping, ferocious wind and pelting rain. It howled against her ears as she set to work undoing her own tent. Her feet sloshed against the ground, mucked in mud as she rolled up the rope chords and tarp. While she did this Kakashi set to work gathering her stakes. She cried out in a curse as it began to roll away in the storm. Both she and Kakashi just barely managed to grab an opposing end before it got far. Together, without a word, they rolled it up, fighting the wind the whole time. Once it was done Kakashi gave her the tent and ran over to grab his own pack while she strapped it to her bag. With a grunt she put it on over her shoulders and dashed after him just when he confirmed she was ready to go.

Then they ran.

She couldn't see much beyond her own nose. Everything was a haze of colors accept him. That was what she focused on as the minutes waged on, as they waged on and felt more like hours than minutes. Everytime she landed on the ground mud jumped up and hit her legs, splashing across her pants and sandals. Everytime she hit a branch she had to take extra care not to slip. Sakura was good at multitasking; however, when it felt like her body wanted to give out because of the hurricane-like conditions that was another matter entirely. She was still tired from only get half a nights sleep; and while normally this would be a problem, the storm was another matter entirely to contend with. Fighting against the inhuman wind beating her from all sides and changing directions like a chaotic blast slowly ticked away at her energy.

She narrowed her eyes as she saw Kakashi catch himself on a branch ahead of her. She jumped to a higher bough and followed onward. So, she wasn't the only one being beat to death by mother nature. She hoped his little inn wasn't much farther for both their sakes.

She leapt down when he did and broke out into another run across the muddied, grassy earth. She narrowed her eyes as the undaunting rain pelted her face stronger this time. Without branches and canopies of leaves to take some of the heat off her vision was worse now. She could see just barely beyond him that a structure of dark brown was closing in. It took a few paces more before they reached a door and Kakashi began to bang upon it. Seconds later it was opening up and she was let in with her comrade.

The warmth within caused a frigidity to sweep over her mucky, drenched body. Before she spoke a word someone was placing a large, dark brown blanket over her shoulders. She wiped her eyes and blinked them open to look around while pulling the blanket tighter about her body.

A fire was burning across the room in front of her in a small living room. Everything appeared modestly decorated and homely. She turned to right as she heard Kakashi speaking with a woman. She watched as he paid for a room received two sets of keys.

"Come on. We need to get out of these clothes."

"Supper has already been served, Hatake-san. All considered, I can still bring it up to the room."

"That would be good, thank you," he replied before the both of them headed up a small set up stairs to the second floor.

The hallway was small and seemed to only boast a few rooms further down. In truth, the inn looked more like a two family home than an inn. She was somewhat surprised to find a bathroom in their room when they entered.

"It doesn't really look like an inn..." she said as she placed her pack next to the bed and began to remove her gloves, armor and boots.

He didn't reply, not that she expected him to.

She sighed as she hung her armor over a wooden chair to dry. Her boots were placed on the floor next to it. She could nock the dirt off of them tomorrow. Her gloves were placed over the armor. She flexed her hands as she did so, trying to release the numbness afflicting her body. She still had more to take off; but, she was sure he didn't want her doing it in front of him. She turned to look at him.

"Kakashi?"

He didn't even look over at her as he went about removing his boots.

"Kakashi."

Nothing.

She frowned, her eyes soft as she watched him remove the rest of what she'd already taken off. At that moment she wanted to scream at him. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to throw something at him and _make_ him look at her.

But, she wouldn't. She wouldn't because she still didn't know where she stood with him and what was going on in his head.

Instead, she turned, still chilled to the bone and headed for the bathroom to take a shower. She took in a deep breath, shut her eyes and tried to quell the racing ache of her heart. Her hand reached for the knob and turned it. As she started to open the door a presence came up behind her quickly. A hand slammed the door out of her grasp, shutting it.

"Why?" he muttered behind her.

She blinked and narrowed her eyes as she allowed her arms to drop to her sides. "Why what, Kakashi?" she asked in a soft, kind voice.

"Why won't you yell at me?" he asked.

"Should I?"

"I've been ignoring you for days."

She wasn't sure what to say then. His voice was deep and ridden with anger. Had he wanted her to yell at him? She turned to face him, her face a wash of confusion. "I thought you wanted space. I thought that's why you were doing this to me. That's why I haven't reacted. That's why I gave up trying to talk to you after the first two days. That's why I let you be. It's why I haven't asked you anything outside of the mission requirements.

"What do you _want_ from me, Hatake?"

"What do I want?" he asked, his voice raising. His form tensed with unleashed emotions he'd kept within for days. "I want you to react as someone normally would given that the one they claim to love has ignored them for five days straight!"

"You expect me to _push_ you away?" she asked, a curve of disbelief in her tone.

"Yes," he snapped out at her.

She shoved him.

She couldn't help it. She was angry and couldn't really keep calm anymore. "Am I a game to you?!" she cried out as he staggered back. "A god damned toy?!" she said next, eyes blazing. "You want me upset?! Yelling?! You got your wish!" she seethed with clenched fists by her sides.

"If you don't want me, if you didn't want me here, why didn't you just say so? Better yet, why didn't you tell Rin you didn't want to be on my team?!" He didn't move back as she closed the distance between them both. But he did grab her arms to stop her from coming any closer.

"I'm not strong enough to," he whispered with an edge in his tone.

"It can't be that hard to tell me you don't want me," she snapped back. "It can't be that _hard_ to tell Rin you need a transfer."

"It's because I do that it's hard," he muttered almost as if he didn't want to say it out loud, as if wasn't really intended for her to hear.

"Kakashi--."

"I'm not suppose to want you, but I do. I'm not suppose to enjoy the way you make me feel when I kiss you, but I do. I'm not suppose to like it when you touch me, but I do. I'm not suppose to like the idea of you loving me... but... I do." Her gripped her arms tighter for a sparce moment, as if doing so would keep him from doing more to her. "You're young, beautiful, intelligent... and I'm just some dirty old man who lusts after his only female student.

"I can't find it within myself to push you away. Everytime I try to form the words to tell you I don't want you, I can't. And each time I've walked towards Rin's office to tell her I want a transfer I lose my nerve because I can't see you on someone else's team. I _can't_ fathom someone else watching over you as long as you're on ANBU..."

Her eyes softened as the anger left her. His words washed over her and she was reminded of why she wasn't giving up on him yet. The reasons he didn't, couldn't, be with her were ones tainted by an inhuman crime against someone he called friend and because of a man he once trusted. She was reminded that he didn't want to be the person his Taichou had become when he was much younger.

She reached up and took his face in her hands. As she did so, both of his eyes opened to her, wide and vulnerable... almost questioning. His Sharingan swirled, tombs spinning slowly as if analyzing her. The mixture of black and red stared on at her and the cracks about her heart began to mend.

"I'm not your student anymore," she whispered. "I am not a child and you are not taking advantage of me. When I say I love you it's not because I'm misguided or confused. It's about more than admiration and what you've done for me. I love you because you're a good man and you always have been. Because, what you've shown me in the past few months only makes me realize why I didn't see you sooner as more than my sensei..."

His eyes closed and he swallowed as he rolled her thumbs over his boyish features. The hands on her arms softened and caressed gently downward to her elbows. His fingers, like hers, began to gently move.

Her hands roved down his face, his soaking wet chest through his shirt and finally to his hips. There, she stopped and moved her hands under the thin material to touch his bare flesh. She could hear his breathing catch and she could almost see his chest tighten.

"Sakura.."

She looked up at him. His features were tight and he looked strained.

"I..."

Tentatively, she leaned forward and pressed herself against him. Her lips brushed against his own, slowly, innocently as they both exhaled haggardly.

"Tell me to stop," he whispered, moving to embrace her with shaking hands and jumpy breaths. His voice was a mixture of begging and want.

Her hands edged the material of his shirt up more and drew over his bare back still clammy and wet from the storm. She couldn't find the words to tell him to go, to stop. She wanted this. She'd wanted this longer than she'd even know she really had.

The trepidation of the moment consumed her as their lips finally met in a slow, but wholly electrifying kiss. Again, she initiated it as she had days before. Next, she took the hem of his shirt in her hands and slowly began to pull it over his head. With a shaking breath he broke the kiss and complied for her. She dropped it to the ground and began to pull her own off. This time he assisted her. A chill fell over her as she began to remove her bindings with him. Their hands were mutually shaky and she couldn't discern if it was from the cold or from nerves.

The pants came next. Underwear made their way to the pile shortly they went to the bed it was she who led them there. She pulled him on top of her and took his lips in her own. When his mouth opened for her she caressed her tongue to his.

Every movement was slow and deliberate. Every touch as tentative and slow, some shakier than others.

Her breathing, his breathing, was broken and ragged. She listened as he gasped when she took to gently nibbling at his throat. She felt with her hands as he shuddered above her, barely managing to keep from falling on top of her as he braced with his hands on either side of her head.

She rolled them over and took a position on top of him. Her eyes sought his. When they met, locking, a rush of emotion ran through her. He was flushed and jittery. His fingers twitched on her hips and he appeared confused, if not more than a little nervous. Apprehension ran through her; but, she wasn't the least bit doubting. She wanted him, she wanted this; yet, she wondered a bit at his reaction. He appeared jumpy and unsure and she didn't know why.

She didn't question it further, thinking perhaps it was different for him with her because he'd fought against this so hard. She doubted he did with any other woman recent or not. She was almost positive Kakashi was anything but unsure with the women he bedded.

She ran her hands across his face, causing him to exhaled softly and relax even as she pressed her lips into his. Her breasts brushed his chest, sending a warmth that was fast and budding to her core.

There were so many things she wanted from this time with him. She wanted it to last longer, she wanted to experience him slowly and smoothly, she wanted to love him for hours on end as she never really had with Shino or ever considered with Sasuke. But, she couldn't find the patience to do so within her and she assured herself there would be time for that later when they got home. There, she could hole up in her house with him, or in his, and take as much time as they both wanted.

With this in mind, she moved her hand to grasp him, pausing her lips above his while bracing her body with her other arm. She stared into his nervous eyes with her equally shaking ones as she placed the tip just before her wet entrance. Time seemed to halt, to stand still as she stared down at him and slowly moved to bring him inside her. Not withstanding time, she finally shoved the rest of the way down. The moment she did he grabbed her tightly and held her to him. His face pressed into her neck and he gasped as he held on, embracing her.

She cried out in in euphoria as he filled her and gripped the bedding beneath them tightly in her fists.

Liquid heat flooded her system as he bucked up into her, seeking release almost immediately. When he rolled them over it wasn't fluid or smooth; but, she didn't care. Once he adjusted and began to thrust into her as he liked she was lost on the physical feel of just being with him like this. Each time his pelvic bone hit just the right spot she cried out and ground against him, seeking more.

If they been cold before they weren't anymore. Sweat rolled off her form and coated her hairline. Her skin felt as though it was on fire. And, when he locked his eyes on her own she saw vulnerability, joy and unbridled want. He was happy, she realized. It was a look she'd never seen in him before... true happiness untainted by the ghosts of his past, his memories or his nightmares.

She kissed him then. She kissed him hard and poured her heart into her actions. She poured her love into that moment. She wanted him to stay that way forever... happy and untainted. She wanted him to know he wasn't _that_ man; that he never would be.

Her hands crawled across his flesh. In the heat of the moment she clawed up his back, she bucked into him, arching and pressing her breasts into his chest. She cried out as he gently bit into her neck, sucked and being urged by her responses thrust harder. She felt his hand move across her stomach, cupping her breast when she fell back down onto the mattress. Her eyes looked for his as she climbed her peak; but, they were closed.

"Look at me," she breathed. "Please... look at me.."

He did, but with one eye.

"Both," she asked again.

Slowly, his other eye opened and he stared down at her. As her breathing remained heavy and she moved closer to her climax, she remained locked on that soft, emotional gaze. "I love you," she whispered just as the rise hit. She cried out as she gripped onto him, pulling him down to her, pulling so his face was right in front of hers. As her vaginal walls clamped about his throbbing member he tensed above her and thrust a few times harder. She was silently thankful for having been on the pill even before she'd been required to in ANBU as she felt him finish inside of her. He gasped as his forehead moved to rest against hers and cried out across her lips. When he stopped he was shaking again, this time more so. When he exhaled his breaths were uneven.

Even though she wasn't quite ready to let him go yet, she relented as he pulled out of her and dropped to the other side of the mattress. A few minutes passed as they both relaxed. Neither said a word; but, when Sakura moved to get up she jumped as Kakashi grabbed her wrist. She turned to look at him, blinking. Again, he seemed confused. Although, this time he looked more confused about what had occurred.

"I'm tired," she whispered. "I just want to turn the bed down for the night so we can get some sleep. We... we don't have to talk about this tonight... if you like... we can wait until after the mission. Just.." she paused, eyes softening, "don't ignore me anymore, ok?"

He nodded, seeming more than relieved at that answer. He released her wrist and moved so she could pull the comforter and the sheets back. When Sakura crawled into bed with him she wasn't wholly surprised when he didn't immediately curl up next to her. However, after the pass of a few minutes more, when she began to seriously consider turning over and taking the initiative again... he did. His solid arms wrapped about her and he pressed his face into the back of her neck. The entirety of her backside was flush against his front. Gently, she took his hand in her own, curling her fingers into his palm.

"I love you," she whispered before falling into the throws of slumber with him. Even if he'd done it in his sleep, she didn't care. This single moment, withstanding sex, was as ground breaking for her as had been seeing his face unmasked.

It was a moment she would never forget no matter how old she got.


	17. Chapter 17

**..Chapter Seventeen..**

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The evening sun slowly peaked beyond the veil of the forest edge. Light flickered along her chest, thighs and calves as her booted feet brought about the sound of dirt sliding in friction between her soles and the surface below. Her knees bent in a crouch to cushion her landing. Her gloved fingertips touched, barely brushing, the flat surface of stone which made up a cliffy edge under her. Green orbs shifted to her right as the sound of her partner arriving just after her own landing became noticeable.

She moved to stand slowly as he pointed to a location in the distance. Her eyes drifted to the falls peaking out above the forest tips.

"That it?" she asked, hands moving to her hands hips while her partner moved to sit and get comfortable for a moment.

He nodded, digging through his backpack. "Yeah, we should be able to make it there in ten minutes or so if we keep an even pace."

She didn't say anything; not that she needed to. Kakashi would know she'd heard him--he always seemed to.

She reached up up to push aside a few strands of pink while her face remained impassive. She looked on at the falls in the distance as she would while analyzing a careful piece of evidence. It looked safe and serene, a calm embodiment of nature constructed by the world around it. That's what it looked like anyway. Sakura knew better. And high level shinobi with a decent set of eyes, or a Sharingan, knew better. The falls were a lie, a falsehood visually come to life meant to keep the average passerby from snooping. She had no doubt those who got too close were taken care off efficiently and effectively.

"Do we need to worry about speaking freely here, you think?" she asked, turning to him with a curious look.

Kakashi busied himself with going through his bag and looking for the civilian disguise he'd been provided for this mission. "No, they won't be patrolling this far out. Halfway there we're going to need to act different. Me more the prisoner and you more the victorious rogue nin who has escaped Konoha."

She nodded and watched as he stood up with what clothing he'd gathered from his bag and made way to go into the forest behind them to change. Her eyes narrowed on the tattoo on his arm. "Kakashi... what about that?" she pointed to the mark that symbolized he was ANBU.

"You'll have to remove it when I come back." He turned to look at her, brow raised. "You can, can't you?"

She nodded. "I was just making sure, is all."

Without much else to say he turned his back and disappeared into the brush to do as he planned.

Sakura turned her head to look back on at the falls while moving to sit on the edge of the cliff. She grunted, shifting about so her legs hung over and stared off at the distance. Her hands half gathered together, fingers loose on her lap. Her mind drifted, thinking on the mission, the evening before and the morning earlier today.

At least it wasn't storming anymore. That could make their arrival a tad problematic. She wasn't fond of dealing with enemy nin in hazardous conditions. She wasn't sure she would have to fight; but, it might happen depending on whether or not the guards/grunts let them in to see the shinobi running the place straight off. She wasn't really afraid so much as she was apprehensive. In these past few months she'd grown use to these missions, the ones that had her pretending to be something she wasn't. It never really got easier to deal with, just easier to accomplish.

She gave a soft, momentary yawn; not one made out of sleepiness, but more out of traveling so far and finally being made to sit.

Kakashi was true to his word and so she remained true to her own. He quit ignoring her and she didn't pressure him. All of what had occurred, all of that which had been building up over the past few months, all of it would be dealt with later. This was a mission. There wasn't any time to act like a love-struck teenagers. Both of them had to be in complete focus for the task ahead. If either were too busy dealing with their own dramatic issues someone could get killed. They both knew it.

However, Sakura considered herself a shinobi first and a woman second. The woman in her didn't exactly stop wanting to talk about it. That part of her wanted answers and some kind of resolution. It wondered where they stood after last night, if there was any chance of a relationship happening.

No shinobi life was easy. She could acknowledge that. Sasuke was a prime example of that very fact. When she'd been a girl, even learning that about him, she'd been prepared to deal with his demons. As a woman, now in love with a man who obviously had far deeper ones, she was prepared for it still. This waiting game was going to eat at her, she knew. But, she had to sit it out. She would. It wasn't like time would be a factor after this was over. For now, having a level of normalcy with him was far better than anything else; that at least made dealing with her questions easier to hold off on.

"Ready?" a voice called from behind.

Sakura turned slightly where she sat, half drawing her right calve back onto the flat top. Her right hand moved to give her support as she looked up at him in the drifting sunlight.

His clothing was around poverty level ranking. The shirt must have been white before, but now gave off a brown, stained discoloration. The sleeves were ripped off completely, leaving the tattered ends to stop at his shoulders. The pants were an ugly brown, stopping midcalve. He was shoeless; which, made sense. His mask was gone, his eyes both uncovered. Some smudges of dirt he'd obviously done up himself coated the visible parts of his body. Both eyes were black, leaving no immediate sign of the Sharingan.

Everything that classified him as a shinobi was gone and tucked under his arm. His sandals dangled from his grasping hand. The final piece that identified him as a nin was the mark of the ANBU on his upper bicep.

Her nose wrinkled at the attire. "Are you trying to look like a bum or a civilian?"

He raised a brow. "It's rather far from Konoha. Do you think my care would have been well given the situation?"

She frowned. "It looks like I drug you kicking and screaming the whole way..."

He sighed as he stuffed his things into his bag. "I doubt my 'guard' would have allowed me a bath or a wash of my clothes. You would have taken my shoes to keep me from going very far. Much of it make sense, bum or not."

"I suppose..." she agreed moving to face him in a cross-legged position. She said nothing more while waiting for him to place himself next to her so she could remove the tattoo. When he did she reached up with her hands, a warm glow of green chakra surrounding them. She paused. "Ready?"

"Not really," he muttered. "But, it has to be done."

"You can have it replaced once we get home.." she added softly, noting his irritation. He'd have to, actually.

"Go on and do it," he answered while giving a small wave of his hand for her to hurry up.

Sakura resisted the urge to sigh and turned her focus to his arm so she could work. The warm glow wrapped about his bicep as her flesh touched against his own.

She paused before starting and said, "This might hurt some, just so you know.." She exhaled when he didn't reply, not that she was terribly surprised, and began the process of removing the ink from his skin. She watched carefully whilst the blackened, liquidy mess coiled into blobs as she drew it from his pours and the needle pricked holes where the tattoo had been etched. Left behind, a faint, red-pink reminder of what was once there began to appear. She would take care of that after she was done with the first part.

Her eyes darted up to gauge his features while her body went into autopilot and did the rest of what she considered a simple procedure. At first glance he appeared serene and unaffected. Long lashes rested just above his cheeks in a relaxed fashion. His lips were slightly parted, softly, as he allowed breath and nothing wholly seemed out of place. Still, to the careful observer, you could tell it pained him in some way; if not physically then perhaps mentally.

The tattoo was something of a symbol. One felt proud of it, as if having accomplished things other shinobi could not or would not dare for any number of reasons. After graduation, she couldn't imagine not having it, much less having it removed. Despite the requirements of the mark, the unit, the symbol became apart of who you were as much as the changes that personified into yourself did. She didn't know if all who were in the unit felt this way; however, she was fairly certain Kakashi shared her sentiments, even if neither ever voiced the viewpoint.

She looked down at her work and realized it was nearly done. Her hands pulled away from the area, retaining the mess of what was ink in her glowing grasp. Her hands moved to the side and allowed it to dump in a small splatter in the ground below. It was after this she went to work on removing the redness from his arm.

"You ok?" she hazarded to ask softly.

"Yeah," he said in reply, no real emotion backing the response.

She gave a small nod as she finished off her work. "I'm all done. You should feel a small sensation there for about an hour; but, it shouldn't be any bigger than the feeling you'd get from a minor scrape after having scabbed over." She stood up the same moment he began to and dusted off, inadvertently mimicking his movements.

"I'm sure I can handle that," he said as he grabbed his things. "Do you want to eat before we go?" His face was more impassive than it had ever been. She could only assume it was because he was now not only down his mask, but a defining part of his own history as well.

Still, she shrugged off the feeling to nag him about it and turned her eyes to the distance, the falls, shielding them only in slight with her hand on her brow. "No, I think that large lunch we had was a good idea. I'm still full from that. You?"

"Same."

"I suppose we'd better get going." Her eyes turned to him. "I guess this is the point where we make sure there's nothing left to be said. From here on out it's game time, right?"

"Right."

Her lips pursed as she took that information in. Her eyes flickered to the forest below, her keen ears picked up on the tumbling sounds of mother nature and she paused to burn the smells around her into her memory while she prepared the jumble of thoughts in her head to come forth from betwixt her lips.

"I know I said I was worried... and I meant it. This is big for me.. but, despite that.. I want you to know I wouldn't feel really ready for this type of mission, that is... being on this side of it, if it hadn't been for all you've done for me.

"I'm scared, I won't lie to you; but, I think I'm more scared for your safety than anything else. I know you can handle it, you always do that so well--far better than me, anyway... And I shouldn't be that scared or worried... but... I am.

"Still, regardless, I have your back. And no matter what happens, I'll do my best to live up to all you've given me, as both your student and as your partner. I don't want to be one who always depends on you. So... even if you don't, know that it's ok, it's good for me, if you have to depend on me a little.."

There was that long silence afterward, the one that always seems to permeate the air once someone says something that has a level of depth that really requires the listener to think of a reply, if any. Sakura knew that. And if, in the end, he did nothing more than nod, she'd be ok with that. She'd be ok with that because it was Kakashi. It was because it was him, and not someone else, that she'd said it to begin with.

And he did, nod that is. His eyes shut slowly, that she could see from her peripheral vision, and his head relaxed down in that signal that he acknowledged her words. She couldn't do anymore but assume that was the end of it. With a soft smile she readied herself for the plunge downward. That is, until a hand gripped her arm, stilling her completely.

"I will," she heard him say. Her eyes, her head, turned to his, locking. "I want you to know I'll be depending on you..." ..._and maybe,_ his eyes said, _I'm a little scared as well. Maybe, _the look went on to tell her in that way she had come to read, _I'm just a little scared not because I think you'll screw up and I'll be the one with the short end of the kunai, but because I wish you didn't have to do this, that you didn't have to be the one to stand by and watch._ He was telling her, in his own way... that what she had to do was harder, and he knew that because he'd been the one not too long ago who had to stand by and watch _her._

It was her turn to nod.

The mood wasn't gone entirely, not even after they made the jump below, not even after Sakura tied his bindings and returned to her ANBU training skills to safely pull off the missing-nin-with-a-prisoner act. She said nothing while her eyes remained fixed on his back and they slowly made their way to towards the base...

ooo

By the time they were deep enough in and standing before the massive falls night was thickly summoned. The only presence of light, which blanketed in the boughs above, was the reflective aura of the sun bouncing off her lover the moon.

Sakura's face remained impassive as she kept her hard-edged guise up. Green pools glared, harshly into Kakashi's back as she snapped off an order, "Stop." Immediately, he ceased movement and stood before her, hunched. "Kneel," she muttered, eyes narrowed. Slowly, he did so. Her keen eyes roved the environment around them. Her senses sharpened, acutely, as she relaxed her form, ready and waiting for the two presences she felt to appear before her. She showed no signs of going for a weapon. Thankfully, the didn't know yet that she didn't need one given her taijutsu skills and Tsunade's harsh training regime with chakra control.

In a flash, almost too fast for her eyes to read, they were before her--both male. The two donned themselves in similar attire: white and camo browns. The scratched out symbol for Rock on their headbands told her they were from Earth County and its respective village. She could only assume they'd either gone rogue and met here, or, they'd went rogue at the same time and knew each other before arriving at the base. Both mattered little to her. She could only blame it on her over-active mind.

Both were dark skinned, from what she could see of their half covered faces and Arabian-wear, and both had the same black strands. Actually, if they dressed exactly alike and never spoke, she'd be hard pressed to tell them apart.

"State you business, shinobi of Konoha.," the left one gruffly bit off.

"Quickly," the right added.

Ok, nevermind, even when they spoke she could hardly tell them apart. Shadow clone or twins? One had to wonder. Despite her wandering mind, her hard features did not change. Her tone remained as a reflection of her expression. "I'm here to speak with whoever's in charge. I want in and I have something he might want."

The two males glanced between each other and the right looked at her, responding, "You're rogue from Konoha?"

She nodded.

"Why isn't you headband nicked?"

She frowned as if insulted, playing her role. "I've been traveling nearly nonstop with hunter nins on my back for days with a prisoner while I tried to lose their trail. Do you honestly think I had time to do something so trivial?"

They immediately tensed up the moment she said 'hunter' and 'nin' in the same sentence together. Both snappishly drew forth a kunai and a short sword. The left one spoke up, tone heated as he gripped the kunai before her, "They were trailing you?"

"No, because it's everyday a nin goes rogue, takes a prisoner and leaves her village. They didn't mind at all," she deadpanned seriously, making both give her a scrutinizing look. She frowned again, this time looking aggressive. "Do I look like an idiot to you? Do you _think_ it would be in my vested interest to lead ANBU here? Or can you not see well enough?" she asked heatedly, looking ready to knock heads and cut throats as she motioned to her attire.

Both paused, as if considering before slowly lowering their weapons.

Right spoke up. "What are you offering the boss?" She could almost hear the curiosity, the need to take whatever 'it' was. It didn't take a nin to recognize that tone. This was generally the prime moment in any good movie or novel where the bad guys tried to steal the prize and glory for themselves.

She smirked and lowered her lids. "I wasn't born yesterday, Rock nin. Lead the way."

The left chuckled, eyes narrowing. "You're cute girlie... but ah... we don't let outsiders in without some kinda penance. 'Sides, boss don't like being bothered with nin he ain't got time to waste on."

"That's right," his partner, chimed in, "so... ah, how about you give us what you got and we'll...ah... talk to the boss for ya, eh?"

Ok, so, usually, this is the part where the 'hero' of the story fires back with some witty comment, more banter ensues, and then at one point or another the 'bad guy(s)' makes a _stupid_ move and the 'hero' show 'em what's what.

Usually.

Sakura, wasn't very aware of this novelistic approach, nor did she care nearly as much for it as her dear teammate Sai and those blasted mangas he so loved to read and tell her about. So, naturally, her patience was thinning and she terribly wanted to simply skip with the usual prebattle warnings and get right to it.

Simply put, she took a small page from Sasuke and Naruto's book and took action. Her fist flew at the left before the right could even form thought. His partner was, literally, thrown by the weight of her chakra enflamed limb and sent smashing into the flat stone, rock encrusted wall behind him near the base of the faux falls. The sound crumbled in the air as she dusted off her leather covered digits and scrutinized her work. Next to her she sensed the fear washing over the remaining shinobi. Her speed had vastly improved since working with Kakashi; so much so, apparently, that even this nin--perhaps a Jounin level gnat--couldn't follow her movement. Granted, it had taken a good chunk of her chakra supply to pull that off and knock his partner out so swiftly in combination with her speed---but it had been well worth it. The remaining now saw her as an opponent he couldn't match and would probably be effectively punished, if not by her then by someone else, for not letting her in to see 'the boss'.

She turned, hands on her hips, glaring, and said to him, "Care to lead the way now? Or will I be finding it alone?"

He said nothing as he smoothed out his features and jutted a finger at the mouth of the falls.

Sakura moved towards Kakashi. Once by his side, she made a showy movement of grabbing his upper arm and hauling him up with a snapping order, "Let's go. You first, Rock nin." Her head jutted in the direction of the entrance as if no other option would be available to him while she kept a good hand on Kakashi.

So far, so good, she rationalized to her calming nerves as the missing nin left his partner and led the way through the genjutsu.

The falls, she noted, made everyone wet as they passed through, keeping with the illusion that they were very real. However, once you reached a good five feet away from them past the exit, you were as dry as when you entered. Upon doing so she looked up, and spied the brightness of the moon from above. Green depths roved downward as she continued to follow the ex nin. All around her were shinobi working or working out in a courtyard of sorts. There were patches of grass here and there, a stray tree or two; but, for the most part, the area around the base had been cleared out.

She noted, even as she ignored the curious stares, leers and looks, many of the shinobi were looking to be making the base itself bigger. Rooms and defenses were being added on. And for all the work they were doing, they didn't look the least bit underfed. In fact, if the place wasn't stashed with thieves, rogue nin and black market items from here to Kami's floating palace in the skies, she could have easily said they were working building a stable working hidden village. For a group of those with even less moral than a reputed shinobi, the thought was a bit scary.

The base itself wasn't a lot to look at from the outside. It only had two levels and appeared made mostly out of wood. She could only guess that's where the plant-life within the place had gone to. Either that, or they had someone like Yamato lingering around. The latter seemed unlikely given the evidence and the rarity of such a shinobi.

The guards, if you could call them that, said not a word as they opened the doors for her, Kakashi and the Rock nin. Immediately, they shut behind while she at once became aware of the large room before her. A vast, red, square carpet edged in a faint gold covered the room floor and stopped just before the overhang of the second floor balcony that wrapped about openly. To her left and right she could see, out of her peripheral vision, wooden staircases leading up to it. Doors lined the second story. On the first floor, doors lined around in much the same fashion just under that same wrap around attribute. Amazingly, she could see the base was much larger than she thought originally. Because, from the back of the room to the left and right, were hallways leading somewhere else. She wondered, briefly, if the same went for the above story.

Around her, half lingering, half speaking and whatever else she couldn't fathom, rogue nin, servants and a slew of other people made up the occupants of what she would call, for lack of better word or words, 'the main hall'.

Many of them ignored her, or appeared to anyway. Their eyes lingered, some smiled at her and others quietly watched from corners while puffing on a pipe or partaking of some other inebriation inducer.

She stopped as the Rock nin before her made a motion with his hand and she refrained from asking why when her eyes landed to on a large... 'throne' shadowed and shaded in sheer drapes at the back wall of the room. The colors were simple and it was hardly glorified as one might expect given the shadowed boss' station. And yes, it was a man, from what she could tell of the silhouette; that is, unless one of the giggling women within happened to be the leader. She doubted _that_; but, one never really knew and she had to be open to all possibilities given the situation.

She released Kakashi and gave him a tight order, she made sure others could hear, that he stay knelt on the ground until she gave an order otherwise. And he did so, quite dejectedly, with his head dutifully bowed in a manner that was either to be considered brutally submissive or highly cowing--as if she beat him; although, if the crowd here thought she beat him it would more than likely be for the better, she imagined.

Her green depths snapped in the direction of the 'throne' the moment she heard the Rock nin step away and speak to her.

"He wants to know who you are, what you have brought for him and what you want."

Direct and to the point. Good. Instead of addressing the nin she kept her gazed fixed on the relaxing shadow within. Once again, when she spoke, her tone was even, crisp and commanding in a way she'd been taught effectively garnered respect, gave it and at the same time instilled you weren't to be fucked with, "I am Haruno Sakura, former ANBU of Konoha. I want to become apart of your organization, be given provisions and in return will become a most loyal asset." She motioned to Kakashi who was still on his knees with his head bowed. "In return, I offer unlimited use of my servant, a spoil of my departure and a most valuable... companion," she finished.

She waited, ever patient, as the Rock nin leaned in to hear the boss' response to her announcement. She watched as he nodded a few times, listening and stood to speak to her again.

"He wants you to lift his head so that he can see for himself."

It pained her, but she had to do it.

Sakura reached down and hauled him, none too nicely, up to his feet. She reached over and grabbed his chin roughly, directing his stoic features at the shadowed figure beyond the shears. She released him, knowing he wouldn't move from where she placed him. She did her best, at that same moment, to convey with her eyes, that she didn't mean any of it. She hated doing it; but, in the end his life would be placed in danger more so if she didn't. Her eyes ripped away from his own as she heard the chuckle start. They snapped towards the throne as the laughter became deep. It was the sort of sound one made when he or she realized they held all the cards, or knew the answer when everyone else thought the answer they had to be the correct one.

"Ah," he said smoothly, deeply, in a voiced reply, "my dear, wherever did you find such a.... prize?" Another rumble of laughter. "No, I suppose that would be a stupid question, considering where you're from... still..." His voice was cryptic and she was wound up in that mystery thoroughly. Her senses focused on the man as he moved to stand and stepped forward.

He was tall; but not terribly so. That was the first thing she noticed. Second, was his lankiness and lithe muscle the likes of which coated his body in a manner of refined fluidity; something she would most associate with a god or an art piece come to life. His inky, ebony hair was swath of liquid about him. It moved and fell in a manner so natural it almost seemed alive. His eyes were almost a fire of color; a mixture of amber and electric-cat yellow.

He wore nothing save the billowing, gauze pants that wrapped tight about his midsection with a brown sash. The pants themselves were a light haze of the same color.

The presence of the man was... daunting. It seemed like everything about him demanded all those in the room look and pay attention to him and nothing else. The feeling of terror never really made recognition; no, more along the lines of complete rapture.

Still, the only thing that drew her from the aforementioned was the sound next to her, the title, the voice. Next, it was the unparalleled fear she felt from a man--at the same time the word was spoken--that she never would of imagined _ever_ feeling from him.

"_Taichou.._"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**AN :: **Ok! Ok! Ok! Calm down! Down I say! Back, back! -exhales deeply after that-

Alright, so I know you weren't expecting _that_. Well, maybe... some of you are pretty sharp readers. And some of you who talk to me on msn knew this was coming up. Still, I know a lot of you were thinking, 'Hey, everything is all calm... that's cool. I can relax from the drama for a while..'

..._Wait_... really? You thought that? You guys know me so much better that that. At least the readers of my other stories know that. If you're knew to my cliffhangers or spastic WTF moments in stories, then..ah, well, welcome to my WTF moments?

Moving on though...

I know a bunch of you are going to be dying for the next chapter; especially since this one took so long to get out. Well, I have good news for you guys. I already have next chapter--basically--mapped out. I'm hoping to have it done in the next day or two. Since it'll basically be a double update I'll be putting much of my focus on Mona Lisa for the week of the 19th. Trust me though, -whispers- it'll be good and ALL your questions about Kakashi, his Taichou and the loopholes in his own flashbacks about the dead teammate will be filled in.

--Blade


	18. Chapter 18

**..Chapter Eighteen..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

_A spray of color exploded over the morning sky as the sun drew breath, like a great god inhaling while he awoke from his slumber, and appeared in the distance. Dew dripped off blades of hued green poking up from mother earth. Each slice bowed against the breeze which wafted by like a gentle caress._

_Ripples danced on the surface of crystal blue expanse, as if tiny feet were making way this way and that as ghostly skaters. Amongst this brilliance that was something rather normal in Hidden Village of Leaf, a young man, perhaps no older than fourteen or fifteen stood. His hands were dug snuggly into his pockets, his posture was less than straight and his one, good eye appeared disenchanted from the world before him._

_His garb was standard issue for the unit--soft violet armor and black leather accoutrements. The only covering to swath his face at the current moment in time was a half mask of deep, dark blue that looked more black than blue against his fair skin._

_The breeze swept through the silence once more, gently tossing his silvery-bed-head styled strands. They hung part way over his left eye, wisping a ghost of a kiss across the closed, scarred emblem of his not so distant past._

_To his left a man, in much the same garb as himself, stood leaning into the sturdy trunk of an oak tree. His arms were crossed over his chest and his chin dipped low enough that his brown bangs shadowed his eyes._

_Kakashi's line of vision moved to his superior--Hiro--just as he heard the sound of shifting feet. It was purely reactionary and he expected nothing more than for the older man to address him a moment; however, when his eye landed on the scene in front of him he couldn't stop the wave of disbelieve that flooded his system._

_He blinked._

_In front of Hiro stood a man he hadn't detected a hint of. At the moment he wasn't even registering. His control of chakra suppression was flawless as far as he was concerned. He'd yet to come across someone since his mentor, his sensei--the Yellow Flash, who could move so undetected as to not even upset a shifting of dirt beneath his sandaled feet. It was a feat, deemed by most, impossible if one was fully aware; which, he was. His senses had been wide open since they'd arrived in the area. He'd made sure to focus on nothing else but the environment._

_"This is your new subordinate, Kaoru," Hiro allowed while he stepped from the shadows and towards Kakashi as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. "Hatake Kakashi."_

_Kakashi heard him, his words did not fall on totally deaf ears; however, he just wasn't focusing on Hiro anymore. No, he was now completely focused on the man coming from beneath the shading branches wrapped in top notch ANBU diggs._

_His eyes were the first and last thing he zeroed in on; bright amber mixing with electric yellow seemed to pierce the air and hold one in place. He was tall, perhaps six feet at most. His hair was inky mess of black that reached his shoulders and his skin a touch darker than he'd seen on any shinobi; but, at the same time a sight lighter than a farmer would have._

_He couldn't help it or even understand the feelings this man suddenly summoned from within--the admiration he'd only ever felt for one man before: The Yellow Flash and late Hokage of Konoha. That sense of, what he wouldn't dare call or think of as, hero worship._

_This was a man he could model and admire; even if he didn't know it in that moment. It was level of reverence Minato had only ever garnered from him after Sakumo's humiliation and suicide. The Yellow Flash had been that man because there was be no other father figure for a boy who was all but considered, even then, a disgrace simply because of a parent's actions... To find and accept that again so _readily_ in someone else, even unrecognized by himself for what it really was, could be called more than a turning point._

_It was _pivotal_._

_Kaoru held out a hand, smiling easily. "Good to meet you, Hatake-san," his voice smoothed over, "I'm quite sure we'll do fine together... That is, if you're agreeable to the idea of me becoming your sponsor..."_

_Kakashi's lips twitched in a slight smirk, his only real show of expression the entire meeting as he took his hand and returned the steady grip as best he could. "I would be honored..._

_"...Taichou."_

_ooo_

Six months later...

_"Kakashi-sempai!"_

_Single orb open, the hunched, teenage form turned and stopped walking to look behind and see who was calling out to him. He sighed and knew, once he saw the smiling young girl in a medic apron, there was no hiding._

_"Someone you know?"_

_Kakashi looked up at the face of his amused captain. "A former teammate..."_

_"Ah..."_

_"What?"_

_He chuckled. "I take it you'd rather not speak with her?"_

_"Not particularly..." He noted she was still a good distance from him, her pace now slowed because of the heavy traffic._

_"She's smiling at you..." he edged, rubbing his clean shaven chin._

_That was Rin. But, he knew, her smile was just as much a mask as his own. He didn't need to delve his thoughts into that. He didn't want to because it was for that same reason he was avoiding her._

_She was getting closer, he noted; much too close for him to consider making a break for it and passing it off as though he had somewhere to be in a hurry. At this point she'd know he was avoiding her--blatantly._

_She beamed as her jog slowed to a walk and she stopped in front of them both. "How are you, sempai? I.. It's been a while..."_

_He knew 'a while' was stretching it for someone who'd been all but a memory for six months in lock down. Rin was being kind, as usual. "ANBU," he replied with a shrug, as if that were the answer. She'd known, he'd been the one to tell her._

_She bit her bottom lip and her hands clasped behind her back in a motion of nervousness. "Lock down right?" She finally took a good look at his uniform, eyes soft and her lips barely curling. "Yes, I know... I was just... worried about you..."_

_He nodded, not entirely sure how to respond. Were it anyone else, anyone else at all... he'd shrug it off. He wouldn't care because they really wouldn't be hurt by his reaction at all; however, this was Rin. Rin, the girl he'd failed completely by being a stupid ass, by being selfish and ignorant, too wrapped up in his own idea of what the shinobi was--and had been for generations--to actually do what was right and be a good team leader._

_Therefore, he had to think on some way to respond without tripping on his tongue over one of his automated ones. Socially, he wasn't terribly skilled when it came to matters outside of the mission requirements where everything was laid out... outlined and you were expected to lie._

_He couldn't lie to Rin. He couldn't fake a response. What--._

_"He was fine, Rin-chan," Kaoru-taichou replied for him._

_Immediately, her gaze went to him and she blushed. "Kami, forgive me, I just haven't seen Kakashi-sempai in so long.. you are?"_

_"Kaoru-sama," he replied smooth as ever. "Kakashi-san's former sponsor and now teammate."_

_She smiled brightly. "I'm glad to have met you." Slowly, her blushing gaze and concern-filled eyes returned to Kakashi. "I have to go, I have some work to do in the hospital... but, you won't be a stranger..?" she asked hopefully._

_"I'll be busy.." he explained slowly, "I can't promise anything..." He couldn't. Soon, he was going to slammed with work and more the ghost than ever._

_"Oh.... well," she edged, obviously hurt, "whatever you can manage, sempai..." She forced a tight smile. "I'll.. I'll see you when I see you." Without much else she was leaving in a hurry. As she ran past, Kakashi did his best to shut out the gut wrenching feeling that he was somehow screwing up whatever Obito had tried to teach him. He didn't looked back. In fact, he shut his only open eye completely, tightly as he tried to stifle the urge to run after her and explain._

_He just couldn't though, could he? She... she would be far better off without him. He had some growing up to do. If he ever wanted to live up the promise he'd given a boy--no... a man--far better than himself, if he ever wanted to bring honor back to his father's name, he had to do this. He couldn't face her, reliving that image of her crying as their teammate died because of his stupidity and pride, until he was a better man._

_A hand on his shoulder had him looking up at his Taichou._

_He frowned at Kakashi. "You don't have to isolate her..."_

_Kakashi sighed and finally looked at her departing back, only to find she was long gone into the crowds by then._

_"She's in love with you.. you know."_

_"I don't deserve her..."_

_"Not yet?"_

_"Perhaps not ever, Taichou." His good eye flashed pain._

_"Do you love her?"_

_Had he ever asked himself that question? "I... I don't know."_

_Kaoru nodded and squeezed his shoulder for moral support. "Don't do it because you promised a boy you believe you can never fully repay... The dead don't forgive, Kakashi... Not the way you want them to._

_"That," he edged slowly, "and she'll hate you if you do for any other reason besides the right one."_

_Kakashi looked back up at him, swallowing as the wisdom of his words washed over and once again gave him a sense of support and clear-headed thinking. "I'll take that to heart, Taichou... Thank you." A small, sad twitch of his lips beneath his mask showed in slight he appreciated all of it._

_What this man gave him was something he still desperately needed---direction, strong sense of self and the fuel he would not have to fire the drive to work harder to achieve his goals without him._

_Kaoru laughed then, startling him out of his thoughts._

_"What?" Kakashi asked, confused._

_"You," he murmured, leaning in with a grin, hand still on his shoulder, "are blushing." He pointed to the bit of red peaking from beneath his mask along the bridge of his nose and upper cheeks._

_He blushed further and mentally berated himself for doing so as his captain laughed softly on at him._

_"Ah," he began, letting his laughter die as he released his shoulder and stood up to simply face him in the busy street, "it gives me pride to know, that even you, Kakashi, can find something awe inspiring enough about your stuffy old captain to do that."_

_The 'boy' grumbled, stuffed his hands into his pockets and moved to continue waking. "You're only three years older than me, Taichou... you're not old..."_

_He grinned, and said nothing more to the blushing youth--for which Kakashi was thankful--as they continued on their way towards HQ. Even so the depth he stole away from those words, remained fixated in his mind; and long after the red of awe over his Taichou's wisdom left his face... the words lingered on in his heart._

_ooo_

One year later...

_"Kakashi," a voice breathed out, exasperated, "are you taking any of this seriously?"_

_The sixteen year old couldn't help the tinge of pink that crept along his face, showing through despite the covering. It reached his ears and along his nose. He couldn't help it. He didn't understand it. He _knew_ he had to do this. He'd known that before he'd joined the unit. However, for some reason, that didn't stop the anxiety. This was suppose to be easy. It wasn't like there was any real emotion involved. They weren't going to actually do... anything... just a couple of acting techniques and..._

_"Look..." Kaoru whispered, looking away from his face, "... I'm not... I'm not keen on the idea either. It would have been a lot easier if they'd made us do this damned thing earlier... I can't change that though. They had other things, new techniques to test run in lock down. That's why all the teams who passed with you are having to do this now..."_

_He hated the fear that crept along his spine. The last time in his life he could recall feeling this sort of trepidation was as a lowly rookie, unsure as to whether or not he would live up to his father's image when their family had been in good standing with the village._

_What could he do but nod, turn back to the paper before him and to continue reading what his 'mission' was for the expected role playing, though? Kaoru-taichou had his own. The only one who had knowledge of what was on both sheets was the man across from him sitting on bed provided in the room they'd taken for the night._

_The orders advised they do the exercise somewhere nonpersonal._

_"Begin when you're ready, Kakashi.." he didn't miss the vexation in his tone. Kakashi could only assume it was over the situation they'd been placed in. It should have been taken care of in lock down when all of this was likely to be forgotten and each of them could move on easier afterward._

_Slowly, he exhaled and removed his mask, allowing it to drop and hang about neck loosely. He stood and walked across the small expanse between the two beds the room provided. No matter how hard he tried, berated himself and reworked his nerve he simply could not rid himself of the ever present feelings coiling every which way in his body. He could not rid himself of the red blooming across face._

_His hands shook as he stopped between his Taichou's legs and reached down. He cupped his cheeks in his hands and ran his thumbs, gently, across his tanned cheekbones. The action, in response, caused the older male to shut his eyes in what Kakashi could only assume was bliss._

_He dipped down, trying to appear assertive despite the atmosphere, and pushed him down onto the mattress, blanketing his body in his own. A moment of considering, less than that, and his lips pressed into Kaoru's._

_He hated that he'd been in the unit for a good while now, having never been required to do a mission of this sort because he hadn't been through the training while under lock down. Paperwork and pencil pushers made getting to it afterward longer. And now, as a result, he was making out with a man he admired beyond belief, that he looked up to and sought praise from in a way he never had anyone else before at this point in his life--hell, in their friendship. The way he felt about him... it wasn't like his late sensei. And what they were doing, what was being required to be instructed and tested, intensified emotions he hadn't ever considered evaluating._

_At all._

_Suddenly everything got more intense and he didn't question it. He was on his back, his hands were in his captain's hair and a definite surge of desire the likes of which he'd never encountered before was brewing in him, around him... It electrified the air and it made focusing on what he was suppose to be doing here that much more difficult._

_"Kakashi..." he heard a whisper across his lips, his name echoing in want._

_Had this been building all this time? Had everything he'd felt for him from the moment he'd first laid eyes on him--shadowed beneath the boughs of the trees that morning, a morning that seemed ages ago now--been building to this moment? Was what he assumed to be hero-worship at a later time, really... more? Was it something he hadn't considered simply because he'd never really interacted that way with anyone? The closest he'd come was perhaps Rin. Even so, this wasn't the same._

_No... it wasn't..._

_He felt something press into his back, hitting just above his tailbone. The sharp reminder was the only thing that forced him to come back to earth. He reached for it, trying to wash away the direction of his thoughts as he make a quick motion of rolling his Taichou over and pressing the kunai to his throat. He watched shock pass across his 'teacher's' face as he made the slicing motion for a successful kill, retaining eye contact.. trying desperately to ignore the pressure, the mutual pressure, between his thighs where he straddled his captain._

_"Done," he whispered, trying not to breathe heavily and appear unaffected as he moved to stand on shaky legs. He wiped a hand down his features as he turned away from Kaoru, as if doing so would help. _

_"Good job..." he heard from the other male, his tone almost lost; probably about as lost as he looked and felt. "I'm... I'm gonna go take a walk... I need to clear my head... I'll be back in about an hour."_

_Kakashi didn't argue as he left the room. He actually didn't much of anything for a long while aside from stare into space. When his Taichou did some back, _hours_ later, nothing seemed clear about his head or the tenseness in the room._

_The rest of the week all the exercises were done without a word of question. Neither verbally explored what was going on. Kakashi went with it, thinking perhaps it was just better not to. Verbalizing meant dealing with things neither apparently wanted to deal with in the first place; things that even if they hadn't know would cause changes about their dynamic, they obviously both had an idea they _might_._

_However, by the end of that week, Kakashi was willing to admit one thing to himself..._

_...He was in love with his Taichou._

_ooo_

_One year later..._

_"_What_...?" his voice emphasized the word in a whisper. His eyes were wide, and then narrowed in scrutinizing confusion. "What... what do you mean you're ill? You look fine to me, Taichou..." Kakashi continued._

_The elder sighed as he bent over the table where he sat. "Just as a I told you... I went for my required yearly exam... and..." He closed his eyes, his sentence trailing off as if he were recalling something._

_The seventeen year old baulked. "What kind of illness forces you to just.. dissappear?"_

_"They're going to place me in a high security care center, Kakashi. It's not so much for my own safety; but, for those around me."_

_"I don't understand..." Pain etched his features as he dejectedly sat next to Kaoru and took his hand. His fingers interlaced into his captain's and he squeezed._

_"My bloodline technique, Kakashi," he said softly, sadly, "gets more intense as I age. Right now I can control it. I can control it well. However, from what the doctor gathered in my blood-work... it'll be getting more intense. It's already doubled in the last week. In what he estimated to be about three weeks, I'll lose all ability to control it._

_"You've seen me use it on missions to get what I want, to get people to do what I want.._

_"Human desire... is a valuable tool.." he went on dejectedly, lost in his own world. "If I can't contain that, it won't just be about what I say..."_

_Kakashi remained silent, waiting for him to continue... to gather his own courage an admit what he himself didn't want to verbalize. Then... then it became real.. right?_

_"Eventually I'll lose myself. I won't be me anymore. The toxins released into my own bloodstream will alter... everything about the man I am..."_

_"Are they starting to now?" he asked softly, fear lacing his voice. Not of him, but for him._

_He seemed he sense this and shook his head. "No, thank god the doctors know when that will happen," he sighed out, half smiling in irony. "A week after I lose control on it... that's when the change starts..."_

_"How long do you have before..?"_

_"Three days."_

_Silence._

_"They don't waste time do they..." Kakashi voiced after the passing about a minute._

_"...No, they don't."_

_Kakashi sat there with him, holding his hand. Why he let him, he didn't know. Perhaps, it was just one person needing another. He needed it.. didn't he... Was it like dying? It felt like he was dying... He was going to lose yet another important person. This time... only this time... he knew there was really nothing he could do to prevent it. All the training in the world, all the shinobi skills he's been taught, refined and utilized like any weapon in a large arsenal were not going to save...._

_"...I love you," he whispered, finally revealing what he hadn't been able to before._

_"I love you too."_

_ooo_

The next day...

_The silver haired ANBU stared, confused, for a mere moment at the man lingering on his doorstep. He was shocked, not because he was there; but, because of the state he was in._

_He looked lost, weakened, vulnerable and defeated beyond repair. There was nothing physically wrong with him... he just looked... like someone had given him the worst imaginable news and there was no possible way he was recovering from it. Considering just yesterday he'd already been given that news, and had accepted it, Kakashi didn't have clue as to what was causing such a visual before him._

_"Taichou... what..."_

_"Can I come in, Kakashi?" Pause. "Please..."_

_He didn't reply, he just stepped aside and let him into his family home. Once the door was closed he didn't ask for an explanation; instead, he led him directly up the second floor, down the hall and into what was once his parent's room and now his own. He shut the door behind him and moved to sit him on the bed._

_"What happened?" he asked, concern lacing his voice while he moved to crouch before him._

_The story that came forth from his mouth was one that slowly, with each word, made him angrier and and angrier. Someone, he had no idea who, had leaked what was going to happen him in the coming weeks. Save, they'd made it sound as though, or the rumor mill had, that it was happening now. Out of fear and insecurity, every villager within sight of him had made it clear he either wasn't welcome or they were not going to risk being near him._

_He'd been dealing with a heavy load for a good number of years. He knew about this. He knew this would happen to him one day. Given that he'd learned just yesterday his life was essentially going to end... Kakashi couldn't begin to place himself in his shoes._

_"We'll go talk to the Hokage," he urged. "Did you try speaking with an official today? Did you even go the hospital to explain and get someone to help?"_

_When he didn't respond Kakashi shook him slightly. "Taichou... did you hear me?"_

_"Why bother?" he whispered._

_"What...?"_

_His eyes flashed to Kakashi's. "What's the point? I don't think I can do this, rookie. I don't _want_ to. I don't _want_ to be a tool, a useless one at that needs to be put to sleep or isolated from the world. I'd rather just leave and face it on my own. I'd rather just try to _beat_ it on my own."_

_Kakashi took pause for a moment, carefully considering his reply. "What are you saying...?" He stood and took a step back._

_"Do you trust me, Kakashi?"_

_"With my life..." he replied, confused._

_Kaoru stood then. He took both of Kakashi's hands into his own. "I'm.. I'm leaving Konoha, Kakashi. And I want you to come with me."_

_Disbelief cross his features and he ripped his hands away as if stung or slapped. "You're... what?" He couldn't form a thought then. He didn't want to believe what he was hearing._

_"I'm leaving. Tonight. I want you to come with me," he replied. When he got no immediate response he continued. "Don't you see, there's nothing left for me here, Kakashi? I'm not going to roll over and just.. do what they want me to do because they can't find another solution. I can't... I can't do that."_

_"So, instead..." he whispered, not really seeing himself asking this question.. "You want to become a missing nin." It was a statement._

_"I want to be more. And I want you to be more with me," he replied._

_"No!" his response held no hesitation. "I can't... you can't _ask_ me to do this... _you_ can't do this, Taichou..." he was at a loss._

_"Kakashi, you told me you loved me yesterday," he whispered, eyes pleading as he grasped both of his shoulders. "Because of that I won't lie to you. I'm afraid. I'll admit that to you when I wouldn't admit a damn thing to the doctors about how I felt, the reality... just like you don't behave this way around one else by me..._

_"I'm terrified... I've spent my whole life ignoring when this would happen. And here I am, in my twenties... and... I'm going to die. Yes, die. And I just can't accept it._

_"I can't accept you not being with me, to help me fight through this. You're the only one, at the end of day, when it's all said and done... who won't walk out on me.. you won't do to me what they did to me today..._

_"Will you come with me?" he finished with strength in his voice._

_Kakashi stared on at him and he couldn't quite help the tears forming in his eyes--out of heartbreak--as he responded, with a soft, pleading voice. "...No."_

_What happened next was not what he expected._

_What happened next... was not something he could even fathom from the man before him. The very idea of the series of events which transpired... he didn't quite believe they were happening to him because of who was doing it._

_"I love you, Kakashi," he whispered while he tore at his clothing, his uniform in a way he more than likely considered passionate. He didn't hear the noes, the cries to stop, he blocked them out because Kakashi loved him. He would. He always would and there was nothing that would take that from him._

_He hadn't lost his mind. The bloodline technique that would kill every fiber of who he once was made no affect on what he was doing. He did what he did out of pain. He did what he did because he couldn't face the one person left in his crumbling world... not being there. He couldn't see until it was too late that he what he was doing was not going to work._

_Kakashi wasn't going to change his mind, he wasn't coming with him. Between the pain and fear he saw betrayal. Anger swarmed his senses; and like anyone else, it got the better of him, causing a once good man with good intentions to do things he once tried to prevent._

_He realized that if he didn't finish this... he was going to be stopped. Kakashi would tell everyone and it would too late for him. He wouldn't go. He couldn't. He would make sure that didn't happen._

_"Watch," he ordered hoarsely. "Watch or I'll cut your throat when I'm done!" were words he said without forgiveness, knowing it would kill any willpower the youth had left._

_Then he finished, pulling out and stared down at what he'd sewn, what he couldn't stop himself from doing. He reached for his katanna and brought it up, pausing as Kakashi spoke._

_"Tai....Taichou..."_

_He hesitated for the briefest of moments as the title washed a series of memories before his eyes. Instead of making him realize what he was doing was wrong, so very wrong, they only served to make him angrier._

_The sound of metal cutting flesh and bone echoed in the now quiet room..._

_He'd been in pain coming through the door. That same pain had driven him to ask the impossible. That pain, furthered by the response from the one he valued most and considered all he had left, caused him to do as he had. That pain mixed with fear, caused him to finish what he'd started._

_It wasn't until he stood motionless, over the bleeding corpse of the one he loved most in the world, that he lost his mind._

_ooo_

_Liquid pain erupted from every fiber of his being as he opened his mouth to scream in silent agony. His back arched, intensifying it thrice over. It began to blend together in the haze before his eyes. Even the soft hands on his features and the soothing, calming tone in his ear did almost nothing to ease the trauma he was allowed both within... and without of his slumber._

_"Sempai," she whispered... yes a she. "Please, calm down... it's alright... I'm here... No, don't go to sleep. Stay with me... Stay with me, please. We're going to give you some pain medication, don't worry. Just, stay with me for now."_

_He did as she asked, just as he once recalled doing before... he focused on that, on her voice, as he had time and time again in the past. Doing that... it'd always kept him alive, right? Yeah... logical choice.. listen to.. Rin._

_"Ok, Sempai," her worried, commanding tone spoke to him. "Nod or shake your head _slowly_ to my questions. Once were done, you can go back to sleep..."_

_He wanted to tell her he didn't want sleep, he'd slept enough. He didn't want to go back... to..._

_"Can you feel your legs?"_

_It took him a moment, but he nodded yes._

_"Arms?"_

_Nod._

_"Ok, is the there a part of your body you _can't_ feel right now?"_

_It took him a moment to process her request and find out. He shook his head no._

_"Good, that means you're not paralyzed." He wasn't sure why he would be..._

_"Drugs are kicking in now, Sempai... sleep good... I'll be back in a few hours to check you.. I'm here... ok? I'll make sure you're safe."_

_Safe..._

_And the regime continued like that many times, minus the pain like the first. He was never really there, only catching bits and pieces and doing as she asked. He just knew it was the only real constant aside from whatever went on in his sleep he felt to be unpleasant. He then wondered, in his drug induced haze, if they'd given him something to stop the nightmares..._

_ooo_

_"Kakashi-sempai...?"_

_The voice greeted his ears long before the her smiling face did. Light hit him like a ton of bricks and he winced._

_Rin scrambled to shut the curtains immediately._

_"Th.." was all he got out before his dry throat kicked in. He reached for his neck, pulling IVs with him, but not out as he tried to sit up._

_"Hold on there," Rin whispered, by his side immediately with a cup of water. "Here, drink this... slowly. I don't need you puking all over the sheets."_

_Silently, he took it and did as she said. Once the contents were gone he exhaled softly. He didn't stop her as she took the cup from his hand and went about checking his body with a chakra enflamed hand._

_"How do you feel?" she asked._

_How did he feel? "Like hell," he whispered, staring at her almost blankly. "How long have I been out...?"_

_"Well... about a month..." she started to explain. "We found you in... a pretty bad condition, Sempai...." she paused, as if trying to figure just how to word it. "You... You're spine was almost completely severed. Thankfully, my team got to you time. The surgery preformed was, for the most part, experimental. Hokage-sama only gave the go once we were positive there was no saving you any other way...." her voice moved to a slow whisper as she explained, as if reliving the event in her mind._

_"Did you...?"_

_"I was the one who came up with it, yes; along with help of Tsunade's journals in the archives... "_

_He nodded._

_"You'll still need to take physical therapy--," she started softly, as if she felt badly about this._

_"I don't mind, Rin," he replied just as softly, stopping her. "Right... now... I'm not really interested in doing anything but taking it easy..."_

_She nodded, intertwining her fingers together on her lap._

_"How..." he began, pausing once to swallow, ".. how many people--."_

_Sensing his distress, the interrupted him this time. "No one but the Hokage, my own team and myself, Kakashi... No one else knows. We've recorded in the medical records as a classified mission under the causes of injury..."_

_He nodded, but remained quiet._

_"Are you hungry...Do you want me to get you anything, Sempai?"_

_"Food yes... nothing else."_

_Everything else felt too robotic, to fake... to fucking real and all he wanted was to ask her for some of those sleeping pills that kept him from seeing... he just wanted to...._

_"Kakashi?"_

_He felt his shoulders hunch._

_"Kakashi..?" Her hand touched his forearm._

_His head dipped low while he felt his body, his mentality... crumble. There, in that hospital room, while Rin held him, he cried, even if he didn't understand why._

_Why... oh...god.... _why?

ooo

Kakashi couldn't move. He couldn't speak. All he could do was stare at the approaching man. All he could feel were the intense waves of fear as they rushed through his veins and infected every pour in his body, his mind.

Images flashed before him. Laughter, the two of them fighting together, crying, hands gripping together and interlaced in support, lips... and then came the blood, the horrifying reverse of emotion, the betrayal, the words and pain. He couldn't will the cycle if memories away. They just kept coming and confusing him--ripping away all the years of counseling, emotional relearning and walls he'd carefully built around himself. Everything he'd buried that had been ripping at the seams since returning to ANBU... since becoming Sakura's partner... it crumbled faster than he could process and deal with.

He didn't see Sakura staring at him, her eyes evaluating and questioning.

The moment he felt the warm hand on his cheek, thumb rolling over it, he reflexively snapped his eyes shut as if if he'd been slapped or would be. His chest tightened and all the air felt sucked from his lungs. He had to command himself to breathe.

"Hatake Kakashi... as I live and breathe," Kaoru whispered. "I must say... based on what I've been hearing about you over the years..." he trailed off a moment as he blatantly looked his form up and down. "..I didn't expect to see you before me again.. like this, rookie." He sighed, releasing him. He placed his hands behind his back and began to circle Kakashi like a predator; like a buyer looking over his future purchase.

His piercing eyes turned to Sakura when he stopped. "So..." he began as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "You've brought me the legendary Copy Nin, Haruno-san... "

Sakura said nothing, but she kept her eyes on him.

"I just have a few questions, dear," he explained, his voice leading. "You see, from my reports, Hatake Kakashi returned to active shinobi status when he was twenty." He reached out as he stepped around Kakashi to his left side. He poked his upper arm. "He was also once ANBU...Odd.." he seemed to murmur to himself, frowning as his eyes narrowed.

"You also have failed to shackle him in chakra suppressing bracers." He walked around to his back as he said this, flicking the rope ties about his wrists. "Somehow.." he went on, "I can't fathom a young woman, shinobi or not, actually having that much control over the legendary Copy Nin...

"Explain," he ordered before her.

Sakura noted when he said this final word, the occupants of the room either faded to the shadows or drew in closer, making motion to reach for their weapons. She licked her lips and glanced over at Kakashi, her gaze made hard as to not seem as though she were really looking to him for answers.

She didn't know all of what was going on here. But she knew when she'd been found out. The only thing that was going to solve this was some quick thinking.

Nervousness was shaking her insides. She been prepared to deal out the cover story. Knowing what to say had given her courage and confidence. But this... trying to work her moving mind between fear to come up with a totally new answer as to why her 'prisoner' looked like that...

_"Bluff them out," _Kakashi's voice echoed in her head as the memory of a time during her sixth month training flashed before her eyes.

_"What?" Sakura asked, sitting across from him, campfire between. Evening had long set in around them both._

_"You asked, I answered."_

_"Yeah, I know... but can you do that in that sort of scenario?"_

_Kakashi sighed as he cleaned the fish with a cooking knife, wiping scales on a small hand towel he'd brought with him. "You'll agree that the one with most power or knowledge wins, right?"_

_"Right.."_

_"If you're in a situation with someone you know to be far more powerful than yourself, someone who looks to hold all the cards and know all the answers... you just ruffle your pretty feathers."_

_"Feathers.." her nose brow furrowed in confusion._

_Kakashi set aside his work to focus on her. His good eye locked on her two as he explained, "You would agree that in nature there are defensive mechanisms in some animals to fend larger, bigger predators , right?"_

_"Of course." What was he going on about?_

_"Take the male peacock for example. Beautiful, right?"_

_"Very."_

_He nodded. "When a predator encroaches on his territory, or another male peacock during mating season, what does he do?"_

_".... he shows his feathers and ruffles them..." she said, mind starting to process what he was getting at._

_He nodded, smirking. "Exactly. He makes himself look bigger, stronger and better than his enemy. He deceives the opponent and tricks him into backing down, into thinking he doesn't have a chance in hell."_

_"Alright, I can agree to that; but it still doesn't help explain--."_

_"Anyone can do the same thing. You bluff the enemy out. Make them think you've got the bigger balls and they don't have a chance in hell. They will if you do it with enough conviction. But, you have to believe it yourself."_

_She took the information in, nodding as she filed it away and he handed her a fish._

_"Now, eat up before it gets cold... "_

Sakura smirked at her sudden epiphany._ Time for you to depend on me, Kakashi, _she whispered in her mind, _I don't know what's going on; but I'll get us out of this._ She could. She knew it'd be by the skin of her teeth; but, it was worth a try. In the end, if she failed, well... she'd just fight tooth and nail to get them out of there.

She ripped her gaze from Kakashi and looked on the leader. "You're questions are valid ones; but, before that.. you're name?"

His careful gaze never faltered. "You may call me Kaoru-sama."

She nodded. "Kaoru-sama, do you know of Tsunade?"

"The Slug Princess?" he chuckled, smirking. "Everyone knows of the Sanin and the Hokage."

Her ams crossed over her chest. "I was her apprentice." She smiled sinfully, showing her arrogance. "I'm ex ANBU now, Kaoru-sama. I don't _need_ to use bracers on Kakashi to keep him in line." She knew it wasn't the best bluff; but she was just waiting for someone to test her ability.

"A bold claim..." he murmured.

"Furthermore, I'm not stupid. To keep the hunter nin from tracking me, as soon as I was safely away from the village, I removed all evidence that he'd had once been anything but a civilian prisoner.

"After all, they'd be looking for a man in shinobi garb---not a dirty criminal. It helped save on chakra to only henge myself." Kami, she hoped it sounded believable enough for him.

He stared at her for a long time and no one moved to test her claims. No one spoke a word in the room as he appeared to simply look _through_ her. Could he see her lies? Could he see through her false arrogance?

"Very well."

She jolted out of her thoughts.

"For now, I find your claim to have merit. I'll have someone show you to a room. You will stay there with Kakashi until I call for you. Go against my wishes and I'll have you killed, Haruno-san.

"Leave my presence," he murmured, waving his hand as someone, indeed, came forward and ushered them away. Sakura kept a tight hold on Kakashi's arm as a young woman in a shabby kimono showed them the way down a hall.

Sakura's eyes lingered only a moment on Kaoru before she turned those now concerned, shaking eyes to her Taichou. His face was blank, his eyes hollow and he looked like the living dead.

_Just what in the hell was going on here?_

She didn't see the smile creeping along Kaoru face, sinful and devious as he watched them go.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**AN ::** I hope this chapter answered all your questions. Also, just for reference, the long series of flashbacks were not just from Kakashi's point of view or meant to be assumed that he saw them; although he certainly did see some of them when he I said he did in the present parts of the chapter. They were written out as though, you, the reader were going back into his past and seeing it all happen. I know this happens in movies. Sometimes the flashbacks are not really from anyone's point of view--there just there to help fill in the gaps.

Originally, they were going to be just from Kakashi's POV and he was going to relive them like they were shown; however, It was important the readers see that his Taichou did what he did not out of insanity or his bloodline limit. He did it out of sever pain, grief and anger. I wanted you all to see the reality--that sometimes people with very best of intentions, good people, do horrible things. There is no such thing as an evil person in real life, just evil deeds. We call people evil; but we do so because of what they have done.

I'll emphasize this as well: Kaoru did _not_ lose his mind--his grip on reality--until he took a step back from what he'd done to Kakashi--someone he loved with all his heart--bloodied.. lifeless...and realized just what he'd sewn. For him, there was just no going back halfway through. And when he finished he just couldn't process his actions.

If you guys have any questions about the things that occurred in the flashbacks, feel free to ask and leave me a way to reply. I'll do my best.

Now, to move on, I know many of you are shocked. Hell, some of you might be in tears if I did my job correctly. I wanted you to be shocked, hurt and filled with sorrow. I want this chapter to make you feel what Kakashi felt.

This sort of thing happens to people everyday. The majority of this occurs with people the victim knows and trusts. That's why it happens so easily and that's why it's so hard for rape victims to deal with. They can't really grasp the one person in the world they loved and trusted most doing this to them.

Kakashi is every victim of these type of rape situations.

Forgive me if I hurt you or upset you; but, I won't apologize for being true to my writing. Thank you for reading. I hope you continue to.

--Blade


	19. Chapter 19

**..Chapter Nineteen..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

The door shut behind Sakura with a soft motion. She waited on to hear the click of a lock; however, when none came, she realized--perhaps--they didn't _need_ one. Her eyes narrowed a brief moment as her mind when into strategy mode and she began to look about the room for any signs of eavesdroppers. It was a perfectly natural reaction; or, at least the start of one. However, as she stared on at her motionless sensei's back, all of her thoughts went on halt.

Her eyes softened and she remained as silent as before. He hadn't moved a muscle from his place two paces ahead of her. To the passive eyes he appeared to be just standing there, normal as ever. However, Sakura wasn't just any passive looker-on. She'd known this man almost all of her life. She might not know his past inside and out... but, she knew his body language. This was like nothing she'd ever seen. His stance wasn't lazy, or relaxed and half poised in his own personal breed of readiness. His head wasn't hanging in disinterest. No, his whole body looked unsure of how to stand there. Half his back was taunt. Her partner looked as though he couldn't keep from shaking, that he was just barely able to keep from doing so.

Sakura swallowed as the air in the room felt heavy. She could breathe, but, she couldn't quite feel the urge to do so normally.

Fear?

Was that it?

Her gut coiled and slowly, she took one step forward to him. The sound of her unveiled step echoed in the room, and cut like a knife. It must have not only to her ears. Because, as she moved, his form reflexively tightened. The lines, the planes of what she could just barely see beyond the folds of his shirt, etched a series of flexing, animalistic muscle.

Her hand stopped midair and she gradually pulled it back.

When she released her breath, out of need, it was soundless. Confusion swarmed her senses and overpowered natural thought. She feared if she made another move to touch him he might either react violently or submissively. She wasn't sure what was worse.

She'd only ever seen him like this one time before. Then she'd assumed it had been because he desired her and was trying to fight it. Now.. now it had nothing to do with that. She was sure if she had more time to process this, to think about it clearly, she would be able to deduce just why he was like this; however, worry clouded such processes. Fear and concern made her want to react out of touch.

She swallowed and moved to his front. Her eyes carefully drew to his face. Still, she could see nothing because his eyes were cast down. Cautiously, she took a single step towards him and waited. She waited to see if he would pounce... run... He did none of the aforementioned. Instead, if it were possible, his body became that much more stiff. He looked like a cornered mouse and her heart went out to him.

She reached out and took his face in both of her hands. The shaking worsened and it felt like his whole body was going to crumble from the combination of taunt statuesque form and reverberations of, what she assumed, were fear.

When her eyes met with his, ebony-grey and wide, lost and in a world not of this plane, Sakura realized the man she was looking at was not her teacher. He was not her commander. He was not the shinobi that had bested three rookies years ago with confidence and supreme skill trying desperately to teach them the value of teamwork and human life.

The eyes she looked into before her were like so many others she'd seen in her career. They were the eyes of someone who had lost so much more than a few possessions, so much more than gaining a few surface wounds. They...

As his eyes locked on hers... as she read into the depths of his gaze she felt the air leave her chest. Everything around her became a haze and it was as though th silent hum of a tune ended abruptly.

The soft, cool feeling of air across her damp cheek gave her enough strength to speak.

"My god..." she whispered, eyes going from momentary saucers to soft, painful, half closed orbs of oceanic anguish. "It was you..." she went on, voice cracking, vocal chords shaking. "It was you all along..."

The reality of her own statement hit her. It had never been a team mate. There had _never_ been one. It had been Kakashi all along.

Tears came freely and she felt crushed, swallowed whole, bereft. She just couldn't... comprehension left her. Speech seemed so irrelevant and for once her life, hands that healed, didn't know how. A voice that gave strength to those in her ward, was empty.

He was her sensei, her teacher, her pillar of strength, her commander, her... her _Taichou_. It was like watching god fall from heaven, looking upon him and seeing nothing but a mortal creature, bared and completely vulnerable.

She couldn't even think the word.

When she would look upon this moment days, weeks, years later, all she would recall feeling was anguish, disbelief, confusion and a tinge of anger.

How... How could a man...

You saw it everyday... Kami knew she use to, in her former main line of work. Women came in everyday. Night and day, they wandered into the ward, filled with secret tears, broken... needing some sort of repair she didn't know how to provide... the same kind she had once needed and knew of so well.

Occasionally, she saw a male patient, mostly young... She was quite sure there were more. They just... didn't talk about it or deal with it... usually.

She'd known, she known the moment he'd pulled down his mask for her, what he'd done. But, this wasn't the same. This look... this wasn't the look of a person who'd been taken advantage of by someone they didn't know... a ghost in their nightmares without a face.

Her eyes shut tightly to his hollowed orbs.

Her hands slid from his face and moved to wrap about him. She embraced him, slowly and tightly. He was still taunt and unmoving, even in her arms. He didn't moved to embrace her; however, he did stop shaking.

She wanted to ask him why he didn't tell her the truth, why he didn't tell her it was him. They seemed stupid, stupid questions though. He'd never lied to her, she realized. He'd never told her who it was. And why would he? Would she have wanted to? Were she in his position would she have given that information freely, even to her most trusted partner?

She recalled how she felt after that mission in Mystic Falls... broken... dirty... unwanted... tarnished...

Few people had the knowledge of what she'd done there. She'd done her best to grow from it and to gain strength from it... to forget.

Kakashi... he was... there were so many words to describe him that just didn't seem to fit. And never, in all her life, had she ever imagined to see him like this... as she had been on that bed in his arms... broken, crying... clipped and shaking. She knew, that moment, he never would have wanted anyone to see him like this--especially his students, his peers. To Konoha, he was a pillar.. a rock.. one of the finest and best the village had to offer up. There was just nothing to compare it to.

Her arms tightened as she felt his head fall to her shoulder, as she felt him release a breath as shaky as her own... as she felt tears on her shoulder, as she felt him grip her in return..

Her hand tangled in his hair, the base of it on his neck, bushy and ashen as he crumpled in her arms and as they both fell to their knees on the floor. She wasn't sure if it was her or if it was just that she was there, holding him, a human body providing comfort; but, she knew he needed her and she held on tight as he soaked her neck and uniform.

He was still the man she loved. He was still her former sensei, the man who protected her, her bleed for her and her team, who nearly died for Konoha countless times over. She, in that moment, knew better than anyone else what this moment felt like. He was still her commander and she would see him no differently. This part of him made him no less of a man or a shinobi than what she had equally endured in Mystic Falls.

She wouldn't let it, she told herself as she forced herself to quit crying. He hadn't cried when she needed him, had he? He'd been strong for her, hadn't he?

"You didn't have to hide this from me, Kakashi..." she whispered finally, not really to him perhaps; but, perhaps more to herself. She wasn't sure if her statement even registered with him. The minutes passed on as she held him. Perhaps even and hour as she let him release his grief on her neck and shoulder, as she allowed his pain and anguish to flow into her.

Time went on and she--silently--waited for him to speak, to tell her anything, to talk, if he would.

When he stood, it wasn't quickly or wholly steady. He just picked himself up off the floor and removed himself from her arms, her body. She watched on, with deeply emotional eyes as he wiped a hand down his face and turned from her. A moment passed before she stood up as well and looked on at his back.

He didn't look near as broken as he had been before; but, she could see things in his natural form she had never really seen before. They way he stood, hunched and lazy... wasn't as wholly confident as she'd analyzed before. His laziness looked more ragged and tired. His body seemed a constant ache and he appeared to carry a weight she only just now saw for the first time with new, knowledge filled eyes.

"Stop it," he whispered, voice filled with a vain attempt of command.

"..." She didn't know how to respond to that. Such a response would normally be akin to a slap in the face. However, now, she saw it as a defensive mechanism.

"Just... stop looking at me with those eyes..."

Silence spanned the room. She didn't know what to say. There weren't words to make it better. And she knew more so than anyone else that there really was no getting better. You dealt with it, you grew from it, you learned to breathe again and not let it control your life. You learned that even though something had beaten you, you didn't have to remain beaten. It was a monster that couldn't control you anymore. Breaking that wall... it wasn't easy, by any means.

She knew this though, there was no way they complete their current mission. Kakashi couldn't do this. Perhaps if that man..

She gathered her strength. "We need to figure out a way to get out of here."

She was surprised when he said, "Why would we do that?" She opened her mouth to speak; but, he was faster. "We have a mission to complete, Sakura."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was.. was he serious? "You can't possibly think you're in any condition to actually--."

"Sakura.."

She moved to face him, walking the expanse of the distance between them two. "I know what he did to you, Kakashi," she whispered strongly, angrily. "I--."

"It's irrelevant," he muttered back, not looking at her. "We were told to do a mission and we have to complete it."

"Damnit!" she snapped quietly, trying not to be loud. "That was before we knew who was in charge here! No one would expect you to to do this. In fact, if Rin-sama knew she would have assigned someone else. You know that!"

His hollowed depths swung around to meet hers finally. "And when do you expect we'll get another chance? If we leave now, if we abandon our orders, he'll tighten his walls. We'd be setting the next team up for failure. He'd be expecting it." He paused and looked away.

"I know this man, Sakura... he taught me all of what I know about being ANBU..."

Her hands went for his forearms, thumbs rolling over his bare biceps. Her emerald depths seemed to plead with his own. "I can't let you go through with is. He... he raped you, Kakashi... "

"And what do expect he would have done if I didn't have former experience with him?"

"Yes, but--."

"It doesn't make the situation any different."

"Like hell it does!" she snapped back, releasing him, hands now at her sides open. When he said nothing to her outburst she continued. "When he did what he did to you... it wasn't a mission, was it... Kakashi?"

"..no," he whispered, looking at the wall.

"You weren't prepared to deal with what any shinobi is taught to do in this situation. You won't be... He already has that on you. Tell me, how do you plan on getting close to him if you can't even move... if you can't think beyond fear?"

"I have to do this," he replied.

"We can find another way, Kakashi." she held fast. "Konoha can find another way."

"You don't understand, Sakura. I _can't_ let anyone else do this."

She felt like screaming at him. She felt like slapping him, hitting him, beating some sense into him. He wasn't hearing her, though. He wouldn't. To keep her festering, anguish-laden temper in check she turned from him. But he didn't let her. His hand was about her wrist in a second.

"You don't know what he's like, Sakura. Don't blame me for my decision." She could feel his eyes boring into her, holding her in place even if she wasn't looking at him, even as her back faced him.

"Then tell me," she whispered, trying not to cry because she knew what he was going to face... what he was sentencing himself to. She couldn't imagine going back to her rapist... The very idea made her want to run in the other direction, claw at walls, gnaw her own hand off--anything but that.

"Come with me," he asked, tugging on her.

She hesitated only a moment before aquiesting. She nodded and turned to face the same direction he did. She followed as he led her to the bed and sat down. She took a seat next to him.

"I'm going to start at the beginning... before Kaoru..." He exhaled and looked on at a wall across the room, his head tilted slightly upward. His eyes were distant and moving back... back through time.

"During the Third War my father was someone the village greatly admired. He was someone I aspired to being just like. My admiration for him knew no limits and my mother's love for him knew no equal bounds. We were happy despite all the time he was away...

"When I was four I started my Academy studies and my father did something that, at that time, was considered the largest of shinobi crimes. He returned from a mission, a failure. It was not that he failed that caused the village to treat him as they would a fungus... but, it was that he'd chosen to save his comrades, his team mates, instead of finishing his duty...

"I hated him for that, Sakura. So much that I donned a mask to hide my shame, the shame he brought on his family, his son and wife. When he committed suicide no one thought any less of him and considered it a way to regain his honor. My mother, though... she couldn't bear it. In her grief, she whittled away to nothing and died shortly after I graduated the Academy.

"My parent's will decreed that in the event of their death their best friend and my sensei would to take over my care until I became a man. You know him as the Fourth Hokage. Minato was with me for many years until his death. No matter how much he tried to teach me the value of life and teamwork I didn't truly learn until ... my foolishness ended in the death of a team mate.

"His name of Uchiha Obito. He wanted to save our female comrade, Rin. He ran off to save her. Eventually, I realized he'd been right. But, it was too late. We didn't form a plan and in the end we lost him.

"He left me with his eye and Rin... but, I couldn't really give her what she wanted. I stayed with her for a time before I left the team to join ANBU. I didn't feel like I was good enough to protect her--to protect anyone. I wanted ANBU to make me able to do so..."

Sakura didn't want to interrupt him, rapt as she was; but, she asked without thinking, "And that was when you met Kaoru..?"

He nodded. "He was was like no other shinobi I'd met before... " He paused, shut his eyes briefly and continued. "In battle he was decisive and adapted easily. You would never hear him coming. He'd completely mastered the ability to be undetected by normal means. Outside of battle... " he smiled briefly, "he was a good listener. He smiled in a way that made everyone around him feel at ease... He... he was a good man... once..."

"What happened?" she asked, perplexed.

Kakashi sighed. "I didn't have much experience with physical touch then. Even at that age I was far more concerned with becoming a better ninja than creating a real relationship with anyone, even a woman. I didn't have much experience with love even after I started the seduction missions...

"My team and many others didn't get the benefit of the seduction training while in lockdown. We had other things that took the place of that training. The village pencil pushers, the council, thought it best to put that training off until later... what a mistake that was," he muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"Usually, what happens in lockdown, stay there, Sakura. Had we done it earlier, before we began to know one another and operate as a team... it wouldn't have mattered. But, when we did our training... much later... we were already friends. I admired Kaoru. And when we started that training... as inexpereinced as I was... it turned to more."

She swallowed, recalling what he said that night she chased after him. "You fell in love with him..."

"I did..."

"Wait... did he.."

"Love me in return? Yes. But, it was too late to do anything about it once we finally confessed to one another."

"Then why..." This was much more complicated than she imagined. Why would Kaoru do such a thing if he'd been in love with her former sensei?

"Kaoru has a special bloodline technique. His whole family has it. They did... he was the last. Konoha didn't exactly bother the clan to continue on..."

"Why..?"

"The technique is based on human pheromones. Desire... It takes almost nothing to activate and use it. He doesn't need hand signals or words. It's just like turning on the Sharingan. In short... it's a dangerous thing for any village to have. With it he can get anyone to do what he wants when he wants them to do it.

"Kaoru, like all of his family, would eventually lose control over it. The bloodline technique increases in intensity as he ages. In the span of a few weeks it changes everything about him... and turns him into the man we now see..."

"Is that why he..?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No."

"Then..."

"Kaoru was under order to come in for an exam once a month or after every mission. During his last exam doctors determined he had about three weeks before he'd lose control over it. They gave him three days to say goodbye to his loved ones and friends before he would be ordered into something of an intensive care facility for the rest of his life...

"It was then I told him I loved him. The next day... he showed up on my doorstep. He was a mess... Someone leaked the information about him... a nurse.. who knows. We never found out. But, Konoha, it's citizens who didn't know any better... friends... alienated him. People shut their doors to him and ran from him. No one would speak to him out of fear.

"He wanted to leave Konoha and become a missing nin. He wanted me to come with him. He wanted to try and beat it on his own and he wanted my help."

"And you didn't go..." she whispered.

"No.." he breathed out, closing his eyes. His lips made a flat line. "He tried to persuade me another way.... I tried to stop him... I just..."

She took his hand, curling her fingers into his own and waited for him to continue.

"Rin stayed with me for a long time after that... she tried to help."

"Were you and she..?"

He shook his head. "No. I think she was more concerned for me than about doing anything like that... No," he answered and turned to look at her, eyes expansive and revealing. "All of my seduction missions required me to sleep with men Sakura. Women aren't generally interested in a boyish face. And after Kaoru I wasn't the least bit interested in sex."

"But, Icha Icha--."

"An outlet.. it was given to me by my counselor as a parting gift in the hopes that it might help."

Sakura paused, digesting this information slowly. "Are you saying..." She felt her face heat up.

"Funny isn't it?" He laughed bitterly. "The man Konoha labels the village pervert has only ever had sex with one woman." No one said anything for a moment and he took the opportunity to look away from her and continue. "Do you understand now why I can't back out of this? He's a dangerous man, Sakura. I can't let him do what he did to me to anyone else. We have to end it here."

"Don't you see my side of it as well? You have feelings for him."

"I don't love him anymore, Sakura."

"Even if you don't love him.. what he did to you he did when you were ..vulnerable. He was someone you trusted. He has the home advantage here and that just makes it worse. Did you see yourself in there a moment ago?" She motioned to the door, indicating the 'throne room'. "How are you going to find a weakness in his movements and schedule when you're too busy trying to control your own fear?"

"I was surprised back there... I didn't expect it to be him... I can do this. I will. We're not leaving."

Her hand squeezed his own. "Kakashi... I would do anything for you... anything you asked... but what you are asking me to do now... " she shook her head.

"I need to do this, Sakura. For me," he whispered as he cupped her cheek. "I've never been able to really let go of what he did to me. You know what it's like to be haunted..."

"And I overcame it, Kakashi. You--."

"It's different for you, Sakura. You didn't know him. It wasn't someone you trusted... you loved. What he took from you you gave back to yourself. The only way I'm going to get back what he took from me is to do this. Don't ask me _not_ to."

Slowly, begrudgingly, she nodded. She didn't want to... she didn't want to agree to any of it. But, she understood what he meant. She couldn't imagine someone doing that to her, someone like Kakashi. "On one condition," she whispered. "You don't do anything without talking to me first. We're a team and I don't want your emotions getting the better of you."

He nodded, releasing her.

"You do realize after tonight you'll probably be in his bed chambers much of the time? Did you see the way he looked at you in there.?"

"Yes, I know." It wasn't something he was looking forward to. "We already figured that before the mission. We'll have to meet when we can."

"Kakashi..." she placed her hand on his forearm gently. "What I meant was... this might be the last time for a while that I have you with me like this... " she squeezed. "I..."

He turned to face her. It took him a moment to process what she was trying to say, to ask of him.

"We still don't have to--."

"Shh," he said as placed a finger over her mouth.

Sakura closed her eyes when he removed his finger and replaced it with his lips, soft and willing. The kiss was slow, languid and teasing. Her tongue slid into his mouth and before long clothes, much like in the inn, were shed. This time he was on top of her, touching her, tasting her, caressing her.

Her hands moved over his toned back, her fingers digging into his buttocks only a moment before he began to move down her body. She gasped when his mouth wrapped about a nipple, tongue flicking. his hot breath fanned across her stomach before he went lower still. When he blew that same breath over her labia, her clit she cried out softly. Then his lips were on her, lapping and teasing. His fingers moved with the motion of her body as she climbed towards her peak. When she came crashing down he was right there, holding her and filling her with his length.

His mouth was on hers. She returned that kiss as she arched to meet his thrusts, grinding her clit against his pelvic bone for friction.

"Sakura," he whispered against her neck as she curled her fingers into his nape, his hair.

"Don't stop," she whispered, her insides tightening once more as her head drew back and her breasts pressed against his chest.

"Kami..." he breathed, thrusting harder as he pulled back from her. His ashen strands fell about her face, caressing her cheeks and forehead. As he looked down at her, blushing and sweating, into her emerald depths that seemed to now resemble the tides of the ocean... "You're beautiful," he breathed.

"I love you," she replied before she arched once again and cried out in bliss as she tightened about him.

It was too much for Kakashi, seeing her like that as her warmth became painfully tight about his member. He lost himself in her eyes, her body, her words and release flooded his system. Never before had anything been so wonderful...

**AN ::** Sorry the update took so friggin long. I've been busy. It's Christmas, ya know? Close too it. I've been shopping, cooking and cleaning like a mad woman. We got a tree this year and I had to help decorate that. Plus, I've been filing stuff for school in the spring. I'm all done with that mess, thank kami. Now all I have to do it wait for my financial aid to process.

I love you guys for waiting, not that you had much choice. ^,^;;; I really didn't mean to take so long. Anyway, I'm gonna go check my inbox now, as I'm sure it's overflowing with reviews from the last chapter and messages to update.

**--Blade**


	20. Chapter 20

**..Chapter Twenty..**

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She didn't look back as they took him away, she hardly spared him a glance after the door to her room opened and they strapped the chakra bracers on his arms and legs. Instead, she busied herself with gathering her things and putting her uniform on. She hid her feelings, her aggression, her fears and her turmoil under a mask of perfect disinterest.

She flexed her hands after she slid her gloves on and checked her arm guards, the silver glinting in the light as she clamped them in place. Her jaw set as she caught his lazy gaze mirrored in the reflection. She did not pause or stare as she continued on to her leg guards.

"Haruno-san," a soft voice said behind her.

"Yes?" she muttered as she sat and clamped them in to place, snapping them closed perhaps a bit too harshly. Her face... she forced it to remain impassive as they finally left, his back barely visible to her as they vanished out of her room. Her stomach turned when she couldn't see him anymore, not even out of the corner of her eye.

"Come with me. Kaoru-sama wishes to speak with you."

"Very well," she replied, standing. The final piece shifted into place snugly and solidly secured onto her back. Perhaps now more than ever, the blade felt heavy, subtly reminding her of just how all of this had started; reminding her of why Kakashi hadn't wanted her joining the elite rank to begin with.

She briefly wondered, had she known months ago what she knew now, would she have joined at all? This one was one of the many thoughts reeking havoc on her mind. Logically, she knew none of this was her fault. But logic and emotion were two entirely different things. Sakura, underneath it all, couldn't totally deny that she was still that person she'd claimed months ago she'd wanted to be rid of. Layers of duty, discipline and years of learning covered that girl from sight. It kept her locked and hidden away so she could do what needed to be done. But, it was that girl, the one that cried, the one that laughed and smiled, the one that once trailed after Sasuke that now worried the most over Kakashi. It was _that_ little girl that loved him.

She couldn't forget the look of fear in his eyes, the pain... How was he going to do this? How? It had been hard enough for her to deal with that man in Mystic Falls, someone she had no emotional connection to at all. How was he going to overcome fear, his memories, and do what he came here to do?

Granted, it wasn't easier for her when she thought he'd have to do this with someone else, someone he didn't know; but, this was... madness. It had to be. And it would have been nice to think she had a choice, a say, in whether or not he went through with it; but, she didn't. In the end, Kakashi was right. Sending anyone else back here after they fled would be suicide. By the time they could get anyone in, it would be too late and problems would begin to erupt with the flow of food and supplies into Fire Country.

"This way, please," she heard the serving woman say.

Sakura nodded once, allowing herself to be directed.

She really had to stop thinking about what she couldn't change, what she couldn't do. She had her own part in all of this. It was hard not to worry about him, to agonize over what was going to be done with him.

Suddenly, she wished she could ask him herself. _How did you do it when it was me? How did you deal with it all, knowing what was to come? How did you stop yourself from botching the whole mission?_

Her part, what she had to endure, it wasn't worse; it made her ache though. Not showing that pain, coiling it to a place deep within her chest... it was so hard. She had to though. She had to reflect upon everything he'd taught her and do what she knew she had to for the better of Konoha and Fire Country.

Her eyes scanned the dark hallway they entered after having taken a flight of stairs upward. She needed to get her bearings on where she was; if not for the mission then to at least to think sanely, to have something else to focus on.

It wasn't unlike many military structures she'd seen before. There was that expected lack of decoration and draw of simplicity. Everything was wood with dark, rich brown and a hint of red. It wasn't entirely dark. The glow of light along the walls in the form of small lamps indicated the structure was getting electricity from somewhere. Perhaps hydroelectric power? Her mind started to work on a number of inquiries as she logged away her observations. Quickly enough, though, before she could think too much on it, she found herself stopping in front of a door.

Sakura watched as the young serving woman knocked and appeared to await some sort of response. She overheard the sound of murmurs and whispers from within. The sounds of voices rolled, one right over the other before going altogether silent at the maid's interruption.

"Enter," Sakura clearly heard. The woman before her reached for the door and slowly slid it open to her right. The sound of wood making friction against wood echoed within her thoughts until the the clap of the door hitting its end-point sounded. She resisted the urge to jump as her bright, green eyes settled on the room full of men (and some women) all sitting about a long table.

She stilled.

She felt the tension immediately, like the instant clap of the door, lightening---quick, sudden and intense. Their eyes pressed upon her as if waiting for her to say something, do something, daring her to run under the heat of their penetrating gaze. To compare herself to some insect under a proverbial microscope seemed weak at best.

Her body felt stiff, tight and unwilling to move for the briefest of moments. For a second, she asked herself who she was kidding, what was she doing here and just who in the hell thought it was a good idea. Was she really any different from the girl months ago, years ago?

For a passing of time, however small, she couldn't find air, she couldn't draw breath into her chest, her lungs. Her thoughts halted and she wondered if her heart had as well, as her body seemed to.

Such a room packed full of a ... large angry stream of chakra... the intensity of it... Sakura felt as though she were being swallowed whole by a beast she couldn't fend off.

"Glad you could join us... Haruno-san..." a voice drew her in, tugging at her from the center of the room almost. Her eyes moved there, to the far back where one end of the table started. It was during this moment she regained some of her clarity and a blatantly obvious revelation. She hadn't felt it before because she hadn't been prepared. It was like teetering on the edge of a cliff, only you didn't realize until just suddenly you were about to fall over. And then, you looked down, drawn into the height and actual knowledge that you could very well die. Then someone pulled you back, lifting you from the possibility of your demise and it's then you catch enough footing on that small ledge to analyze just where you are and what's going on.

Really, that's what happened... and in her analyzation she realized the raw, intense pressure of chakra in the room was not so much the occupants, no, but the man at the head of the table. Her first impression of him seemed like a fluffy bunny in comparison to the beast of energy now before her.

"Don't forget to breathe," she heard him say.

Laughter echoed.

She didn't find it funny, not in the least; but, she chose not to react right away. Now more than ever did she realize she was at their mercy---_his_. Sakura had to choose her actions and her words wisely. If this were some kind of test, something everyone in the room perhaps had undergone, failing wasn't an option. With this in mind, she kept her features schooled and impassive as ever. She imagined that the mask she donned was real, much like her team mate's, and she had nothing to fear because it covered her. They could not see her real fear, her real distress.

This is what she told herself as she stepped into the room fully and the door was shut behind her.

She couldn't tell, but, she wondered if that pressure was solely targeted on her, or if it encompassed every crevice of the room, if it affected everyone around her.

It stopped.

Just like that.... it was gone. She did her very best to remain unaffected. The desire to crumble to her knees was a great one. She felt her body tremble, once, as if a small aftershock ran across her skin, bones and muscle fiber. She wanted to suck in air almost immediately. She wanted to fill her lungs hungrily and cough. Coughing would have felt good about then.

Real good.

Instead she exhaled... she exhaled to take some of that pressure off the top, to release the edge that now, and only now, ebbed away. Forcing her nerves to still, when all she wanted to do was scream, felt unnatural.

"Come," 'The Beast' invited her with his dew dripping words filled with both liquid desire and trepidation. His eyes seemed to read her every aspect as he indicated to the empty seat closest to him. Had it been empty before? Or had the former occupant suddenly vacated it the moment anyone even had an inkling of an idea he would want her there at his right?

Now that she could move again she wasn't sure she wanted to, even knowing she had to. She did though, slowly, making her way around to one side of the table and towards where he'd indicated. It took seconds, she was sure; but, to Haruno Sakura... that walk felt like hours, ages even. The last place she wanted to be was right next to a man she both feared and hated.

If his presence wasn't enough, still, to make her rigid then the table full of silent ... staring... shinobi would have been. Their eyes followed her, some smirking, some glaring, some---perhaps---sizing her up. Were they? Was she seen as some sort of threat here?

Green, blue, brown, violet, orange... amber... Each set mixed, melted and zeroed in. The colors burned patterns into her flesh, her mind, and emblazoned their feelings, their own angry chakra, onto her.

Time stopped.

Pain flashed across her stomach and then---quickly---her back. Everything happened so quickly, so fast. One moment she was walking, reaching for the back of the chair where she was suppose to sit and next ... the world was crumbling around her. Her hair was in her face and sawdust, splinters, floated about for mere moments. Debris in the form of some sort of table or nightstand was a broken mess about her.

Her head spun, dazed, from the impact. She was taken aback and completely caught off guard. Despite this her mind tried to formulate thought. Her eyes closed, tightened shut and then opened as she attempted to will the blur away.

Her jaw flexed and she winced only once, acknowledging she'd more than likely broken a rib, if not two. Someone had attacked her. Hit her. Anger boiled, brewed and brimmed as she lifted her fiery green gaze upward and looked for the perpetrator. Her eyes focused as they gradually met with an empty space void of the attacker. Silence cocooned her. If anyone was speaking, murmuring,laughing at her expense, she didn't hear it; she didn't acknowledge it.

Instead, she stood up as gracefully as she could manage and dusted herself off, all the while allowing her senses to roam. She'd been taken off guard because she hadn't been expecting an attack here, because her attention had been so closely tunneled on Kaoru and the tension of the room. Had that been their purpose the entire time? To mess with her? Or were one of his men acting of their own accord?

She reached for the chair again.

Her fingers barely brushed the oak frame. For a mere moment she felt the cold, hard surface beyond the leather of her gloves, chilling her. She felt the fragmented passing of time and the sudden movement of a ferocious blast of chakra; so quick, so sudden, she barely registered it coming her way.

He was fast.

She wasn't totally prepared.

Sakura swept back two paces and lifted her left forearm, glinting bracer reflecting in the dim lighting. Sparks erupted, steel spikes ground against metal and heating friction blazed halfheartedly across her flesh beneath. Chakra blasted along her arm and she drew strength from the techniques Tsunade-sama drilled into her while she firmly held her ground and willed her planted feet to stay put for fear that the behemoth that pressured into her would shift her back farther. Deflecting that blow had taken a lot, but she dare not give in while her fiery-green gaze glared upward.

He wasn't what she would initially expect from someone with so much speed at his disposal. His frame was thick with muscle and broad. He towered over her like a great oak, shadowing her body in a way that was meant to be intimidating. His grin reached all parts of his face, wrinkling and baring teeth sadistic with wistful thought. It was the same chilling smile she knew from men and women who took great obsession in tormenting and destroying others. In places like Mist, he would have once made a great shinobi she was sure.

Regardless, she wasn't going to _give_ him the opportunity to hit her again.

She shifted her weight and reached with her free hand, forming a fist ripe with blue-green energy, and aimed towards his abdomen. Her hand hit air and suddenly he was gone. She turned swiftly, sensing movement, and deflected a kick to her stomach palm down and open. Her eyes caught his before he faded from sight once more. She kept her senses keen as she waited. She hated waiting; but, until she had more to go on regarding his techniques, she'd play it marginally safe.

There!

She shifted, bringing up her leg and drew her knee towards her. The ball of her foot connected with something hard, chakra blazing. The shifting of bodies was heard for a brief moment before the crack of wood once again sounded. This time, though, she wasn't the one on the floor in a mess of splinters and broken furniture.

He wasn't out for the count, no; but, he was pissed. She could see, in the dark depths of his black, abyssal eyes that he was excited as well. That didn't bode well and she readied herself for his next move while he moved to stand. He momentarily dusted himself off before taking a step towards her.

"Enough, Havoc." There was a distinct pause in the commanding tone. You would have had to be deaf not to have heard it, or an idiot. "That's enough for now."

Sakura made no move to withdraw until Havoc visibly relaxed and his chakra levels blatantly lowered considerably. Slowly, keeping her eye on him, she lowered her fists and disbursed the blaze of blue-green. She exhaled.

"Today's meeting is canceled. Dismissed," Kaoru ordered smoothly, looking briefly down at the broken table from where he still sat.

Sakura wasn't entirely sure what to think of the situation; but, she wasn't going to argue. She needed to appear as loyal and obedient as possible for the time being.

She turned only after the last of those present began to exit the room. The moment she turned her back though, he spoke up.

"Haruno, you stay."

That voice, once again directed at her, sent a combination of disgust and euphoria up her spine. The lyrical play on vowels and consonants, almost like a hymn of poetry in a purely sound communicated format, was the only way she could describe the tone. It was pleasing to the ear and she wondered how well he knew he affected those around him without even trying. She wondered how well she was going to be able to resist the impression he pressed onto others through the constant use of his blood-line technique.

She turned to face him as the last person left the room and the door shut behind them. Her eyes met with his, showing she acknowledged his command. ANBU taught you not to speak unnecessarily no matter how badly you wanted to.

He stared on at her for a while. If you had to estimate a time one might say five minutes, perhaps no longer. His expression never wavered or changed. The smooth lines of his face seemed almost impassively non-responsive aside from the ever present smirk and the glint of something always looking to be about to happen in the depths of his amber hues. He stood, not too quickly or slowly, but, just enough that made him look relaxed and poised all at once. It was something she would liken to that of Kakashi; except, his stance, Kakashi's movements, were wholly more lazy than simply relaxed or leisurely. No, this man stood and moved as if he owned everything. He was nothing like an aristocrat. He was someone who wanted to make rules that suited him when they suited him. He was, at the same time, someone who appeared wholly at one with chaos. He seemed to thrive on disorder while tugging at its leash, willing it to do as he wished.

In her core, Sakura was frightened. She would not deny that to herself. She recognized this fear and held it as a healthy reminder, something that gave a person sense and an idea of what _real_ self preservation was.

Kaoru was not frightening merely because of his presence, but, because of what his presence could do. She was more than aware of his euphoric control on people and wanted to be anything buy the fly in his web. She suddenly had the feeling that someone like Shikamaru would be far better suited for this game of politics and metaphorical chess.

"I assumed you were boasting," he said suddenly, his tone dripping with warm, decadent reverberations. His form zeroed in on her own as he began to pace about her only partway. He stopped at her immediate left, amber-cat-like hues locking in while his hands remained behind his back.

She couldn't respond for a moment, frozen almost as his voice draped over her like a silken, transparent blanket of warmth. "Boasting?" She asked, trying not to sound confused, but inquisitive so he might elaborate. Her voice came out soft, but, thankfully not confused. It was almost as if she were restating the word he used rather than questioning him.

"Yesterday," he appeared to muse, lids shutting part way over his eyes.

She nodded once, eyes narrowing. It was easily clear to her almost immediately. He had been testing her. Perhaps not her purpose here, but, her abilities.

"Are you surprised, Haruno?" he asked next, taking a step towards her. Distinctly, she heard the crunching of wood beneath his sandaled feet. Instinct told her to take a step back as he advanced on her, it told her to get as far away from here as possible.

She stayed her position, though, asking, "Should I be?"

He chuckled momentarily. "Cocky, I see. That's good," he continued to remark, his voice raising in light a bit. "It'll keep you alive... for a while."

He stood no less than a foot away from her by then. He wasn't invading her space, but, she could definitely _feel_ him. His very aura permeated the air around her. She resisted the urge to swallow. "Commander?"

He stayed his place, smiling only in slight. "I don't trust you, Haruno."

"May I speak freely?" she asked, still not wanting to appear to be too much of an upstart... or a threat.

He laughed more fully this time, as if actually amused. His arms crossed over his chest while his equally amused amber depths watched her still. "_Permission granted_, Haruno."

She inhaled softly enough to go without much notice and then exhaled in much the same manner. She used her fear, her nerves, as a weapon or any tool in her shinobi arsenal. "To be perfectly honest, Kaoru-sama, I wouldn't expect you to trust any under your command. I don't consider it much of an insult that you don't trust me. In fact, I would be a bit concerned about your position as commander of this army, this base, if you did.

"I find it hard to believe you don't like me personally, though. Unless of course you've dug up something between yesterday and today and found the information displeasing... sir. The test today... was it personal or... do you use it on all the _girls_?" It was her turn to smile, to force that mask to pervade over her true feelings. That was the art of the ninja.

He was silent for a little while. That chaotic gaze almost held her prisoner as the pressure of his presence pushed on her, shoved her down. She was almost becoming accustomed to it.

"Hn..." he muttered, once again looking amused. His eyes shut briefly and he turned on his heel. "You're not an idiot, Haruno," he began. She could hear the methodical laughter in his voice. "Not by a long shot. And, you're not greedy either."

Her eyes followed his form as he moved across the room. The sound of splinters from the table popping under his sandaled feet didn't seem near as cutting to the atmosphere as they once had been.

"At first I assumed you were an imposter based on the information I gathered from Konoha," he continued. "You're described as one of the highest scoring to ever graduate the Academy, as someone with a high level chakra control and more recently execution, as one of the finest medical ninja directly under Tsunade-sama herself and," he edged slowly, deliberately, "one of Kakashi's former students. More recently, his partner." As he said all of this he made his way around the rubble and towards a small buffet cabinet. There, he poured some liquid from a bottle into a glass.

"Drink?" he offered, holding out the filled glass to her.

"No thank you," she replied tonelessly.

"Very well," he responded before taking a sip himself. He leaned back into the cabinet with his hips and crossed one leg, languidly, over the other. "You're considered well respected, well liked and if nothing else loyal above all. It would be in your vested interest to stay in Konoha. Becoming a missing nin makes no sense considering your character, Haruno.

"When I considered all of this, I came to a few conclusions."

"Did you," she stated more than asked, hiding her fear well. Was this all for naught? Were both she and Kakashi to be ratted out before they started? She felt the tingling of a sensation edge up her spine and spread to coil about in her stomach. Her nerves crawled as she waited for him to continue.

"Why are you here, Haruno?" he asked instead. "Why go through all the trouble of capturing your partner, dragging him here and leaving behind everything you knew? I might be arrogant, but, I doubt very seriously you would suggest your reasons have anything to do with myself."

_You wouldn't believe me if I told you as much,_ Sakura mused. No, he wasn't an idiot. She wasn't either though. He didn't seem the type to ask such things directly though. It was almost odd. Then again, she didn't know him all that well yet. She'd keep the theory in mind, but, until she had more exposure she'd leave it as just that.

Thankfully, for her own sake, this had been one of the questions she'd anticipated him asking even before she knew who he was. The answer was too personal to her not to appear earnest.

"I tire of being the third wheel," she admitted, hands now on her hips. "Of my team, I am the only female, like most shinobi squads; however, I am also the one overlooked, underestimated and generally out-ranked. No matter how hard I work... I'm left behind," she explained. "If you want a reason for my defection, Kaoru-sama, it is this: I refuse to live in the shadow of my team."

Again there was silence. His eyes didn't remain on her the entire time, either. As he enjoyed his drink they closed now and again. As she finished her explanation they traveled back and settled on her, his gaze holding her own.

"Why come to me then?" he asked next, looking calm about the conversation.

Easy enough to answer. The corner of her mouth curled again. "I had no idea who was in charge. I just knew whoever was running things here was causing trouble for Fire Country. I see it as an opportunity to finally establish myself without the obvious annoyances."

He smiled in return. He set his glass down and pushed off the cabinet with little effort. His pace was slow as he made his way across the room towards her. "You're not an idiot, Haruno," he stated again when he finally stood before her. It was as if he were speaking to himself more than to her.

She raised a questioning brow on the exterior all the while telling her tormenting nerves within to quiet down.

"Hm..." he allowed as if he were momentarily laughing at her expense. "Report to Kairi in two hours. You'll have a mission then." He turned away from her and began to head towards another door across the room.

"Kairi?" she asked. "Where do I---."

"If you're worth keeping you'll find him before the mission starts to get the details, Haruno," he interrupted as he opened the door. He paused. "Oh, and, don't disappoint me... I have high hopes for you... Sakura." And then the door was closed.

For a moment Sakura was more bewildered than she was relieved. At the use of her name her stomach twisted again, but, this feeling only lasted another moment when she realized she had two hours to find someone named Kairi. If she didn't it could very well blow everything for her and Kakashi.

_How did he do it?_

**AN :: **I apologize this update took so long. School got the better of me. What can I say? Plus, I run a DnD game on Saturdays. Haven't been able to do that for a little while. To top matters off, I wasn't entirely sure how I wanted this chapter to go. I knew how, I suppose, I just wanted to get Kaoru 'perfect' in a way that coincides with my later chapters. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I've read through for errors and misspellings.... but, if you see something bothersome I don't, let me know. Especially if it's repetitive.

**---Blade**


	21. Chapter 21

**..Chapter Twenty-One..**

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**..**

Gold and red were interwoven and shimmered as silk drapery; it hung from the ceiling centered over the bed and then wrapped about the bedposts where it then pooled at the floor in each corner generously. The walls were as brown and as military as the rest of the interior; however, paintings and a few tapestries made up for it. The furniture, which included a dresser and a wardrobe, was sparse. The floors were better though; they appeared dutifully more waxed and buffed.

He stood there, just at the foot of the bed, as he took all of it in. He would of wondered why they hadn't tied him to something were it not for the chakra bracers on his legs and arms. Kaoru might have allowed him free reign with Sakura because he bought her story of prowess over him, but, he wasn't going to take a chance on Kakashi with only his men to watch the door and the perimeter of the room.

The silver-haired ANBU looked down at the clothing they'd given him to wear. The thin, soft, silk of the formal kimono had taken him aback. He wasn't entirely sure what he'd expected, but, it wasn't this. This was something you gave your lover, one you had a feverish affection for... not someone you planned to use to the fullest.

He stared down at his hands and his arms where the material draped. His eyes were distant and his mind drifting in a sea of words and images; they were all strung together, floating, connecting and then disconnecting before him.

He closed his eyes and allowed his hands to drop.

He wasn't this individual who stood in this room waiting. He wasn't this person who couldn't stand to look at himself in the mirror because of what had been done to him, who couldn't stand to look at his own reflection because of what it represented to him. Everything that he was, that he knew himself to be, was slowly shattering before him. The person he imagined himself to be was staring at him, analyzing him, judging him. That person that stood before him, that's who he was.

Somewhere between the person he wanted to be as that child who lost his father and the person he'd become because he didn't like to look at his own reflection, that place, that between was where he didn't want to be. It was that place he couldn't seem to escape. It was an existence that he refused to back-peddle into but couldn't seem to stop himself; he hadn't been able to since locking his own coal and crimson hues with electric amber.

He needed to be the stronger person, the one that got things done, that accomplished the impossible, the one that Sakura looked onto when she needed someone... when she...

In his mind he saw her, pink hair waving about her face as she smiled, green eyes laughing at him; he saw her determined expression as she pushed herself farther, trying to prove herself, to make herself just as useful; he saw her tears, her crumbling body as she clung to him, as she tried to will it all away and.. forget.

He swallowed and opened his eyes again.

"Hello, Rookie."

He resisted the urge to jump, but, he couldn't quite stop himself from shuddering just once. His eyes locked with electric amber and he stared, transfixed, unable to stop himself from doing so.

He chuckled. "Don't look so surprised," Kaoru remarked as he casually stepped aside and towards the dresser. "Relax," he added as he poured himself a drink from the decanter sitting there. He paused and then gestured to the alcohol as Kakashi looked on. "Hm?"

He shook his head and looked away.

"Oh, yes, you never were much of a drinker, were you?" Kaoru asked as he took his glass and made his way back across to the room, this time towards the bed. "Never would touch the stuff, even when I gave you permission." He sighed as he sat down on the edge of it and leaned back so his forearm held him up.

Kakashi watched him, eyes narrowed.

Kaoru swirled his drink, looking on at it. "So, tell me, rookie... how does it feel to be betrayed by your student?"

His words were like a knife, cutting into him, and making him feel what he did not want to. Kakashi's jaw flexed and he looked away as the oppressive air Kaoru wielded so well draped over him like a blanket. Did he have control of it like he once use to? Even like this? Or did he simply go about forcing his wants and needs on others by mere whim?

"Lovely girl, really," he went on before taking a sip from his glass. "Brilliant mind, from what I've read," he commented idly, still staring at his glass. He then smiled."Well, she must have to have fooled you."

He took another drink from the cup, swallowed and then smacked his lips lightly. The moment passed on, drug on and neither said anything. When he spoke again, however, his voice was darker, deeper and held a hint of repressed pain mixed with anger. "It's a terrible thing to think you know someone so well only to find out in the worst way imaginable you don't, isn't it, Kakashi?"

Suddenly, the oppressing blanket of emotion and turmoil receded as Kaoru stood up in a flash and closed the distance between them both. Kakashi instinctively stepped back, eyes shutting. He felt as his lower back hit the edge of the dresser and heard the sound of a glass shattering when it hit the floor; the sound sliced the silence of the air almost instantly. His body shook and his breathing became unsteady.

Kaoru's body was so close that mere inches separated them, if that. His hands were placed to either side of his body, palms flat on the wooden top.

Kakashi could smell the rice wine on his breath as it fanned across and over his face. He could sense the fluctuating disbursement of his chakra; this time, though, it wasn't directed at him. Kaoru wasn't using it to control him or harm him as Kakashi knew he could. The silver-haired male still couldn't stop the edge of fear that coursed his veins. That was enough to keep him still and unreacting of the man before him.

"Do you know how often I dream about you?" he whispered darkly. "Do you have any idea how many years your image has wrapped itself around my mind, calling for me to go back and get you?" He paused, as if waiting for Kakashi to respond. He dipped his head closer, brushing his cheek against Kakashi's as his lips moved closer to his ear.

"To think, all it took was patience and one tiny girl to bring you back to me... hm?"

To this he said nothing. His eyes remained shut and his mouth partially open as his hands braced to either side of his body on the dresser, barely touching Kaoru's. He hated the mixed feelings that swarmed his senses, the fear. He should be in control; his shinobi instincts, instincts that had been drilled into him by this very man, screamed at him to take it back.

He had to.

"I want you back where you belong, Kakashi," he went on without moving an inch more, surprising him further. "By my side," explained.

At this, his eyes opened and he looked on as Kaoru backed away, slowly; he only moved far enough that his hands could still remain on the dresser, bracing himself. The older male's gaze locked on his own, looking oddly soft and revealing; however, Kakashi wasn't going to let his guard down. He was doing his best to use his own fear as a tool while he could, while Kaoru opted not to make use of his oppressing aura.

"Meaning?" he asked.

Kaoru smiled, oddly looking a bit like the man he once knew and less like the monster he'd become. "So, you can talk... Here I was wondering if you'd gone mute."

To this he didn't respond.

"You never were much of a talker anyway... but, we we're different, weren't we, Rookie? I like to think so."

"What do you want?" he asked, still apprehensive, but also agitated; not only of Kaoru's evasiveness, but, of how it made him feel: like a caged animal without control.

"I told you," he said, "I want you back. I want you by my side." He paused, looking serious and contemplative of what he wanted to say. "You're more than a mere bauble to me, you always have been, Rookie. Leaving you here, in this room, as a mere toy for my fascination is a waste of your talents; we both know it.

"All you have to do is say yes. Give your loyalty to me and renounce Konoha, Kakashi. Do that, and I'll give you the freedom you so desire... the life we both wanted together once before...

"The past," he said in finality, "will be erased."

All of it now made sense: the expensive kimono, the chakra bracers instead of more physical restraints and the lack of oppressing aura; he'd done all of it as a way to lay some sort of foundation for what he'd planned to offer Kakashi.

Caution and a lifetime full of shinobi instruction told him to be wary; you never got anything for nothing and there was always some catch. Look underneath the underneath, he'd drilled into his own students. He knew Kaoru well enough that the man was cautious in his own right. He would never do something like this unless....

Kakashi paused, his gaze still transfixed on Kaoru's, this time looking deeper.

...unless he was actually being earnest.

His eyes narrowed.

Was it possible the man before him still held affection for him? Was he so blinded and so lost because of his genetic ability, of it's control over him, that his emotions were driving him?

"Well?" he prompted. "What will you answer me with, Kakashi?"

ooo

The sun was nearly hidden behind horizon by the time Sakura returned; it painted the sky in an orange-yellow hue that danced along the clouds. Her muscles ached as she moved, but in way that she was both use to and enjoyed after a long day.

She sighed blissfully as a well-timed breeze drifted through, cooling her sweat-laden flesh.

The work areas out front that were normally filled with people laboring were now empty and desolate as she passed by; it signaled to her everyone had likely retired for the evening. She noted this as as she watched the departing backs of her 'team' head towards the building entrance, thinking perhaps it would be good to know for later.

"Haruno," she heard as the team leader for the 6th unit, Kairi, fell in step with her.

"Commander?" she replied without looking up at him.

Up was almost an understatement, in Sakura's opinion. He was tall, terribly so, and---as Tsunade would say---built like a brick shit house. He had a both wizened and intimidating appearance that his scars and missing eye only enhanced; however, the way he looked was in no way a mere front. She discovered during the span of the day that he was a capable leader who took no bones from anyone.

In a world where she was still getting her bearings, knowing where she stood with anyone was a blessing.

"I wasn't sure when you got out there today if you were going to be worth your salt."

"Oh?" she replied, sounding bored.

He placed his hands behind his back, nodding. "I can see Kaoru-sama wasn't embellishing when he debriefed me on the addition to my team."

"He does that often?" she asked, her voice light.

Kairi hesitated and then his lips quirked. "Keep up the good work, Haruno, and you'll go far in this unit." At that he broke away from her pace and into his normal stride as he passed through the doors before them both.

She ignored the crowd and the noise as she sifted through the sea of people in the main hall drinking, eating, and whoring. There was laughter, music and several scantily clad women dancing provocatively in the very center of the room. Many a person's attention was drawn that way, devouring the sight.

She wove herself towards the hallway that would lead to her room and good bit of quiet; unfortunately, people appeared to just overflow into it. They leaned against walls, talking to friends, whispering to lovers; they sat on the floor, laying there like an overflowing tub of wine at a celebration on behalf of Bacchus. She'd anticipated some level of sensuality and partying considering what she'd experienced the first day; this, however, felt like overkill.

How much farther was her room, anyhow? To her, the hall looked to go on forever. With each passing minute her irritation grew and her eyes slowly began to narrow; eventually, she came to a complete stop. Her hands were placed on her hips as she stared on down the hall. There were still people everywhere. Surely they didn't loiter this far in.

She turned around, lips twisted into a curious frown. As she spied the entrance into the larger hall where the party was she blinked, instantly noticing that she'd seemly gone only a few feet. Realization dawned on her and she lifted her hand to perform the genjutsu dispel.

"Re--," she began, only getting half the word out as something grabbed her, tugged and pulled her into the shadows of a dark aura. Her first reaction was to fight, especially when the hand that grabbed turned into two, turned into two entraping her. She tried to speak, but couldn't as the secondary hand came over her lips, muffling her.

She lifted her leg and prepared to stamp her foot down on the attacker's, hoping to distract him into loosening his grip enough for her to perform some kind of replacement technique and haul it out of there.

Her heel connected and she heard a muttered curse; sadly, it wasn't enough to get him to release her; it was enough, however, to regain partial use of one arm. She pulled it forward and threw it back, striking toward his ribs with the chakra enflamed limb. He anticipated what she was doing, but, a bit too late; as a result, the perpetrator lost his balance and they both fell.

Sakura rolled away as far as she could manage and stood, fists glowing. Not wanting to give him any time, she moved fast, attacking the place he'd been less than a second ago. A hand deflected her blow, grabbing her fist. Instantly, she moved in with the other and tried to hit his face. Again, she was deflected and stopped. She lifted her leg to kick---.

"Are you trying to kill me?" the stranger said in a distinct, droll voice that had her taking pause.

"Kakashi?"

"None other," he replied. He released her and stepped away once she relaxed her arms and lowered her leg.

She was happy it was him; admittedly, she didn't think he had to go that far. She frowned and placed her hands on her hips, voicing her thoughts. "Genjutsu? Was that really necessary?"

"Believe it or not," he replied as he lit a candle, illuminating the small room, "yes." He set it down on a shelf full of canned supplies and perched himself on an overturned bucket.

She glanced about, noting they were in some sort of storage closet."Really?" she asked, brows raising. "How was placing me---."

"There are powerful people working here," he interrupted her, tone serious. "The only way to get something past them is to be a bit creative. Working out a dual layered genjutsu that I knew even you would have trouble noticing seemed to be the best option at the time.

"As far as anyone else knows you've went to your room. In reality, the moment you stepped foot into the hallway you were trapped in the technique.

"Although, right now they're off their game," he said, referring to the party, "so that helps more than I anticipated; still, I won't delude myself into thinking Kaoru doesn't have someone watching us like hawks waiting to strike."

Sakura nodded, slowly, listening. Knowing that he used her as a base comparison in skill to those shinobi here when constructing the genjutsu left Sakura feeling a little more than simply flattered; she wondered, honestly, if this was his way of subconsciously admitting he was finally accepting her as a peer... perhaps more.

At a different time or place, not of this one, she would have told him what that meant to her; right now, though, there other matters to consider. She had a lot to tell him and she really wanted an explanation as to why he had his ANBU uniform back on.

"Have our plans changed?" she asked, pointing at it and wondering he was reconsidering staying here.

At first he looked confused, like he'd been thinking about something else; but then, he seemed to realize what she was asking. "No, a lot has happened. Kaoru doesn't plan on using me as we originally ...imagined."

"What do you mean?"

Kakashi sighed and finally looked up at her. "He wants me to work with him... as his partner, his equal. He seems to think my talents would be wasted as a _concubine_," he replied, the last term laced in sarcasm.

Sakura's mouth opened to speak and her brow furrowed.

"I know," he interrupted before she could say anything, "it sounds a bit too good to be true to me as well. I don't trust the offer either. But, regardless of what I do he's still going to have me watched. At least this way I have the freedom to come and go as I please."

"What did he want in return?" she asked, knowing there had to be something.

"To renounce my loyalty to Konoha and pledge it instead to him... to be with him," he muttered the last, looking away as he leaned forward, hands partially together between his spread legs.

She nodded, and stepped over to the wall closest to him. She turned and pressed her back into it. "It doesn't sound to me like you're losing anything compared to what we thought he was going to do."

Kakashi nodded. "Then again," he replied as he placed his elbows on his knees and his chin on top of his folded hands, "there's always a possibility he's being earnest."

Sakura looked down at him, brows raising again, questioning quietly in a way she knew he would notice.

Her silver-haired partner took a moment before he spoke, briefly closing his one good eye. "Kaoru's ability allows him to impress his emotions through chakra onto people; it's also what allows him get what he wants out of someone. When he lost control of it it took control of him and changed him into who he is now. It's possible that people he has particularly strong feelings for cause the ability to turn on him in such a way that his judgment becomes clouded."

Her eyes narrowed as she considered what he said. It didn't sound like a complete impossibility; however, it didn't seem like Kaoru would be able to hold so many people in attention if he were so easily swayed. "If that were true wouldn't there be less people following him willingly? If he---."

"I thought about that too," Kakashi agreed. "If what I'm saying is correct, however, I would be the only one his ability would backfire on." He looked up at her, partially lifting his head. "I'm also not saying with absolute certainty it's why he made the offer... I'm only theorizing."

She nodded, accepting that. "Alright. So, what's the plan from here?"

"Before I get into that, did anything happen to you today that I should know about?"

She briefly explained to him the situation with Kaoru in the meeting room, the fight, what he said to her in private afterward and the search for Kairi. "So far I'm doing alright. No one seems to trust me, but, no one's really testing me beyond what I'd expect them to either."

"Good, that's what we want. The less they suspect the better.

"For now we'll take our time and gain their trust. Eventually, they'll get comfortable. Kaoru will get comfortable. It's then we'll make our move. For now, just keep going on as we have."

"And us?" she asked.

"We don't interact beyond what's normal. In fact, if we're in a situation where we have to deal with one another, we make it seem as though we hate each other. They'll expect that, given how we arrived and you're supposed betrayal of me," he explained, moving to stand.

"Alright, one more question... when do we meet?"

"No more than once a week and in the same way we did tonight. The next time we do I'll make it simpler by using a symbol you'll recognize."

"Nothing too obvious," she added, agreeing with the plan. "Something they can't trace back to us or follow, either." She paused, thinking. "Seven," she finally replied. "There are numbers on all the rooms. The next time we do this just pick a room with the number seven on it and change it in some way."

He nodded. "We'll have to change it every week. That way they won't notice a pattern."

"Agreed," she accented, nodding.

"We'd both better head back," he stated, looking on at the door with a narrowed black orb. "If I'm missing too long he might start to suspect something. And you should make an effort to participate as to blend in with the rest of them."

When he started to walk away, intent on exiting the room Sakura placed a hand on his shoulder, stilling him. "Before we go... are you alright?" she asked, leveling with him now that the business of the mission was out of the way.

"I will be."

She squeezed his shoulder and then stepped around him, facing him. Her emerald depths caught his single orb of ebony in her gaze. "I'm here," she whispered, trying to read him, hoping despite the strength she was seeing him pull forth that he knew he could depend on her.

It felt good when he embraced her. The action was almost immediate, but not quick. She ran her fingers through his hair, trying to soothe the ache he couldn't express or escape.

"I love you," she whispered as they stood there. He didn't reply an that was still ok. He needed this and she knew that. The moment only drug on a bit longer and when they parted, leaving the room, she was left with the knowledge that this man... her sensei...

...he was a far better man than she ever imagine him to be.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**AN** :: Wow... like... it took me almost two months to update this thing, eh? Gawd, I hate that. It was starting to grate my writer's itch. But, if you read my profile or are keeping up with Mona you know I've had school work to tie me in written and mental knots. Soooo... yeah.

Also, starting at the beginning of next year (hopefully) I'll be posting an online novel on my own website. I know many of you have expressed to me that you'd read my work if I did something original...so, I'm going to! I'm working with a local artist and website design friend and we're going to put something together. It'll be like an online comic, but... a book.. with pictures...

So, keep in touch and keep and eye out for it. Details will come as we tie more of it down. Especially if you guys like steampunk. ^,^


	22. Chapter 22

**..Chapter Twenty-Two..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

Amber painted a dimming sky; pinks and fiery shades receded slowly into the horizon as the day made way for the night, as the sun completely escaped view and the world around became a slow fade to darkness. A coolness chilled the air, slicing through the heat that had once been present with the escaping sun. A breeze swept through, upsetting vegetation just enough to, at best, disturb a resting insect.

The calm was almost unsettling, quieted, yet migrating in sound; birds chirped as they submitted to the throws of drowse, nocturnal creatures awoke to the call of a new eve, and things that were better left to go bump in the night stumbled or crept along as they had for ages before bipeds.

Alone, he sped through the undergrowth, unhindered and as fully aware of his surroundings as he was able and trained to be. Dark orbs kept a straight, fixed lock on the direction before him. He became one with his environment, his body like the wind, as a whisper on the air-one of which no one would pay mind to, one that pricked the back of one's neck inattentively and nothing more. His clothing was dark and mooted in the cloudy, concealed forest of which he chose to pass through.

Comfortingly, he took note of the thick scroll concealed in the inner breast pocket of his flack vest as he leapt up, into the trees and silently went from one branch to the next. Admittedly, he should be going faster. Idling longer in this part of Fire Country wasn't especially smart; though, he wasn't here because he was smart, he was here because he had other, undisclosed, orders to follow.

Regardless of that though, he couldn't help but feel unnerved by the atmosphere. He wasn't scared, it wasn't fear; rather, what he felt was what Sasuke preferred to call healthy caution. It was just enough to keep him on edge and (hopefully) out of danger, but, not enough to have him overwhelmed and inevitably caught off guard. This wasn't the place to be caught with your pants off, he reasserted to himself.

As this thought reverberated around in his head, he felt something change rather suddenly; the atmosphere shifted, like a hiccup.

He stopped, halting elegantly on a branch in a full crouch as he inhaled long and low, willing his breath to still, to quell from the rate it had gained while he'd been running. Those who were untrained in chakra wouldn't notice it; the average passerby would assume his eyes were playing tricks on him.

He remained still, listening as the hoot of an owl as it echoed and bounced off tree trunks, plants... A few chirps, the winged violin of crickets, danced elegantly, stoically, around him. His own breathing was a roar in his ears, his heart a drum in his chest as he anticipated and calculated, eyes narrowing. A cool drop of sweat rolled down his head, resting precariously on he edge of his brow, threatening to splash off of his unmoving lash.

_Thunk!Thunk!Thunk!_

He jumped back as each shurikin cut through the air, spinning wildly and sunk into the trunk where he'd just stood. He fell back, sweeping under the branch as he activated his sharingan. The soles of his booted feet stuck to the wood, chakra enhancing him as he moved into a full on run.

_Thunk!Thunk!Thunk!_

He heard each one one, felt as the steel-sharp edge barely grazed his bare heel. He leapt, twisting in the air and put his feet out before him to land on another trunk just as-.

He gasped as something grasped his ankle, pulling him down quickly and suddenly.

_Damnit!_ his mind cried out. He looked down, calculating another plan of action as his hands moved into the signs. He reached up, took in a deep breath and aimed for the vine wrapped about his leg.

_Snap!_

Before the blink of an eye he was completely restrained, hands immobilized. Sweating and heavy for breath, Sasuke wretched about, trying to move; it was was to no avail. As the ground consumed him and stilled him by force, he accepted that for now there was no getting out of this. He inhaled at the last moment and just before the darkness encompassed him he told himself, angrily, that whomever was talented enough to catch him was not going to be talented enough to escape him when he got lose.

ooo

The first thing Sasuke became acutely aware of once he started to wake up was that his throat was dry, for one, and, for two, he wasn't restrained. Faintly, through the fog of his mind, he could sense gentle hands running across his body, shifting from one pocket or placehold on his person to the next. Under any rational situation, this would not have had him immediately reacting; however, he wasn't restrained, he was still in a foul mood, and finally, once that hand started to reach for the scroll he had concealed he was anything but patient.

His eyes flashed open and in the same swift motion his hand snapped over their wrist. Coal orbs met with covered features swathed in a black veil. He could almost sense a smile beyond there; which, did nothing to add to his shiny disposition.

He reached for a kunai a second later, going for-.

"Is that anyway to treat an old friend?"

He stopped, kunai held in front of him with no more than twelve inches between it and the attack point; he was poised and ready as his mind worked to wrap itself around the voice he'd just heard.

"Sakura?" he questioned hesitantly.

He couldn't quite tell, but, he assumed she was trying to figure something out. Then, suddenly:

"Ah," she laughed, "the hood." As she spoke the thing was pulled off, revealing to Sasuke a full head of cotton candy pink and emerald-green hues he was so accustomed to.

He retracted the kunai, holstering it as he said, "I suppose that explains why I'm not restrained... and alive." His lips quirked into a smirk at the last bit.

"I must admit," she said, smiling slightly, "I didn't expect to see you when I caught someone in my snare today. What are you doing all the way over here? Tsunade-sama should be keeping Konoha nin away, knowing all the risk factors."

He relaxed as she asked the question and released her wrist.

He was glad it was Sakura and a little more than relieved. The anger caused earlier at the possibility of being so carelessly trapped by the enemy was gone. "You're genjutsu has gotten better," he couldn't help but say, inadvertently ignoring her question for a moment.

She smiled wider. "Yes, well, you haven't been my opponent in some time..."

He nodded. "Fair enough." He couldn't deny she'd gotten better. Perhaps whenever she and Kakashi finished this mission he'd ask her for a session in one of the training areas.

Recalling the former question, he said, "I'm here to talk to you, actually. We got some intel that you were assigned to these woods and Tsunade-sama asked me to see if I could make contact with you for an update on the situation."

"Ah..." she replied. "Well... where shall I begin?" she asked more to herself as she looked off to the side, eyes deep in thought.

Her hair had gotten longer, he noticed as she considered. It appeared odd, to him. For such a long time Sakura had kept her hair readily short. She looked tired too. Not the kind of tired that makes one want to sleep, but rather the kind of tired you can't ever rid yourself of. In her he could see an emotional burden, but also a sense of determination.

_What has ANBU done to you... Sakura?_

"Have you been briefed on all the details of the mission, Sasuke?"

He took in a deep breath and sighed. "I have."

She nodded. "When we got here two months ago, we had no idea who we were going to be dealing with. At best, ANBU intelligence knew that the man we sought to remove from power was of Jounin level.

"That information was wrong."

"What?"

She continued, "The man in charge is a former Konoha ANBU member gone missing nin known as Kaoru. Not only that, but, he is also Kakashi's former sensei from his time in ANBU.

"When I found this out I wanted to abandon the mission immediately. Obviously, it's just too close to home for him to handle, is what I thought." There was more than that to it, but, there was no need for Sasuke to know anymore than that about the deeper parts of Kakashi and Kaoru's former relationship.

"Because of the nature of their former ties, Kaoru took a liking to him and offered him a partnered position next to him. It was unexpected, but, earnest thus far. He allowed me to stay as apart of the agreement for bringing Kakashi. As far as anyone knows, both Kakashi and myself essentially hate each other because of the nature of our arrival. Since then, we've blended in as best we can and have gained total trust." Not that it had been easy... their had been casualties along the way... people she'd rather not have killed.

Innocents... for the sake of the mission and all of Fire country.

"Anyway... that's essentially it...

"For now, we're biding our time for the right moment to finish the job."

He was surprised, to say the least. He couldn't believe their intel had been so wrong. And to send Kakashi in... with... His eyes closed. "How's he holding up?"

"He appears fine..." she murmured honestly, looking down.

"But..."

She shook her head. "I know him well enough to know he's not."

"Are you sure Kaoru-."

"No, he hasn't. The Kakashi he knew was a boy and still a little wet behind the ears. I'm sure he can't tell. It surprises me how great his resolve is."

Sasuke nodded, lip pursed in slight as he watched her. "And you..?"

"I'll be happy when it's over. Isn't that how all missions are?"

She jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder and her eyes drew up to her comrade's as he began to speak.

"We'll be waiting for you at home, alright?"

There was more he wanted to say, she could tell. But then, this was Sasuke; he always said quite a bit without saying very much at all. Slowly, she managed a smile as his words sunk in.

"Alright."

ooo

The hour grew later and the evening that much darker since Sakura had safely seen to Sasuke's departure. It was customary to leave those who were caught in the genjutsu alive and far from the woods from which they'd been caught; therefore, none of her 'comrades' would think the wiser of her sparing him.

A few weeks ago she'd been assigned there to create an elaborately layered genjutsu in order to keep people, shinobi included, far from the woods that lined the open territory of the compound. It wouldn't keep everyone out, but, only the those who had direct business with Kaoru would dare come through and this in turn kept more men on duty out along the road that many of the merchants traveled into Fire country.

She couldn't say it was a bad plan. It was one that made her tired, however. It wasn't her chakra she had to worry about, but more that her focus was so strained in order to keep the genjutsu working properly. She'd been happy to switch shifts with another. She was happy to be heading back to her warm bed. If only it were hers, truly.

Had it really only been two months? It felt like so much more, she considered as she passed through the compound gates and into the main yard.

The open area before her to either side of the path leading up to the doors was void of all life this late at night. Everything was still and each piece of equipment left where the owner had dropped it or set it aside. Here, Kaoru's men operated like a well-oiled machine. If it weren't for the fact that he was such an evil bastard and that he was trying to make things very hard for Fire country then this would be a great endeavor. But he _was_ an evil bastard and he _was_ making things very hard for Fire country.

She pushed these idle thoughts from her head as she came into the main room through the two doors. There were a few people scattered about; they were either leaving for shifts or coming back like her. Some chatted here and there as she passed by and made her way towards the direct route to her room.

The door was opened with the same lazy precision as before: turn knob, pull back, side step-enter and shut it behind. She heard the click and snapped the lock in place. Granted, it wouldn't keep people out if they really wanted in, but, it would at least indicate she was done for the next few hours to the more friendly types.

As she stepped across the room something rather trifle caught her eye on the desk not far from her bed. Her brow rose and she stopped to glance over at the open slip of paper. Her desk was rather cluttered; it always had been. It wasn't that she was disorganized; rather, Sakura was simply too put out to do much about it very often in any setting. Still, she knew what was on it on almost any given day. And that slip of paper had not been there previously.

She walked the short distance and picked it up. Her eyes scanned the contents curiously, with an almost confused expression on her face. It was a letter written to her, but an odd one at that. It was dated for years ago and seemed to be from some cousin she'd never met before, moreover, had never even knew of.

Her eyes narrowed as she considered what it meant. A few minutes pass by as she read it and reread it, lips in a flat line and brow in a furrowed manner that indicated concentration. Considering how much focus she'd devoted earlier that night to the genjutsu this was vexing.

And then it came to her.

Suddenly, the hidden meaning, the hidden message, inked on paper before her became clear. Without thought she was soon burning it under candlelight and dropping it into a glass on her desk. She watched until there was nothing but ash.

"_Kage Bushin no Jutsu!_" she whispered intently after doing the hand sign. Once the replica of herself appeared before her, she said, "Go to bed and stay there. Don't answer the door if anyone knocks." When the bushin nodded and did as she asked Sakura grabbed a cloak from her wardrobe, donned it and made haste out the window to her room.

In the cold night air, careful and in a much more serious mood than before, she made her way up the building. She avoided windows and lit areas as any good shinobi would until the roof was reached. She ducked behind a small structure and took a cautious look. Pausing, she reached out with her senses, feeling out for any ominous chakra's. Anything.

When she felt nothing unexpected she made her way out from behind the object slowly and took in more of her bare and gray surroundings.

"Sakura."

She turned swiftly, bringing up a kunai to meet his with equal fever, lacking the intent, however, to cause harm. Recognition crossed her features and next relief as it did his as well.

"What's the emergency?" she asked quickly, not sparing any time. While both knew the chances of anyone knowing the wiser around them were low this far into the game, one slip up could mean the end.

Kakashi knew that as much as she did.

Behind the shadow of his blackened hood he replied to her as he pulled his kunai back, reflecting her movements in holstering it. "Tomorrow night," he said.

At first Sakura didn't quite catch what he was stating. A second, if that passed, before her eyes widened in surprise. "That soon? You're sure?"

He nodded. "Yes."

She opened her mouth to ask for an explanation, but he beat her to it.

"Usually, Kaoru has men guarding his room from many angles: in the ceiling, sometimes as apart of the walls... Tomorrow night, however, there will only be the guard at his door and a fairly serious set of seals on the walls and door."

Sakura knew he didn't really need all of those guards. But, even men like Kaoru needed to sleep. Being paranoid had kept him alive as well, from what she'd heard of the few who'd tried to take him by surprise in his sleep. It was one reason why she and Kakashi had been having such a hard time finding the right moment to get the job done. Kaoru was a powerful man. By himself he might be takeable; however, he was always surrounded by people in one form or another.

Sakura now understood the old adage: with acceptance of power one must sacrifice the intimacy of one's own company.

Still, why was he making such a change in security now? She voiced this, "That seems a bit odd, doesn't it? And almost too easy..." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes, I thought so too. And I would be very cautious about taking the opportunity were it not for the fact that this isn't the first time he's done this," he explained. "A few weeks ago when he told me to have the guard assignments changed and the seals put up I assumed he had found us out; at the very least I thought he was testing me.

"When night fell and we retired into his room, however, he didn't go to sleep as usual. Not in the way a person usually does."

Now she was curious. "What do you mean?"

"First, have you noticed something about him that seems different that most other nin?"

"Other than his shiny disposition?"

Kakashi frowned, silent.

She sighed. "What do you mean by 'different' exactly?"

"His chakra, Sakura. Haven't you noticed?"

She took pause, this time considering his question seriously. Her head tilted upward and she tapped her chin. Really, though, Kakashi had more contact with Kaoru than she did. It was only natural she didn't get it right away... Hm, well, now that she thought about it... "He's almost always accessing it." She blinked. "Isn't that taxing? For that matter, why isn't he running out of reserves?" Why had she never considered this?

"I didn't get it myself either," he replied, shaking his head. "He never used this much before. He never had that much stamina before..." He paused only a moment. "At any rate, that's why he does this. The technique he uses condenses the chakra he gathers while he sleeps. However, as a drawback it leaves him completely vulnerable."

Sakura blinked, surprised. "Then why would he get rid-."

"Of his guards?" He offered a frown. "Because, his paranoia runs so deep that he doesn't want anyone knowing he does this. If they were to find out, even people he thinks he can trust? It would leave him utterly open."

She nodded, amazed. To think such a technique existed... why, if they could learn-.

"I know what you're thinking. I was thinking much the same before," he said suddenly. "This isn't a technique that can be used by just anyone."

She sighed, disappointed. "Let me guess? It's apart of his bloodline technique?" When he nodded she said, "Shame... that could have been a real advantage to learn... Ah well," she muttered. "So, to get to the point," she said next, knowing they were really pushing the envelope on their usual meeting time amount, "tomorrow night-or rather tonight as it is technically morning now-Kaoru is going into a coma and were going to take that opportunity to take him out?"

Kakashi nodded. "Don't be fooled into thinking it will be easy. I'm pretty sure despite the fact that I've heard there will only be the guards at the door, there will be others hidden in the hallway leading there..."

She nodded. "You'll be with him?"

"I will."

She paused. "Then why do I need to be? I can take guards from the outside and then you can just proceed."

"You're right, that's true," he admitted. "But, the seal on the door requires one person on the inside and the outside to open it."

She frowned. "Why in the hell would he do that?"

"So that it makes it almost impossible for anyone to get in without his knowledge."

She frowned. "But then, what if his men decided to simply leave him in there? Doesn't that leave him in a tough situation?"

"You would think so," he replied. "But, in the case of the two guards on the outside of the door, he has complete control of them. The only way to keep him in there is to kill them off because of the thrall-like technique he uses on them this one night.

"Like I told you before, no one else knows about this. The others he usually has on duty work in shifts so sporadically that no one realizes that there isn't anyone working the one night every few weeks that he does it."

She nodded, accepting that. It was all very simple and yet horribly complicated. And if they didn't do it right, everything they'd worked for up until this point could come crumbling down.

"Alright," she said finally. "Anything else?"

"Yes, he should head to his room around eleven and plan to start the technique at midnight. However, to give ourselves a bit of cushion, we'll start a half our past midnight."

She gave a short nod this time.

"That's all."

She turned to leave, off in a run.

"Sakura."

She paused, looking back over her shoulder.

She could sense a smile in the blackness of his hood. "Be careful."

She smiled back, knowing he could somehow tell in the much the same manner that she could tell he had a moment ago. A second passed before she was off and into the darkness.

He watched her until he couldn't see her before leaving himself.

ooo

A young girl, perhaps no older than sixteen, carried a tray down the lone hall that just barely lit by candlelight. She kept a careful eye on the contents and watched as the cup of water shook under her nervous hands.

She appeared afraid, as if she might drop what she was carrying any moment. In the dimly lit hallway it wasn't easy to see just where one was going, so it wasn't that hard to imagine.

She looked tired and a bit grubby from the day's chores. Her hair was loosely tied back with a ripped strip of cloth. Despite her humble appearance, however, she wasn't without a some fair features. By her skiddish disposition, though, one could imagine just how easily she was likely preyed upon in such a place. It was probable that she came to be there through forced means.

She was so focused on her tray of food that she didn't even notice the body in front of her. She made a small noise as she bumped into them and grasped her tray tightly to keep it from falling all over the floor. "S-sorry!" she exclaimed automatically as she felt hands on her upper arms, steadying her.

"Well, what do we have here, hm?"

She blinked, looking up at the tall male form before her.

"You lost, girl?" he asked, giving her a wide grin set into gruff, bearded features. It wasn't the most appealing thing to look at.

"I..." she began and paused as a few others were heard laughing behind him. "I-I'm to deliver food t-to the guards at K-Karou-s-sama's r-room," she stuttered, obviously praying they would leave her be; it was obvious to anyone who looked in her apprehensive eyes.

"Food, eh?" the one addressing her asked, glancing down at the tray. "Well... I don't think they'll mind you being a little late, do you?" he explained darkly, leaning down towards her, causing her to back up.

She took a few more, her eyes shaking with the same fear that caused her hands to match the movements of her eyes. The contents of the tray rattled. "I-I... o-o-o-h p-p-please-no!" she screamed as he took hold of her, causing the tray to crash to the floor. Then men behind him moved to surround her while the one who had a hold of her began to molest her body through the clothes ruthlessly.

"Such a pretty thing," he said.

"Hey, I'm next, right?" another said.

"Aw, screw that, we can do this in twos. One can have her mouth and the other can pick a hole," another commented as he licked his upper lip.

"Sounds like a plan, what do you think, girl?" the one holding her asked, obviously not caring about an answer and she cried and struggled in his arms.

Already she could feel a hand snaking up her the thin material of her yukata. "S...stop..!" she cried out before a hand moved roughly over her quivering lips.

"Shut y...our...m...ou...th...uhh...?"

Suddenly, the body holding her went limp and fell into a heap on the floor. She barely managed to gain her footing before the other two men fell as well.

She blinked, noting almost instantly in her surprised, tear-ridden curiosity that they had needles protruding from their necks. It was in the next moment that a masked woman with pink hair stood before her.

"I'm sorry," she heard before she became sluggesh and the world around her began to grow dark. She felt herself falling, being caught and then her body gently being laid down. In her haze, cherry blossoms assailed her sight briefly...

Sakura sighed as the girl went faint. The technique she used on her should keep her asleep for hours to come. As for others, well, they wouldn't wake up ever again. In situations like this against hormone driven shinobi poison worked well. She hated that she had to send for the girl to deliver food for the guards down the hall. It was a thin chance all three would come out of hiding, but, she was glad she took the gamble. It hadn't been that hard of choice after she'd gotten information on who would be on duty here.

She didn't think anyone else would wander in here...but, just in case...

She gathered up the bodies, one by one, and hid them in a near by room closet. The girl was laid on a bed. As an extra precaution, she tied her up and wrapped up her mouth to keep her from calling for help. Once she was sure she could breath fine she left, locking the room behind her.

No one would come looking for her, not for a while. Here... they never did.

She moved down the hall slowly, carefully, until she could just barely see the guards posted at the door to Kaoru's room. Her eyes narrowed behind the holes in her mask as she considered her next move. These guys wouldn't be like the other three. They wouldn't likely move unless she made an aggressive action towards one of them or the door.

If that were the case then she just needed to distract them with another aggressor. A kage bushin should do it. Quietly, she muttered the command and did the hand sign. Once another of herself appeared she gave the orders.

Melting away into the shadows she followed as her bushin moved towards the two. They made no move, just as she suspected when they both saw the bushin. They were almost statuesque, standing there and not speaking. It was a moment later that her bushin attacked. As suspected, both men moved to return attack. And when they did, disbursing the bushin in a cloud of smoke, Sakura sprang out from the clone's shadow as she saw her opening and struck them both at the same time, in the chest with her two poisoned kunai.

They groaned briefly before falling to a heap apiece on the floor. She decided she'd drag them inside once she was done undoing the seal with Kakashi. Then she would have to place two bushin in their place to keep up appearances just in case.

"Kakashi," she whispered softly and waited a moment. Nothing. "Ka-."

"I'm here," she heard on the other side of the door.

"I'm ready. Tell me what to do."

"Do you see the two designs burned into the door?"

"Yes," she replied, spotting them instantly.

"Place a hand on either one, covering them with palms splayed."

She did so. "Alright."

"Now, send a small amount of chakra into the your hands and imagine that your filling the design pattern with it."

She did as he said, slowly and watched as the artwork filled up with a blue-green glow. It was interesting and pretty. Kaoru sure had a flare of the unusual.

"Are they the color of your chakra?"

"They are."

"Ok," he continued, "now, pull your palms off the door and cancel your chakra flow only once your finger tips leave the door."

She pulled her palms away slowly and then her fingers, tips last, just as he asked. "Done."

"Is it still glowing?"

"Yes," she confirmed.

"Now, reach out and place two finger tips on the top of the left one. Once you've done that, turn it like you would a disk clockwise until you've turned it to where three would be on a clock. Then, on the other one, do the same, but go the opposite direction to where the nine would be."

She did so, following his instructions to the T. They got a bit more complicated, but, she was careful and didn't move unless she understood what he said. It took about fifteen minutes to do the combination and by the time she was done she realized she didn't ever want to see another seal so dexterous for a long while.

Once she pulled her hands away Kakashi slid the door open.

"Help me drag these two in," she muttered after she made identical bushin of the men. She grabbed one and took him inside.

Kakashi took the other and pulled him just beyond the door before shutting it.

Sakura sat the other on the floor and turned to look at the bed where their target lay. He was just as Kakashi said he would be: out like a light and in the center of the bed. She could barely tell he was breathing; the rise and fall of his chest was so slow and insignificant. His hair was tied and fell to the side of his pillow, over his shoulder. He looked almost at peace, his face lacking any malice. She had to wonder, for a brief moment, if this was how he looked to Kakashi years ago...

She was so caught up in her observance that she nearly jumped when she heard the 'shink' of Kakashi's blade. The sharp edge gleamed in the candlelight as he stood over the side of the bed, holding it ready to act.

The silence after that was deafening. She stared at him, green orbs fixed on his side, his arm as his muscles flexed whilst gripping the hilt of the sword. His gaze was narrowed and far from where they both were. No, that wasn't really right either. She knew then man before her knew where he was. Were someone to move to attack him he would react like the shinobi he was trained to be. What she could see in his eyes was an intensity of such focus on what he was about to do she couldn't actually measure it.

What she did know, however, was that what he was about to do-because there was no question as to whether he was going to, he would-would forever change him; it would change him in a way that wouldn't really hit him until hours, perhaps days later.

She would be there for him when it happened. It wasn't even a question.

"Kakashi?" she asked, coming next to him.

His eyes closed.

She placed her hand on his shoulder.

He exhaled and pulled up on the blade. Sakura could feel her body, and his own, flex for a moment as the edge of the blade came down and towards the sleeping shinobi's neck...

ooo

"Sasuke!"

The dark haired Uchiha looked up as he passed the gates and headed towards the two at the guard box. "Kotetsu , Izumo," he greeted as he took the clipboard from one and a pen to sign it.

"Good mission?"

"Long," he replied, signing his name in the blank box on the paper.

"Good night to come home in, though," Kotetsu added, blinking op at the clear, twinkling sky.

Sasuke looked up as well. "Yeah... you can't see anything that pretty in city."

"Too many electric lights," Izumo added, smiling. "Blocks out the stars."

Sasuke was about to speak when he was suddenly and surprisingly interrupted by a glass on the flat wooden surface between him and the two men cracking.

All three were silent, staring at it.

"That's an omen if I ever saw one..." Izumo said slowly.

"I'll say," Kotetsu added.

Sasuke barely heard them, his lips slightly parted as his eyes narrowed.

_Sakura?_

**AN ::** I hope you guys enjoyed the update. I don't know exactly when I'll be able to get another one out, because, to be honest this story is getting harder to write for. I have at least one chapter left, maybe two. Finishing this puppy is gonna be hard because I want to make sure I do the character's justice right to the end. No offense to Kishinmoto... but this won't be like the fight with the Kyuubi in 499. What was he thinking? I expected something SO much more epic -sigh-.

Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope I got all of the mistakes!

**-Blade**


	23. Chapter 23

**..Chapter Twenty-Three..**

**..**

**.**

**..**

_I thought I saw a man brought to life_

_He was warm_

_He came around_

_And he was dignified_

_He showed me what it was to cry_

_Well you couldn't be that man I adored_

_You don't seem to know_

_Or seem to care_

_What your heart is for_

_I don't know him anymore_

_There's nothin' where he used to lie_

_My conversation has run dry_

_That's what's going on_

_Nothing's right_

_I'm torn_

_I'm all out of faith_

_This is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed_

_Lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed_

_Into something real_

_I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_

_You're a little late_

_I'm already torn_

_(Exert from) __Torn - Natalie Imbruglia_

**..**

**.**

He could remember the first time after he graduated the Academy that he'd been caught off guard so completely that it had taken his breath away. It was as clear in his head as it had been the moment it happened. His chest had felt like it had been on fire with the pain that resulted. He'd been cocky, brash and ready to prove his prowess when The Yellow Flash, his-then new-sensei, Namikaze Minato, had put him on his ass and scared the shit out of him. Fear had turned to awe and then respect.

He'd vowed to himself then that it would be the first ...and the last.

"Kakashi?"

He'd been wrong.

He coughed, inhaling dirt through his nose and mouth almost unexpectedly. Even through the veil of his mask he was tasting the stuff.

"I'm alright," he muttered from above her as he pulled himself off of her and onto his hands and knees.

Around them a cloud of dust still gathered. Bits of raw material could be seen; it was a broken mess and all that remained of the wall that made up one side of Karou's room.

He could taste sawdust and smell blood.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice almost broken from where the wind had been knocked out of him.

She nodded as she moved to sit up, eyes narrowing. He could see in those green orbs that her head had begun to clear; she was already trying to figure out what was going on, just as he was.

"What happened?" she asked as he stood up and offered her his hand. She took it and he helped her stand quickly. "Did you...?"

He shook his head as he looked out with two narrowed eyes, into the cloud, and tried to figure out what happened. "Something triggered an explosion," he muttered. " We need to figure out the situation and fast. A noise that loud is bound to garner attention if it hasn't already."

"Agreed," she murmured.

A flash of silver caught his eye not too far from where he stood and he recognized it as his katana. He must have dropped it in the blast.

He closed the distance and reached for it, hand wrapping about the hilt.

"Kakashi!"

It all happened at once. He was pulling up on the hilt, she was yelling out a warning and running towards him, and he was turning his head in reaction to what his intuition was telling him. He saw a flash of amber and wanted to react with more than a block, but, he didn't have time for much else.

He'd always been faster, after all.

Kakashi felt the blanket of pain sear across his forearms through the guards. His back met with solid ground and he grunted as he slid.

Damn, that hurt.

He forced his body into a roll as he heard the clash of steel against steel and came to his feet. Both eyes, sharingan blazing, settled on Sakura meeting blades with Karou. It wouldn't last long. He had to warn her.

"Sakura-!"

He see the slight smile on the confident man's face as he brought his blade outward. The area around the weapon pulsed with invisible energy before it erupted and Sakura was tossed backward. She fared better than he did though and dug her feet into the ground as she braced herself for the impact.

He came up next to her and spoke low enough so that only she could hear, frustration evident in his tone, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she muttered. "It feels like it hit my whole body. Not just my arm." She rubbed her head, eyeing the enemy with scrutinizing eyes. "It's weird," she went on, speaking as if she were apprehensive to admit it. "But, it's like he sent my emotions through a whirlwind with that. It's almost like that oppressive air I feel around him all the time, but, directed."

He nodded. "That's part of what his family specialized in," he explained, tone low. "He doesn't just use the ability to manipulate people into doing what he wants in subversive situations. He can also use it as an offensive technique.

"The katana in his hand is a chakra weapon, one he wields with the upmost skill." His jaw tightened. "It's going take both of us to bring him down," he said as if just realizing it, his eyes back on the dangerous ex-ANBU member. "We need to separate him from his weapon. If we do that it should even the playing field."

She sighed. "All of this would have been easier if it had went according to plan."

Kakashi couldn't argue with that logic. If the man before them were dead right now they could be well on their way back to Konoha, job done. Now they were left with still completing the assassination minus the advantage.

"All of this obvious plotting isn't going to do you a bit of good," Kaoru suddenly spoke loud enough for them to hear. He twisted the blade in his hand as he did so, slicing the air with a sharp sound; as if such an action were meant to intimidate them. "Or," he said a hair softer for affect, smiling snidely, "didn't you notice?"

Sakura glanced at Kakashi, but, he didn't look back.

The silver-haired shinobi sighed after a short moment passed, smiling only slightly; it was done out of acceptance. "Hmm..." he murmured, "You've known since we got here, haven't you, Kaoru?"

"Perhaps not since then, but, for a while," he admitted. "It really is such a pity," he continued, frowning, eyes half shut for effect. "I had hoped the both of you would change your minds... Well," he smiled, "I would have been happy if just you had, Rookie..." he pointed to tip of his blade at him, arm stretched out. He looked at him down the length of his blade, as if aiming.

"We could have been great together..." he sighed out. "Now? Now I have to kill you."

In flash, there he was, bearing down on Kakashi. He barely saw the movement, it hardly registered even with the sharingan activated. He had just enough time to pull his katana up and deflect the oncoming blow. He felt it again, though; the chakra flooded into his own, mixing and working it's way into his system.

He leapt back, trying to create some distance as he felt Sakura dive in for an attack. She came from above, moving for the opening towards his throat. But, Kaoru turned and the air around his weapon once again pulsed as he met her blow head on. It erupted with much more strength this time. He watched as Sakura's eyes seemed to bulge on impact. Her body was sent sailing.

_Shit._

He ran, pushing chakra into the soles of his feet. He stumbled as she hit his open arms and exhaled.

"Sorry," she muttered, "I didn't see that coming."

"Apologize later," he snapped as they both moved to avoid another attack, splitting up in two directions. It wasn't enough, though, the brushing energy hit him and he flinched.

"You think you're good enough now?" he heard. "You never were."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed as he found himself face to face with Kaoru once more, dealing blow for blow. Even as he spoke these words he was trying to formulate a way to get his weapon away from him. But, it was becoming increasingly hard to think. His heart felt heavy in his chest.

Even with Sakura backing him up, it seemed he was just too fast. To quick. Too quiet. Everytime they found and opening he beat them to it.

It was an endless cycle of a problem.

They needed to separate him from his weapon, but, to do that they needed to get close. By getting close they kept coming in contact with his offensively attacking chakra. And each time they thought, this was it, it wasn't. Each formation, each tactic, a failure.

_Fuck._

"I remember the first moment I saw you, Kakashi..." he heard him say between blows. "Young, inexperienced in so many ways and yet worldly in so many others. I saw a maturity in your eyes, a willingness to absorb that so few shinobi have... even today."

He didn't respond and kept his gaze sharp.

He was smiling at him and it unnerved him, the lie in that smile; it had been the same lie that...

"Never did I realize what that admiration would turn into," he continued, sighing. "Secondly, I certainly didn't imagine you would return what affection I held for you, even when I didn't recognize it for what it was myself.

"Denial is a sharp knife, is it not, Rookie?"

"It's in the past, what does it matter?" he finally bit off, jaw tight. He didn't want to talk about it.

"_Blossoms of The Befallen...!_"

Pink blossoms fluttered everywhere around him and twisted around Kaoru. Kakashi leapt back, creating some distance for her to work the genjutsu.

It was a beautiful technique to watch first hand, but, terrible to be caught in; he knew. If you were unlucky enough to be caught in it, it rendered you completely immobile. Each petal created a feeling of paralysis in the area that the petal covered and no more. It was almost impossible to get out of once you were caught in it because—like any genjutsu—the key was in the illusion.

The paralysis wasn't literal; it was mental and no more.

Kakashi moved fast; this was it.

_Chidori!_

Electricity surged to life in his half closed fist as black and red zeroed in on his mark and he ran, heart hammering in his chest.

_This is it._

Time ticked by as he drew closer and everything around him felt as though it were slower. Even as he knew nothing had slowed, the moment seemed sluggish and heavy with a thick intensity. He could almost hear his own heartbeat, his own breath in his lungs as he inhaled and exhaled. He could hear the ticking of time itself as his fist reached, open, towards the place where Kaoru's life-pumping organ rested within his breast.

_It all ends here._

He felt his hand connect; he could feel the tearing of flesh around it; he could feel bone crumple and tissue burn under the ferocity of his jutsu.

When he stopped he was panting; his eyes were locked on electric amber as they stared lifelessly into his own. Perspiration coated his brow and when he continued to draw breath it wasn't because he needed to out of a physical need; no, it was more out of a mental need that he did so.

_Finally._

Slowly, he shut his eyes.

"Kakashi!"

_What?_

His head snapped up, eyes open. But, there wasn't enough time. He couldn't stop the hand that came through the dissipating image of the man before him to place itself over his forehead. A ravenous chakra coursed through his veins, intrusive and immobilizing. Kakashi couldn't do anything as he felt his body fail him, as he felt himself fall to his knees.

"Useless," he heard the older male mutter; it wasn't directed at him.

Sweat beaded on his brow and he panted, eyes locked on Sakura as she matched blows and techniques with Kaoru. He had to move, he needed to; he needed to regain control of his body. Whatever his ex-taichou had done to him however, left him at a complete loss. It wasn't a genjutsu, he could see through that. He could access what chakra he had left; his body just wasn't obeying.

Her scream echoed into his very core as he watched her go down, crumpling in the dirt. She was awake, he could see; she wasn't getting up, though.

_Move!_ he told his body, his eyes tightening shut. His jaw mimicked the action, painfully so. He tried to force chakra into the right paths, he tried to _will_ his muscles to obey; horrifyingly, nothing would do as he wanted it to.

Kami, was this it? Was he going to die here?

_Sakura..._

He swallowed.

"Is it?"

His eyes snapped open and he found himself staring into electric amber hues. Mismatched depths of crimson and charcoal black narrowed on Kaoru as he crouched before him, blade stuck into the ground. Kakashi glanced over at where Sakura lay. She was trying to get up, but, her body wasn't allowing it; she barely had her chest off the ground and was sitting.

"Oh, don't worry about her. She's not going anywhere for a while; neither are you."

"What do you what?" he managed to mutter.

Kaoru smiled; when he did so, his eyes appeared to communicate that which he didn't have to: fear. It was a fear of this man he'd done fairly well to hide even now. "I answered your question with a question of my own. I think it's only polite that you respond." The ex-ANBU waited a while, staring on at him. When Kakashi didn't reply he sighed and explained, as if dealing with an errant child. "You asked what the point was of talking about what's in the past. I repeat, is it?"

Again, Kakashi didn't reply.

"Hm," he gave a thoughtful short laugh without opening his mouth. "Denial _is_ as a sharp knife, Rookie. We're not all that unalike. Why should you deny that now?"

"I seriously doubt that," he bit off.

He chuckled. "Naive boy, do you really still think what we did wasn't consensual?" When the silver-haired younger didn't reply he continued in a lower, darker tone, "I didn't give you anything you weren't asking for already... and I left you there because you couldn't bear to make the choice that needed to be made, love."

Kakashi felt his chest tighten as these words watched over him, as he felt a warm hand on his cheek, caressing and coarse in nature. _No, you're wrong._

"You made a vow to Konoha, but you loved me. You couldn't bear to be without both. So, rather than making the right choice, the obvious one, I made it for you. It's what we both wanted," he whispered, thumb rubbing over his chin softly.

"No," Kakashi strained out. That wasn't how it happened... _Was it...?_ He could feel his heart starting to race in his chest as Kaoru's words washed over him, working their way into his system. Images, flashes of things in his mind were slowly becoming distorted. Everything was coming back from that place he'd long left behind all over again.

"You deny what you wanted just like you try to deny that what I did for you is no different than what you have with Sakura.

"You keep telling yourself over and over, 'I won't hurt her like he hurt me,' and, 'I won't take advantage of her like he did me,' and my favorite, 'I'll save her from the monster that left me as I am, that I am sure to become if I admit it's ok to have her'." He shook his head.

"You're no different than I was and you never will be. The sooner to come to realize that, Rookie, the better off you'll be."

"I'm not like you," he muttered in a strained voice.

He smiled that cruel, subtle, sinful smile that gave off the impression of some final conclusion or the last nail in the coffin, to coin a phrase and said, "Who are you trying to convince, Rookie? Me... or you?"

_No..._ he heard the voice in his head say, _no. I'm not that person... _But, the more he repeated the mantra the less it effective it felt. At that moment all he could see were the flashes of images of past events: him pushing Sakura up against a tree, him kissing Sakura, Sakura crying, Sakura speaking of her admiration for him and then there were those of himself; in each one he could see Kaoru, himself and then in a comparison set of images there were those moments with Sakura and himself much older. The visualizations rolled together so furiously and so quickly until all he could see was a blurred picture of himself becoming the man before him in what he saw as a literal representation.

_No,_ he heard himself breath mentally; however, he could no longer deny it. The command was weak, at best. He could feel himself go numb. He could feel all the fight he'd been trying to force, to will, go as it left him. His form slackened like a tossed and forgotten rag doll and there he remained. The drive was gone from his eyes.

Sakura's eyes widened a fraction. "Kakashi...?" she called, her voice wary.

No answer.

"Kakashi!" she cried out, desperation evident; it wasn't for herself, but, for him.

"I'm afraid he can't hear you, not really," Kaoru's voice addressed her and she looked up, realizing he was only a few feet away from her now.

Her lips twisted into a determined scowl. "You bastard."

"I've been called worse, I assure you, my dear."

"What have you done to him?" she demanded.

He leaned on his sword hilt, tip stuck in the dirt. He posture was lazy and self-assured; it was as if he had already won. "I only told him what he needed to know," he replied coolly, smiling satisfyingly. "That he's really no different than me, especially in regards to you. And," he almost whispered, "that he needs to face the reality that everything I did to him in Konoha was what he wanted."

Her jaw tightened and her hands pulled into fists beneath her, digging up dirt inadvertently. Kakashi had been right, Kaoru was a master manipulator. He took people's emotions, their voices and thoughts and tore them apart. If there was anything in there of the man he had once loved... she couldn't see it.

"How could you do this to him?" she breathed angrily. "To the man you claimed to... love? What are you trying to accomplish by hurting him again?" Did he actually believe the things he told Kakashi?

The smile remained, unwavering. He seemed almost unaffected by what she said to him. It didn't appear to faze him at all. "Why? Does it bother you that what I had with him came before you; or, that what we had was stronger?"

His response made almost no sense and had nothing to do with her question, not really.

"Does it make you twist with jealousy just thinking how many times I had him…Sakura?" he asked next, unrelenting.

She could feel that vile chakra coming off of him waves, pressing into her and pushing her down.

"Not even before," he continued, darkly, "But just in the past few weeks." That smile seemed to be more so, his eyes slicing to the core. "Just think, while you were out working for me he and I..." he chuckled, eyes closing briefly with mirth.

"You're an idiot," she muttered, lips curling much to her own surprise.

"Oh…?" he seemed genuinely curious. His brow rose. "Enlighten me."

It was her turn to laugh softly. "Do you actually think I care about that?"

He didn't reply, but, he did watch her, eyes set.

Her eyes darted up to his, meeting his gaze with every ounce of strength she possessed; they appeared aflame with intensity. "I love Kakashi. I don't question how I feel about him and I don't expect anything of him. My love is unconditional and therefore without requirement. As a shinobi of Konoha, apprentice of one of the Great Sanin and a member of the elite ANBU, I am under no illusion that sacrifices must be made; even if that means sacrificing one's own body.

"You may have had his body for a few weeks, Kaoru, but you don't own his heart... his soul, his loyalty." She smiled steadfastly. "And that's what pisses you of the most. You can't force the kind of bond Kakashi has with Konoha... with me. You can't break it either, no matter how much you try to break _him_."

The backhand across her face brought stars to her eyes, but she didn't try to dodge it. She didn't have much left for that. Even so, she wouldn't go down crying. She wasn't that girl anymore. Like hell she would ever give her enemy that satisfaction, especially a bastard who took delight and ruining people she cared about.

"Ka..ka...shi...!" she strained out as she felt a hand around her neck, tightening and pulling her off the ground. She gripped his wrist, trying to keep herself from chocking. She tasted blood and tried to cough.

"You know, I was going to keep you around. That talent you have for genjutsu just seemed too good to pass up or waste... but, I think I've changed my mind." She heard him laugh, this time more clearly, sanity gone from his voice altogether. "I think it would be much more fitting to simply take you and kill you. Granted, women aren't my preference, but, it might just make my goals in regard to your partner much easier."

She twisted in his grip as he turned and headed towards Kakashi. Her heart hammered in her chest and her blood ran cold. _Oh god, not again,_ she couldn't stop herself from thinking. There was no preparation this time. She had no control of the situation.

She wouldn't allow her fear to show, not now. "He's stronger than you think," she managed as she tried to kick his grip off of her. Her booted feet beat into his chest ineffectively.

"We'll see about that, won't we?" he murmured and glanced down at Kakashi as he stopped.

"Kakashi!" she cried out, her own voice burning her throat. "Wake up!" _Please wake up!_ she cried out in her mind as he dropped her to the ground. She tried to scramble away but he was already on top of her.

Desperate, she pushed a flood of blue green chakra to her fist and tried to hit him. He caught her wrist and pushed it down, frustrating her.

"None of that," he muttered.

"Kakashi!" she screamed this time, turning her heard toward him, her eyes pleading for him to snap out of it. "He's wrong! You don't have to be his victim anymore! He can't hurt you anymore, Kakashi! Do you hear me!

"Remember what I told you! You're a good man, Kakashi...! And I never loved you because I was misguided... or confused..!" she said, straining against all the emotions flooding her mind and filling her beating chest. "I loved you because..." she closed her eyes a moment, "Because you gave me the ability to become the woman I wanted to be."

Her jaw tightened and her eyes opened with new vigor when she saw he wasn't reacting to her words at all. "That man...! He isn't the one I see before me now!

"Damnit, wake up, Kakashi!"

_I need you..._

ooo

_I love you._

_You wanted it._

_You're just like me._

_It was consensual._

_Quit denying it._

_Monster._

Kakashi heard them all over and over again, lulled into some kind of void. The outside world was a vague blur, slow and sluggish before him. He could sense something was going on, but, he didn't have the drive to react to it. Everything was dull, devoid and fractured. Images were half there and half not. He felt lethargic.

Rin was wrong.

Sakura was wrong.

He'd been trying to fight against it for years and for what? He should have never become her sponsor. The whole situation would have been better dealt with if he'd just never joined ANBU again, if he'd never given into Sakura and if he'd just continued his life... alone.

_Monster._ _You wanted it._

_Yes, I know_.

_I love you..._

What..? _No, you don't. You only think you do. I used you, just like he used me. Don't ask for it... not like I did._

_I never love you because I was misguided or confused!_

_You did.. you were._

_I love you..._

_Stop saying that_, he said to the voice.

_Monster._

_Yes, I know..._

_Wake up!_

_And do what?_ he mused to himself. _Hurt you?_ he continued. _I took advantage of you, Sakura._

He'd wanted to protect her, to help her. Hadn't he? No, that wasn't it. He'd wanted her for his own selfish needs. He'd wanted to envelope himself in her scent... her warmth… he'd wanted to hold onto her…

_Monster!_

She'd deluded herself into thinking she wanted him and he'd just let her; it was just as he'd let Kaoru take advantage of himself. He'd wanted it. It sickened him. He sickened himself. The pain… the ache… the months of people wanting to help him... Rin. He hadn't deserved it. He'd know that then; it had been his fault. It had always been his fault...

_My fault._

_I love you..._

_Shut up!_ he shouted back.

She didn't—she wouldn't—understand... She couldn't see that night so clearly in her mind of what he would do to her. He would do it to her. He would rip into her and tear her world to pieces.

_You will._

_I know!_

_He's wrong!_

_What...?_

_You don't have to be his victim anymore!_

_Monster!_

_What?_ What was she… He blinked slowly, trying to escape the haze so he could hear.

_It was consensual._

_He's wrong!_

_Sakura..?_

_You're a good man! I never loved you because I was misguided or confused!_

_But..._

_I loved you because..._

_Because..? _he found himself asking.

_..You wanted it!_

_Shut up! _he shouted to the other voice. He needed to hear this. He didn't know why, but he did.

_Because you gave me the ability to become the woman I wanted to be!_

Silence.

Like a toy powering down or like a light being turned off, the voices, the shouting, the doubt, the words, they were all gone. Nothing remained but him and the haze. Everything was dark and devoid.

She loved him not because she admired him or because she looked up to him. She loved him because of what he had helped her accomplish. What had he helped her accomplish? Really?

He could suddenly see all of their moments together, again. This time, though, they were different. The pain, the ache wasn't what prevailed as it had been before with Kaoru. He watched her determination as she told him why she wanted to join ANBU; he watched her fire as she overcame him with the katana the first time; he watched her struggle on mission after mission and hide her tears; he watched as she cried in his arms and as she sought strength from his words after her first seduction mission; he watched her hold her chin high and hide all of her pain... finally, he watched her overcome it... beat it and become a better shinobi because of it. He watched her use that strength in front of Kaoru; he watched as she didn't allow herself to back down even when her fear was evident to no one but himself.

_Sakura..._

He felt his heart shifting and his mind clearing.

She was right, he didn't have to be a victim anymore.

He wouldn't be.

ooo

One moment Sakura was shoving on Kaoru, screaming for Kakashi to wake up and the next she was weightless. The hands were gone, the beating fists were gone. Her lip was busted, she was sure she'd have one bruised eye hours from now and she ached from chakra depletion, but, overall, she was no worse for wear. At least not now that it had stopped.

She exhaled and opened her eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She smiled and realized he was carrying her in his arms. "It's been a while," she mused.

One silver brow raised and he set her down up against a stack of cut wood in the work yard a good many yards from where they'd been fighting.

"Since you saved me."

"I dont mind," he replied. "Don't move." He moved to back away, but, not before she snapped her hand over his arm.

Her eyes were serious. Intense. "Be careful."

He nodded. "I will be... Rest." He watched as she exhaled, released him and relaxed before he stood up and returned to face Kaoru.

He hid the anger that had boiled from seeing him on top of her, hurting her, from Sakura. He'd hidden the memories that entire scene dredged up, but, he wouldn't hide it from the man who was slowly picking himself off the ground from where Kakashi had driven him off.

"You broke out of my hold," Kaoru said as he dusted himself off. "Impressive—."

"You can't hurt me anymore," Kakashi interrupted. "And I won't allow you to hurt anyone else anymore either."

Kaoru smiled. "Really?" he said, not looking very convinced where he stood. "You couldn't do it before when you had her help," he said as he motioned faintly to Sakura. "And now she can't help you. What makes you think you can kill me now when you couldn't before?"

"I'm not hindered," he responded, not missing a beat. "I'm not your victim any longer," he continued, strength evident in his voice.

"What you did to me years ago was unspeakable, Taichou. I loved you, I cared about you, and when I tried to help you turned on me. You butchered my strength and ripped my power away from me. You left me bleeding and almost paralyzed for life."

Kaoru frowned. "I turned on you?" he repeated and then scowled. "I betrayed you? You left me!" he snapped. "You chose the village over what we shared!"

"No," Kakashi replied, solemn and calm. "I chose to keep the vow I made to my village, my Hokage, first."

"And I meant nothing?" Kaoru spat, laughing. "You would have expected me to just, what, file in line to my death sentence and give up?"

Kakashi frowned, eyes narrowed. "No one ever said our way of life was fair. If Konoha knew of a way to help you, they would have..."

Kaoru laughed again, both bitterness and lack of sanity present. "Yeah, well, excuse me if I don't share your sentiment."

Kakashi knew there was really no talking to him, not like this. The man he had once been was no longer there and all that was left was the result of the bloodline technique overtaking him, destroying him more than he ever could others through its benefits.

He wished as much now as he had then that there was a way to help him, to save him, from his own mistakes and the results thereof; there wasn't. There was no curing it outside of death.

"I loved you once, Taichou. Out of respect of the man I once admired I'll try to make your death a painless one."

"Spare me your pity, Rookie," he snapped before working his hands into a series of hand signs.

_I won't let you._ He too, pushed his hands into a series of signs. He estimated he had about half of his reserve left; that meant every move needed to be well calculated.

"_Venomous Chakra Jutsu: Dragon Serpents!"_

_"__Water Release: Water Encampment Wall!" _Kakashi shouted in return as his hands finished moving into the proper signs. He watched as three translucent dragon-like serpents came swiftly through the air at him just before the wall of water shot up around him, blocking the attack.

A satisfied smirk swept Kaoru's features as he watched his jutsu cut right through the dense shield, causing sprays of water to erupt. As the fluxing waves dissipated he waited, prepared, for it to clear. He grinned widely at the image of the man before him, his body brutally held by his chakra serpents. He looked as a helpless rag doll, bleeding and battered.

_____Think again._

A movement from the right, swift and powerful jerked his eyes away from the scene; it was next he turned his whole body. His eyes widened a fraction and his jaw set as he leapt back. At the same time he drew his blade and landed, digging the front balls of his feet into the dirt. A shock of sparks erupted before him and the clash of steel reverberated against two sets of ears.

Kaoru's chuckle was dark, deep, and maniacal as the shadow clone caught in his jutsu puffed out of existence.

Kakashi's eyes were set; his resolve showed clearly there if nowhere else.

"Haven't you already learned that close combat with me is unwise, Rookie?"

"Haven't you already learned that I always have an ace up my sleeve?"

Kaoru didn't seem bothered by this statement; instead, he pulled back, slashing at him. His chakra—that repulsive, pounding, venomous chakra—swept through, aiming for the body before him. He smirked as he pressed against Kakashi blade; then, he frowned.

The chakra siphoned, sucked, into the steel blade that Kakashi wielded.

Even as Kakashi pressed further against his blade he spoke, "I can tell your chakra's low after having to fight both Sakura and I. After all, you weren't allowed to complete your chakra compression technique once we attacked you."

Kaoru's eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened as his weakness was pointed out to him.

"But, then again, I pay attention even when people think I'm not." His grip tightened on the hilt, pressing into him further with shaking hands. "Still, I never thought I'd have to use this on you when I packed the summoning scroll.

"Meet my chakra sucking blade. With it, your attacks beyond your katana are rendered useless, Taichou. What's more, you're poisonous aura is weakened considerably. This blade makes us even."

"Tch…" he muttered, jaw set; his lips still curled into a slight smirk, as if appraising despite the change in strengths. "You always were good in a situation where all odds were against you, Rookie. Given the amount of chakra we both have left… my response is obvious…

"But then, you already knew that." He chuckled and pulled back, swiping with the sharp edge of his blade.

Kakashi didn't respond. Instead, he blocked and counter attacked. Using this blade had been his only real viable option. He didn't have any long range attacked aside from his Mangekyo; besides using an enormous amount of chakra he didn't have at the moment, it wasn't entirely accurate in its current state.

Using this blade not only kept him from being the victim of Kaoru's attacking chakra, but, it also put him on the defense; should Kakashi hit him or touch him with the blade at all, it would pull chakra from his body. In the right hands, it's was an amazing tool, especially for ANBU who were use to hunting missing nin. Although, he by no means imagined this fight would get any easier. Kaoru was still a master swordsman and years ahead of Kakashi despite having been his teacher in that respect also. Whatever the fight resulted in, it would be a matter of skill and stamina and nothing else.

Sweat rolled off his brow as he was forced back by the both brutal and precise hits from his opponent. He blocked each time, watching the movement of his body and the direction of his eyes. The moment he felt the pain on his shoulder he turned, twisting away as best he could from the remaining thrust of his attack.

It left him wide open and Kakashi went for it, wanting to end it even as it barely just started. But, he was right there, swift and unwavering. The flat of Kaoru's blade struck against his own and Kakashi pulled back, attacking again.

It felt like each time Kakashi tried to strike he blocked, even though he knew he was holding his own. They were wearing each other down, slowly. He could see the wane in Kaoru's eyes just as easily as he was sure it was showing in his own good eye. However, the longer it drug on, the further he pressed on and waited for the opening he needed, the more the man before him pushed him back.

He'd always been better at pacing himself when fighting with the deadly weapon, even Kakashi would admit this.

He felt the string across his chest, gasped and pulled back. He pressed his free hand there, blocking his follow up strike.

"Give me long enough and I'll give you half a dozen new scars, Rookie," the dark haired male remarked, smirking.

Kakashi's eyes narrowed, but, he didn't respond. He wouldn't be distracted by snide remarks. He reminded himself, again, that the man before him thrived on weakness of any kind.

He drew his blade back and cut downward. As he did so, Kaoru leapt back. Kakashi followed him, swiping and slashing with his blade. He dodged and returned fire.

They were getting desperate.

And then Kakashi felt it; he felt it almost before it happened. Kaoru's image became an after image. His speed doubled and Kakashi gasped, drawing breath. Pain erupted on his side, electrifying muscle fiber and reverberating against bone.

He felt the blade withdraw and stifled a cry as he doubled over and dropped to his knees. His hands pressed into the ground, one half secured around the hilt of his blade.

"Just remember, Rookie," he heard. "Experience always trumps youth…" And then that dark laughter became present once more.

He pressed his hand into his side in some vain attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Pitiful, boy. Did you actually think you could win; against me?"

Kakashi watched as the tip of his sword drug along the ground in front of him while his mocking voice directed downward.

He had to think of something, anything, to get out of this. But, the longer he thought, listening to Kaoru's voice, the more apparent it became that there was nothing he could do. He didn't have enough chakra to formulate any kind of front.

He closed his eyes briefly before glancing up to look at Sakura. His mismatched depths locked on her form and his lips drew a grim line. His jaw tightened and his knuckles turned white from the fist he was forming.

"I never wanted to kill you, Kakashi…" he heard as he watched the tip of Kaoru's sword draw upward.

Slowly, he looked up, meeting his gaze as if waiting for the inevitable.

"Sweet dreams," he whispered, moving into a strike.

"What the…?"

Kakashi blinked

It took a moment for him to register the torrent of petals, bold and pink, swathing Kaoru's form. They danced, standstill, drifting around like a holy spiral.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________Sakura?_

He turned, looking for her resting body, only to find that clone was puffing out of sight.

He reacted instantly once he realized what she'd done and with the last of his strength he pulled his katana up and thrust as he locked on Kaoru's eyes; the transition of emotions, from surprise to acceptance of defeat, crossed over his features and in his eyes as he did so. He held onto that, waiting, waiting for it to be another trick; he waited for the real Kaoru to come out from hiding, to strike him down and tell him it had all been another elaborate guise to entrap him once more. He could feel his heart hammering in his ears as time drifted on and he waited, breath held and blood racing.

But, he wasn't. He was just standing there, staring at him as if he couldn't quite believe what had just happened…

Kakashi watched even as he withdrew his blade and the petals fell away. He barely registered Sakura falling to her knees some distance away.

He continued to stare, waiting, holding his electric amber gaze. Then he was falling, his knees going weak. In slow motion, it seemed, his body started to drift down and Kakashi couldn't seem to stop himself from catching him as they both dropped to the ground.

Kakashi held him as he coughed blood and his body convulsed across his knees. Silence pervaded and he found himself unable to speak. All he could do was stared down, a single orb locked on his face. He found an ache surfacing and constricting that he didn't entirely expect the strength of; he felt his heart tightening, ripping...

Again, he was losing someone.

Again, the life he chose took someone from him brutally and without remorse.

Again… he was watching as someone he cared for bled to death in his arms.

"No tears for the wicked, Rookie," he heard.

His eyes flashed open and he stared. He hadn't even realized he'd closed his eyes. They touched momentarily on the damp speck on Kaoru's face.

Kaoru smiled and Kakashi narrowed his eyes as he felt a hand cup his cheek.

"I'm sorry…" Kaoru whispered.

He said nothing, but, he stared as that pervading darkness left his eyes and left behind a aura he dared not imagine ever remained.

"Thank you…" he said next. "I…"

"Shh," Kakashi finally said, tears fighting to return as his throat constricted. "I forgive you…." He swallowed. "Sleep…" he whispered.

Kaoru seemed to accept that and closed his eyes. That smile never left even as the last breath escaped his body. Kakashi watched him moments after the rise and fall of his chest stopped and he didn't move even after the rain started, soaking him to the core.

"Kakashi…" he heard, Sakura's voice pulling him back. "We have to go…"

He nodded. "Help me… please." She seemed to realize he was referring to the body. He could feel the hesitation, but, she seemed to understand his need and nodded.

"I'll try…"

And that was enough.

ooooooooooooooooooo

**AN: **Thank you for everyone who read and reviewed all through this fic! It really makes me feel good to know how many people have enjoyed reading this story so far. I realize that my version of Kakashi in this telling can throw people off, especially hard core K/S fans like myself.

We have one more chapter, folks! Time to wrap everything up!

Special thanks goes to Nokito-chan and Zeptha for their dedicated pseudo-beta reading of this chapter before its release.

**-Blade**


	24. Chapter 24

..Chapter Twenty-Four..

..

.

..

"Excuse me," his dark voice reverberated as he accidentally brushed shoulders with someone. He'd done so already several times, muttering the very same thing when he bumped someone a bit more than most. It couldn't be helped; the main road to the Hokage Tower was clogged with traffic that afternoon. Vendors on the large strip were selling their wares, and their crops and meat to wives looking for a good deal on the evening meal they were sure to prepare for their waiting families.

He didn't pay it too much mind as the distance between himself and the twin, red painted doors became that much less. It wasn't as though this didn't happen around the same time every afternoon. People just seemed to come out of the woodwork around four when the work was done and what time they had left was their own. Some traversed home, some went to bars for the early drink discounts and others tended to their shopping.

Around this time he would be heading home himself, or to do something with Naruto; he might even find himself sharing a meal with Sai if that blonde idiot drug him along.

He pushed the door open, holding it for another shinobi who was leaving. A thank you was spoken and he nodded as he released it to shut on its own. It clicked behind him by the time he was halfway up the stairs leading to the Hokage office.

A secretary looked up from her desk as he entered down the short hall. She smiled.

"Hello, Uchiha-san. Can I help you?"

He nodded, hand resting naturally on the hilt of his sword. "I need to speak with the Hokage if she's available."

"I believe she is…" the woman trailed off as she skimmed her datebook. "Let me just make sure she's ready for a visitor." She smiled again. "I'm sure it won't be a problem though… well, unless she's…" she allowed her sentence to trail off, hinting at what most people knew the answer to.

"Ah…" he nodded, knowing immediately. He couldn't help but roll his eyes which caused the secretary to chuckle slightly as she went into the office.

He waited only a moment before she came back out and indicated he could enter. She shut the door behind him softly and Sasuke stepped forward.

The room was half illuminated from the sun still clawing its way towards the horizon; it hadn't made it quite so far that its light was directly booming through the large windows. He was silent as he waited for her to address him first. She was pouring over a stack of papers amidst papers on her desk and actually looked busy; he might even say on task and… _sober_.

He couldn't help buy raise a brow at this, even if only slightly.

"Yeah, brat?" she asked, still working, her voice indicating irritation. "Speak up; it's been a long day, Shizune's been hiding my sake stash and I'm almost done. So unless you plan on buying the first shot, be quick."

No surprise there, he mused.

He nodded nevertheless. "Kakashi-sensei and Sakura have been gone for a long time on this last mission, Tsunade-sama. Naturally, this wouldn't bother me under the most normal of situations; however, recently I've felt ill at ease… for some reason." His mind vaguely recalled the cracking glass and how his mind immediately went to his team mate. "As I understand it, this last one was very confidential."

"Most ANBU missions are, boy," she replied nonchalantly.

He nodded. "And you know very well that, unlike others, I understand the full scope of this mission." He paused and waited to see if she would respond. When she didn't he continued. "If you would allow me, Hokage-sama, I would like to request that you send me to confirm their progress. I realize it's only been a few days since I last saw Sakura…"

She sighed as she dropped her pen and slowly pulled herself up to lean her elbows on the desk and address Sasuke. As she opened her mouth he jumped to speak again.

"Please, Hokage-sama," he asked, his voice as close to pleading as a man of his pride would allow, fearing her refusal. He spoke quickly, placing his hand on his chest and his other spread wide. "I wouldn't normally ask this, but, my intuition has never led me astray. I'm not asking for anything more than a scout mission. This would not compromise either of them in the least. You know how cautious—."

"Sasuke," she began, frown evident.

He strained to stop himself from jumping to argue with her. He could feel the negative response brewing from her already. Sasuke was not someone who liked to be told he couldn't do something when he damn well knew what he needed to do. It was an age-old habit he'd never really grown out of and still barely managed to control in situations such as the present one.

She opened her mouth to continue, but stopped at the sudden muffled ringing coming from her desk. She frowned as it sounded again, promptly shutting her mouth. Pale pink lips turned into a frustrated grimace and vein in her temple threatened to burst. She began to dig through the stacks of papers. Some fluttered to the floor as Sasuke watched on, now perplexed as to the interruption.

A phone materialized from under all the paper carnage and she picked up the handset, placing it to her ear. "Yeah?" she asked, grouch evident in her tone. There was a long pause as Tsunade listened to the caller on the other line. The entire time her eyes were set on Sasuke, as if not really looking at him, but beyond him. It was unsettling to say the least, to have a woman of Tsunade's anger-level and strength do that to you; for many people it would have been enough to have one looking for an exit; however, Sasuke wasn't prone as easily to such actions and he knew well her well enough by now to know she wasn't even paying him any mind. No, she was engrossed in the call.

"Alright, thanks," she replied before hanging up the phone with a click.

He waited a moment, politely, before prompting her. "Tsunade-sama…?"

She blinked and looked up as if she'd completely forgotten about him, amber-brown hues lazy and tired. "Hm… Oh, yes," she replied, straightening. She sighed and picked up a stack of papers; she tapped them on the desk and placed them back neatly. "You won't need to worry about seeing Sakura or Kakashi, Sasuke."

He frowned and again felt moved to argue. "Tsunade—."

"Forget it, brat," she interrupted, crease her brow. "Now, get out of my office and tell the other blonde brat, as well as, the socially inept dolt that the rest of your team has returned." She stopped long enough for that to sink in. At his stupefied look she smiled and idly tapped a single digit on the stack of papers. "They've requested that they be left alone until this evening. That's the message I just got from Izumo, anyway…" she shrugged. "Now, begone," she snapped with less force, like an old mother bear. Her chair turned sideways and she all but moved to ignore his presence.

A smiled crooked the corner of his lips. "Yes, Tsunade-sama…" He bowed once and only slightly before exiting the room, obviously in a much better mood; well… as obviously in a good mood as someone such as Sasuke could manage anyway…

They were safe; that was all that mattered to him at the end of the day.

ooo

The sharp cut of steel sliding against dirt was sudden and quieted. She watched on as Kakashi released the hilt of the elaborate katana slowly. His digits drifted over the ridges and dips of the handle. His fingertips caressed as he pulled his hand away with an elaborate slowness. While his actions were lazy they also memorized each place his skin touched the tight, decorative wrapping worn from age and use. He was reluctant; everything about him at that moment was drawn out, prolonged and ignorant of everything around him. Even after his hand left the hilt his eyes remained fixed on it.

A chilled breeze idly swept by, suddenly upsetting her loosely bound strands; she wasn't fazed much by it, and noticed it very little if at all.

The sun was nearing descent in the distance, but, it wasn't dark yet. Trees rustled in response to Mother Nature's call, upsetting leaves. They danced along the air currents and grass bowed in response. She turned, eyes softening to glance out at Konoha. The stone faces she knew to be beneath her feet, built into the rocky face not far off, comforted her. She wondered, briefly, how well this place comforted Kakashi, if at all.

She closed her eyes and turned her head back; as she did so, she reached up and idly pulled a curl of pink behind her ear. Her eyes once again settled on Kakashi's back, ever soft and patient. Despite the fact that she felt slick with dirt and sweat from the trip back she had no real desire to hurry. Being even the slightest bit uncomfortable from the ick of traveling almost nonstop over many miles seemed so trivial. She noticed it, naturally; however, she just didn't seem to care as much as she might have once before. It's was funny how experiences, ones you just didn't expect to obtain, take you to a place where it's laughable your biggest worry once might have been how oily your hair felt.

They'd been there a while, she knew. Minutes, hours, edged on from when they'd passed through the gates, notified the Hokage of their return and came here.

She flickered her gaze down to the fresh mound before Kakashi, where the dirt and grass was overturned.

It was surreal, that mound and what it represented to him. She couldn't begin to comprehend what he was thinking, the silver-haired man before her. The silence, while comforting, was ravaging as well; she wanted to know what was going on in his head. When he was quiet like this… it was so hard to read him.

She had to keep stopping herself from calling his name.

He stood there, just staring, much like Sakura was staring at him. Though, if he noted her eyes on his back, concerned and worried, he didn't react to it. His eyes remained fixed on the hilt of the katana in front of him, tip stuck sturdily into the ground.

He dug his hands into his pockets.

The breeze on his face was cool, a contrast to the heat of the sun crawling into the horizon as it beat onto his back.

His thoughts were a mess, a tumble of mixed emotions and memories. Yet, despite all of this he knew he could continue. That same part of him that always kept going solidly reminded him that he could go on, bearing it, living with it and overcoming it as he always did. This time though…. His thoughts suddenly stilled as one in particular came to him, his eye still ever focused on the katana; even if he wasn't really seeing it, he couldn't seem to take his good eye off of it.

Forcibly, he closed it.

He turned around then and faced Sakura. When he opened it again he found himself swept into her gaze. A year ago she would have jumped under his penetrating look; now she just stared, calm and collected on the exterior. Her expression held no real indication of her inner feelings; he could see more in her eyes, those endless green pools that gave so much and asked for so little.

…She'd grown up, much more than he'd realized until that moment.

He walked the distance between the two of them very suddenly. Calculated thoughts were left behind.

He heard her sharp intake of breath just before he took her in his arms. When his mouth slanted across her own it wasn't quick or hard. Her lips were soft, incredibly so. They always were. The feel of her relaxing into his arms eased something he didn't even know needed to be. He soaked her in, drawing from her a force he didn't know he required or really understood why he wanted so much.

He took in a breath through his nose, inhaling and overwhelming his senses with that scent that could only be described as Sakura. Her warmth fanned over him, spreading from his core; it seeped into every crevice and relaxed him in ways he couldn't really put into words. She made him forget…

Eventually, he pulled away, loath as he was to do so. His hands slowly withdrew from her hair, thumbs caressing down her cheeks as her eyes slowly opened to greet his mismatched pools of ebony and red. He wanted to see her, all of her.

She stared but said nothing, her eyes transfixed on his. They flickered left and right, as if reading some hidden message in his depths.

There was so much he wanted to say to her, and yet he couldn't seem to find the right way to start; he didn't know the words or where to even begin. Nothing felt right. Even speaking at all, in his mind, just seemed to mess the moment up.

And yet, he needed to. She wasn't someone he could keep in the dark like everyone else. She wasn't his student any more. He'd faced things with her that no one else had; she'd seen a part of him that he had never wanted to share with anyone. He hadn't wanted anyone, even Rin, to know about it.

It was even possible to say she knew more about him than anyone else ever had at that moment.

"I'm not sure if I can give you what you want," he began, his voice strong and even. She—almost instantly—looked perplexed and ready to say something, so, he continued. "There was once a time in my life when everything in the world made sense. Things were simple and uncomplicated. My father's death changed that drastically. My rose-colored ideals were shattered, Sakura.

"The many obstacles I dealt with along my life made me who I am now." He paused a moment, pleased to see she would wait for him to finish and considered his next words. "Kaoru…" he stopped again, thinking, all while holding her gaze. He swallowed and slid his grip to her shoulders; there he squeezed; whether this was done out of his own need or a need to convey something to her without words he wasn't sure, but, he drew strength from it in some small way.

"I loved him very much," he whispered. "I'd never been intimate with anyone before him. Prior to ANBU I'd been too young and even after I just didn't have the time… or so I convinced myself.

"When I fell for him I didn't even have a word for it, neither of us did. We didn't talk about it and we didn't deal with it. The other times we were together were sporadic and unspoken. I'm not even sure you could call it a real relationship…" He watched her eyes and, while—for the first time—he wasn't sure what she was thinking, he could tell she was listening.

"We both had such a hard time coming to terms with what we felt for each other that when we finally admitted what we actually felt… it was too late to do anything about it. In the end we were both torn, emotionally and physically because of our own fears. There was no one to blame but ourselves…" he went on, trying to keep his voice from cracking. Those wounds, even now, were still too fresh… especially now. "Maybe if we'd talked about it instead of trying to hide form it…" he whispered, trailing off.

Sakura wanted to say something, even if only to reassure him; still, she knew what this moment was for him. He had to get through it without her saying anything. It wasn't just for her; it wasn't just about her; he was talking and coming to terms with things he needed to and never really had.

"I don't ever want to experience that again," he explained, reigning in his emotions as best he could. He forced his voice to be steady as he came down from all those feelings he just let out. "I don't ever want to find myself telling someone how I feel about them too late… especially not someone I love."

The sentence hung between them and he stopped again, boring his eyes into hers, Sharingan tombs twisting slowly.

His heart hammered in his chest, daring to burst and break out as he held her shoulders; he tried hard not to grip them so hard she winced. Though, if he was hurting her she wasn't reacting.

"But… I…" he trailed on, his resolve cracking. His throat caught, tripping him up. His chest constricted, reminding him of a pain he wanted washed away. He just stood there, staring into her eyes. He simply couldn't stop the silence that pervaded. His eyes began to close in defeat and his jaw started to clench in frustration as he dropped his hands.

"Kakashi," he heard her soft voice as he felt her hands on his face.

Slowly, both depths opened to stare at her, narrowed and curious.

She smiled. "I love you too."

He swallowed, his eyes still narrowed and searching hers. He didn't know what he was looking for, but, all he could see was her earnestness.

She sighed; it was the kind of sigh one gave when they were frustrated with a child who just didn't get it. He could help but feel confused and just a bit chastised; all considered, it was a bit off-putting.

"When it comes to Hatake Kakashi actions have always said far more to me than words, _sempai_. I don't need or want anything from you beyond what you've already given me," she said with a smile. "Although," she added, grin starting, "I do expect fidelity."

She released his face. "Tell me when you're ready. I don't plan on dying anytime soon. Do you?" When he said nothing she prompted him, "Well?"

"No," he muttered mutely.

It was then she grinned as she replaced his mask. "Good." She took his hand. "Come on, let's go. I need a shower and so do you."

Numbly, he allowed her to lead him down the long way back into the main part of Konoha. Not once did her hand leave his grip. He stared at her as she was a just a step ahead of him. He looked quite the picture, being drug that way; at the moment, though, he just couldn't seem to find the will to care. No, his mind was somewhere else. Still.

"My place or yours?" she asked.

Images of that night, the way Kaoru had looked… defeated and broken on his doorstep flashed in his mind.

"Kakashi?" she asked, still walking.

He stopped suddenly, jerking her back and almost completely loose of their mutual grip. His was tighter then. And when she turned around to question him further she stopped, her voice lost in her throat. He could see that. He wasn't sure what sort of expression was on his face, but, he was grateful for the stunned silence all the same.

"I love you."

There had been no hesitation this time. With that admission he was surprised he felt the final hold Kaoru had on his heart, the ache and the pain that came with it… finally gone. Nothing remained but the good he had always known.

He smiled, slowly, genuinely. "And I expect fidelity as well."

Shock left her features, slowly as well. The smile returned and this time lit up her whole face. He could see she was holding in a laugh.

"And your place, definitely," he replied as he started to walk off, his fingers firmly interlaced in her own.

She seemed content with that response, but, it wasn't long before she was asking, "So… when do we tell the guys…?"

Shit.

ooo

"So, you're both quitting on me, eh?"

Sakura smiled from where sat on the other side of the large office desk, opposite of Rin; who, was at that very moment, marking down notes on two resignation scrolls: her and Kakashi's.

"I wouldn't call it quitting," she replied. "More a permanent leave of absence unless our services as a team are imminently required."

Rin returned the smile as she rolled the scrolls up, sealed them and set them in the pile for the Hokage to review. "No need to worry about that. We always have plenty of good agents to work with; although, I will keep your offer in mind." She sighed. "Still, it's always a shame to lose two good people, well trained in the field and able to execute orders so precisely…" She shrugged. "But, I can't entirely blame either of you…" She frowned. "The nature of the last mission—."

"There was no way for anyone to know, Rin-sama," Sakura assured her, frowning as well. "And in the end… Kakashi needed to do it."

She nodded, understanding. There was sense of knowing in her eyes, the same one that Sakura had about the man in question. "He seems better because of it."

Sakura couldn't express how much. The closure Kakashi had needed at Kaoru's death was immeasurable. He would always be Kakashi, especially to everyone else… but, to people like Rin and herself? Those changes, minute as they were, were blaringly obvious.

"Your team must be happy for your return, though," she added, changing the subject.

Sakura welcomed it. She'd had enough serious talks, filled with tension and depression to last her a lifetime. Seeing the man she loved as he was now, happy and carefree, was refreshing. She was happy for them both. "They are," she replied.

"Though, I heard the reaction to the nature of your relationship with Kakashi didn't go over well."

Sakura laughed, almost embarrassed Rin had heard anything about it. Then again, Kakashi could have told her himself. Since coming home he'd made it a point to stop by her office and see her; it was a far cry from avoiding her existence altogether.

"Well, Naruto flipped out, naturally. Sai just smiled like an idiot, as if he'd known the whole time. Sasuke… well…" she frowned. "I don't really think he reacted at all. I'm not really sure if he knew or if he was just too shocked to say anything at all. It was hard to notice between Naruto trying to challenge Kakashi to some pissing contest." She shrugged. "And Yamato pretended he didn't hear anything; there was something about his sensitive perspective of his sempai." She rolled her eyes.

Rin laughed softly. "Yeah, that doesn't sound too far off from the story I got from Kakashi yesterday."

Sakura grinned. "Ah well, they'll just have to get over it."

"I suppose so," she agreed. "Well, as long as you're happy it doesn't matter, right?"

"Exactly," Sakura replied as she stood. "Anyway, I hate to keep you. I'm scheduled to meet the very man in question five minutes from now… so…"

Rin waved her hand idly. "Please, don't let me hold you up. Have fun."

With a small wave and another grin Sakura was excusing herself from the office. With that done she was free to enjoy the day with Kakashi, as well as, her team. Well… if Naruto could behave himself for five minutes, she mused, grinning all over again.

ooo

Sasuke yawned long and loud, not entirely sure what had brought on the action. He thought he'd gotten enough sleep last night. He had hadn't he?

"When are they supposed to meet us?" he asked the blonde next to him on the bench. They were waiting for the rest of their team in front of an outdoor restaurant that did _not_ serve ramen.

Naruto shrugged as he slurped water through a straw.

_Useless_, he thought to himself, gaze narrowed on his team mate's attempt as sucking every last drop from his glass. He wondered, briefly, how long it would take before he—.

"Aw… man, you have got to be _kidding_ me..!" the blonde suddenly shouted, jolting him out of his focus.

"What?" he inquired, grimacing at the pitch of his voice.

"Well, like I wanna see that!" he half shouted, pointing across the street. "I mean, if I have to stare at that all day…well… we can go train right? Please, Sasuke?" he seemed to suddenly beg. Anything but whatever he was speaking about 'staring at all day' seemed much more preferred.

Sasuke sighed, redirected his gaze and then quirked a smirk.

_Figures._

There, intertwined in each other's arms, kissing for the entire world to see and not seeming to give a damn about who saw them, was Kakashi-sensei and Sakura. They were happy. Anyone who had half a lick of sense could see that. Sasuke? Well, his feelings on the matter were irrelevant, but, he didn't have any pity for his team mate.

"Get use to it," he replied before waving for a server. It was going to be a while after all; and he was hungry.

Intelligently, he ignored Naruto's protests.

They were happy and that was all that really mattered.

**AN:** And that's it, folks! It's been a nice run and I hope you enjoyed the final chapter. I wasn't entirely sure about the part with Rin, but, I kinda wanted it made clear that they were returning to team seven. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the journey as much as I have. ^,^ Look forward to next month for the next installment of Mona Lisa. I'm catching up!

—Blade


End file.
